


The Darkness Between Stars

by A_Friendly_Irin, Farla



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: All Comments Welcome, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Canon Divergence - A Single Pale Rose, Cooked Dove: Meant to be Eaten, Countertextual Readings, Gen, POV Third Person Limited, Redemption, Rose Quartz is Not Pink Diamond, Rose Quartz is Rose Quartz, Shattering - Freeform, Vomiting, btp, idealism vs. pragmatism, mercy vs. justice, rbtp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2019-11-12 08:15:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 82,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18007175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Friendly_Irin/pseuds/A_Friendly_Irin, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farla/pseuds/Farla
Summary: The diamonds are coming, and Steven is so afraid. He doesn’t want to kill, but he doesn’t want to die. He’s always been able to save everyone, but the gulf between himself and his enemies now seems impossibly vast. To bridge this distance, what will he have to sacrifice?(Rose Quartz is Rose Quartz AU, rewrite of Diamond Days)





	1. Reunited

**Author's Note:**

> So, we didn’t like Diamond Days very much. It wasn’t even a matter of its own quality or merits; it was simply completely and utterly different from everything that had come before, and in that situation, disappointment is inevitable. We're just not interested in Rose Quartz the runaway princess the way we are in Rose Quartz the rebel leader. So: This is a Rose Quartz is Rose Quartz AU. Rose Quartz and Pink Diamond are separate people in this fic. For more of our thoughts on this subject, see our [Steven Universe meta](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16029737/chapters/37413149).
> 
> Though this will be a rewrite, this is not how we expected the show to have ended; this story will go in directions we are quite certain the canon would never have gone. But we do feel it is more in line with the parts of the show we enjoyed.
> 
> We begin shortly after 5x17, “Can’t Go Back”.
> 
>  **Updated 18/10/2019:** Added an extra scene to the epilogue to give closure to a subplot between Steven and Pearl.

It was their conversation that had been the last straw.

He had just come home from another day, another normal day of wondering and waiting, waiting for Lars to come home, waiting to see if the diamonds were going to make a move first, waiting and still not knowing _anything_ that had happened or was going to happen, when he heard them talking, apparently not realizing he was there.

“I don’t know what to _do_ , Garnet!” Pearl was wailing in front of the door to the temple, hunched in on herself. “He hates her now, he hates Rose. That’s why he – he did that, giving himself up to Homeworld, you _heard_ him, I, I feel so _awful_ it’s all my fault, Garnet!”

Steven already felt rage bubbling in his throat, but his shock was stronger, keeping it lodged there like bile. He just stood there, watching as Garnet laid a hand on Pearl’s shoulder and she started to shudder. “You should tell him. He deserves to hear it from you, not a Homeworld soldier.”

“I know.” Pearl sounded on the brink of crying. “I know I know I _should_ but – but –” She clamped her hands over her mouth like she had said something bad – no, more forcefully than that. It was exactly like at the moon base when Eyeball had told him his mother had shattered another gem, like she was trying to crush her own voice, to stop any words from escaping. “I’m just…” And now she _was_ crying, tears spilling over her clenched fingers. “I’m just such a coward.”

“Geez, you’re still on about this? What’s the big _deal?_ ” Amethyst yelled from the kitchen, slamming the fridge door while balancing a plate of burritos. Garnet and Pearl both stiffened immediately. “You told him why she had to snuff the big baddie, isn’t that good enough? He’ll get the deep moral yadda yadda in his own time, just move on already!” She stuffed a burrito into her face, and finally turned to see him. “Oh hey, Steven!” she said more loudly than necessary, grinning cruelly to reveal the bits of food stuck in her teeth. “Pearl wants to tell you something!”

The two gems froze, Garnet hiding behind her shades and Pearl staring straight down, not even looking at him.

His hands curled into fists.

“I thought we were finally done with this! I thought you said you wanted to tell me everything!” he screamed.

“Steven –” Garnet started.

“You keep saying I’m supposed to be a Crystal Gem but you won’t _treat_ me like one!” He felt hot tears pricking at his eyes and clawed at his hair, not even looking at them anymore. “Lars and the off-colors are, are out there fighting for their lives trying to get to Earth and I don’t even _know_ what the diamonds are doing or what’s going to happen if they figure out I’ve escaped and you’re all looking at me like I’m supposed to know what to do but how can I when you WON’T! TELL ME! ANYTHING!”

“Steven!”

“You just keep lying and keeping secrets from everyone!” Steven raised his leg and stomped down hard, feeling the wood flooring crack under his foot. “ _You’re just like Mom!_ ”

There was a horrible silence, like he had just sucked the sound out of the world. Steven’s anger left him in a rush, leaving him feeling cold and empty. His legs wobbled and he sank to the floor, more tears pooling in his eyes.

“Uhhhh,” Amethyst said. “I’m… gonna go now, ‘kay?” Steven heard the warp pad activate, and then it was quiet again.

Steven felt himself shaking as more tears blurred his vision, and took gulps of air to stop himself from sobbing. “‘M… ‘m sorry,” he mumbled. He sniffed, and wiped his tears away. Looking up, he saw Garnet was standing ramrod straight, still as a statue. Pearl had hunched down, clutching at her mouth like she was about to throw up.

“I know… you’re just trying to keep me safe,” Steven said. The gems didn’t shift. “I know it’s scary, and awful. The war, and Homeworld, and… everything. I wish I didn’t have to know.” He looked down, and took another gulp of air as he felt his breaths start to shake. “B-but not knowing… hasn’t kept me safe. Not knowing didn’t stop Lapis from draining the ocean, or the Cluster, or Dad getting abducted, or… anything.” He looked up at the gems again. “It’s scary. I know it’s scary. I’ve seen how scared you are whenever someone even _mentions_ the diamonds, I’ve seen how scary Homeworld is. But… it’s more scary to not know anything at all.”

The gems still didn’t answer.

“...I’ve always told you I wanted to be a Crystal Gem,” he said. “Back then, I didn’t know what that meant. Even if I had, I don’t think I’d have really understood. But now… I’ve seen how bad things can really get. Lars, he, he _died_ in front of me and I don’t know if I could have brought him back if I was just a second too late. I know that if I hadn’t broken you out of Jasper’s ship or stopped Aquamarine you’d have been captured or e-even, sh-sh-sha…” His voice cracked and he felt something squeeze painfully around his heart, preventing him from even finishing the thought. He squeezed his eyes shut, took a breath, and centered himself before opening them again. “B-but even now, even after all that, I… I _still_ want to be a Crystal Gem. Even knowing it’s going to be hard, and scary, and we might lose. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how bad it is… I want to know.” He looked up at them, still impassive as statues. “Please,” he finished.

He paused, staring at them expectantly.

Pearl jumped to her feet and ran into the temple without another word, not moving her hands from her mouth. Garnet sighed, shook her head, and disappeared into the warp pad.

“Oh, come on!” Steven wailed. So it was going to be like that again, everyone hiding secrets and leaving him no one to talk to…

Steven blinked, and stared at the temple door.

Actually, that wasn’t entirely true. There was still one Crystal Gem he could talk to. Maybe the only one that would really understand.

He stepped into the temple’s heart.

There was a time when Bismuth’s bubble would have been hopelessly out of his reach. Now, it was as easy as breathing to float up, grab it, and free her.

Bismuth floated high into the air as she did that first time in Lion’s mane. She shined brilliantly, shooting rays of light like a supernova, and reformed in a magnificent rainbow burst. She tensed immediately, silently locking eyes with Steven and wearing an unreadable expression. After a second she cast her gaze around the temple, slowly and carefully, like analyzing a battlefield.

When she saw the bubbles floating above, her face flashed to rage.

“Biggs!” she screamed. “Crazy Lace…!” She whipped her head around, staring him down with fire in her eyes. “What are they doing here? Did Rose bubble _them_ for telling her to shatter our enemies too? Did she bubble everyone who disagreed with her?!”

“No –” Steven blurted out. “Rose shattered Pink Diamond!”

Bismuth opened her mouth to snap some response, but just froze in silence.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know it before I’m sorry I kept you here so long I should have told you earlier but –” He stopped, and took a breath to get himself under control. “Rose decided you were right after all! So, so we don’t have to fight, okay?”

Bismuth’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, really? Then why did she keep me bubbled for _five thousand years?!_ ” She flung an arm out, coming dangerously close to popping one of the corrupted gems. “Why did she keep _them_ bubbled for five thousand years?!”

Tears pricked at his eyes. “Because it didn’t work!” he wailed. “The other diamonds did something to the gems – they’re not shattered but they’re, like, really messed up somehow, they turned into monsters and they’ll attack you so please don’t pop them!”

Bismuth just looked at him in bafflement, then turned back to the bubbles. “The diamonds did… what…?” she muttered. She squinted at one of them. “Crazy Lace… that must be her, but the patterning is… different… What in the…”

“But of course it didn’t work!” Steven’s lip trembled. “Nothing good could come of something so horrible! Why did she think it would? Why did she do it, Bismuth?” He felt tears falling down his cheek now. “I don’t understand!”

Bismuth stared him down, eyes hard as flint again. “You said it yourself,” she said. “She realized it was right. That _I_ was right.”

“It’s not right!” Steven sobbed. “The shards, they’re so scared, they’re in so much pain, how could _anyone_ think that was right?”

Steven took a shuddering breath, trying to hold back his sobs –

And Bismuth laughed.

It was a single, sharp bark, no joy in it at all, like a slap to the face. He looked up, and saw Bismuth staring at him, the fury in her eyes now a chilling cold. “Rose was a better liar than you!”

“Wh… what?” Steven blubbered dumbly.

“You think I don’t see what this is?!” Bismuth roared. She took a step forward, silhouetted against the light of the furnace, just like in that dark forge –

Steven’s breath hitched.

Bismuth waved her arms, in fury. “You’re just lying to shut me up! _Oh Bismuth, Rose totally decided you were right so you can’t be mad anymore!_ ” She snorted. “You know, you really had me going there, but – the _shards_ are sad? That’s the best you could come up with?!”

“B-B-Bismuth…” He didn’t have his sword. He wasn’t sure he could fight her again even if he did. Could he run? But then he knew what Garnet and Pearl would say, _see, this is why we can’t trust you…_

Bismuth snapped her attention away from him to look at the bubbles, and it was like a weight lifting. He gasped a deep breath. “Do you need me to prove it?!” She leapt into the cloud, and brought down the bubble of gem shards. “Look! There is _nothing_ left in here!” She slammed the bubble down, popping it with a final scream of, “ _They’re DEAD!_ ”

The shards clattered onto the stone, a haphazard mix of shapes and colors. Without glowing, they formed into hands and arms, flailing aimlessly for a second before scuttling away at speed. “Oh, no!” Steven groaned, jumping on one as it crawled past him. “It was so much work getting them back the last time!”

The arm was still moving, dragging him roughly against the ground. He reached up, gripping the arm by the wrist, and squeezed as tightly as he could. The arm poofed under his hands, the shard clattering to the ground. He picked it up, and looked back.

Bismuth was on her knees, her pupils contracted to pinpricks as she stared at the shard in his hand.

Steven glanced down. This was one of the smaller shards, the right size to fit comfortably in his palm. It was a deep cobalt blue, slightly darker than Lapis’ gem.

It felt like a lifetime ago, the last time he saw this. He hadn’t really known what it was, then. He hadn’t really known anything. Now… He turned the shard over in his hand, and felt a heaviness in his gut. This had been a whole gem, once. One of Bismuth’s friends. One he’d never know.

“See, they’re not… completely gone,” he said, trying to sound optimistic. “That’s… kinda good, right?”

Bismuth’s eyes started to shimmer. He swallowed.

“I… talked to them,” he said. “Homeworld, they took a whole bunch of shards and fused them together into this… thing. They called it the Cluster. It was going to destroy the planet when it formed, so I talked to it and… convinced it not to.” He clutched the shard to his chest and looked down. “It was so scared, Bismuth. They were all so scared. They didn’t know who they were or what was going on, but they could still hurt. I think I helped them, but…” He looked up, and Bismuth was openly crying now. He felt himself tearing up again, too.

“This isn’t death, Bismuth,” he said. “This is torture.”

Bismuth finally looked down, and grimaced.

“…You didn’t know,” Steven said with realization. He allowed himself a weak smile. “Then, then Mom must not have known either. That’s the only reason… the only reason anyone could possibly…”

“I thought I knew,” Bismuth said. She passed a hand over her gem. “I _felt_ it. I _felt_ them die.”

Steven felt his eyes go wide. “You have empathy powers too?”

Bismuth just looked baffled. “What? No, I mean…” She flinched suddenly, and looked away. “…Like what happened to Pearl,” she said more quietly. “She was the first one, but… it happened to me too.”

Steven stared at her for a second, then said, “What are you talking about?”

Bismuth gave him a quizzical look that slowly simmered into indignation. “Wow!” She threw her arms in the air, but the anger wasn’t directed at him. “They really didn’t tell you _anything_ , huh?”

An ear-piercing scream split the temple. Steven turned and saw Pearl drop from a passage in the ceiling, spear already formed and eyes blazing. “Get away from him or _I will shatter you, Bismuth!_ ”

Steven looked back at Bismuth, and her expression broke his heart. “Pearl… I…”

Steven clenched his eyes shut and wailed, “ _NO!_ ”

He opened his eyes just in time to see Pearl’s spear rebound off his bubble, just above Bismuth’s chest. It struck the ground with a _clang_. Bismuth immediately pressed herself back, openly terrified. “STARS ABOVE, PEARL!”

“ _Drop your bubble, Steven!_ ” Pearl ordered, already drawing another spear.

“N… no!” Steven wailed, choking back sobs. “P-please, please stop…!”

“I’m trying to protect you! You can’t trust her –”

“And can he trust _you_ , Pearl?” Bismuth had stepped forward, the fear gone from her eyes. She pointed at Steven, but it was protective now, not aggressive. “You lied to him! You told him Pink Diamond was shattered!” For a single instant Pearl’s face flashed with horror; then it was gone again, so quickly Steven might have just imagined it. “We both know Rose would _never_ allow that! What else are you filling his head with? Why are you –”

“Because it’s true.”

Bismuth stood still for a second, then threw her hands up with a suddenness that made Steven jump. “No.” She turned her back and tapped her head against the bubble. “No.” She banged her head again. “No. No. No. I can’t deal with this.” She sighed heavily, and the fight seemed to go out of her all at once. When she spoke again, her voice trembled with hurt. “Just bubble me again if all you’re going to do is jerk me around.”

“…Do you really think I’d lie to you?”

Steven looked back. The fight seemed to have gone out of Pearl, too. Her speartip tapped against the ground, her arms and head falling limp.

“…I don’t know, Pearl,” Bismuth said quietly. “You threatened to shatter me just now.”

“That was just–!” Pearl clutched at herself and looked away. “I was just trying to scare you off. I’d never shatter…” Her face tightened, and her gaze looked far off for a moment before refocusing. “…I’d never shatter you.”

Bismuth turned, and for the first time since she reformed, there was no hardness in her expression at all. There was just – exhaustion, so incomprehensibly vast Steven felt he could lose himself in it. She raised a hand to the wall of the bubble, sank slowly to her knees, and began to cry.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, so quiet and fragile it sounded like a different person was speaking. “I’m sorry.”

Pearl just looked at her sadly.

“I… I want to trust you,” Bismuth said. “I want this to be right again.”

“So do I,” Pearl said.

Steven waited, listening to Bismuth’s quiet sobs, until his heartbeat stopped being deafening. He took a few breaths. “So… is everything okay now? You’re not gonna fight anymore?”

Pearl’s spear dissolved into light. “Yes,” she said, though her tone was flat.

Steven let the bubble fall away. Pearl hesitated a second more, then stepped forward and laid a hand on Bismuth’s shoulder. Bismuth’s sobs grew quieter, then finally stopped.

“…I just can’t believe it,” Bismuth finally said. “Rose… would never do that.” Steven’s face twisted at the familiarity.

“She didn’t want to, Bismuth,” Pearl said. “But we didn’t have a choice.”

Bismuth didn’t look up. “…You’re sure.”

Pearl blinked. “What… do you mean?”

Bismuth stood up carefully, but she lacked her looming presence now. “You’re sure she really did it? She didn’t just bubble her and leave her somewhere without telling you, like –” Her eyes hardened for a moment. “– like she did with me?”

Steven saw Pearl’s fingers twitch, just for a second. “Pink Diamond was shattered, Bismuth,” she said firmly. “I was there.”

“Then show me the shards.” Bismuth stepped towards her. Pearl didn’t surrender an inch. “If she really shattered her, you can show me the shards.”

Pearl hesitated. “We… bubbled them,” she said. “Rose was afraid Homeworld would come after them, so she hid them… somewhere.”

Bismuth leaned back and scoffed. “Oh, and she never told you where this ‘somewhere’ was? _You?_ ”

“No. Not even me.”

Bismuth actually looked taken aback at that. After a second’s pause, she lowered herself slowly onto the lip of the furnace and gripped her knees.

“So there’s no proof of this,” she said. “No actual proof.”

“I was there,” Pearl repeated.

“Yes,” Bismuth said carefully, “and I believe that _you_ believe that’s what you saw. But –”

Pearl’s hand clenched. “ _I was there_.”

Bismuth looked up at her. Something passed between them that Steven couldn’t understand – Pearl still as impassive as a rock, Bismuth’s eyes shimmering with something more complex than just sadness.

“Then why?” Bismuth’s voice was soft, but it gained force as she continued, “Why did she keep me bubbled all those eons? Why would she bubble me for wanting to shatter gems, then _turn around and do it herself?_ ”

Pearl looked away. “I don’t know.”

Bismuth looked up at the bubbles, and her expression darkened. “It was because she didn’t want to admit I was right.” She snapped an arm out towards one of the corrupted gems, and Pearl and Steven both tensed. “Steven said the diamonds did something to our gems –”

“Don’t pop them,” Pearl said immediately.

“Yeah, yeah,” Bismuth said, lowering her arm. “Well, what I’m seeing here, Pearl, is…” Her eyes narrowed. “Too little, too late. If Rose had just shattered Pink Diamond _before_ they did this, we’d have won.”

“Bismuth,” Pearl said, “they did this _because_ we shattered Pink Diamond.”

Bismuth’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened silently, closed, opened again. Finally, her eyes grew glassy, and she drifted back to sit on the lip of the furnace, staring into nothing.

After a while, Steven spoke. “Bismuth.” She didn’t move, but Pearl startled a little and turned to watch him. “What did you mean before? How did you feel people die?”

“It’s something that doesn’t matter now!” Pearl said too quickly and too loudly, her posture suddenly stiff. “The war was difficult and hard, but it’s over and done with.”

That made Bismuth look up. She sputtered for a second before exploding, “ _Seriously_ , Pearl?”

Steven crossed his arms and huffed. “I’m pretty sure I asked _Bismuth_ , Pearl. Because, you know, _she_ doesn’t keep secrets from me.”

Pearl held out a hand to silence Bismuth, and gave Steven a long, pitying look. “Steven… you’re still a child. I know you want to know, but… there’s some things you’re just not ready to hear.”

Bismuth blinked. “He’s a what now?”

“A young human.” Pearl started to relax as she rattled off the information easily. “I’ve read books on this, Bismuth. There are some subjects that shouldn’t be brought up with ‘children’ until enough time passes for them to become ‘adults’. Otherwise it can have terrible effects on their mental and emotional well-being.”

Steven felt his cheeks flush. “So what!” he snapped, though it came out as more of a squeak. “Homeworld didn’t pat me on the head and let me go just because I’m a kid, Pearl. If I’m fighting in this war I need to know everything about it!”

Pearl sighed, and looked away.

“Yeah, why should he, Pearl?” Bismuth’s voice was a burning calm, righteous fury straining against the edges. “All tools need to do is follow orders.”

Pearl flinched like she’d been struck. “That’s not it!” She clutched at herself, unable to face either of them. “This isn’t – this isn’t like what people did on Homeworld!”

She clamped a hand over her mouth, and started to curl in on herself. Bismuth’s expression softened, and she shuffled sheepishly.

“That’s not what she’s doing, Bismuth,” Steven said. “It’s not her fault that I have to fight. But… I do.” He turned. “Please, Pearl. Please tell me.”

Slowly, agonizingly, Pearl untensed, and stood up again. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.

“…Fusion,” she said. She looked at him, but her eyes were distant. “It was the rebellion’s specialty. _My_ specialty. Garnet was the first, but Rose and I worked out how to synchronize between all sorts of gems. It became our way of life, and our greatest weapon.” She laughed weakly. “What did you say Jasper said? ‘Fusion is the only tactic Crystal Gems know’? That wasn’t far from the truth. Especially when so many of us started off with no experience in battle, it let us face our opponents together. But, when you feel everything your partners are feeling…” Her gaze dropped from him. “…that meant feeling it when they shattered, too. Feeling when a part of you dies.”

Steven’s breath caught in his throat.

The image of Lars sailing through the air flashed across his eyes. He heard the _crack_ as his head hit the stone, and then it wasn’t Lars there but Connie lying still on the cold ground –

But even that wouldn’t be the same, would it, it would be like if he was Smoky Quartz and Amethyst – he remembered the way her body twisted and distorted when it was just cracked, remembered the shard monsters screaming in pain, thought of _feeling that happen to her_ –

Steven realized he was crying so hard he could barely breathe. Tears were gushing down his face, so much he couldn't even see the ground in front of him. He wiped them away with shaking hands, forcing himself to breathe, to stop, to focus on the here and now before the grief swallowed him whole.

“…You’re trying to imagine it,” he heard Bismuth say. “You can’t. You can’t…” There was a second of silence. Steven couldn’t hold back a sob. “It changes you. Makes you willing to do anything to stop it from happening again.”

“H…” Steven gasped until he regained his voice. “How could you?” He looked up, but he could barely see Bismuth through his tears. “You _felt_ it! You _felt_ how awful it was! How could you even _think_ of doing it to anyone else? _How could you, Bismuth?_ ”

“How could I not?” she replied instantly, her voice cold. “They were my friends. I swore I’d do anything to save them. _Anything_. Rose…” She said the name like a curse, but stopped. When she continued, her voice was just sad. “…Well, I guess she did feel the same way, in the end.”

Steven breathed, trying to keep himself steady. He ran a hand over his gem, gently. “But it didn’t save them,” he said quietly.

Bismuth leaned back, and stared up into the cloud of bubbled gems. “No,” she said finally. “I guess… maybe nothing could.”

They stayed in silence for a while. After a few moments of stillness, Pearl walked over to Steven with janky, uncertain movements, and laid a hand on his shoulder. She looked like she wanted to say something, but stayed quiet.

Bismuth sighed, and leaned her head forward again. “…I never thanked you for unbubbling me,” she said. “That’s more than Rose ever did. So… thanks. I’m sorry I yelled at you, and… I’m sorry I tried to shatter you.” Pearl clenched him tighter, her grip suddenly like iron. “I… I shouldn’t have done that.”

If she was apologizing, then did that mean… “So it’s okay now?" Steven said. “You’re not gonna hurt anyone?”

Bismuth laughed gently, and gave him a weak smile. “No, Steven. I’m not gonna try that again, I promise. We’re all that’s left of the Crystal Gems now. We gotta stick together.”

Steven felt a spark of hope in his chest, and clutched at it until it burned everything else away. “Then you can stay with us! That’s great!”

Bismuth looked nervous, and her eyes flicked to Pearl.

“If you hurt him again, you’re going back in the bubble,” Pearl said.

“Fair,” Bismuth said.

Steven ran forward. Pearl held him for a second, but he shrugged out of her grip and took Bismuth’s hand. “Come on, come on! There’s so much great stuff on Earth I haven’t shown you yet! Oh, and I bet Garnet’s gonna be so happy to see you again!”

Bismuth smiled, but it was crooked. “Uh…”

“Actually,” Pearl said from behind him, “there’s something else I want to talk to you about, Steven.” She walked up, and laid a hand on his shoulder again, more firmly this time. “Come to my room, please.”

“Is Bismuth coming with us?” Steven said, nearly bouncing with excitement.

“No.”

“That’s fine,” Bismuth said. She stared up at the bubbles again, a deep sadness in her eyes. “I… think I’d like to stay here for a little while, anyway.”

“O… okay.” Steven stepped awkwardly after Pearl, who was already moving. “We’ll come back soon, Bismuth!”

Bismuth didn’t respond. Pearl jumped up onto a vein, and he followed. Steven climbed it easily. He had been so confused the first time, clinging on for dear life and letting himself slide at the whims of gravity, but now it was so easy he barely had to think about it.

Pearl’s room was beautiful as always, water fountaining up from below in perfectly symmetrical blossoms to cascade down in an endless waterfall. Pearl hopped effortlessly up the fountains until she was on the large central platform, and Steven floated down beside her.

Steven splashed water on his face, wiping away the residue from his tears. “So what are you gonna tell me about? Something cool?”

Pearl turned. Her eyes trembled with sadness, uncertainty, and – fear? She took a breath, and then her face was unreadable again.

“I need to tell you,” she said, “what really happened with Pink Diamond.”


	2. A Single Pale Rose

“I need to tell you what really happened with Pink Diamond.”

Steven’s heart fluttered. This was really happening. She was really going to tell him. He was so amazed he had to pinch himself just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Pearl gave him a concerned look, but he just laughed.

“Yes! Alright!” He flapped his arms, unable to contain his excitement. “Tell me, tell me!”

Pearl said nothing. She sat down, elegantly folding her legs beneath her, and stared through him. Steven sat down across from her, forcing himself still.

The only sound was the calming trickle of the fountains.

“Rose didn’t actually shatter her,” Steven blurted out. “Th-that’s it, isn’t it? Bismuth was right the first time. I-I’ve been thinking about it and, and, it would make more sense if she faked it, it’s not like she _actually_ needed to shatter her, right, it would be enough if Homeworld _thought_ she did so she faked it and Pink Diamond is just in a bubble somewhere and it was a big secret plan and that’s why you didn’t tell anyone! Right?” He grinned desperately. “See? I already figured it out, so it’s okay, you can tell me.”

Pearl looked at him, expressionless, and held his gaze for an uncomfortably long time. “Not… exactly.” She slowly turned her head and stared into the distance, then started threading her fingers together in the way Steven knew she did when she was anxious. “Pink Diamond really was shattered, Steven,” she said. “I wish I could tell you she wasn’t, but… that’s really the truth.” She paused, before adding, “I’m sorry,” sheepishly, like she didn’t know what else to say.

Steven felt cold.

“No,” he said. “No, I won’t believe that! It must’ve been – Mom kept secrets, even from you, you said so! Maybe – maybe she faked it and didn’t tell _anyone_ , and Pink Diamond is still alive somewhere, that’s, that’s _the only thing that makes sense!_ ” He felt himself starting to cry again, and his voice faded to a whimper. “She… she would never do that. She _wouldn’t_. You said… you said she saw the good in everyone. _Everyone_. Isn’t that why she stopped Bismuth? It’s like she said, why would Mom bubble her for trying to shatter gems and then do it anyway?” He clutched at his arms. His skin felt clammy and heavy. “No matter how awful Pink Diamond was, she deserved a chance like everyone else! You keep saying she had no other choice but that doesn’t make _sense_ , why couldn’t she have just bubbled her, wouldn’t that have been good enough?!”

To his surprise, Pearl laughed at that. It was a sharp, sad laugh, just on the edge of a sob. Steven looked up, and saw her wipe a single tear from her eye.

“You sound just like her,” she said with a sad smile.

Steven could only stare. “I don’t understand,” he said eventually.

Pearl just looked at him with a deep, yearning sadness. She took in a sharp breath to say something, but all that followed was silence. She raised a hand to her mouth again and looked away, shame in her eyes.

“Tell me.” Pearl looked up, anxiousness written all over her face, and Steven’s attempt at a determined expression became too hard to maintain. “I know,” he sighed as his face fell. “I know I’m not gonna like it. But… I need to know. I need to be able to see why she did it.”

Pearl’s expression went as blank as still water. She nodded once, stood up, and took a breath.

Her gem shined with rays of light, and holograms flickered into existence over the fountain, pale blue ghosts of his family. Steven saw Garnet, without her shades, facing a Rose wearing an expression he had never seen from her. Her face was tight and angry, hands balled into fists. This wasn’t the Rose Quartz he had seen in the video, the kind mother beaming with love. This was the rebel general in a war council.

The Garnet hologram’s lips moved, but it was Pearl’s voice she spoke with. “‘They’re coming for us, Rose. Blue and Pink are attacking together. It’s going to be a force like we’ve never encountered before.’” The Garnet in the hologram looked terrified, but Pearl spoke like she was reading lines from a textbook, flat as death.

“‘So how do we win?’” Pearl said for Rose, again in that same dead monotone.

Garnet opened her mouth, stopped, closed it. Her expression hardened, and she spoke up again. “‘We have to shatter Pink Diamond.’”

Rose’s response was immediate. “‘No.’”

“‘We _have to_ , Rose.’” Garnet took a step forward. “‘The good timelines are running out. Every battle we’re losing more possibilities, every escape is getting narrower. The timelines, they’re all moving towards something inevitable, like… like streams flowing into the ocean.’” She raised a hand to her temple and closed her eyes, looking scared beyond imagining. “‘I can see our end, Rose. If we do not do this, they will find us and they will shatter us. This is the _only way_.’”

Rose looked pained for a second, then threw her head back in a single, silent laugh – Pearl didn’t mimic the noise. She shook her head. “‘So those are my choices? Shatter, or be shattered?’”

“‘Rose. I know you don’t like this, but please…’”

“‘No.’” Rose whirled on Garnet, gesturing impotently with her arms. She looked like she was screaming, but Pearl never raised her voice. “‘You’ve said before you can’t see every possibility. Sapphire used to think there was no free will, only one string of fate pulling us all along, but Ruby did something she never foresaw. You told me that. Free will _does_ exist. We can choose our own fate. Homeworld wants you to believe that’s not true but you have to fight it, Garnet. You have to believe in yourself.’”

“‘Rose…’”

“‘I’ll poof her.’” Rose was leaning forward, eyes distant, hunched and aggressive in a pose that reminded Steven, with a painful jolt, of Jasper. “‘I’ll poof her, bubble her in front of everyone, lead them on a chase. They’ll have to negotiate with us if we have her hostage. That’s always been the plan, right, and don’t tell me I can’t, Garnet, if you’re saying it’s possible for me to get close enough to shatter her that means poofing her should be the easiest thing in the world.’” Her eyes refocused on Garnet, and their intensity sent chills down Steven’s spine. “‘We don’t have to shatter anyone.’”

“‘And I told you, I can see what happens when you try that.’” Garnet spoke through gritted teeth, looking stern, but Steven could see her knees starting to shake. “‘Homeworld is never willing to negotiate with us. They just redouble their efforts, overwhelm us again, and recapture her, no matter what we do.’”

Rose shook her head furiously, and dug her fingers deep into the curls of her hair. “‘That can’t be true.’” Her whole body shook as she spoke, like she was going to explode, the intensity looking almost a mockery paired with Pearl’s perfectly calm voice. “‘You’re telling me to… to end someone’s existence. How can I possibly do that? How can I ask anyone to follow me after that?’” Then the fire seemed to go out of her all at once. Rose sank to her knees, her gown billowing out like a wilting flower, and she hung her head in her hands. “‘If I… if I shatter her, I’m just playing Homeworld’s game. I’m admitting that we can only rule by strength and shattering. I’m admitting… I could never save her.’”

“You… really think you can save her?” This was spoken with real inflection. Steven startled and looked around, before realizing it was Pearl herself speaking. For the first time since the scene started she wore an expression, and it was… so pained, like Rose was hurting her with her words. “After everything she’s done?” It wasn’t an accusation; the question was soft as a whisper, flitting between hope and despair.

Rose turned to Pearl, and her face softened to something almost like in the first memory Pearl had shown him. Almost, but… that had been in the beginning of the rebellion, when she had been so full of warmth and hope. Now, here at the end, there was something else there too, something eating at the edges. Steven realized that it was tiredness – no, _exhaustion_ , a tiredness that hollowed you out and left nothing behind. She looked worse than Steven had ever felt.

“‘Yes. I really do,’” Pearl said for Rose, once again in monotone. Rose closed her eyes and hung her head, but her fists still pawed at the ground in frustration. “‘I… I can feel her, you know. Whenever she gets anywhere near, she’s overpowering. And, you’re right, she’s angry and violent and arrogant, I can feel all that coming off her in waves, but…’” It seemed like she was breathing heavily, and then she looked up. “‘She hurts, too, Pearl. She hurts so much. She is just as angry at Homeworld as she is at us. I don’t… I don’t think she wants to be a diamond.’”

Rose sprung to her feet suddenly and her expression hardened, an ember sparking in her eyes again. “‘Think of what that could mean. If we can get even a diamond to reject Homeworld’s system, the whole empire would be broken beyond repair. We’d be saving all gems, everywhere, not just this planet. I can turn her, I know I can, if I just get one chance.’” She turned on Garnet with a look that brooked no argument. “‘And I will not stop believing that, no matter what you say, Garnet. Isn’t that what we’ve been doing all along? Everyone here was a Homeworld soldier once. We showed them there’s more to life than their cut, and we gave them the chance Homeworld never did. Everyone deserves that chance. Even her.’”

Garnet’s face looked like it was fighting a war, twitching between expressions too fast for Steven to follow. It finally settled on a rigid stoicism, but Steven could still see frustration in the way her jaw was clenched. “‘Of course I believe in you, Rose. I believe you can do anything you set your mind to. But even you still need that one chance, and they will never give it to you. They will come for us, and they will shatter you.’”

Rose just hung her head. “‘No.’”

Garnet ignored her this time. “‘Every battle now, we lose more than we gain. We thought we could keep bringing more people to the cause, but they’re just throwing more and more soldiers at us. And now that Bismuth’s gone –” Even with her head curled into her chest, Steven could see the _guilt_ written clear on Rose’s face. “– we can’t even keep up with their weaponry. We will lose, Rose.’”

Rose pressed her hands to her face, and looked like she was crying. “‘No.’”

Garnet suddenly lunged forward, raising a fist. Rose didn’t move, but Pearl jumped and the image stuttered. “‘Enough, Rose.’” Steven could see Garnet was crying now, even as her face bridled with fury. “‘Do you think I didn’t look for another way? Do you think I didn’t try? I’ve seen you shattered so many times, you and Pearl and Biggs and Crazy Lace and Ruby, every time I had to watch them all die and I still kept looking but I just – can’t – take it anymore.’” She looked like she shouted that loud enough to bring down the whole room. Her tears were coming so strongly now she had to close her eyes. “‘You shatter Pink Diamond or we all die for nothing. If there’s another way I’m done trying to find it. I’m _done_ , Rose.’”

Garnet shook, and crumpled to her knees. She began to shudder violently, and Steven realized she was sobbing, crying out silently with a voice Pearl wouldn’t echo. Rose just remained in place, looking down at nothing.

They stayed like that for a long time. Finally, abruptly, Garnet’s face went as blank as a sheet of paper again. She rose to her feet, slowly, beads of tears rolling off her face. “‘We all admire your ideals, Rose,’” Pearl said for her. “‘But you can’t hold ideals over people’s lives.’”

Then she turned, and left Pearl’s vision.

With careful steps, like she was afraid she would shatter the ground below her, Pearl walked forward until she was almost touching the pale image before them.

“…Rose.” Pearl spoke in a soft whisper, wreathed in an affection Steven had never heard from her before. “I know you want to save everyone. We all do. That’s what we admire about you.” She swallowed, and looked like she was holding back tears. “But, Rose… How many of us have already been shattered? How many have they shattered on Homeworld that we’ll never even know about, just because they seemed too close to us? We still don’t know what they’ve done with the other rose quartzes, or… if they even kept them all in one piece.” Rose flinched at that. Tears bunched at the corner of her eyes as she ran a hand over her gem. “I know you thought that if we just kept fighting, eventually they’d give up. We all did. But… it’s been a thousand years, and all they’ve done is make another kindergarten. Another place that’s killing organic life to make more soldiers. Even if we survive this, they’ll just make a gamma kindergarten, and a delta, and an epsilon. If this goes on any longer, Rose… will there even be a planet left to save?”

Tears spilled freely from Rose’s eyes. With infinite care, Pearl raised a hand to Rose’s face and angled it towards her with the slightest of touches. Rose… just looked defeated. That spark, that light of hope and drive she had always had in every memory, in the video, in every image Steven had ever seen of her, was gone.

“This has to _end_ , Rose.”

Rose looked at her for several moments. Finally, her mouth flickered into a sad smile, and she mirrored Pearl’s gesture, gently caressing the side of Pearl’s face. “‘You’re right,’” Pearl said for her. “‘Of course you’re right.’”

Rose stared down into her hands again. “‘I could have shattered her at the very beginning, couldn’t I? I wanted to… to show Homeworld I didn’t have to, that I wasn’t like them, that we didn’t have to solve all our problems by shattering the gems we didn’t like. That I could see the good in everyone, even the diamonds. But…’” She shook her head, and shuddered in a motion Steven wasn’t sure was a laugh or a sob. “‘How long has it been since then? How many gems have I gotten shattered just to prove I won’t shatter anybody? Am I… am I really valuing our enemies’ lives over our own? If I hold my pride over people’s lives… am I any different from Homeworld?’”

She angled her head up, tears still running from eyes that stared at something beyond either of them.

“‘I’m so scared, Pearl. I don’t want to shatter anyone, but… I don’t want you to be shattered either.’” She closed her eyes, her whole face trembling with pain. “‘I feel like I’m being torn apart. I wish… I wish I didn’t have to do this.’” Her eyes snapped open, suddenly awash with guilt. “‘I’m sorry, that’s so selfish. I’m the leader, I, I started this, no matter how much it hurts I have to do what’s right for you…’”

“No, you don’t.” Pearl leaned her head forward until her head was just touching Rose. “If you don’t want to do it… I can, Rose.”

Rose immediately jumped back, terror written all over her face. “‘No. You can’t – they’ll shatter every pearl in the empire.’”

Pearl froze, a choked sob forming in her throat.

Rose’s face went slack. “‘But they’ve… already done that to the other rose quartzes. Haven’t they?’” Pearl didn’t respond. “‘You said we don’t really know, but… I think it’s time we stopped fooling ourselves.’” Rose shook, like she was about to cry. “‘I couldn’t save them. From the very beginning, it was always impossible to save everyone. The most I can do now is stop it from getting any worse. If we do this…’”

Rose’s eyes narrowed, and her fingers slowly curled into fists.

“‘It has to be me,’” Pearl finished for her.

After several seconds, Rose turned away, so that Steven couldn’t see her face anymore. “‘I… need to think about this. Maybe something will come to me. Maybe Garnet will see something new. If not…’”

A terrible, awful pause. Steven’s heart was beating so hard he could _feel_ it, hammering painfully against his chest like it wanted to burst free.

Rose just shook her head. “‘…I need to think about this.’”

She walked away, and the hologram winked out.

Steven blinked.

“Is… is that it?” he asked. He flailed with frustration. “But… that doesn’t explain anything! What did she do? What actually happened? I don’t…”

Ignoring Steven completely, Pearl stepped back to the edge of the fountain with precise, mechanical steps. She projected another ray of light, and suddenly there was –

There was –

Huge and towering, dress like a knight’s armor, all jutting and violent angles –

– **_MINE!_ ** –

Pink Diamond.

Steven couldn’t breathe.

Pearl, however, seemed completely at ease. She stood up straight to look Pink Diamond square in the eye, a huge grin on her face. But Steven could see the grin was too wide, her stance too straight, everything about her body screaming that she did not want to be here, that if she allowed even a single crack it would shatter her into a thousand pieces.

She made a diamond salute with perfect effortlessness. “Pink Diamond, your radiance!” Pearl fluted, her voice impossibly bright and cheery, nothing at all like how she really talked. “I have an urgent message about the upcoming –”

Pink Diamond waved a hand sharply and huffed, a sound Pearl mimicked. “‘What, is Blue gonna tell me I can’t get my hands dirty again?’” Steven jumped as Pink Diamond leaned down with a suddenness that should have been impossible with her behemoth size. She stared Pearl down with an intensity that made Steven’s legs shake, her diamond pupils burning like dark suns, like they wanted to sear Pearl away until nothing remained. This is just a recording, he reminded himself, Pearl made it out, she’s going to be fine… “‘Well you can tell her to stuff it. This is a perfect opportunity. I’m _not_ missing my chance to finally see some action just because Blue’s too paranoid to let me out of my cage.’”

To Steven’s amazement, Pearl’s expression didn’t even flicker. “Oh, my message is far more joyous, your magnificence!” she trilled. “I have vital intelligence that will assure our victory!”

Pink Diamond’s face shifted to an easy joy with unsettling speed. “‘Oh, really?’” She leaned back and fluffed her hair with a flourish, staring into the distance. “‘Perhaps Blue is finally starting to have some faith in me.’” She looked back at Pearl with a toothy grin. “‘Let’s hear it, then. We’re already going to win, but anything that helps me crush those traitors faster is music to my ears.’”

“Oh, but your radiance!” Pearl looked around with exaggerated concern, then leaned forward conspiratorially, as if that would mean anything with Pink towering so far above her. “I was expressly ordered to tell you in private! Rebel spies are everywhere these days! Why…” Something glinted in her eye, and for just a second, her manic grin looked completely genuine. “…one could be here at this very moment!”

“‘Hah.’” The laugh sounded eerie in Pearl’s monotone. “‘Tell me about it. Just yesterday I found some idiot trying to sneak out of our camp.’” Pink Diamond grinned even wider. “‘She’s dust now, of course.’”

Pearl’s grin stayed fixed.

Pink Diamond turned and started waving dismissively. “‘Alright, you heard her, everybody out. Shoo.’” Behind her, Steven could see faint images of other gems he hadn’t noticed before – quartzes like Jasper, agates, and other gems he didn’t recognize. In the hologram, they trotted out of the palanquin in silence, until Pearl and Pink Diamond were alone.

“‘Alright, so what’s so important –’”

As she spoke, Pearl raised a hand to her forehead, and from it sprouted Rose’s sword, eerie in the same pale blue as the rest of Pearl’s holograms. Pink Diamond’s eyes glanced over it for a single instant and then, faster than Steven would have thought possible, she lunged. Her massive hand shot forward, clenching around Pearl’s head – _her gem_ – and Steven let out a squeak of terror –

– and just as suddenly, the hand stopped.

The sword shot out like a ray of light, through Pink Diamond’s palm, straight between her eyes, and out the back of her head. Pink Diamond stared at her from either side of the blade, and in those eyes was pure, absolute hate.

Then she shone, as blindingly as the sun, and burst into a cloud of smoke.

Steven finally let himself breathe out.

Pearl just stood frozen for a moment, looking as if she could scarcely believe it herself. Then she stood back, breathed out, and her face changed to a mask of grim determination. She placed the sword back in her gem and replaced it with a hammer, also inlaid with Rose’s vine patterns. She bent down, and with her other hand picked up the massive diamond.

Then –

It took Steven a second to realize that, for the first time in his life, he was seeing her shapeshift. He watched as she glowed and warped –

– until –

– until –

Steven gasped, tears pricking his eyes.

Pearl turned, and there staring through him was Rose Quartz, perfect in every detail except the pearl twinkling from beneath the curls of her hair. There was even a pink circle on her stomach – just a flat image, but enough to fool a casual glance.

Pearl walked forward, out of Pink Diamond’s palanquin, and now the hologram expanded to fill the whole room. Steven saw gems rushing around the camp, into and out of strange domes and ships, outfitted in armor and weapons he didn’t recognize. Pearl extended her arm, raising Pink Diamond for them all to see. The gems of the battlefield turned as one and for an instant it all stopped, as if frozen in ice. Then a few soldiers pointed and cried out, and in the far distance Steven saw Blue Diamond sweep aside a curtain from her palanquin to lock eyes with Pearl.

Blue Diamond thrust out an arm, shouted something.

The soldiers started to move.

Pearl raised the hammer.

Before he even realized what he was doing Steven was running forward, arm outstretched, as if he could change this, as if he could save her if he could just run fast enough, as if he could stop anything that was about to happen.

He screamed, “ _NO–!_ ”

Then the hammer fell, passing through his hand like a ghost, and Pink Diamond exploded into a thousand tiny points of light.

The hologram winked out. Pearl glowed, and then she was Pearl again.

She collapsed to her knees.

Steven couldn’t speak. His arm still reached out, stupidly and futilely, to where the gemstone had been.

“So… so you see, Steven, you were right.” Pearl’s voice was thin. “Rose never shattered anyone. Rose… would never do something so unforgivable.”

She paused. Steven lowered his arm, slowly.

Pearl fell to her hands, and tightened her fists around the water. “I always wondered… if she hated me for it. And now…” Her voice cracked, and she choked back a sob. “…I know it’s true.”

“No,” Steven said numbly. “That can’t be right. I… I thought she loved you, Pearl. Why would she…”

He trailed off. His tongue felt dry and heavy in his mouth.

Pearl was silent for a long time.

“I remember,” she said slowly, “a long time ago, you told me… that if you have part of Rose in you, then if you cared about me, that meant Rose must have cared about me too.” Her whole body seemed to collapse, her spindly arms bending like white reeds. “But if that’s true, then… if you hate me for this, it means Rose did too.”

Steven could only watch as she curled her arms around herself, and started to sob.

“I don’t,” he said, so soft he could barely hear it himself. “I don’t hate you.”

Pearl immediately sprung to her feet with a splash. “ _Of course you do!_ ” she wailed, tears streaming down her face in a twisted mirror of the perfect fountain below. “You refused to believe it, you said no one as good as Rose could ever do it, because this is the worst thing anyone could ever do!”

Steven stumbled back. “Th… that’s not…”

“Well you’re _right_ and it was _me_ , it was _all me! I shattered a gem!_ ” She clutched her hands to her face, so tightly it looked like she was trying to claw it off. “I betrayed everything she believed in, and for _what?_ This – this false victory, running and hiding, fighting our friends as they’re twisted into monsters! _How can she not hate me?!_ ”

Pearl started to collapse again. Steven rushed forward, hugging her tightly as she broke into loud, ugly sobs. “She – she just never told me because she was s-so _nice!_ She pretended she forgave me, she pretended she still loved me, but I knew it, I knew she always hated me and now you hate me too –”

“I don’t hate you!” Steven cried.

Pearl went silent, but Steven could still feel her shuddering, barely holding back sobs.

“I don’t hate you,” he said again. “And… I never hated Mom, either.”

Pearl let out a half-choked sob. Slowly, Steven pulled back and looked her in the eye. He felt tears at the edge of his own face now, but he swallowed and tried to speak. “Pearl, I think… the real reason I didn’t want to believe it was because…” He couldn’t hold his tears back now. He wiped an arm across his face and continued, “Garnet kept telling me the reasons, the, the _logic_ behind it, but that would never be enough. She could tell me every single reason she had to do it, she could tell me everything that happened in the entire war, but I’d still never really _understand_. Half of me shattered someone, and I’d never know how she really felt about it.” He sniffed, looked up into Pearl’s shocked face, and smiled. “But… I know you, Pearl. And… I could never hate you. No matter what.”

“Stop it.” Pearl screwed her eyes shut as more tears leaked out. “You don’t have to forgive me. You don’t have to pretend to be okay with this!”

Pearl hung her head, and sobbed quietly. Steven looked down, and swallowed. “I… I wouldn’t say I’m… okay with it. But…” He looked up. Pearl still hadn’t moved. “Even though everyone got corrupted… we can still heal them. No,” he said, voice hardening, “we _will_ heal them. I won’t stop until I find a way. That’s a promise.” Steven paused, and his voice went quiet again. “If they were shattered instead… there’d be nothing we could do. They’d really be gone. So…”

Pearl looked up at him, eyes still cold with despair. Steven’s voice started to shake. “Garnet said… that’s what would have happened if… if you hadn’t… done it. I want to believe that she wasn’t right, and there was still a way Mom could have saved everybody. But… you thought she was, and if you were right, then… then…” He let out a shuddering breath, and let his eyes drop to the water below. “…Then I think you made the right choice.”

“It wasn’t a choice I wanted to make,” Pearl said, voice tight.

“I know. That’s why I think you made the right choice.”

They stood there together for a long time. Eventually, Pearl’s breathing calmed down, and Steven let his arms drop to his sides.

“…Mom looked so scared in that memory,” Steven said eventually. “So sad.” He looked up, but Pearl didn’t. “You always sounded so excited when you talked about the rebellion. Like it was this great, happy thing. But… it wasn’t really like that, was it?”

Pearl finally looked up at him, only to immediately avert her gaze. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Some of it was, but…” She paused. “I didn’t mean to keep secrets from you. I know I said it was because you were a child, but…” Her face flickered with pain. “I think that was just an excuse. I just… I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to remember it. It… it hurts, to remember those parts.”

Steven paused. “Then… I’m sorry, too,” he began. “But… I want to see those parts. I want to know what was so awful you felt you had to…” His voice seized up, and he had to take a breath. “…to shatter her.” The words felt sick and alien on his tongue, like swallowing poison.

Pearl just kept staring down. Eventually she stood up, looked over the fountain, and paused. “Feeling people die…” Her eyes were unfocused, and Steven got the impression she was saying the words half to herself. “I was the first one it happened to, you know. That was the first time we realized fusion could hurt us, too.”

She went quiet for a long time. Something in her eyes… shifted, and she suddenly looked like a different person.

Pearl’s gem shone, and Steven watched the next memory unfold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Pearl is the first pearl of the Crystal Gems, and she is the last, but at the midpoint there are three.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179642)


	3. Fault Lines

The great pearl towered above the combatants, sweeping her swords in arcs along the ground as she had in so many battles prior. She had three gems in a line across her front: at her forehead, her chest, and her stomach. The last two, and the extra pair of arms, were only holograms.

She was fighting a squad of amethysts brandishing massive weapons. When they leapt for her head, Pearl swatted them easily out of the air. When they aimed at her gut, Pearl deflected the blows with elegant parries. But then one drove a spear straight at her chest, and her arms stabbed forward instead of blocking –

Steven looked away, clamping a hand over his mouth as his stomach lurched. There was no sound of the gem breaking into fragments, but he heard Pearl shift her form and he knew that meant the exact same thing.

“Stop,” he choked out. “That’s – that’s enough for now.”

He heard the faint hum of the hologram fade out. Pearl stepped back over to him as he took deep breaths.

“All… all those gems,” he said when he regained his voice. “They… they were really…” His throat tensed, preventing him from saying the word.

“Yes.”

Steven couldn’t think of anything to say to that. He looked down, and stared at his warped reflection rippling in the fountain’s flow. He looked terrible.

“Rose had hoped she could heal them,” Pearl said after a while. “But… nothing she did ever worked.”

Steven looked up. “Maybe I could try, some day,” he said. “I talked to the Cluster, so… there’s still something left in them. There could still be a chance.”

“Maybe,” Pearl said, but Steven could tell she didn’t really believe it. She closed her eyes, and sighed. “You know, it’s horrible, but… when you told us what Bismuth had done, there was a part of me that understood. After everything we lost, everything we suffered, I can’t blame her for wanting to do the same to Homeworld.” She opened her eyes, half-lidded, and stared darkly at something Steven couldn’t see. “Can I even say she was wrong? After all, I…”

Pearl trailed off. Steven swallowed.

He was suddenly jerked out of his stupor by a loud yell, followed by a splash. He swiveled his head around and saw Bismuth had landed on one of the lower fountains, wrestling a gem shard.

It poofed. “ _Hah!_ ” she cried with triumph, then looked up at Pearl. “How many of these are there? They’re all over the temple!”

Pearl jumped down, and Steven followed. Bismuth opened her other hand to reveal the rest of the shards, cradling them with an odd gentleness.

Pearl’s eyes flicked over them quickly. “I think that’s all of them,” she said, and surrounded them in a pale bubble. It floated above Bismuth’s palm, then blinked out of existence.

“Uh… sorry I interrupted your get-together,” Bismuth said, smiling sheepishly at Steven. “I can leave if you…”

“It’s fine. We’re finished,” Pearl said.

“Y… yeah,” Steven mumbled. “We should probably…” He perked up. “Oh, right! We need to tell Garnet Bismuth’s back! And Amethyst too!”

Bismuth’s smile fell. “So, uh, should I be expecting a punch in the face, or a punch in the gem?”

Anxiety flickered in Pearl’s eyes, but she said, “Garnet’s reasonable. She’ll understand… hopefully.”

Steven beamed. “Okay great!” He jumped towards the door, thinking of how happy Garnet was to see Bismuth before, how happy she would be to find out it was all okay again. He practically skipped through the door, and, not looking where he was going, crashed straight into someone on the other side.

He looked up at the impenetrable shades staring back at him, and grinned. “Garnet! You’re back!” he said as she placed her hands on his shoulders to steady him. “That’s perfect, ‘cause guess who else is back?” He spun around and saw Bismuth standing at the threshold. She was grinning – but it looked exactly the same as the grin Pearl had given to Pink Diamond, fragile as glass. From behind, Pearl nudged her, and she stumbled the rest of the way through. Pearl stepped carefully to the side, eyes flicking between Bismuth and Garnet and back again.

Garnet’s mouth set into a hard line.

Steven waved his arm out, presenting Bismuth like a gift. “Did you…” He grinned wider, so much it started to hurt. “…Bis- _muth_ her?”

His joke was met with dead silence. Bismuth was grinning as wide as him, but her eyes were a pained grimace. Pearl’s eyes kept flicking from her to Garnet, over and over again.

“Steven,” Garnet said without looking at him. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes!” Steven squared his shoulders and banged his fist against his chest, adopting his best serious expression. “I know you wanted to keep her bubbled, but… if I’m a Crystal Gem, that means I get a say in this too! And I say you should trust her!” He grinned again, unable to keep up the seriousness. “Garnet, she promised she wouldn’t hurt anyone! That means it’s okay, you can be friends again!”

“All right, then.”

“R-really?” Steven coughed, then smiled again, looking over his friends. “I mean… Of course! This is great! The Crystal Gems are all back together!”

Bismuth looked as if he had stabbed her through the heart. Her head flicked back to the temple in an ungraceful spasm, like a reflex. Then she looked away, eyes shimmering. “…Yeah,” she murmured. “I guess they are.”

Steven’s heart felt heavy again. What had he done wrong?

The warp pad activated before he could say anything. Pearl and Bismuth stumbled back as Amethyst emerged from the light. She cast her eyes around the room, her easy expression flipping to shock as soon as they landed on Bismuth. She staggered back, pointing. “You’re the crazy lady who tried to kill Steven!”

Bismuth stepped back and raised her arms defensively. “I… I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I…”

Amethyst relaxed. “Oh. That’s okay, then.”

Bismuth blinked and opened her mouth wordlessly. Ignoring her, Amethyst moved casually to the couch and flopped down, stretching.

Steven laughed. “See, Amethyst gets it! Why can’t you be more like her?”

“We need to focus,” Garnet snapped, humorless. She strode past him with large, quick steps to stand next to Bismuth, almost pressing into her. “Homeworld has sent scouts to the Kindergarten again. We need to investigate immediately.”

Amethyst sighed and wandered back over with an exasperated look, hands clasped behind her head. Bismuth, by contrast, became instantly serious. “Another attack, huh? How long was I out this time?”

“Eight months,” Garnet clipped.

Steven was surprised again when Bismuth laughed, with genuine joy. “Eight months?” She looked at Steven, smiling benevolently. “That’s no time at all, Steven! Man, when you said it was a long time I thought you meant, like, a _century_ at least!”

“Oh.” Steven smiled crookedly. “It… felt like a lot longer.”

“Yes,” was all Garnet said. She stepped onto the warp pad. “Let’s –”

The door burst open, swinging on its hinges. Peridot stood in the doorway, panting for breath. “Steven!” she yelled, hopping into the house and waving madly to get his attention. “I just rewatched Camp Pining Hearts again and you will not _believe_ what I figured out, listen, I know we thought that twist with Paulette ruined the whole show but it actually makes _total sense_ if you just ignore everything with –”

Without missing a beat, Garnet walked over and picked her up by the scruff of her neck. Ignoring Peridot’s flailing and objections, she returned to the warp pad.

“Oh, hey!” Bismuth leaned down to get a better look at her. “A peridot, huh? You’re so tiny!”

Peridot stopped her tirade immediately, staring at Bismuth in complete bafflement. “Who are _you?_ ”

“This is Bismuth!” Steven said. “She’s one of the original Crystal Gems!”

“There are MORE of you?!” Peridot threw her hands in exasperation, the momentum making her swing in Garnet’s grasp. “This is crucial information! Why didn’t you tell me?”

Bismuth narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, why didn’t you tell her, Steven?”

Steven stammered nervously. “Uh… well…”

“Not important,” Garnet clipped. “We leave now.”

A burst of light, then –

The Kindergarten was no less bleak than before. The cold, malicious shapes of the injectors still dotted the dark, lifeless cliffs, and any trace of Peridot’s garden was long since gone. But there was definitely something new here: a small spherical ship, like the rubies’, but green instead of red.

But that was it. The Homeworld scouts were nowhere to be found.

Pearl surveyed the landscape. “Where are they, Garnet?”

“Don’t know.” She summoned her gauntlets. “Split up, cover the area. We have to stop them before they can send a report to Homeworld. I will go with Bismuth,” she added before anyone could volunteer.

“Alright!” Bismuth didn’t seem to mind. She grinned, slamming her fists together. “Let’s show those Homeworld clods who’s boss!” She ran off immediately, Garnet trailing behind her.

“She’s eager, huh?” Amethyst stepped slowly off the warp pad, eyes flicking over the holes dotting the cliffs as she walked.

Peridot scoffed. “You’re not gonna find them just running around like that, sheesh! They’ll be in one of the labs! Here, I’ll show you.” She strode past Amethyst and easily tapped a pattern against the ground. It slid open, descending into the earth.

She came back several seconds later. “Nope, no one there.” She spun on her heel and marched onwards. “To the next one!” Amethyst looked back at them, shrugged, and followed.

Pearl stepped off the pad, and looked at him. “We should probably stick together,” she said.

Steven stared at her.

_The hammer falling down, a thousand shards of light…_

He blinked. “Yeah.”

He walked along the desolate ground, the same paths he’d walked when they had searched for Peridot’s machines before. There was no sign of any Homeworld gems. Occasionally he’d hear Bismuth shout, but it was always followed by an, “Aw, nothing?”

He felt a strange dread creeping over him the further he walked. He had been scared when fighting Homeworld gems before, but this wasn’t quite the same thing. He wasn’t scared they’d lose. He was…

_The hammer falling down, a thousand shards of light…_

“What’s gonna happen when we find these guys?” Steven blurted out. “We’re gonna bubble them, right?”

Pearl didn’t seem to be paying him much attention, eyes flicking rapidly over the cliffs for any sign of secret passages. “Probably.”

His mouth felt very dry. “Wh-what do you mean, ‘probably’?”

Pearl hummed to herself. “Well, it’s possible we could convince them to just leave us alone, like we did with the rubies the first time. That would be easier.” She paused. “Garnet seemed insistent that we had to stop them, though. I suppose she’ll decide.”

Of course. Of course that’s all she meant. This was just like any other mission. He was worrying over nothing. They weren’t going to…

“ _ExCUSE me!_ ” came Peridot’s voice from nearby. “ _It’s NOT broken, that’s totally accurate! It’s not picking anything up because there’s nothing TO pick up, don’t you dare say my hard work is just a glitch!_ ”

“Peridot!” Steven yelled, running towards the voice. Back the way they came was an entrance they must have missed, a polygonal shaft descending under the earth.

“Did she find them? Finally!” Bismuth charged forward, covering the entire span of the valley in seconds and jumping into the shaft without hesitation. Steven followed.

The passage led to a small cavern filled with consoles and machinery and bathed in a lime-green light, just like the one Peridot had used way back when. This time, the screen was filled with scurrying text and strange colored graphs Steven didn’t understand. More peridots were scattered throughout the room, all of them much taller than the Peridot he knew – like what she might have looked like if her limb enhancers were real limbs. They were all staring at Peridot, who was hopping and gesturing frantically.

“Yeah, that’s right! I deactivated the Cluster, all on my own! How do you like _that_ , huh?!”

With a mighty roar, Bismuth jumped from their hiding place and charged forward. Peridot looked back and waved. “About time you showed up!”

Bismuth shifted both her arms into wicked blades, and drove them straight through the nearest peridot, a pale one with her gem in her cheek. One arm sliced through her chest and the other through her head, coming worryingly close to the gem. The peridot squeaked as Bismuth forced the blades together like scissors, then poofed. The rest of the peridots scrambled to react, two drawing destabilizers and one running back to frantically type something on the console.

Steven heard a noise and looked back. Amethyst and Pearl dropped down the shaft, looking at the scene with terror. “ _Bismuth what are you doing!_ ” Pearl hissed, hiding behind an obstruction.

Bismuth just grinned at her opponents. “You think you can take me?!” She shifted her left hand into a hammer and smacked the first peridot to the side with a heavy slam. The next lunged forward with the destabilizer, but Bismuth sidestepped with whiplike agility, slamming both her hands around the peridot’s arm like a vice. The peridot cried out and dropped her destabilizer; Bismuth caught it before it hit the ground and twirled it, her eyes lighting up. “Let’s see what this does!” With a wicked glint in her eye she jammed the weapon forward. Steven winced as the peridot’s features contorted in pain, cracks of light splitting across her until she finally poofed.

“Woah.” Bismuth stared at the destabilizer and whistled, turning it over in her hands. “An electromagnetic generator that finds the perfect counter-frequency to disrupt any light-based construct with a single hit. Oh, we’re _definitely_ gonna be spending more time together…”

Motion caught Steven’s eye, and he turned to see the peridot Bismuth had backhanded earlier charging forward with her own destabilizer. Bismuth was still staring at the weapon, apparently oblivious.

Steven jumped forward, out of the shaft. “Bismuth, look out!” He flung a shield at the peridot, making her cry out and drop her weapon. Bismuth whirled around, clicked the destabilizer, and rammed it forward again. The peridot clattered to the floor a second later.

Bismuth whistled again. “Quick recharge, too! You could take out an entire _army_ with just one of these! You could…” Her eyes went glassy, and a look of utter ecstasy passed over her face. “You could poof a _diamond_ with this.”

Garnet jumped down into the shaft. She looked up, and immediately gasped. “Everyone, hide–!”

“Report,” came a familiar voice.

Steven turned back to the screen on the wall. This time, it wasn’t Peridot on the other end.

It was Yellow Diamond.

The peridot at the console saluted. “My diamond, we encountered native gem life!” she rattled off, so quickly Steven could barely make out the individual words. “They say they deactivated the Cluster! Requesting further –”

Steven felt rooted the spot, but Bismuth clearly wasn’t. With a violent bellow she leapt on the peridot, jamming the destabilizer into her back. The peridot yelped as cracks of light split across her body, and then she was only a gem, bouncing once against the ground. “Take that!” Bismuth wooped.

Yellow Diamond looked on with complete disinterest. “Bismuth, state your identification and purpose.”

Bismuth looked up, and grinned with a cold glint in her eye. Jabbing the destabilizer at the screen like a sword, she spat, “You want to know who I am, _clod?_ ”

Yellow Diamond’s features instantly snapped into complete fury, just as they had when Peridot had said the same insult. She opened her mouth to speak when –

“Yellow, did I hear that right? The Cluster is deactivated?”

And just like that, Yellow Diamond’s face was an aloof mask again. She turned to her right and said, “Apparently, yes. We’ll need to confirm the readings and reactivate it if necessary.”

Another head poked into the frame, soft and cool in stark contrast to Yellow Diamond’s hard, angular features. Blue Diamond. “Oh, that’s wonderful news! I was so worried we would run out of time, but now we can collect as many as we want!” Her eyes swept over the room, and – she was actually _smiling_ , even if her eyes still shimmered with that deep, inescapable sadness.

Then her eyes locked with Steven’s, and the smile vanished.

“ _That’s her!_ ” she shrieked, pointing at him with a rage that made Yellow Diamond look like a teddy bear. Her face contorted in utter hate, her lip pulling back to show her massive teeth. Steven realized, with horror, that he now understood _perfectly_ what it meant for someone to have murder in their eyes. “ _That’s Rose Quartz!_ ”

Yellow Diamond looked at him, but without even a glint of recognition. “Blue,” she said like she was talking to a child, “that’s just a hu…” Then she stopped and leaned forward, focusing on him more intently. “Wait… yes. Yes, I remember now, that’s her ridiculous disguise.”

Blue Diamond slammed her fists against the screen, jostling Yellow Diamond out of the way. “Rose Quartz.” It was quiet, but cold as the void of space. “I don’t know _how_ you escaped, but you will not evade us again. I _will_ know what you did to Pink!”

“No! Enough!” Yellow Diamond pushed herself into the frame again, shouting at Blue Diamond. “It is time to be _done_ with this, Blue. No more trials, no more _games_. We are shattering Rose Quartz and this entire humiliating planet and then this will finally _end!_ You have got to move _on!_ ”

“But Yellow, we have to _know_ –!”

Yellow Diamond pressed a hand against the screen, and it went dark.

Garnet shook, and her knees slowly collapsed from under her.

“We’re all going to die.”

Amethyst looked at her and laughed, far too nervously to be uplifting. “Wh-what, you’re giving up that easily? C’mon, we can do this!”

“I can’t.” Pearl stood frozen, eyes wide with terror. “Not again. The diamonds… _two_ diamonds… we can’t… _I_ can’t…”

Then Bismuth laughed, and genuinely.

“Uh, guys, aren’t you forgetting something?” She just grinned absurdly, like there was nothing to worry about at all. “Homeworld is _lightyears_ away! We’ll have plenty of time to fortify our position! I’ll get the forge going again, we’ll gear ourselves up, show them what we’re made of! They’re strong, but we’ll have –”

“Twenty minutes.”

Bismuth’s grin froze on her face for a second, then fell. “…What?” she said.

“Twenty minutes,” Garnet said again. “They will land in twenty minutes.”

Bismuth sputtered. “But – but –” She gestured impotently at the heavens. “The speed of light! You can’t go faster than that!”

Peridot snorted. “Seriously? Have you been in a bubble for the past millennium?”

Bismuth glared at her. “Yes, actually.”

“Oh.” Peridot paused awkwardly, then continued as if nothing had happened. “Well, we’ve had warp drives for… hah, I don’t even know! Millennia! I mean, _duh_. We’d never be able to manage the empire if we were limited by –” She snorted derisively, as if the very concept was a joke. “– the _speed of light_.”

“Warp drives?” Bismuth sputtered. “But they’re impossible! Nothing but a fantasy for cracked engineers!”

Peridot jerked a thumb back the way they came, grinning maniacally. “Oh really? Hop in that ship and I’ll show you how cracked they are!”

“WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!” Both of them flinched as Garnet sprung to her feet. “We have to… do… something…” She collapsed to her hands and knees, and shuddered. “No. No, there’s nothing we can do. We’re all going to die.”

“We could… evacuate.” Pearl spoke quietly, still staring blankly into space. “The peridots’ ship… we could get as many humans on it as we can, and leave the planet. We… might make it…”

“B… but can we really fit everyone on that tiny thing?” Amethyst said. “What’s gonna happen to everyone else? Peridot said the Cluster’s gonna blow up the whole planet! We’re really just gonna let that happen?!”

Garnet cried. Pearl started to shake.

Steven set his jaw.

“No.”

He stepped forward so they could all see him, and drew his shield. “We are the Crystal Gems! This is our home, our planet, our friends and family!” He pointed to the gems in turn. “Garnet! The first time Homeworld came here, you smashed up their ship! Amethyst! We fought Jasper together, and we won! Pearl –”

His breath hitched, and he paused just a moment too long. Pearl looked at him expectantly.

Steven looked away. “You’re all stronger than you know. We’ve stopped Homeworld before, and we’ll do it again!” He thumped his chest. “We’re not giving up. We stay and we fight!”

Amethyst cracked her whip and grinned. Peridot pumped her fists with a whoop. Bismuth smacked her hands together, and nodded with a look of grim determination. “Spoken like a true leader,” she said. “We may die, but we’ll go down fighting! That’s the Crystal Gem way!”

“…Yes,” Pearl said weakly. “We have to… we have to try.”

Garnet stopped crying, but didn’t stand up.

“Do we know where they’re landing?” Steven said. “Let’s meet them there!”

“It’ll be at your base. The ‘temple’,” Peridot said. She waved her hand airily. “Those are the coordinates I gave in my mission log – well, after I got it out of Lapis, which wasn’t easy, let me tell you! She kept going on and on about how nothing made sense which was funny because _she_ was the one who wasn’t making sense, ha!”

Steven glared at her. “What?” she said innocently.

“Good. There’s no better place to mount a defense,” Bismuth said, ignoring the rest. “But first…” Something in her face darkened. She leaned down, picked up one of the fallen peridots, and held it pinched between her thumb and forefinger. “They said they were working on ‘the Cluster’. You told me about that, Steven. It’s a weapon made out of shattered gems?”

Steven’s heart started beating faster. “Uh, yeah…?”

Bismuth stared down at the gem as if it was the only thing in the room. “Then they deserve the same fate. A shard for a shard!”

The world seemed to slow to a stop.

Steven found himself grabbing Bismuth’s wrist before he even knew what was happening. “ _You can’t!_ ”

Bismuth looked at him coldly. “Why n –”

“This is _literally_ how I met Peridot!”

That made Bismuth stop. The cold in her eyes vanished, replaced by confusion. Steven looked back, stammering for a few seconds before he found his voice. “Well, I mean, not in person, she was on the other side of that screen, but, but, this is where she met me!”

Peridot scratched her head. “Oh _wow_ , that feels like it was _eons_ ago but it was only, hmm, I’m pretty sure it was two years? I was –”

“She was working on the Cluster too!” Steven cried. “She came here to check up on it and she found us, she made Lapis tell her where we were and she came with Jasper to fight us but she escaped so we chased her all over until finally we poofed her and Amethyst dumped her limb enhancers –”

Peridot prickled. “That was _Amethyst?!_ ” she shrieked.

Steven kept babbling, “But then I unbubbled her and I talked to her and she told me about the Cluster and I told her about Earth and she realized it was worth protecting –”

“And then I called Yellow Diamond a _clod!_ ” Peridot chimed in, grinning madly.

“She became a Crystal Gem and she saved us, she saved the whole planet, we’d never have stopped the Cluster without her!” Steven felt himself tearing up. “But, but when we first met her she was _just like_ the peridot you’re holding now! She was helping Homeworld but she was only doing it because she didn’t know any better!”

Steven was breathing heavily. Bismuth just looked completely shocked.

“Everyone…” He took a breath. “Every one of the Crystal Gems worked for Homeworld once. But Mom… all of you… You showed them they didn’t have to. You gave them a chance.” He closed his eyes, and the strength went out of him. “Everyone makes mistakes. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person forever.”

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

“…Okay.”

Steven looked up. Bismuth had let the peridot fall into her open palm, and was staring at it with heavy eyes, tired and distant. There was the same pain there he had seen when they had fought, a pain he knew he could never hope to understand. But now there was no anger with it, only a terrible, aching sorrow. Then she passed her other hand over it, and a bubble appeared. It shimmered beautifully with all the colors of the rainbow, like a soap bubble that had caught the sunlight, before it blinked away.

Steven jumped at the sharp sound of Peridot clapping. “Okay so are we done here? Let’s go go go!”

Bismuth visibly jolted back to reality too. “Right,” she said, blinking. “I guess we should… bubble the rest, too. And…” Her face and voice lifted as she zipped around the lab, grabbing destabilizers until she was carrying a whole pile in her arms. “Make sure to bring back as many of these as you can! Got a feeling they’ll be handy.”

Garnet stood to her feet. She didn’t tremble, but Steven could tell she was only managing it through immense effort. “Yes. Let’s get back to the temple, quickly. We’ll set up what defenses we can, and…” Her head drooped slightly. “…hope.”


	4. Now We're Only Falling Apart

“I’ll be okay, really, please just…”

“I can’t leave you!” Greg wailed, holding him by the shoulders. “I _know_ this is really bad, they wouldn’t be evacuating otherwise, that’s why I want to stay with you!”

Steven only had to force his smile a little. “Dad, you remember the last time we evacuated the city?”

“Yes, and we stuck together then, too!”

“Yeah, but it turned out you had nothing to worry about! I showed up and my shield blocked everything and the gems saved everyone! It all worked out then, and I’m even stronger now. I’ll be fine!”

Greg grimaced. “Steven…” He wiped his eyes, and composed himself a little. “I just… if something were to happen to you and I wasn’t there, I…”

Garnet, appearing as if from nowhere, clamped a hand on his shoulder. He jumped. “Oh! Hi, Garnet!”

“Yours is the most important role of all, Greg,” Garnet said with perfect calmness. “In the Kindergarten, there is a ship. You must use the warp pads to bring all the evacuees on board and use it to get off the planet, if we fail.”

“But we won’t fail!” Steven said quickly. “We’re gonna win, just like every other time!”

Greg ignored him, eyes bulging at Garnet. “Off the planet? What? Why? What’s gonna happen to the planet?!”

Garnet was always statuesque, but even for her, the stiffness now was unnatural. “Nothing you need to worry about,” she said carefully. “Just remember. A green ship, in the Kindergarten. Bring as many people as you can.” She turned immediately, departing before Greg could say another word.

Greg just stared after her, sweat beading on his forehead.

“…Dad,” Steven said. Greg looked over. “I can do this. I promise. But…” He paused, and glanced away for a second. “…Please don’t take this the wrong way,” he started awkwardly, “but I… I don’t know if I can do this if I’m worried about you, too.” He felt pins in his face, and forced himself not to cry. “I need to know you’ll be safe, Dad.”

Greg looked down at him, and after a second, smiled warmly. “Of course. You’re just trying to protect me. And here I was, thinking I needed to protect _you_ ,” he said with a chuckle. He ruffled Steven’s hair, and got a smile from him. “Look at you, so responsible! They grow up so fast.”

“Aw, stop it, Dad,” Steven said, blushing and laughing.

After a second Greg’s smile dimmed, and he drew his hand back. He sighed. “I know you’re right,” he said. “I’d only slow you down if I stayed. I just…” He looked hurt. “I wish I could do something to help.”

Steven shook his head. “You’ve already done more for me than all the gem magic in the universe could, Dad.” He smiled, and stopped holding his tears back. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Steven.”

Steven could feel both their hearts beating as they embraced, thundering too hard and too fast, drumming out all the fears they wouldn’t say. When they pulled apart Greg’s fingers trailed on Steven’s shoulders, not wanting to let him go.

“I know you’ll keep everyone safe.” Greg smiled, but it frayed at the edges. “Just… don’t forget about yourself, too, okay?”

Steven nodded.

Greg stepped back into his van, and gave Steven a final wave as he drove away. Steven waved back enthusiastically until Greg had passed beyond his vision, then slowly let his arm drop back to his side.

He wiped the tears from his eyes, and focused on his breathing until they stopped coming.

He looked at the gems on the beach. Peridot was excitedly chattering about the destabilizers. Bismuth watched as Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst practiced with them, nodding enthusiastically. “Yeah, that’s it! If I’m right, even the diamonds should go down in a single hit from these! We just need to get close, and we’ll be in _Bismuth!_ ” She grinned at her joke, and pumped her fists.

Steven took a shaky breath, ran his hand through his hair, and took out his phone. He dialed the number and waited, heart hammering.

“Hey, Steven!” came Connie’s voice from the other end, so painfully bright. “What’s going on?”

“Hey… Connie…” Steven sucked air through his teeth. “Um… I just wanted to say… well, you see, uh…”

“It’s a gem thing, isn’t it?” Connie’s voice was instantly serious. “I’ll be there as soon as possible. Dad’s out but I can take the bus –”

“U-um, I don’t think that’ll work, Connie…” Steven twirled a curl of hair around his finger. “Garnet said it’s happening in, uh…” He glanced at the time on the phone. “Five minutes?”

“FIVE MINUTES?!” Steven flinched away from the speaker. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? How am I supposed to get there in time?!”

“S-sorry, Connie, it just sort of… happened…” He took a breath, and tried to keep his voice from cracking. “I just thought you should know…” He swallowed. “In case… in case…” His blood felt like ice, and his voice fell to a shallow whisper. “I just wanted to say you’ve been… a really good friend, and…”

He heard a strange, distorted noise from the other end. It sounded almost like a roar. Then Connie chimed, “Oh, of course! That’s a great idea, Steven, why didn’t I think of that! See you in a sec!”

The phone clicked. Steven stared out blankly, listening to the dial tone.

“Connie…?”

He stared at the screen for several seconds before the air over the beach split apart, forming a blinding circle of light. Lion flew out of it majestically, landing perfectly on the sand. Connie leapt down from his back, and crushed Steven in a hug.

Steven coughed, and Connie let go. “See?” she said, grinning widely. “I’ll always be there for you, Steven.”

Steven boggled at Lion, who gave him an exasperated look before lying down.

“So what’s going on?” Connie said, looking pumped. “Is Homeworld attacking again?”

“Yeah,” Steven said. “It’s, uh… it’s the diamonds. Both of them.”

Connie’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates. “Woah! How strong are they? I don’t think I’ve actually seen them in person…”

“Really strong. And really big. And, uh…” Steven looked away. “No pressure but uh they kinda said they were gonna reactivate the Cluster and blow up the Earth, so… that’s bad?”

Connie didn’t seem fazed at all. She set her face with determination, and pounded her fist. “Then we’ll just have to stop them!” she said. “I’m sure we can do it, as long as we’re together.”

Steven found himself smiling. “…Yeah.” He breathed in, and felt the dread finally lift. “Yeah! What am I worrying about! The Crystal Gems are all together, we’ll win for sure!”

“That’s the spirit!”

Connie turned and ran towards the other gems, waving. Amethyst waved back, Pearl smiled radiantly, and Garnet gave a polite nod. Connie stopped in her tracks when she saw Bismuth. “Woah, another gem?” she said. “Who are you?”

Bismuth grinned and jerked a thumb at herself. “Name’s Bismuth! Me and the rest go way back –”

Connie dropped into a battle stance in an instant, the sword already in her hands by the time Steven had dashed over. “ _Bismuth?!_ Why are _you_ here?!”

Bismuth raised an eyebrow, looking genuinely curious. “Do I know you?”

Connie trembled with rage, but held the sword steady. “No, but I know _you!_ You tried to _kill Steven!_ ”

“It’s okay we’re friends now!” Steven squeaked. “She said she’s sorry and she won’t do it again!” Without waiting for a response he looked up at Bismuth and forced a grin. “Bismuth, this is my best friend Connie!”

“Nice to… meet you?” Bismuth said awkwardly, rubbing the back of her head. “Yeah, it was all a misunderstanding, sorry. We’re cool now…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes traveled along the length of the blade. “Hey,” she said with forced casualness, “where’d you get that sword?”

“From Steven,” Connie said, still not lowering the blade. “I’ve helped Steven fight tons of gem monsters.” Her eyes narrowed. “And gems.”

Bismuth looked genuinely horrified, and snapped her head to Pearl. “Pearl, you’re letting the Crystal Gems use humans now?”

Pearl shuffled awkwardly. “I’ve been training her. She wanted to help, and she was good at it. And…” She gave Bismuth a sidelong glance. “Our options have been pretty limited, Bismuth. We needed an extra hand.”

Bismuth just looked even more horrified. “Pearl,” she breathed. “ _You’re_ putting _humans_ in this kind of danger? _You?_ ”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” Connie snapped. “I’m not stupid, I know it’s dangerous, but I still wanna help them fight!”

Bismuth looked at her sadly, sighed, and crouched down to her height, not seeming to care that the sword’s point was nearly pricking her chin. “Okay… Connie, right? You may have been able to beat smaller gems, but we’re gonna be fighting the _diamonds_. They’re…” She waved her hands, trying to capture the enormity of the subject. “They’re _really bad news_. Our bodies are pretty sturdy, but you… you’ve got all those organs and bones and other squishy things. Even the smallest attack could hurt you really bad.”

“Oh yeah gee thanks why didn’t I think of that!” She finally lowered the sword (Steven breathed a sigh of relief) and ripped a water bottle off her belt to wave it in front of Bismuth’s face. “Wow if only we had _magic healing potions that can heal anything_ OH WAIT.”

Bismuth stared blankly for a second, then realization dawned. “Oh, Rose’s tears. The fountain’s still working?” She shook her head, then continued, “No. Even with Rose’s tears, it’s too dangerous. You shouldn’t be here.”

Connie’s cheeks flushed, and her mouth snapped open to spit some retort. “Connie.” Steven didn’t even see Garnet move, but suddenly she was right next to them and laying a hand on Connie’s shoulder. “Bismuth has…” Her head tilted. “… _something_ of a point.” Connie made to respond again, and she held out a hand for silence. “It’s probably best if you stay fused for this battle.”

Connie blinked, and her anger evaporated. “Oh, well, I figured we were gonna do that anyway!” She turned, and took Steven’s hand. “You ready?”

“Woah woah woah.” Bismuth looked between them wildly. “Fuse? How? Is she _not_ a human?”

Steven grinned. “Oh that’s right, you don’t know! Oh man, we’re gonna blow your mind! Watch…”

They danced, and became.

Stevonnie grinned, twirling an extra time just to show off. “Ta-da!” they said. “It’s me, Stevonnie!”

Bismuth – they could look her straight in the eye now – let her jaw hang open, completely dumbfounded. “That… is…” In an instant her face changed to a fiery grin, bursting with admiration. “AWESOME! Go get ‘em, Stevonnie!” She gave them a thumbs-up, and turned back to the other gems.

Stevonnie’s right eye twitched.

_Why are you so okay with this?_

_Why wouldn’t I be?_

_She tried to kill you._

_She said she was sorry._

_I don’t trust her._

_I do._

“This isn’t the time,” Stevonnie muttered. “We’re fighting a battle here. If the diamonds are as bad as they say, we need all the help we can get. Keep it together…”

Stevonnie lifted Rose’s sword from the sand, and looked up as Peridot cried out.

Descending from the sky was a flying arm, just like Jasper’s ship: green, and plated with an unnaturally smooth, shining metal.

When they looked back, Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst were already fusing into Alexandrite. The violet dragon roared and took point, staring down the ship. Bismuth and Stevonnie ran forward, flanking her.

“Stevonnie,” Alexandrite growled. “Remember, you are our heart and soul. You _cannot go down_. Keep your distance, and maintain the shield for as long as you can.”

Stevonnie nodded, and smirked. “I know. If the healer goes down, the whole party’s toast. Learned that one from video games.”

The diamonds were approaching a lot faster than Jasper’s ship had. It zoomed forward until it was just above the waves, braking with a burst of wind that whipped sand and surf around them. Stevonnie gripped their microphone and watched for movement. The light cannons might not have worked against the last ship, but they were willing to bet the diamonds themselves weren’t so impervious.

But the ship didn’t descend further. Instead, the fingers curled in, leaving only the pointer extended. It began to glow, and the whole beach was cast in a stark green light.

“They’re using the cannon again!” Stevonnie summoned their shield, and grew it until it covered Alexandrite. “Everyone, stay behind me!”

The finger shined brighter and brighter, until Stevonnie couldn’t look at it without their vision swimming with purple spots. They braced for impact…

…which to their surprise, never came. They realized too late the finger wasn’t pointing at them. The blast shot over the beach, missing the shield completely. It exploded somewhere behind them, and Stevonnie staggered from the force before whipping their head around to look.

The cannon blast had blown a hole in the cliff behind them, right where they had placed the light cannons. A wheel dropped in front of them, bouncing twice before rolling down the curve of the beach, spinning like a top, and then, finally, tipping onto its side to lie still. Tiny fragments of pale pink metal fell from the sky like cherry blossoms.

“The light cannons.” Stevonnie let the microphone drop from their fingers. “They destroyed Mom’s… Rose’s…”

“Look alive, Stevonnie!” Bismuth’s voice snapped their attention back to the ship. The hand flipped over, palm up, and slammed roughly into the beach, creating a spray of surf that fell around them like rain.

The ship’s entire palm slid open, and out of it rose Blue Diamond. She towered high enough to blot out the setting sun, the light from behind ringing her in a golden-red halo. Even underneath the shadow her face was still obscured by a dark, heavy hood that left only her mouth visible. Her cloak billowed out at her waist before contracting again at her feet, giving the impression of a beautiful, ancient vase holding a wilting flower.

Stevonnie heard the electrical whine of Bismuth activating her destabilizer. She leaned down and whispered something to Peridot, who nodded determinedly.

“Rose Quartz.” Blue Diamond’s voice was oddly soft, but it carried easily; it was a softness that drew you in, forced you to listen to catch the shape of its words. “So you escaped Homeworld and crawled back here.” Now she threw her head back and Stevonnie could at last see her eyes, narrowed in agony and hate as the tears spilled down the curves of her face. “This is Pink’s world! How dare you use it as your hiding place? Come! Answer for what you’ve done!”

Alexandrite answered with a blast of fire. Blue Diamond barely spared her a glance before raising her arm across her body. The flames crashed against the loop of her sleeve, flaring up into the sky and down to hiss against the waves. When they dissipated, Blue Diamond didn’t even look singed.

She twisted her fingers, and then her hand held an orb of white-blue light, like a newborn star. She flung it forward before Stevonnie could react, slamming Alexandrite in the chest. Stevonnie expected the light to burst on impact, but it carried Alexandrite like a physical weight, lifting her off the ground and forcing her back. Alexandrite flipped over once in the air, but landed upright when it finally dissipated, her feet leaving huge tracks in the sand as she skidded.

Stevonnie looked back to Blue Diamond and resummoned their shield, dropping into a defensive stance. In Pearl’s memory, the sword had poofed Pink Diamond in a single strike. Safer to force her to make the first move, then surprise her with a counterattack…

But Blue Diamond just stepped to the side, and from behind her emerged Yellow Diamond. She was everything Blue Diamond was not, her whole body hard and angular, her clothes jutting out like she was wearing swords. Where Blue Diamond looked like she wanted to retreat into herself with every movement, everything about Yellow Diamond was directed outward, a figure that demanded the world bend itself around her.

She gazed over the beach with utter disdain, then sighed. “Oh, more gems to deal with. Just finish this quickly, Blue.”

“Gladly.” As Alexandrite charged forward again, Blue Diamond summoned orbs in both hands. This time, instead of throwing them forward, she flung them both into the air. They broke into beams of light, twisting and coalescing together into a great blue-white sphere above her head, shining like a second sun. Then, with a strange keening sound, shards of light rained down from it, the edges looking sharp as knives.

Stevonnie forced their shield as big as they could imagine. Alexandrite skidded to a stop as Stevonnie angled the shield above them. The lights rammed into it with a force that made them gasp, and they nearly lost their footing. Then Alexandrite pressed forward, supporting the shield with all six arms. Stevonnie grinned, planting their feet firmly into the sand.

An odd noise, something beyond the patter of the light on the shield, made Stevonnie look up. They only saw the electricity crackling in Yellow Diamond’s fist for a second before it burst towards them.

The world went white. Stevonnie blinked frantically through the bright spots, holding the shield out blindly and hoping everyone was still safe. Over the patter of light against the shield, they heard Yellow Diamond snort. They looked up, their vision clearing just in time to see she had walked around them, and aimed her other hand at Alexandrite.

Alexandrite leapt back just in time, the bolt fusing the sand into glass where she had stood. Stevonnie felt a horrible vertigo as their legs folded under them. It was like trying to hold back the ocean as Blue Diamond’s rain hammered above, every hit pushing them back without Alexandrite’s support.

The light dimmed, and, looking up, Stevonnie realized it was the second sun exhausting itself with one last shot. Stevonnie tried to angle the shield up to block it, but they weren’t fast enough. They could only watch as it flew past, and straight through Alexandrite.

She _screamed_.

Her whole body glowed and distorted, forming a hollow around where the light had pierced her. Then, with a faint popping noise, the three Crystal Gems fell onto the beach, groaning.

Yellow Diamond’s fist crackled again. Blue Diamond stared at Stevonnie with chilling coldness, and stepped forward.

Stevonnie leapt to their feet, heart hammering. Sweat rolled down their forehead as they enlarged the shield with a grunt, and glanced back to make sure everyone was covered. With a jolt, they realized they couldn’t see Bismuth. They swept their eyes around desperately, and saw her wading through the surf behind Yellow Diamond. She made a signal to Peridot, then gripped the destabilizer with both hands.

“Hey! Yellow Clod!”

Stevonnie watched in horror as Peridot ran forward, past their shield, out of safety, until she was right at the diamonds’ feet. The diamonds both looked at her, Yellow with annoyance and Blue with bafflement.

Peridot jabbed a thumb at herself, and grinned like she was on top of the world. “Remember me?!”

Yellow Diamond’s expression didn’t even flicker. “No.” Then her arm snapped out, and Peridot was enveloped in lightning. Stevonnie yelped as the cracks split across her form. She poofed within a second, her gem falling into the sand.

Stevonnie started hyperventilating. Someone had to get her before she was shattered but if they left they couldn’t protect the others what should they do what should they do –

Yellow Diamond suddenly howled, her head snapping back in pain. Bismuth had rammed the destabilizer into her foot, arcs of electricity traveling up and around the giant. Stevonnie grinned with desperate hope.

Then Yellow Diamond’s leg spasmed, flinging Bismuth over Stevonnie’s head. Stevonnie saw the shock on her face for only an instant before she sailed past, landing somewhere behind them as the destabilizer spun off somewhere else. Yellow Diamond hopped on one leg, cradling her foot and groaning. She smoked where the destabilizer had hit, but Stevonnie could already see the cracks in her body reforming.

“How…” Blue Diamond stared at Yellow Diamond, then looked over the Crystal Gems, eyes wild. “… _DARE YOU!_ ” She spread her arms wide, and Stevonnie felt a burst of wind flow around them, kicking the sand into swirls. Her hood fell back, and her great mane of white-blue hair floated up as if from static electricity. Tears still gushed from her face, but her eyes blazed with fury. “It was not _enough_ for you to shatter Pink? You think to take Yellow from me as well?!”

Stevonnie gritted their teeth and focused on maintaining the shield. They glanced at Yellow Diamond nervously, but all she was doing was rolling her eyes.

“I remember you now.” Blue Diamond’s voice was a dead calm again. “You… are the gems from six thousand years ago. Rose Quartz’s rebels.” Her eyes flicked over them. “The renegade pearl,” she spat with venom. “The perverted bismuth.”

Stevonnie heard someone walk forward, and turned to see Garnet standing tall, staring Blue Diamond straight in the eyes. “And do you remember me?” she said, matching Blue Diamond’s terrible quietness.

Blue Diamond’s eyes widened, and burned with a hate that could outshine the sun. “ _You._ ”

Garnet smirked. “Yes. _Me._ ” She summoned her gauntlets, and raised her hands like a challenge. “You call me perverse, but I know what I am. I am the will of two gems to care for each other, to protect each other from –”

“You are all guilty of the same crime!” Blue Diamond cut her off, roaring with sudden ferocity. “You call yourselves _crystal gems_ – as if a diamond is anything like a pearl. Such impudence may never be forgiven!” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Yellow! Take Rose Quartz whole, but _these ones_ you can shatter.”

Stevonnie felt tears pouring from their face, but it wasn’t their sorrow. “Shattering is why you’re so sad in the first place!” Stevonnie yelled. “If you understand how much it hurts to lose someone, how could you do that to anyone else?”

That had been the exact wrong thing to say. “How _dare you_ ,” Yellow Diamond spat. Blue Diamond looked straight at them, and in those eyes, Stevonnie saw something snap.

“You…” she hissed, “…think to _lecture me?_ ” She hunched down further, tangling her cloak in her fists. “You cannot _fathom_ how much I’ve mourned.”

From the corner of their eye Stevonnie saw Bismuth appear from nowhere, dashing from the side until she was right next to Blue Diamond. Yellow Diamond’s head snapped towards her, and she raised a hand. Bismuth drew her destabilizer back –

“What thousands of years of grief has **_DONE TO ME!_** ”

She glowed blue. Bismuth froze mid-strike, let the destabilizer slip from her fingers, and fell over limp. Stevonnie watched the tide of blue expand, and –

They gasped.

This was – this was –

_Pearl, stabbed through the heart –_

_Amethyst, melting away –_

_Garnet, split apart –_

_Dad, taken to where they’d never see him again –_

_Lars, lying still, not breathing –_

Stevonnie could barely even register they were crying, a torrent of tears flowing down without end, but it didn’t matter, they could cry their whole life away, they could cry a river a sea an _ocean_ of tears and it would not cleanse them of this sorrow, there was no way to contain this grief not even if they filled the _whole universe_ , how could they go on, how could _anyone_ go on like this –

Then suddenly something cut through the despair, a twisting, a confusion, a _wrongness_ , this was not _right_ they did not feel this way why were they thinking this why had everyone stopped fighting why why why how do they not know how can they not _feel it_ it’s like they were **_two different people_** –

And then they were. Steven wiped his eyes, not that it made any difference, and let his head sink into the sand.

He felt someone shaking his shoulders. “Steven! Steven, get up! What’s going on? What _was_ that?”

Steven forced himself upright, feeling like he was pushing against the weight of the entire ocean. “It’s – it’s Blue Diamond, she, some kind of emotion power…” He gasped for air, choking down his sobs. What he was feeling right now wasn’t _real_ , he had to focus on what was _real_ , what was happening _right now_.

Yellow Diamond was completely frozen, a dry-eyed statue. Blue Diamond was hunched over the same as him, crying waterfalls of tears onto the sand below. But she was still moving, slowly, as if underwater. Face gritted with pain and fury, she flicked her hand and batted Bismuth aside like she was garbage. Bismuth flew through the air and hit the sand roughly, rolling until she landed next to Steven, sprawled like a ragdoll. Her eyes stared up at nothing, but tears still flowed across her face like streams.

Blue Diamond looked at Garnet. She had collapsed to her knees, heaving great and horrible sobs. With agonizing slowness, Blue Diamond reached towards her, as inevitable as the tide. Steven looked in her eyes and knew, with absolute certainty, that she was going to shatter her.

“ _Garnet!_ ” Connie dashed across his vision and picked up Rose’s sword from beside him. Steven reached out for her pathetically, but it felt like oceans were separating them. She whistled and then Lion was there – without breaking stride she jumped on top of him, and together they charged, sword extended. She covered the distance and brought the sword down in an overhead slash, slicing Blue Diamond’s hand at the wrist. It flashed and dissolved into light.

Suddenly the world was back in color again and Steven was no longer drowning. Blue Diamond’s wrist glowed at the stump, reforming her hand in under a second. She stared at Connie in complete bafflement, even as she charged for her legs. Lion bit down on Blue Diamond’s foot and Connie stood up on his back, raising her sword for another strike. Steven leapt to his feet and summoned his shield, running forward.

Blue Diamond drew her leg back, and kicked.

Steven heard a _snap_.

Connie lost her grip on the sword, leaving it to twirl over and over in the air. Steven didn’t see where it landed. He could only see Connie, flying helplessly through the air _not again not again_ and he was running as fast as he could but it wasn’t fast enough and he reached out desperately to catch her but he couldn’t, she landed just in front of him with a horrible heavy sound and _bounced_ , her body bending far more than it should have, rolling across the sand until _no please no_ –

She rolled into the hollow where the light cannons had been, and fell still.

Blood dotted the sand where she had landed.

Steven ran the rest of the way, forgetting the battle behind him and he felt himself crying just as strongly as before but this time the tears were real and he hoped that meant they would work he hoped he was fast enough he hoped he could do it again –

Her eyes were horribly dilated, focusing and unfocusing at random. She twitched and convulsed, a thin trickle of blood running from her lips. He looked down and _no no no no_ her body was twisted at a strange angle and her stomach was the wrong shape, all those squishy horribly important organs gems didn’t have crushed flat. Her shirt was torn where Blue Diamond had hit her and _please no please no_ he could see the blood leaking out from under it, a dark red stain soaking through her clothes and spilling out from underneath, the sand drinking it hungrily, sucking her life away.

He cried, and the tears fell on her.

He could _hear_ her body shifting as it healed, a parade of sick, horrible squelching noises. He watched as her stomach visibly rearranged itself, twisting and distorting slightly before returning to a normal shape. The angle of her body shifted too and Steven heard something like a snap in reverse, but no less horrible.

Then she gasped, and blinked rapidly.

“Connie!” he cried. “Connie are you alright please tell me you’re alright –”

Connie pushed herself up, wincing and clutching her stomach. “I… I think I’m…”

Then her eyes flew open, and she retched. A thick, brown-red liquid shot out of her mouth, spilling over Steven and the sand below them. It smelled sick and strange, like rotting iron.

Connie winced again. “Oh, g-gross… s-sorry…”

Steven didn’t care. “Connie, are you sure you’re alright? My healing doesn’t always work what if you’re still hurt?!”

Connie wobbled, and braced herself with an arm. “N… no, if, if she crushed my stomach tha’ was just the, the blood, you prob’ly can’t like, magic that away…” She clutched her head and laid down. “Ohh, woozy… Gimme a sec…”

Steven heard a rumbling, and looked back at the battle. Garnet dodged an orb of light that then slammed straight into Amethyst, knocking her back and into the sand just in front of him. Pearl and Bismuth were engaging Yellow Diamond, frantically dodging lightning bolts. He didn’t want to leave Connie but he had to do something, if Yellow Diamond hit them even once… But they were so spread out, he didn’t know if he could cover them all, he closed his eyes and tried to imagine a shield bigger than he had ever made before…

A sharp agony split his skull before he could. He staggered back, and saw a large rock fall onto the sand in front of him. He clutched at the cliff for purchase and looked up, just in time for an even bigger one to hit him square in the chest. He felt something inside him give with a sharp, crunching pain, but grabbed the rock and flung it off of him, gasping. He was aware of a hot, thick liquid crawling down his forehead from where the first rock had hit, and blinked as it spilled over his eye. He rubbed at it in irritation.

The back of his hand came away covered in red.

“Steven!” Connie forced herself upright and stared at him in horror. “You’re bleeding! You need to heal yours–” She doubled over again, coughing and retching as drops of red flew from her mouth.

“No!” Steven wailed. “You’re still hurt! I need to –”

“WATCH OUT!”

Steven felt himself pushed roughly from behind, nearly making him trip over Connie. He heard Amethyst screaming, and whirled around to see her contorted in pain as electricity arced around her. Then she was only a gem.

Steven looked back. Yellow Diamond was staring straight at him now, ignoring Bismuth striking ineffectually at her legs. Pearl was running towards him but Yellow Diamond was already sparking again and then –

Steven felt like he was on fire. He remembered when he had been hit by a destabilizer before, the strange confusion of it trying to take him apart and failing. This was worse, not just uncomfortable but painful, like it was trying to rip him apart atom by atom, every nerve flaring with agony.

Then, just as he thought he couldn’t take another instant, it stopped. Steven gasped, but as far as he could tell, he wasn’t hurt. Yellow Diamond glared at her hand and tapped it irritably, like it was a broken machine.

“Steven are you okay?” Pearl gasped out in one breath. She covered the remaining distance, then shrieked. “You’re bleeding!”

“I’m fine.” Steven looked over his hands, but they weren’t even singed. “It… didn’t hurt me at all…”

Steven heard Pearl crying. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Steven. You believed in us, but it… it would have taken a miracle.”

From above, Steven heard a distant sigh. “Blue, my powers aren’t working. Deal with this.”

The world went blue again. Pearl collapsed to her hands and knees, crying even harder, and Steven felt his legs giving out too.

But… no. He was ready for it this time. _This isn’t real_ , he told himself with gritted teeth. He rose to his feet, focusing on his breathing, even as every breath sent a stab of pain where the rock had hit. It took a constant effort, but he could just barely push the grief away, until it felt like it belonged to another person. Which was true, he thought distantly.

He blinked away the endless stream of tears to give him a few moments of clarity. Everyone had stopped, even Yellow Diamond, but Blue Diamond was still moving. “You deserve this,” she hissed. “All of you!”

And he could still move too, he realized as he forced his legs forward. Not even Yellow Diamond could do that. He looked back, and saw Connie wasn’t crying at all, even as she panted and shook from her wounds.

Because she was human. Humans weren’t affected by the diamonds’ powers. And he… was half-human.

Everyone always said Mom was a brilliant strategist. She must have known. She knew the diamonds would attack again, and she knew there was only one thing that could stand against them.

This was why she made him. This was the plan all along.

He tried to summon his shield, but that proved too much. His emotions twisted and tangled, threatening to drown him in despair again. He wavered, and tried to think of something else. The sword… he could use the sword… but where was it now?

Blue Diamond advanced, kneeling in front of Garnet. Steven tried to run forward, but it was still like moving through molasses. He had to get through this. He needed something more…

Then a flash of pink caught his vision, the only color in this washed-out world. Lion was whimpering on the sand, holding one paw raised.

Lion. Where Mom kept her deepest secrets. There had to be something in there he could use. He tried to remember. He had already gotten Bismuth and the sword. What else? There was a tree, a shirt, a chest –

He had never opened the chest.

That was it. That was her secret weapon. That was what she wanted him to find.

He took a breath, pain pounding in his chest, and sprinted into Lion’s mane. Blue Diamond’s power ceased abruptly, and Steven couldn’t stop himself from letting out his breath in relief. There was no time to get another – he dashed for the chest and wrapped his arms around it, then dived off the island.

The world outside hit him like a slap to the face. He gasped and wobbled, centering himself again.

Blue Diamond had her hand wrapped around Garnet, and was slowly starting to squeeze.

“Stop,” Steven tried to yell, chest forgotten. “Please, _please stop!_ ”

The drowning ended, all at once. Blue Diamond dropped Garnet like a discarded doll, turning all her focus on Steven. Yellow Diamond was looking at him too, but not with the anger he’d expected. Instead she looked… hopeful?

“Impossible…” she breathed, her eyes wide.

Blue Diamond made a choking noise, but for some reason, she was smiling. “I can’t believe it.” She reached for him, but it was a gentle, loving gesture, nothing like the crushing fist she had used just moments earlier. “You’re… you’re alive?” she said. “ _Pink?_ ”

Steven stared.

“What?”


	5. Glass Diamond

“Oh, Pink, oh I’m so happy oh I can’t believe oh _Pink!_ ”

Steven sat frozen and limp as a doll as Blue Diamond smooshed him against her face, still half-expecting this to be some kind of attack, still in disbelief he was somehow still in one piece. He couldn’t tell whether it was the fear or the crushing that was suffocating him. He watched as a massive tear rolled down inches from his body, and tried not to scream.

“Blue.” Steven thought he couldn’t be any more terrified, but discovered just how wrong he was when Yellow Diamond’s voice pierced his ears. “Stop crying. It’s embarrassing.” Blue Diamond turned towards her, giving Steven a full view as Yellow Diamond wiped the tears from her face onto his patio, drenching everything.

“Oh I’m sorry Yellow but I’m just suh, so _happy!_ ” She hugged Steven one final time, ramming the wooden chest into his own with an agony that made him cry out. She didn’t seem to notice, setting him down on the ground.

He wobbled, clutching the chest like his fingers were glued to the wood. His head was pounding and his lungs were screaming.

“Can you believe it, Yellow? After all this time, we, haha, we needn’t have worried at all! Pink was fine all along! Isn’t that wonderful?”

Steven glanced to the side, and saw Garnet struggling to hold back a thrashing Bismuth. “ _They will shatter us,_ ” Garnet hissed, and Bismuth’s movements slowed to a stop, her face falling to pain and terror.

“Hmm.” Steven’s head snapped back just in time to see Yellow Diamond’s hand reaching for him. He froze as she scooped him up, raising him level to her eyes.

She was _very big_ up close.

“Yes, this _is_ the kind of prank you would pull, I suppose,” Yellow Diamond said, her diamond pupils so vast they seemed to take up the whole world. “But you let it go on _far_ too long! Why did you never try to contact us, even when we were preparing the song? You could have been caught in the blast!”

“Urk,” Steven said.

“Why did you let us think you were the rebel leader? Why didn’t you say anything at the trial?”

“Nnnn,” Steven said.

“And _why_ have you chosen to look like _this?_ ” She punctuated the interrogation with a sharp poke to his forehead. A smear of blood stained her fingertip, and she cringed like she had touched something rotten. “Your body feels… _wrong_. Like… like an organic lifeform! What have you been _doing_ here?”

“ _Hhhhhh_ ,” Steven said.

“Why aren’t you talking, Pink? Answer me!”

“MY DIAMOND!”

Steven immediately looked down at the source of the voice. Pearl stood in a perfect diamond salute, a glassy, ear-splitting grin fixed on her face. “Pink Diamond appears too overcome by joy to speak! I humbly request time for her to get her bearings, your unquestionable elegance!”

Yellow Diamond flicked her a disinterested glance, then raised a single eyebrow at Steven.

“Y’s.” Steven’s voice sounded like those videos he had seen of people inhaling helium, so tinny it almost defied hearing.

“Hm? I didn’t catch that.”

“Yes!” Steven managed. “Yes, yes, I think I would like to – to – to have a little, uh, time to myself, uh, Yellow Diamond, please!”

Yellow Diamond looked at him. For a terrifying moment he thought for sure that this was the end, the jig was up, but then her eyes softened – _Yellow Diamond’s_ eyes _softened_ – and she let out an easy sigh. “Very well, Pink. Just don’t run off again. A joke’s not as funny the second time.” She lowered him back down, and he had to fight a lurch from the vertigo as he wobbled onto the ground.

Steven looked around. Between the diamonds’ towering forms, Garnet still held Bismuth, both of them as tense as bowstrings. Against the cliff wall, Connie was slowly rising to her feet, swaying as she braced herself against the stone. He couldn’t see Amethyst or Peridot’s gems anywhere.

“And I-I want my friends to come with me!” he said quickly.

“Friends…?” Blue Diamond drew the word out much longer than necessary, raising a quizzical eyebrow as she looked over the other gems. “ _These_ are your _friends?_ ” she said with utter scorn, looking straight at Garnet.

Garnet visibly shook. Bismuth tensed like she was about to lunge –

“Yes!” Steven shrieked desperately. “She’s my friend, and, uh, uh, that means you can’t do anything to her! So let her _COME HERE PLEASE!_ ”

Blue Diamond looked at him coldly. This was it, he pushed his luck too far, she was going to shatter them and it was going to be his fault –

“ _Very well_ ,” Blue Diamond said with an exaggerated sigh, “but I expect a _very_ good explanation for this, Pink.”

Garnet didn’t wait another second. She rushed towards him in a heartbeat, almost dragging Bismuth behind her.

“WE’RE GOING TO MY HOUSE NOW BE BACK IN A MINUTE,” Steven yelped out in one breath, then immediately ran up the slope as fast as his legs could take him. He stumbled before he was halfway up, his head throbbing and every breath like a knife to his ribs. Pearl caught him, and carried him the rest of the way. He vaguely registered the gems leaping up the cliff and landing ahead of him – Connie was cradled in Garnet’s arms – before he jumped forward and pushed through the door with enough force to make it bang on its hinges. Steven let the chest clatter to the ground and slammed the door behind him, hyperventilating.

Bismuth drew a breath.

“Walls are too thin,” Garnet snapped. “Go further in.”

Steven clutched the chest again and clambered forward. The gems followed, until they were all gathered around the warp pad. Garnet dropped Connie to her feet, and immediately reached out to grab her again as she nearly toppled forward. “Wo-o-oah,” she warbled, placing a hand to her temple. “Think I’m still loss’d a lotta blood. Lemme try somethin’.” She retrieved a bottle of Rose’s tears and swung it back with a massive chug. Her eyes flew open like she had seen the face of God, and then each blinked in turn, slowly. “Woo,” she breathed. “Okay, that worked.” She capped the bottle and wiped the blood from her mouth with a sheepish expression.

Bismuth drew a breath.

“Oh – Steven, you’re still bleeding!” Connie cried, eyes going wide again. “That’s a head wound, that’s, that’s really bad, you need to do something!”

“It’s, it’s fine,” Steven panted as a sticky drop of blood curled around his eye and started down his chin. It felt heavy and wet, like a slug.

Before he could protest, Connie crossed the distance to him and poured the rest of the bottle over his head, the thin stream washing the blood away. He instantly felt his headache subside. Connie looked over him critically for another second before breathing a sigh of relief. “I think you’re okay now.” She waited a second before stepping back, glancing awkwardly at the others. “Uh, carry on.”

“ _Steven!_ ” Bismuth roared immediately. He flinched, and looked over to see her throwing her arms up in bafflement. “I… am _trying_ … to _trust you_ ,” she said like every word was forced through broken glass. “ _Please_ tell me this is some kind of crazy trick and you have not actually been a _diamond_ this entire time!”

“I’m not!” Steven squeaked. “I don’t know why this is happening I don’t know what’s going on I jumped into Lion and when I came back th-they just started saying I was Pink there was this box in Lion i-it must be some sort of secret weapon Mom made…!” He thrust the chest forward.

Pearl took it from his hands, and carefully lifted the lid open. As soon as she looked inside she dropped the box like it was searing, clamping her hands over her mouth in shock. Bismuth, confused, looked over. She stood there stunned for a second, lips slowly parting in a silent gasp. “She really did it…”

“What? What is it?” Steven walked over and peered into the chest.

It was bigger than any bubble Steven had seen before. A chaotic jumble of red-pink fragments, wrapped in a pale, pearl-white bubble.

“Gem shards?” Connie said from beside him. “Okay, that’s… grim, but why…?”

“Pink Diamond’s shards,” Pearl said, slowly lowering her hands from her face. Connie’s eyes went wide. “So that’s where she kept them. I always wondered…”

Bismuth shut the chest with a _snap_ , bringing Steven’s attention back. “Okay, what I still don’t get is why they think you’re Pink Diamond,” she said. “You use some sorta… new Rose Quartz power to mess with their minds or something?”

“N-no, I don’t think so…”

“Hm…” Pearl stroked the chest pensively. “Diamonds… have very powerful, and very strange, abilities,” she said slowly. “Rose once said that Pink Diamond had a… _presence_ , that she seemed somehow… more _there_ than the other gems around her. It is… possible… that Pink Diamond still retains some of that power, even in this state.” She looked to Steven, but her gaze was distant. “I wonder, could she have been… calling out to you? To them…?”

_Like the Cluster_.

Steven’s blood ran cold as he remembered. The thousand half-formed voices screaming out in confusion and fear, an all-consuming void closing in on him, not knowing how to do anything but hurt –

His stomach lurched. “It’s just like the Cluster,” he gasped, feeling his legs turn to jelly. “She, she’s been crying out, all this time, all alone with no one to hear –”

“ _Get a hold of yourself!_ ” Garnet cracked the sentence like a whip, making Steven jump up.

“Garnet, stop being so hard on him!” Connie said. “We need to keep a cool h–”

“ _I can’t see what they’re going to do!_ ” Garnet screamed through gritted teeth. “My predictions _don’t work for them_ , do you understand?!”

“What – how –”

“ _I don’t know and I don’t care!_ All I know is that right outside are the most powerful gems in existence, ready to shatter us at the _slightest excuse_ , and _I cannot protect you!_ ”

Garnet breathed heavily. For a while, there was no other sound. Then the tension went out of her shoulders, and she pressed a hand against her glasses, looking tired.

“I can see that Amethyst is ready to reform, though,” she said. “Let her out, Pearl.”

A bolt of panic shot through Steven. “Amethyst!” he cried. “And Peridot! Oh no I forgot to bring them in what – what happened to them, are they okay?”

“Don’t worry, I have them,” Pearl said with a reassuring smile. She dipped her head, and Amethyst’s gem materialized from her forehead. It dropped down, but stopped inches before hitting the floor, hovering up to glow brightly. Around it the light shimmered and morphed until –

“ _Alright you clods what’s_ –”

Garnet was already there. Moving like lightning, she clamped a hand over Amethyst’s mouth before hissing into her ear. “The diamonds think Steven is one of them and you are going to _shut up_ and _play along_ so we do not _all die_.”

Amethyst broke free and raised her hands defensively, looking terrified. “Woah! Okay! Geez, Garnet! Serious Amethyst, here.”

“It’s good to have you back, Amethyst,” Steven said.

“Uh, yeah…” Amethyst looked around at everyone, then at the diamonds still standing impassively on the shore, and scratched her head. “Man, what happened while I was out?”

“Garnet already summed it up, I think,” Pearl said, and knit her fingers together. “Unfortunately, I’m still not sure where we go from here…”

“Ooh, strategy meeting! Strategy me up, guys!” She jumped forward, and Bismuth politely moved aside to give her a space to land. “So what do we got, here?”

“Uh…” Connie raised a hand. “Okay. Okay, so, this could actually be a big advantage to us. We just need to think about our goals, and then how we’re going to accomplish them.” She pressed her fingers together and took a deep breath. “Let’s look at this strategically…”

♦

Steven stepped out onto the porch, smiling so much his mouth hurt. The sun had slipped below the horizon now, casting everything in a dusky twilight. He had changed into fresh clothes and cleaned the blood off his face, but his chest still twinged when he breathed. The gems shuffled out after him, packing close around him like a shield.

Blue Diamond shot a single disdainful look at Garnet, but they went otherwise unacknowledged. The two bore their gazes down entirely at him, and he only felt his grin slip a little under their attention. That was a good start, right? Stay positive. Staying positive was vital. They could smell his fear.

“Are you feeling better now, Pink?” Yellow Diamond asked, face still impassive.

“Yep!” Steven chirped.

“Right.” Yellow Diamond turned, pinched her nose, and sighed. “I’m sorry I overwhelmed you before, Pink. This has been a shock for us as well.” She looked at him again, expression just a smidgen less intense. “Just… start from the beginning. What happened?”

“Well…” Steven started.

♦

_“There’s this technique called ‘cold reading’,” Connie said. “What you do is, you start with vague, general statements, and try to gauge their reaction to what you say. If they respond positively, you know to go in that direction.”_

_Bismuth grinned and pounded her fist. “Using their own words against them – I like that! The diamonds only care about themselves. Reflect that ego back at them!”_

♦

“...It’s been such a long time, it all kinda blends together!” he said with a calculatedly casual flourish. “Tell me what _you_ think happened, and we can go from there!” Yellow Diamond looked exasperated, but not angry. He was still in the clear, then.

“I… I thought I saw Rose Quartz shatter you, Pink!” Blue Diamond said, voice quivering as she raised her hand to her lips anxiously. “Was that just a trick?”

Steven had prepared for that one. “Oh, yeah, totally! That was just a lifeless rock from Earth. This planet’s full of them!” he said easily, rattling off the practiced lie.

“But, then…” Steven turned back to Yellow Diamond, who looked confused. “That would have to mean Rose Quartz was part of this prank as well, Pink! How is that possible?”

Steven’s grin wavered.

♦

_“I saw the way she looked at you, Garnet,” Steven said. “They know you’re Crystal Gems. She said she wanted a good explanation, wh-which sure sounds like she’ll shatter you even if I say not to! I don’t know what to do!”_

_“Don’t panic,” Connie said. “We just have to say the Crystal Gems were in on it.” She tapped her fingers against her lips thoughtfully, and then her eyes lit up. “Actually…” She turned to Pearl. “Gems can shapeshift, right?”_

_“Yes…” Pearl said hesitantly. “But how does that help us? We can’t disguise our gems, and they’ve already seen us.”_

_“No, that’s not what I’m thinking,” Connie said. “Listen, this is gonna sound crazy, but… do you think they’d believe it if we said…”_

♦

“Well, you see…” Steven tried to fix his grin again, and swept out his arms in a dramatic flourish. “I _was_ Rose Quartz the whole time! Surprise!”

Blue Diamond audibly gasped, and even Yellow Diamond looked completely floored.

This was the moment of truth. He felt sweat bead on his forehead.

The silence dragged out, and his stomach tied itself in knots. What if he was wrong, what if they had just forgotten his gem was the wrong shape and now they were going to remember how impossible this whole thing was, this was such a bad idea he shouldn’t have done it he had to think shield thoughts if he blocked the first attack the others might reach the warp pad in time –

“Are you saying…” Steven’s breath hitched as Blue Diamond spoke, waiting for the shoe to drop. Her expression was unreadable, but Steven thought he heard the faintest creep of desperation in her voice. “…the whole rebellion, that was all part of the prank too?”

“ _What?_ ” Yellow Diamond drew back with a gasp. “Pink, how could you be so… _irresponsible!_ Do you have any idea how many gems we lost in that war? How much work it was to replace all of them?” Her brows furrowed. “When we get back I’m making you run all the administration for a decade! See how you like it, Pink!”

They… they were actually buying it. Steven’s knees knocked together as he let out a shuddering breath, tears pooling in his eyes from relief. He couldn’t believe that actually worked. From beside him, he heard barely-perceptible sighs from the gems as well.

“Oh, don’t be so hard on her, Yellow!” Blue Diamond said, laying a delicate hand on Yellow’s shoulder. “We can always just make more gems! I’m sure Pink will help you make up for it. And she tried not to do too much damage – remember how our gems were almost never shattered?”

Steven heard a thick, guttural growl from Bismuth, and tasted bile in his mouth. “Th… that’s…”

Then Blue Diamond’s eyes flicked to Garnet, and when they settled back on Steven they were cold as ice. “But in that case, could you make the ruby and sapphire unfuse now, please? Even as a joke, that’s… going too far, Pink.”

“What? No –”

Garnet twitched. “Of course, my diamond,” she grunted through gritted teeth, barely intelligible. “I’ll unfuse immediately.”

“No!” Steven yelled as Garnet melted into light. “I don’t want you to –”

Ruby glared fireballs, and Steven’s voice died in a strangled squeak. Sapphire stood deathly still, frost starting to creep at the edges of her dress.

♦

_“Okay!” Connie forced a smile. “Let’s look on the bright side, people! This could actually be really good for us!”_

_Amethyst bugged out her eyes. “Sorry, did I miss something out there?”_

_“Just think – all Steven had to do was ask them to stop, and they did!” She looked around at her unimpressed audience, and waved her arms in exasperation. “Guys, don’t you see? The best way to undermine institutions of privilege and power is by infiltrating them from the inside! We can be like… secret agents!”_

_Amethyst blinked. “You sure you’re over that blow to your noggin, Connie? ‘Cause I didn’t understand a thing you just said.”_

_“No, no, I think I get it.” Bismuth pounded a fist. “The upper crust are always on the lookout for an attack from below, but they don’t think they have anything to fear from one of their own! Steven can get past all their defenses and stab them in the back! They’ll never see it coming!”_

_“I’m not shattering anyone,” Steven said coldly._

_Bismuth immediately threw her hands up. “Woah, woah, who said anything about shattering? Capturing them would work too.”_

_“Uh… that’s not exactly what I meant,” Connie said. “Getting rid of one person usually just means another will take their place. Let’s put that idea on the backburner for now.” She breathed in, and angled her hands at Steven. “What I mean is… they’ll listen to you, Steven. You could convince them to be less oppressive – maybe even change their whole society! Like, for example… fusion! They’d never listen to Garnet, but if_ you _said it was okay…”_

♦

Steven stamped his foot. “NO!”

Yellow Diamond let out a long, emphatic groan. Blue Diamond just raised an eyebrow, cooly. “Pink, stop fooling around. You know cross-gem fusions are not allowed.”

Steven took a step forward, glaring at Blue Diamond with all his might. “But… I’m a diamond! I get to say what’s allowed!” he yelled, only stopping himself from adding a desperate _right?_ at the last second.

Blue Diamond sucked air through her teeth, and leaned in close. Steven only flinched a little. “ _Pink_ ,” she hissed. “We have been _over_ this. Your gems look to you for guidance! You must set a good example!”

In the corner of his eye, Pearl was making frantic mic-cutting gestures, eyes alight with terror.

♦

_“That is a terrible idea.”_

_“How do you know? I thought you said your future vision didn’t work on them!”_

_“I don’t need future vision to know it’s a terrible idea!” Garnet snapped. “We’re trying to give them_ fewer _reasons to shatter us, not_ more! _”_

_“But isn’t this your ultimate goal?” Connie said. “To overturn their system, to free the gems! Steven could do it!”_

_“Not if he is A PILE OF DUST!” Garnet roared._

_Connie jumped. Pearl stepped forward and laid a hand on her shaking arm. “What she means, Connie, is that’s a great idea for later, but right now we need to focus on our immediate survival. Let’s not rock the boat, okay?”_

♦

Steven hesitated, staring into the black ocean of Blue Diamond’s pupil.

He could feel everyone’s stares on his back, silently begging him to relent. He didn’t want to! Forcing Garnet to unfuse made him so angry he wanted to cry. He could already feel frustrated tears in his eyes. It wasn’t _fair_. But… if Connie was wrong… if he couldn’t convince them…

… _You will be_ ** _broken_** _for this…_

Suddenly, Yellow Diamond snorted. “You’re one to talk,” she muttered.

Blue Diamond immediately turned to her, and Steven breathed out like a weight had been lifted from him. “What?”

Yellow Diamond pinched the bridge of her nose. “Blue, I do _not_ have the energy for this right now. If Pink wants to keep a fusion just let her have it. We’re not even on Homeworld right now.”

Blue Diamond gasped so strongly Steven could feel it create a gust of wind. She clutched her chest like she had been struck, aghast. “Yellow! You cannot be serious! There are other gems _right there!_ ”

“I don’t _care!_ ” Yellow Diamond snapped. “Sort it out when we get back to Homeworld. _Now_ –” She turned her gaze on Steven, and it was a different but equally terrifying intensity. Where Blue Diamond’s eyes felt like they were trying to suck him in, to swallow him whole, hers felt like drills, carving through everything to leave his soul bare under her gaze. “What I want to know is what’s happened to your form, Pink. You don’t look well. You’re far too small, and…” She narrowed her eyes. “That organic matter on your gem. Is it some sort of _parasite?_ Do you need us to remove it?”

“No!” he yelped, then tried to calm himself. They hadn’t decided on a good explanation for this one, but…

♦

_“If they think I’m Pink Diamond, I need to know how to act like her,” Steven said. “But… I don’t really know anything about her. I only saw a few memories, and those just make me more confused. What was she really like?”_

_He looked expectantly at Pearl. She blinked._ _“Why are you looking at me?”_

_“Oh, uh, well…” Steven flushed. “I mean, you were her pearl, weren’t you?”_

_Pearl gave a surprised laugh. “_ Me? _Stars, no!” She tapped her oblong gem. “A diamond’s pearl needs to be well-rounded.” She frowned again. “I’m afraid there’s not much I can tell you firsthand. But what everyone said about her was… well, she was what a human would call ‘childish’. She got upset often, and was easily bored. She was always doing things just to see what would happen.”_

_Bismuth snorted. “All I know is that her building designs were_ ridiculous _. She always wanted more and more and more, bigger arenas, taller towers, whatever the newest style was, no matter how little sense it made. She wanted the kind of structures they had on Homeworld, even though the gravity was way too strong at this stage of colonization – they’d be lucky to last a few thousand years!”_

_“…She was very strange, for a diamond,” Garnet said slowly. “I know Blue Diamond would criticize her for some of the things she did, and instead of behaving more responsibly, she would just avoid telling Blue Diamond what she was doing. Then during the war, she was always thinking up elaborate, impractical plans, and even the better ones she often discarded halfway through.”_

♦

“Uh,” Steven said. “Well.” He forced a grin again. “You know how I love doing weird, crazy stuff, just to see what would happen?”

“Like starting a fake rebellion?” Yellow Diamond said, deadpan.

“Yep, like that!” Steven laughed nervously. “Well, while I was here, I decided…” A little truth made lies more believable. He had read that somewhere, or maybe Connie had told him. “…to merge my physical form with an organic body, just to see what it was like! Pretty cool, huh?”

Yellow Diamond looked quizzical, and shared a suspicious look with Blue Diamond.

“But I can still do all my normal gem stuff!” he added quickly. He closed his eyes and stretched himself, straining as he went bigger than he ever had before. When he opened his eyes again he could finally look the diamonds in the eye, and his grin came a little easier. He hoped they didn’t notice the sweat on his forehead. “See?”

“Is that… possible?” Blue Diamond said, shooting Yellow Diamond a surprised look. Yellow Diamond shrugged and grunted uncertainly.

Steven let out a breath and shrunk back, panting. He really, really hoped they wouldn’t think it was weird he wanted to stay small.

Blue Diamond looked back at Steven. “Well, I suppose that might answer my question…” She raised a hand to her lips, and frowned seriously. “How did you even survive? We sang the Song of Desolation, Pink. That’s what we _do_ to rebellions. Didn’t you even think of that?”

Steven laughed, the noise sounding like Pink Diamond’s shards were stuck in his throat. “Well.” He laughed again. “Uh.”

♦

_“They’ll want to know why, but… I have no idea what to say! Why would Pink Diamond do this, why would she pretend to be dead for so long?” Steven asked._

_Connie’s expression turned faraway. “Okay, so,” she started, “you know how sometimes you do something and it turns out to be a mistake, and you don’t want to get in trouble, so you start lying to hide it, but then to keep those lies a secret, you have to tell more lies, which you do, because otherwise you’d get in trouble for lying as well, and you just keep doubling and tripling and quadrupling down until your entire life is lies and it feels like the only way out is to stow away on a fishing boat and pretend you’re an amnesiac who can’t understand anything anyone’s saying?”_

_Everyone stared at her for a very long time._

_“…No?” Steven tried._

_“Well, pretend you do.”_

♦

“The rebellion was just supposed to be a joke, but then it got out of hand, and I knew you’d be mad, so I didn’t want you to find out I’d done it, but when I tried to handle it on my own it just got worse and worse, and then I knew you’d be mad at me for that, and so long story short I felt like my only way out was to pretend I was shattered!”

He glanced desperately at Connie. She gave him a nervous thumbs-up.

“Yes, yes,” Yellow Diamond said, waving a hand exasperatedly, “and I’m sure you’ve learned your lesson. But how did you _survive?_ ”

“The… the song?” Steven paused, and continued more carefully, “It’s been so long. Remind me how it works.”

Blue Diamond’s brows creased. “…Don’t you remember?”

Steven gulped.

She sighed, but smiled. “Oh, Pink, you need to pay more attention! We’ve been over this already.”

She cupped her hands and light shot out from her fingers. Steven tensed, but the light just formed into a small hologram, a fine lattice of tiny points linked by little strings. It reminded him of a picture he had seen in one of Pearl’s science textbooks, but he couldn’t quite place it. “Gems are composed of a crystal structure, a molecular pattern that determines the shape of the whole gem.” Blue Diamond explained. The hologram shrunk, and new points appeared around the edges, interconnecting with each other until the shape looked identical, just with more nodes. “In a true crystal, such as us, this pattern will repeat forever, perfect and unchanging down to the last atom. Every aspect of the gem exists in perfect harmony, allowing us to maintain our form and function.” The proud joy left her face, to be replaced by disdain. “However…”

The hologram zoomed in again, and one of the points burned out to a dark blue. It grew larger, and the other lights had to shift to accommodate it, until the pattern looked very different. “Many gems accumulate impurities when they form. They substitute for materials that are not supposed to be there, and the entire crystal becomes distorted as a result.” The hologram zoomed out again, but now it was no longer a perfect enlargement of the smaller model. The crystal became lopsided and irregular, distorting around the impurities. “We tolerate a certain degree of crystal flaw – we would have almost no gems at all if we didn’t! But…” More points in the hologram changed color and size, and the crystal warped until it was almost unrecognizable. “The more flaws a gem has, the worse it becomes. Their powers can be wrong, their behaviors change… This creates defective, off-color gems that are useless to us. And just as misplaced atoms can unbalance a crystal, these defective gems disrupt the function of the whole empire. We destroy them when they occur, of course.”

Steven had almost let himself be lost in the explanation, but that hit him like a punch to the gut. He remembered the off-colors, he remembered their terror, how Lars had to… had to _die_ to save them, and now they were coming here and… Oh no, what was going to happen when they came here? Could he make the diamonds leave? What was he going to say to them? He felt like he was going to be sick.

“…attention, Pink? This is the important part.” He swallowed his anxiety, feeling it lodge uncomfortably in the hard knot of his stomach, and focused on what was in front of him. The hologram showed a perfect crystal again. “Our gems form into certain crystal structures naturally, but these aren’t the only structures they can take. With an immense input of energy, aimed in just the right way, the structure can be rearranged.” The hologram expanded slightly, and the lines linking all the points together disappeared. The points jumped around in Blue Diamond’s hands and started forming new links, but they were in a different shape now. “Typically, these unnatural configurations are highly flawed. The resultant gems look the same on the outside, but their behavior and light constructs look almost nothing like their original counterparts, and their capacity for higher reason is lost entirely.”

Blue Diamond released her hands, and the hologram vanished. “This is what the Song of Desolation does,” she says. “By combining our harmonies, we can manifest a blast of energy that ‘shocks’ gems into a new crystal structure. It is a weapon of last resort, for it leaves the planet infested with awful monsters.” She smiled. “Do you understand now, Pink?”

Steven clenched and unclenched his fingers.

“Can you fix it?” he asked flatly.

Blue Diamond looked puzzled. “Fix… it? I’m not sure…”

“You didn’t need to do it,” he said. “It was a mistake. So fix it.”

“Ah…” Blue Diamond just looked at him with that – that infuriating look that Pearl gave him sometimes, the look that said he was a stupid kid that needed things explained in small words. “Oh, Pink, this is like your pearl all over again. It is far easier to break things than fix them, unfortunately. It is hard enough to disrupt a crystal. To make it ordered again… I am not sure if even we can do such a thing.”

“I’m sure you could,” he said. Had they ever even tried? “I almost did it myself.”

♦

The diamonds rose gracefully out of the ship while he strode past them, marching straight for the door. He opened it, and Centipeedle scurried out.

The diamonds stared at her. She squacked.

“Hm,” Yellow Diamond said. “A nephrite, by the looks of it.”

“You did this!” Steven said. “This is your fault, you have to fix this!”

“Not gonna work,” Bismuth grunted beside him. “Just because they broke it doesn’t mean they can fix it. You’re wasting time.”

“It’s worth a try,” Steven hissed back.

Yellow Diamond reached forward to run her fingers over Centipeedle’s gem. Centipeedle hissed and dribbled acid onto the grass below, but Yellow Diamond didn’t seem bothered by it. “Hm,” Yellow Diamond said again. “Yes, the crystal structure is misaligned by… resulting in… hm.” She pulled her hand back and muttered to herself while Centipeedle clicked and hissed, hunching down aggressively.

“Please stay calm,” Steven told her. “I know you’re scared, but they’re going to help…”

“Alright,” Yellow Diamond said suddenly. “I’m going to try something. No promises.” She clapped her hands and rubbed them together. Sparks arced along her fingers, and then she reached forward to touch Centipeedle again.

Centipeedle cried out, and began to glow. The light warped and shifted, compressing itself into the more humanoid shape Steven had gotten her to before.

Then it kept going.

He heard everyone gasp. When the glow subsided, there was what looked to be a normal gem. She was smaller than she was as the monster, and now dangled from Yellow Diamond’s grip. But she looked bipedal, with hands instead of claws. Her mane had become a fluffy cowl, like the hood of a fur coat, and her gem was now a single, cycloptic eye instead of a mouth.

She growled and squacked, lashing and stabbing at Yellow Diamond as if her hands still had claws. Yellow Diamond dropped her to the ground, where she fell to all fours, head swiveling around in confusion.

“There!” Yellow Diamond said, slapping her hands together with satisfaction. “Good as new. Are you happy now, Pink?”

Blue Diamond laughed before Steven could speak. “Yellow, you hardly did anything at all! Look at her! You need to fix the mind as well. Let me…” She reached forward and ran her fingers along the gem, as Yellow Diamond had done. When she did, her eyes lit up. “Oh, what an interesting distortion! Yes… yes, I can see how that would… Oh, I wonder what would happen if…”

“Hurry up!” Steven demanded.

Blue Diamond jolted a bit. “Oh, of course.” She closed her eyes, and her hand glowed with a blue light. Steven looked closely and saw the gem itself was changing now, deepening to a darker green. The middle circle contracted until it was the size of a normal pupil, small and rounded instead of slitted. When it was done, Blue Diamond pulled her hand back.

Centipeedle closed her eye, stood up straight, and opened it again, blinking once. Slowly, dreamlike, she crossed her arms in a salute and stared up at the diamonds.

“My… diamonds.” Her voice was eerily flat, like it was missing pieces. The words came slow and weak, but gained coherence as she spoke. “Nephrite, facet 413, cabochon six. I am sorry for my failure to heed my hessonite’s evacuation order. Due to my absence, my team disobeyed…” She flinched with a sudden jerk of the head, and her voice stopped immediately. She shuddered, and tears started to pour from her eye-gem as she hunched, shaking and clutching her head.

Blue Diamond made a disappointed noise. “Oh, dear. It looks like that didn’t quite work.”

“Wait,” Steven said. He licked his hand, and carefully walked over to Centipeedle… or Nephrite, he supposed. She didn’t seem to notice him at all. She looked so much smaller now, so fragile. “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered as she sobbed. “It’s just me.” He pressed his hand to her body, and saw the sparkle of Rose’s healing magic wash over her.

Nephrite stopped crying. She paused for a long moment, then stood up straight again, staring at the diamonds.

She made the salute again. “Nephrite, facet 413, cabochon six.” Her voice sounded more natural now, but it was tinged with confusion. She cast her eye around, settling on Steven for a second before turning back to the diamonds. “Hessonite… ordered an evacuation,” she said slowly, like she was explaining it to herself too. “There was so much chaos. I fell behind… my crew, what happened to…” She turned, and stared at the ship. “…They’re here,” she said quietly. “That’s right. They waited for me, and then…”

She didn’t make a noise, but tears began leaking from her eye. This time, she turned back with startling speed. Her eye narrowed as she looked up at the diamonds again, dropping the salute as her hands juddered and bent back into insectlike spindles. “You…” There was a sharpness in her voice now, an accusation. “ _You did this to us!_ ”

With a shrill, animalistic shriek she lunged forward, but it turned into more of a fall as her body glowed and warped. When the light faded she was a monster again, charging forward with furious cries. She spat and slashed at Yellow Diamond’s boot, to no effect. Yellow Diamond calmly leaned over and pressed down with one finger, poofing her instantly.

“ _DON’T SHATTER HER!_ ” Steven screamed, leaping forward to curl himself around the gem protectively.

“I wasn’t planning to,” Yellow Diamond said emotionlessly.

Steven stood up, and looked at Yellow Diamond sheepishly. “Oh. Uh. Good.” He backed away carefully, not letting the diamonds out of his sight as he gently deposited the gem back in the doorway. The other monsters poked and sniffed at it, then pulled it back inside.

Yellow Diamond sighed. “Well, that was better than I expected, but we can still only accomplish a temporary reversion. A shame that we can’t recover these gems, but perhaps it’s best to give you a fresh colony regardless, Pink.”

“Well…” Blue Diamond tapped her chin, and leaned close to Yellow Diamond. She sounded like she was trying to whisper, but her voice still carried across the whole clearing. “Maybe if it was all four of us…”

Yellow Diamond barked a loud laugh and smirked, the most emotion Steven had ever seen from her. “Good one, Blue.”

“I’m serious!” Blue Diamond insisted. “We’d have to bring them to her, of course, but…” She leaned close again. “Pink really wants this, Yellow. Can’t we at least try?”

Steven looked over at the gems. They had all gone pale. Frost creeped higher on Sapphire’s dress, and even Bismuth looked shaken. Amethyst merely leaned back against the wall, looking as confused as him.

“What are they talking about?” Steven whispered.

Pearl’s eyes moved to him while her body stayed completely still. “They’re talking about…” She paused, and spoke the name very quietly, as if the words themselves could bring ruin: “White Diamond.”

“The head of the Diamond Authority,” Bismuth muttered, eyes still wide with fear. “The most powerful gem in the universe.” She added a weak, “Supposedly,” but there was no conviction in it.

“Well, if White ever permits us an audience…” Yellow Diamond’s voice was clear and professional as always, but just underneath was a bitter sneer that said she knew that _if_ would never happen. “…you’re welcome to bring it up, Blue.”

Blue Diamond clapped her hands together with a smile. “Oh, of _course_ she’ll give us an audience! I’m sure she’ll want to talk with all of us once she knows Pink’s back!” She looked down at Steven, radiant. “It’ll be just like Era 1 again! Won’t that be wonderful, Pink?”

“…Perhaps,” Yellow Diamond said enigmatically. She stood up to her full height. “Well, we shouldn’t put that off. Come with us, Pink.” She turned back to her ship and opened the door, gesturing behind her for Steven to follow.

“W-wait!” Steven said. “I have to go to Homeworld? Right now?”

Yellow Diamond looked back at him with annoyance. “Yes, Pink,” she said in that exasperated, talking-to-an-annoying-child voice. “You’ve given us all a good scare, but it’s time you returned to Homeworld. The empire has been in _shambles_. You need to get back to work.”

A loud ringing sounded from the ship before Steven could think up another excuse. Yellow Diamond’s head swiveled towards it, and she leaned down to stare at something. “What…?” she muttered, then looked back. “Everyone in, quickly. Another ship is on course for this planet.” She snapped a glance at Blue Diamond. “One of yours, Blue?”

She just shook her head. “No, I didn’t dispatch any more gems here…”

Yellow Diamond huffed. “Great, more work. Let’s get this over with…”

The ride back was even shorter than it had been getting there. Steven saw the sky zoom past too fast to make anything out, but he didn’t feel jostled at all, as if the ship was perfectly still the whole time.

They spilled out onto the beach again, Steven running forward to overtake the diamonds. He strained his eyes against the night, and saw the flare of rockets below an indistinct shape.

Just as he was starting to think the ship looked familiar, Yellow Diamond snapped her arm out, and lightning split the sky.

Steven’s scream was muffled by the explosion of an engine. Smoke spewed from the ship as it dropped like a stone, landing lopsided in the sand. He clutched uselessly at Yellow Diamond’s heel, his hand not even large enough to get purchase. “No! Stop! Why did you do that?!”

“It was an unauthorized ship,” Yellow Diamond said simply. “They are likely renegade gems. We will interrogate and deal with them appropriately.”

Steven prepared to say something, but choked on his words when he looked at the ship again.

It was Lars’.


	6. What's Your Problem?

Steven watched Lars’ ship careen into the sand. His blood went cold, but his mind was on fire.

“Oh I know these guys they’re my friends let me talk to them quick!” he screamed out, sprinting across the sand before the diamonds could respond. The ship didn’t look too badly damaged. The gems were probably fine, but Lars… Lars…

_he wasn’t moving he wasn’t breathing he was just lying there it was all wrong it was all wrong he was so sorry he just wanted him_ **_back_ **

He would be fine too. He had to be. Steven didn’t let himself wonder if he could bring someone back twice, because he wouldn’t need to, because it would be fine.

With a hiss, the landing dock swung out, forcing Steven to jump out of the way. Smoke spilled out of the doorway, followed by Lars, coughing and staggering. Steven raced up the dock, and slammed into him bodily before he could take another step.

“Oof! Hey!” Lars shouted, stumbling back and rubbing his chest where Steven had hit. “Glad to see you too, Steven,” he hissed, only half-sarcastically, “but –”

“You can’t go outside!” Steven yelled, eyes wild.

“Well where else are we supposed to go?!” Lars said. “The ship’s down!”

One of the rutiles glared at him accusingly. “You said we’d be safe here, but we’re not!” The other one said, “ _Yellow Diamond_ just shot us down! We have to run!”

Rhodonite clutched at her hair, trembling with terror. “Oh, I should have known it was too good to be true! We’ll never escape the Diamond Authority…!”

“I’m sure there is a good reason,” Fluorite said calmly. “Let’s all listen carefully to what Steven has to tell us.”

“Steven is going to stop us from going outside,” Padparadscha said with a frown.

“Right – um –” Steven took a breath to steady himself, and looked around. The ship was tilted slightly from the crash, with several monitors broken or flashing warnings, but nothing looked like it was going to immediately explode. He felt the weight of the off-colors’ stares pressing down on him, and gulped.

“I’m really sorry,” he tried. “You came at a really bad time. Earth is normally safe – honest! – but the diamonds just suddenly showed up out of nowhere! I’m trying to talk with them but –”

“You’re trying to talk with _them?_ ” one of the rutiles said, concern and bafflement coloring her voice. “You’re trying to _talk_ with them?” the other said a moment later, and there was a sharp edge to the words, an accusation.

“Oh really? What’s that look like?” Rhodonite said sarcastically, a frantic mania cracking her voice. “ _Pretty please don’t shatter us, oh great diamonds!_ ” she trilled in mocking falsetto. “ _Oh, of course! Why didn’t you just tell us earlier you didn’t like killer robots!_ ”

“I don’t have a choice!” Steven snapped. “We already tried fighting them and –” He felt tears pool in his eyes, and squeezed them shut. “– _my best friend nearly died!_ ”

The ship went quiet.

“Steven will tell us his friend almost died!” Padparadscha said with genuine distress.

“I’m sorry.” Steven rubbed at his eyes. “I’m so sorry you had to come to Earth this way. There’s so much here that’s so beautiful and good and I wanted to show it all to you, but now… Everything’s happening so fast and I-I feel like I can barely keep up. I’m trying to make them listen, but I don’t know if I can stop them from h-hurting you.” He let his face fall into his hands and took a shaky breath. “I’m so scared.”

“Hey.” He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Lars smiling at him. “We’ll make it through this. You brought me back to life, right? If you can do that, I’m pretty sure you can do anything.”

Steven winced at the reminder, but managed to smile.

Fluorite crawled forward. “Let us remain calm. The diamonds have not come for us yet.”

“Yeah,” Steven said. “They don’t know who you are. I… I think we have some time. We just need to think…”

Steven cast his eyes around, at all of their desperate, expectant stares. He finally settled on Lars’ bright face. His bright pink face.

“Lars’ head,” he said suddenly. “They don’t know about that.” He hoped. “If you hide in there, you’ll be _completely_ safe, for real this time. I’ll get Lars somewhere safe, and you can come out after the diamonds have left.”

Lars groaned. “Ugh, _again?_ They were supposed to be done with hiding when we got back home! Why do you have to ruin everything, Steven?” He huffed and leaned his head forward before Steven could respond. “Get in,” he said, pointing to his hair. “Just… be quick about it, okay? It feels really weird.”

The off-colors crawled in, one after the other. Lars grunted under Fluorite’s weight, but she slipped through in the end.

Lars brushed himself off. “Alright, so what now? Will they let me just walk past them?”

“Uh, I hope?” Steven said. “If they don’t, I’ll protect you long enough for you to get away. I promise.” He reached out a hand.

Lars didn’t take it. “Fine, fine. Let’s get this over with,” he said, walking out.

The diamonds stared at them intently. Even in the dark, he could see them clearly, as if they had their own light. Lars’ pace stuttered, then resumed with long, stiff strides.

“This is my friend!” Steven said cheerily. “He was just trying out the ship for me, so he didn’t do anything wrong!”

Blue Diamond leaned down suddenly to get a closer look at them. Lars squeaked, but held his ground. “Oh, what is this?” she said curiously. “Another type of organic life? The coloration is almost as beautiful as a gem’s…”

“Don’t you remember me?” Lars scoffed. “I was there when you – oof!” Steven elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

“He’s one of my human friends!” Steven said with a fixed grin. “But he needs to get back to his friends so if you could just –”

Blue Diamond clapped her hands together and smiled, her eyes alight. “Oh, a human! How wonderful! We can take it with us to the Zoo!”

“NO!” Steven screamed. Blue Diamond’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Uh – I mean –” He cleared his throat, and tilted his head back like Connie said kings used to do. “That won’t be necessary, Blue Diamond. I want him to stay here.”

“Oh.” Blue Diamond raised a hand to her mouth, and glanced at Yellow Diamond. “Well, now that we know Pink is safe, we don’t need to destroy the planet anymore. Isn’t that right, Yellow?”

“I suppose not,” Yellow Diamond grunted, the disappointment obvious in her voice.

Blue Diamond clapped her hands together again. “Then there’s no problem! Your pets can stay here if you prefer, Pink. This is your world, after all!”

“Pets?” Lars rankled. “What do you mean, ‘pet’? I’m –”

“Are we done here, Pink?” Yellow Diamond said irritably.

“And why do they keep calling you ‘Pink’?” Lars said. “I thought that was who you ki– _Ow!_ Stop jabbing me!”

“Lars, I mean this in the best possible way, but _please get out of here_ ,” Steven said.

He didn’t need to be told twice. He ran off without another word, passing behind the diamonds’ legs and out of Steven’s sight.

Yellow Diamond pinched her nose and sighed irritably. “Good. Now, if you have no other surprises for us, get your planet in order. We leave for Homeworld immediately.”

“ _Immediately?_ ” Steven yelped. He still needed to make sure Beach City was okay and say goodbye to Dad, Dad didn’t know what was going on at all, what would he think if he came home and Steven was just gone? “But – but –”

Pearl leaned towards him. With a smile, she whispered, “Steven, ‘immediately’ means within a few days. We’ll have time.”

♦

“So as soon as I get to see you again, you have to leave?” Greg said, half-smiling.

“It won’t be so bad,” Steven said. “We’re taking Lion with us, so I can come and see you any time.” Sapphire’s idea. _In case we need to leave in a hurry_ , she had said. He tried not to think of what would happen to Lion if they had to leave him there.

Greg laughed. “Is Lars okay with that?”

Steven laughed too, and rubbed his head. “Well… I guess you should probably tell him.” He wished he could see Lars too, to see Sadie’s face when she finally got to see him again after so long. He wanted it so much it hurt. But it wasn’t safe, not with the diamonds keeping such a close eye on him. “I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Greg frowned and glanced nervously at the diamonds, not for the first time. They stood over their ship, apparently not paying much attention to the world around them. Greg’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Steven… are you sure this is safe?”

Steven looked into his eyes, shining with love and fear and earnestness. “Yes,” he lied, even though it felt like tearing his heart in two. “They just want to talk. Everything’s going to be alright.”

Greg gave his own painfully insincere smile. “Okay, then,” he said. “I believe in you, Steven. Just remember… there’s no shame in bailing. If you need to.”

“I know, Dad.” If only this was like those early missions, where the only thing keeping him there when things went wrong was not wanting to look bad in front of the gems. But this wasn’t just about him anymore.

Greg took a step back but didn’t quite leave, hovering awkwardly.

Steven glanced at Connie, then back to his father. “Oh!” he said suddenly. “I forgot M.C. Bear-Bear! Could you get him for me, Dad?”

Greg visibly brightened. “Oh, of course! You can’t leave without him!” He ran off in the direction of the house, looking happy to have something to do. Steven let out a breath, and walked over to Connie.

Connie was going over supplies one final time with Pearl, frequently glancing back towards the city and checking her watch. She looked up at Steven as he approached, and smiled.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Steven said immediately. “Y-you were hurt really bad, it’s okay if you need to –”

“I feel great, actually.” She ran her tongue over her teeth. “Well, now that I’ve washed out my mouth, anyway. Blood tastes a lot worse than I thought. I don’t know how vampires can stand it.”

Steven laughed weakly, but he couldn’t maintain a smile. “Connie… I mean, are you really sure you should come? I know you said you wanted to help, but –”

Her nose wrinkled with frustration. “Et tu, Steven?”

What did that even mean? “I’m serious!” he said. His hands trembled as he remembered the blood on the sand, the way her body had twisted. “You… I r-really thought you were gonna _die_ , Connie!”

Her expression softened. “But I didn’t,” she said, maddeningly calm.

“But you could have!” Steven cried, his voice breaking. “I-if I hadn’t got there in time, o-or what if you had hit your head –”

“Steven.”

“M-m-maybe I could have b-brought you back like I did for Lars but I don’t know and I don’t know if –”

“ _Steven!_ ” She grabbed him by the shoulders and looked intently into his eyes. He went silent. “It was my fault. Okay? I was reckless. I won’t let it happen again.” Her face broke into a wry smirk, and she rolled her eyes. “I mean, I _stood up_ while I was _riding Lion_. Even if we hadn’t been fighting, that would have ended badly. Not my finest moment.”

When his expression still didn’t change, she sighed and let go of him. “I’ll admit it, I… should have taken Bismuth’s warning more seriously. But just because she was right this time doesn’t mean she’s right about everything.” She stared intently at him. “I know the risks. I’ve known since the beginning. But some things are _worth_ taking risks for, Steven. I’ve stuck with you this far. I’m not gonna bail on you now.”

Steven knew that should have made him happy, but every time he blinked all he could see was blood. “Okay,” he said. “If you’re sure. And I’ll… do better to keep you from getting hurt.”

The crunch of tires on sand interrupted them. Steven looked up to see Connie’s parents’ car fishtail to a halt, her mother spilling out as soon as it stopped.

“How could you run off without telling us?” her mother cried, rushing forward as soon as her feet touched the ground and gripping Connie’s shoulders. She sounded angry, but Steven could see the tears in her eyes. “I know it was important, but – what if you had been hurt?”

“But I wasn’t.” Connie absently wiped a hand across her mouth, though not a trace of blood remained. She had changed her shirt, too, the new one bright and unstained. “You know I can handle gem stuff, Mom. This wasn’t any different.”

Her mother looked at her for a second before sobbing once and hugging her tightly. “I know. I know, you’re so smart and so strong and I’m so proud of you, but…” Her voice broke. “I worry about you, too, Connie.”

“Do you really have to leave?” her father said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I mean… going off to an alien planet, that’s… how long will you be gone?”

“It shouldn’t be too long! They have faster-than-light travel,” Connie said brightly. She smiled, and added, “And Lion and Lars form a two-way portal, so it’s not like I’m stuck there. I’ll be coming home all the time to get home cooking, don’t worry!”

Her mother sighed, and ran a hand through Connie’s hair. “Are you sure it’s safe?” she asked. “Does this planet even have an atmosphere? Will you need a space suit?”

“Not to worry, Mrs. Maheswaran!” Pearl chimed in. “I’m familiar with Homeworld. It’s a solid planet with an atmosphere – perfectly capable of supporting organic life. Steven and Lars visited once already, and they experienced no complications breathing.”

No complications from the air, at least, Steven thought darkly. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “And like she said, if there are problems she can always just jump through Lion!”

“And you have your sword?” her mother asked, anxiousness edging into her voice. “You can defend yourself?”

“There shouldn’t be any fighting. This is a diplomatic mission.” Connie smiled again. “But yeah, I have it. Just in case.”

“You have food? Water? Changes of clothes? Toothbrush–?”

“ _Mom_ ,” Connie said, gently but forcefully. “I’ve got this. Trust me.”

A tear spilled from her mother’s eyes before she hugged her again. “My little girl,” she whispered. She pulled back, dabbed at her eyes, and creased her face. A moment later she had the stern, stoic face Steven was used to seeing on her again, but her eyes still shimmered. “I’ll keep your room just the way you left it. For when you come back,” she finished.

“We love you,” her father added.

Her mother stood up and looked meaningfully at Pearl. “Keep her safe. Please.”

“We will,” Pearl said with a smile.

Her parents broke away reluctantly, glancing back at her as they stepped slowly into their car. Connie waved as they drove away, then let her arm fall. She stood there silently for a long time, then took a deep breath and lifted her travel bag. “Alright,” she said, and when she turned her smile had no light in it. “I guess it’s time to go.”

“Hey, Steven!” Bismuth boomed. He turned to look out at the ocean. Bismuth sat crosslegged just at the edge of the tide, waving him to come over. Sapphire bobbed on an iceberg floating to Bismuth’s right. Ruby was further inland, arms crossed and eyes narrowed at Bismuth. When Steven approached he saw wisps of smoke, and noticed Ruby was slowly sinking into the sand as it melted under her.

“Ruby.” Sapphire spoke calmly, but as inexorably as the creep of frost in winter. “Why don’t you help Pearl go over our supplies?”

Ruby looked away and muttered something Steven couldn’t hear.

“Yes,” Sapphire said in the same tone. “That’s why I’m staying here.”

She gave Ruby a thin smile. Ruby looked at her silently for a second, and squeezed her hand longingly. The ice beneath Sapphire melted and then fizzed before Ruby finally let go and walked away.

“So,” Bismuth said. Steven looked to her again. “I’ve decided I’m gonna be the one to stay behind.”

Steven nodded. They had agreed someone had to stay behind, to take care of Lars and the off-colors, and in case – well, in case. “Okay.”

Bismuth quirked a smile. “Makes sense, right? My forge is here! I’ll get it fired up, see what I can make. We don’t want to get caught unprepared again.”

Steven kept his face carefully blank. “Weapons?”

Bismuth smirked at him. “Nah, I’m thinking armor this time.” Her face went as blank as Steven’s again. “Yellow Diamond poofed Peridot and Amethyst with a single blast, and Blue Diamond…” She flickered with pain. “I couldn’t even move. We need some way to protect ourselves if we want to have a chance.”

Steven nodded, tried not to think about Amethyst’s face as the lightning cracked her apart, tried not to think about Bismuth’s deathly stillness under the drowning light. “Mmhm.”

Bismuth stared at him. Something dark burned in her eyes as she leaned in close. “Steven,” she said. “This _is_ going to come down to a fight in the end. You understand that, right?”

Steven tried to keep his expression steady, and was pretty sure he failed. “You don’t know that for sure.”

Bismuth narrowed her eyes. “Yes, I do,” she said, her voice low. “You don’t know the diamonds, Steven. They don’t care about anyone but themselves. The _only_ reason they are listening to you right now is because they think you’re one of them. As soon as they realize you’re not, it’s over. We have to strike before that happens.”

Steven felt his face wrinkling, and forced himself calm again. “We don’t need to talk about this right now,” he said. “We have to work with them to heal the corrupted gems anyway. If I can convince them to help, then… maybe you’re wrong, Bismuth. Maybe I can get them to care about other gems, too.”

Bismuth didn’t give him an inch. “The corrupted gems aren’t the only ones they’ve hurt, Steven.”

“I know,” Steven said, more sharply than he intended. “I got captured by them, Bismuth.” Her eyes widened. “I saw Homeworld and all the awful stuff there, I met some off-colors who were hiding from killer robots and one exploded and my friend _died_ and I had to bring him back!” He hadn’t meant to speak so loud, but the words tumbled out of him in a rush, leaving him panting. His chest hurt. He wiped tears from his eyes.

“I…” Steven looked up, and Bismuth looked completely taken aback, staring at him with unguarded sympathy. “I’m so sorry,” she said softly. “I didn’t know.”

Steven shook his head. “I don’t want that to happen again,” he said. “I don’t want anyone to die. If we can end all this just by talking, isn’t that better?”

Bismuth’s face slowly settled back to a neutral expression, like metal cooling. Her gaze went distant for a moment before she agreed, “I don’t want any more of my friends to die.” She took a sharp breath and focused on him again. “If talking means not losing anyone else, if it can get people back… then maybe you’re right.” Her face scrunched up – angry, but a frustrated, impotent anger, not directed at him. “I _hate_ that,” she hissed, her voice tight and tears pooling in her eyes. “I _hate_ that if it’s true, that we have to – to make _friends_ with those monsters as if they didn’t kill – no, you said _torture_ – all my friends, as if they don’t scour the life from every planet they touch.” She gritted her teeth, and took a thin breath. “But I… I have to let you do this. To save the corrupted gems. To fix even one small part of this.” Then, by degrees, she relaxed, and finally let out a mirthless chuckle. “Is this how Rose, felt, I wonder?” Steven couldn’t tell if she was saying it to him, to herself, or both.

Steven swallowed. “I know… that they’ve hurt you, and a lot of people,” he said. “But maybe… Look, you remember what I told you about Peridot, right? The Crystal Gems didn’t think we could get through to her, either. Even after I let her out, they kept her chained up, like a prisoner.” His voice rose as he continued, “But I did get through to her! She was only doing bad things because she didn’t realize there was any other way to do things. Everyone deserves a chance.”

Bismuth narrowed her eyes again. “Even the diamonds?”

“Maybe!” Steven threw his arms up, exasperated. “I don’t know, okay, I admit I don’t know! But I want to try! Everyone told me the monsters and Peridot and – and even _you_ couldn’t be talked to and all we could do was keep them bubbled, but they were wrong. Maybe they’re wrong now, too. Just because the diamonds are in charge doesn’t mean they know what’s going on. Maybe they just don’t realize like Peridot didn’t.”

Bismuth took a deep breath, and looked down. “I… admit I haven’t been right about everything,” she said. “If we’d done things my way, Peridot would be in pieces.” The words were like a knife to Steven’s heart. He already knew that, deep down, but it still hurt to hear it, more than he could bear. “And that… that would be horrible.”

She paused, and her eyes looked faraway. “When you told me that, I started thinking about the war again… I welcomed every new recruit, sparred with them, loved them, but I never thought about how they got there, how different they might have been before.” Her expression became pained. “If I had met them earlier, when they were still working for Homeworld, and I had the Breaking Point in hand… would I have shattered them?” She looked down at her hand, and started tracing patterns around the spiral of her gem, over and over. “Sometimes, I would see gems on the battlefield that tried to run away. I thought it was part of some strategy, but… what if it was just because they didn’t want to be there?”

Bismuth squeezed her eyes shut, let out a breath, and opened them again. “I used to be so certain,” she said. “That shattering our enemies was the right choice, the _only_ choice, the only way we could win. I thought Rose was just naive, too blinded by pride and idealism to see it. But now… I feel so lost. Rose did what I wanted after all, and it still didn’t save us.”

Steven didn’t trust himself to speak. They stared intently at each other until finally, Bismuth broke the silence. “How’s this, Steven,” she said. “ _If_ you can stop the diamonds just by talking to them… I won’t try to keep fighting. You’ve given me a lot of chances, so… I’ll give you this one.”

Steven tried to smile, but couldn’t. “Thanks,” he said. “And… if I can’t, then… I will fight them.” His brow furrowed. “But I won’t let you shatter them.”

“Sure,” Bismuth said. “Bubbling will be enough.”

Steven’s eyelids drooped, and he felt himself start to sway. He blinked his eyes open again, and shook his head to clear it.

“Steven, there you are!” Steven wheeled around to see Greg charging across the beach after him, face flushed and panting slightly. He held up the smiling face M.C. Bear-Bear. “Here, I found him for you!”

Steven cradled the soft plush, and smiled. “Thanks,” he said. “For everything.” He looked back at Bismuth, and then at Sapphire as she crawled onto land again. “So… I guess this is really it? It’s time for me to go?”

Bismuth nodded. “Good luck, Steven. You’re gonna need it.”

“You too, Bismuth.” He turned around, towards the towering diamonds and their massive ship. The others were already waiting there, looking back at him. His felt his heart beating faster as the reality of it all pushed down on him, that he was really leaving, that he couldn’t put it off any longer.

He looked back at Greg one final time, smiled, and said, “Goodbye.”

He tried to hold Greg’s gaze, but found he couldn’t. His smile looked too sad. Steven squared his shoulders and walked into the maw of the green hand.

The ship was positively cavernous on the inside. Even the diamonds could stand to their full height without touching the ceiling. The Crystal Gems sat as far away from them as possible, sitting in a wall around Steven. Lion curled up next to him, and immediately dozed off.

Steven let himself lay back, but it ended up more of a fall. He spread his arms out, closed his eyes, and let all his breath out.

He felt _exhausted_. How late was it now? Past his bedtime, surely. He felt sore all over, but his chest hurt a little less if he took shallow breaths.

“Hey, Steven…” He cracked his eyes open to see Connie hovering over him, looking concerned. “Are _you_ okay? You look _awful_.”

He smiled weakly. “Just tired,” he said. “It’s been a long day.” He felt his eyelids start to droop, even as the pain coursed through him.

“Wait.” Steven’s eyes snapped open. Connie’s expression was suddenly intense. “Your breathing, just now, it… didn’t sound right. Are you still hurt?”

Steven grimaced. “Well, my chest hurts… um, kind of a lot.”

Connie’s eyes flicked over him, and she reached for his shirt. She paused halfway to look back at him. “Uh… can I look at it?” she asked. Steven nodded. She pulled his shirt back, and immediately sucked air through her teeth. “Oh, that’s… not good.”

Steven looked down. A dark bruise had spread across his chest from where the rock had hit. It was a lot bigger than he thought it was.

“Oh,” he said weakly.

“Um… let me just…” Connie reached out a hand, and very gently pressed on the bruise. Steven couldn’t hold back a yelp, and Connie snapped her hand back like it had been burned.

“U-uh, uh,” she stammered. “That, that’s, um, I think you have a broken rib, Steven.”

Steven blinked. “Oh,” he said. “That’s, um, bad.”

Connie smiled crookedly. “It’s okay, you just need to heal yourself! You healed me getting all my organs –” Steven could see her forcefully slam her train of thought to a halt and jump to a different track. “– I mean, a broken rib isn’t that bad, really, so you should have no trouble!”

Steven licked his hand and pressed it to the bruise. It still hurt, but now it felt wet and sticky too.

“Nope,” he said. “Sorry, Connie. I don’t think my healing works on me.”

“Why not?” Connie said, looking bewildered. She looked up, across from Steven. “Could Rose Quartz heal herself?”

“Yes! Everything was fine!” Steven looked over to see Pearl had jumped up, face locked in the manic expression she sometimes got when talking about the war. Sapphire laid a hand on her arm and murmured, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah,” Ruby agreed. “That’s what the fountain and stuff was for. Steven’s powers should too, once he gets the hang of them.”

“Okay. Well, until then…” Connie grabbed a bottle from her pack, and poured Rose’s tears over his bruise. The skin lightened immediately, and Steven felt a shift deep in his chest. It was uncomfortable, but not painful, and when it was over he took a deep, deep breath. It didn’t hurt at all.

“That’s better,” Steven said. “Thanks, Connie.”

Connie looked at the bottle, and then at him. “Maybe you should keep one too,” she said. “Just in case…”

“Yeah, sure,” Steven murmured. He blinked his eyes, and found they were too heavy to open again. He hadn’t realized just how much the wound had _hurt_. The ship’s floor was cold and hard, but with the pain gone, he may as well have been on Cloud Nine.

Steven woke up with a faint jolt. A pillow had been placed under his head. He looked over, and saw Connie lying still next to him, her head propped on her travel bag. His heart skipped a beat, but then he saw the gentle rise and fall of her chest and relaxed. Right, he had healed her, she was fine. There wasn’t even a speck of blood on her anymore. She looked like she had never been snapped in half at all.

The Crystal Gems still formed a wall around him. Amethyst was flopped over, just waking up from her own sleep, but Ruby, Sapphire, and Pearl were ramrod straight, looking like they hadn’t moved all night.

Pearl turned to look at him, and silently motioned to the diamonds. He craned his head up, and saw the two giants looking back at him expectantly. He gulped, and walked over to the front of the ship.

He couldn’t suppress a gasp when he saw Homeworld through the viewscreen. He hadn’t gotten a good look at it the first time, but now…

The planet looked like a cracked eggshell. The bright, shining outer surface had split open, the shells grinding against each other to frame a terrible void in the center. The bits underneath… the image of a rotten fruit came to his mind unbidden, even though that made no sense in this world of cold, lifeless rock. While the surface glimmered with dazzling light, everything below was black, dark, dead. It looked like a skeleton of a planet, bones that had long been picked clean of all life.

He felt a massive hand fall on his shoulders – the thumb and forefinger alone were big enough to wrap around his neck like a noose – and heard Blue Diamond’s voice, pure with hope and joy.

“Welcome home, Pink.”


	7. Home Away From Home

Steven looked around as his pink lion curled up on the pink floor against the pink walls of the pink room. For all the color and beauty, what he had been told were Pink Diamond’s personal chambers seemed so _empty_.

He had wanted to talk to White Diamond immediately, but the other diamonds had directed him here instead. _Get your court back in order,_ Yellow Diamond had told him. _I kept everything just as you left it!_ Blue Diamond had added.

“So!”

Peridot had gone whole hog with her reformation. The Crystal Gem five-pointed star bedazzled her outfit in an ever-repeating pattern: on her boots, on her sleeves, even one on the side of her visor. Even her hair had gotten in on the theme, the pointed diamond shape now spread out into five spiked tips. She was a green supernova.

“Pink Diamond’s shards are in that chest”–Peridot gestured to the box, currently held deftly by Pearl in one hand–“but they’re still alive enough to use some diamond power to make everyone think Steven is Pink Diamond.”

Connie jumped. “Ah, wh-what a funny joke, Peridot!” she yelled, far more loudly than she needed to. She immediately rushed forward and lowered her voice. “I was whispering for a reason! We don’t know who’s listening!” She tapped her fingers together and cast her eyes around the room nervously. “Could we soundproof this place…?”

Pearl smiled gently. “It’s fine, Connie,” she said. “You saw how empty this place is. No one’s going to eavesdrop on us.”

Sapphire said, “I do not foresee any complications, and I can warn you if anyone is about to barge in on us.”

“Oh, really?” Ruby sidled close to Sapphire, a mischievous grin growing on her face. “So we’re totally safe here, huh? No one can tell us what we can and can’t do?”

Sapphire returned her grin. “No one.”

Ruby laughed and immediately took Sapphire into her arms. The two giggled madly, twirling in the air until Garnet reformed, beaming like the sun.

“Garnet!” Steven hugged her. “You’re back!”

“Good to be back,” she said, patting his hair.

Steven frowned. “I’m so sorry they made you unfuse. You won’t have to do that ever again I promise –”

Garnet frowned back at him. “No, I will.” His throat tightened, but Garnet just stroked his head again and the tension left him. “And that’s not your fault, Steven. That’s just how it is on Homeworld.” She smiled again. “But it’s only for a little while. Once we heal the corrupted gems we can go back to Earth, and then everything will be back to normal.”

“Right, so as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted.” Peridot cleared her throat. “Steven needs to keep pretending to be Pink Diamond so he can talk to White Diamond and get her to fix the gem monsters. That’s the plan?”

“Yes.” Pearl drummed her fingers against the chest. “I’ll need to look into the official channels, see if we can request an audience –”

Peridot jabbed a finger at the chest. “Okay, so you can’t just be lugging that thing all around Homeworld! If he needs the shards we need a better way to carry them. Maybe disguise them in some kind of limb enhancers – Steven will already be needing some anyway, if he wants to pretend to be a diamond!”

“Maybe later,” was all Pearl gave in response.

“Uh,” Steven said, “actually I think we should do that! I-I’m really worried someone’s gonna want to open it and that would be really really bad!”

Pearl just gave an airy laugh. “You don’t need to worry, Steven. No one pays attention to pearls. It’s not even suspicious – like we said, Pink Diamond was eccentric. She’d probably think it was funny to have a pearl carrying something with her hands.”

Steven stared anxiously at her, but she seemed genuinely at ease. “Uh, okay, if you’re sure.” He glanced around at the others, tapping his foot with nervous energy. “So, so what do we do now?” he asked. “We gotta plan, we gotta find out how to talk to White Diamond, u-uh, uh…”

Garnet laid a hand on his shoulder. “Steven,” she said. “Take a deep breath.” He realized he was hyperventilating, and did as she asked. “It’s alright. We’re safe here. Right now, all you need to do is get your bearings. Take your time.”

Steven nodded, took another breath, and let it out. She was right. Rushing off wouldn’t help anything.

He looked around again. The patterning of the room was so beautiful, like the flow of a multicolored river frozen in time, but it still looked so _bare_. A window overlooking the rest of Homeworld was the only decoration. Did the diamonds really live like this?

“Uh, well…” Steven started. “If this is going to be our home base, I think I’d at least like somewhere to sit down. Can we bring in, like, a couch or something?”

“Oh, yeah, totally!” Peridot chirped, dashing over to tap something on a wall. “You spent all your time on Earth, huh, so you don’t know what _modern_ technology is like! Well, look and be amazed!”

She slapped her hand against the wall triumphantly. Steven waited expectantly, but nothing happened.

“What?!” Peridot shrieked. “That should have worked! What kind of dumb system doesn’t recognize –”

“Let me look,” Pearl said, setting down the box to press her hand to the same place. She was still for a second, then said, “Ah.” She stepped back, clutched her hands to her chest, and began to sing.

When the short melody was finished, a nearby patch of floor folded inward to rearrange itself. Steven stared at it, transfixed. He had assumed the walls and floor were completely solid, but the material now separated into divisions finer than he thought possible, elegantly rotating and refolding in a growing cloud of movement. Then, like a magic eye picture, it resolved all at once. The bits of room coalesced together, and there was a couch where once had been only empty floor.

“Hey, now we’re talkin’!” Amethyst leapt onto the couch, instantly settling into a contented sprawl. “Aw, yeah!”

Steven hopped up himself, but the material was still the same as the rest of the room: cold, hard, and perfectly smooth. So, more a bench than a couch. Still, it was something.

“Oh, I get it now,” Peridot said, staring at the wall so closely she was almost touching it. “This place is still using Era 1 systems! They didn’t bother updating it at all!”

“Well,” Pearl said quietly, “there wouldn’t be much point, would there?”

Peridot snorted. “Well then why keep the place around at all? They could have converted this into an office or something!”

Steven explained, “Blue Diamond said she kept it just the way it was.”

“Weird.”

“Hey, hey.” Amethyst jumped up, leaning over the ‘couch’ at Pearl and Peridot. “Can this place make food, too? Get a fridge and a bed and a TV! We can make it just like home!”

Connie blinked. “Wait, can you? I thought Steven said there was no food here.”

“We can’t,” Pearl said with a touch of reproach. “Settle down, Amethyst. Let me check something else…” She tapped the wall again – looking closely, Steven now noticed that section was slightly raised, with different parts blinking where she touched. After a few seconds, she grunted with annoyance. “As I suspected, the current systems aren’t compatible with the rest of Homeworld. I can’t schedule any meetings with the diamonds.”

“Tch.” Peridot stretched her arms and grinned. “You just need a proper technician. Give me a little while, I’ll get this hunk of junk hooked up.” She jostled into Pearl’s space as her fingers flew over the console faster than Steven could follow. Suddenly, her eyebrows flew up. “Woah, what’s this? You’ve got a court already?”

Steven leaned over, but the screen just showed a bunch of squiggles he couldn’t read. Homeworld writing? “What’s that?” he asked.

“A list of all the gems in Pink Diamond’s court,” Pearl said, glancing over. “There’s not that many. They must be in the process of reassigning them. They’ll probably come to introduce themselves and move in over time…” She frowned. “Oh, a bismuth is already at the forge in the lower level. I guess they didn’t think you needed to bother to meet her…”

“A bismuth?” Steven said, moving closer. “You mean like Bismuth?” The screen just showed a bunch of Homeworld writing, as incomprehensible as always.

“Who cares?” Peridot shouted. “You don’t need a bismuth to get this place running properly! This is a job for a peridot!” Peridot jabbed a thumb at herself, grinning. “Just leave it all to me!”

“That might take a while,” Pearl said distantly. She looked back at Steven. “And we won’t be able to contact the diamonds until it’s done, Steven.”

Steven grinned. “Well, why do we have to contact them? I’ll just go there myself! I’m sure diamonds don’t need appointments with other diamonds!”

Pearl considered. “It’s worth a try. Even if it doesn’t work, we could blame it on Pink’s eccentricities…”

Connie added, “Besides, we can’t stay here forever. The sooner we get this done, the better.”

♦

The bridge to White Diamond’s palace was massive. Walkways from the other three palaces all merged together into a structure wide enough to fit both Blue and Yellow Diamond shoulder-to-shoulder and still have room to spare. The bridge began as an iridescent rainbow of colors, like Bismuth’s gem, but slowly faded into a pure, blinding white.

This palace wasn’t like the others. It was a statue of what Steven presumed was White Diamond herself, an enormous, angular head with dramatically spiked hair – like a starburst, or a crown. Every curve of the face was chiseled in intricate detail, but the eyes were blank, only the faintest suggestion of ovals carved into the stone.

The gate shone so brightly Steven had to cover his face. It was like when the light glanced off the snow on winter mornings, so sharp Dad had warned it could give him sunburn. Pearl, undeterred, walked to the side panel. She pressed her hand to it and said, “Pink Diamond requests an audience with White Diamond!”

After a second, she looked confused, and leaned closer. “Ahem!” she said. “Pink Diamond requests an audience with White Diamond!” She glanced up and around at the surrounding walls, as if searching for something. “I’m not getting any acknowledgement. Is this an Era 2 thing?”

Steven heard a polite cough to his left, and turned.

He had to squint to make sure he was seeing properly. He initially thought there was nothing there, but when he looked closer he saw a distortion in the air next to the gate, a twisting of the light only visible once he knew to look for it. The distortion blinked back at him, and raised its arms in a diamond salute. “Pardon, your radiance,” the gem said – and yes, she was a gem, a clear rhombus at the crown of her head only visible in the way it caught the light. “White Diamond is not accepting visitors at the moment.”

“Why not?” Steven asked, still boggling at the invisible gem.

The eyes stared back at him. If he concentrated, they looked a bit more defined than the rest of her. “White Diamond is not accepting visitors at the moment,” she repeated.

“But I really need to talk to her! It’s important!”

The gem’s body flickered slightly, and became easier to see. Steven saw sweat beading at the edges of her head, just as transparent, making it look like she was melting. “White Diamond is not accepting visitors at the moment,” she said again in the same tone.

Pearl laid a hand on his shoulder before he could respond. “She can’t tell you more. We’ll need to talk to the other diamonds.” She glanced at the gate again, and looked troubled.

Steven sighed loudly. “So we can’t see her yet? Aww.” He looked back into the impassive eyes of the clear gem. “Well, thanks anyway, uh…” He paused for a second before leaning over to Pearl and asking, “Who is she?”

“Quartz,” she replied.

“No I mean, what type of quartz, what’s her name…”

“That is her name,” Pearl said. “She is a pure quartz, untainted by colored impurities. They used to be more common, but they were in high demand, so there aren’t many left.”

Steven boggled, but turned back to the gem and said, “Thank you, Quartz.” She bowed once again, and rotated back to her previous position.

“I guess we have to talk to Yellow Diamond, then,” Steven said as they walked back. “She runs everything, right? So she’ll know how to get to White Diamond for sure.”

♦

Yellow Diamond’s palace was only one bridge away from his own. The color changed sharply from pink to orange and then to yellow when he reached the other side, like the bridge had been constructed in chunks and joined together. The gate on the other end was enormous – even with his head craned all the way back, Steven couldn’t make out all the details. Carvings of two warrior gems made up the edges – they were flat and stylized, but they reminded Steven of Topaz.

Two real topazes flanked the gate – his heart skipped a beat as he passed them, but they weren’t the ones that had captured him; these ones had their gems on their fronts. He wondered where the other topazes were. He hoped they were okay. These ones didn’t even look at him, staring straight ahead as if they were only carvings themselves. The main gate itself was a much brighter yellow than the walls of the palace, stylized to look like rays of light were shining from a diamond in the center.

It – it _was_ beautiful, he had to admit. The light scattered off the construction in dazzling, prismatic sparkles, and below he could see strange, elegant machines moving in mesmerizing, perfect synchronicity. The planet really did look wonderful from up here.

But he couldn’t forget how the planet had looked from space, how thin this crust was, how dark everything was underneath. That was where the off-colors were, all the people who didn’t fit in this gilded place. Were there more off-colors down there right now?

Pearl tapped a panel by the gate. “Pink Diamond requests an audience with Yellow Diamond!”

Time passed. And passed. Steven eyed Pearl, but she didn’t seem to think anything was wrong this time.

At long last, the gate opened. From the other side, Yellow Pearl saluted and bowed deeply. “Pink Diamond, my diamond will meet you in the main chamber.”

Then they passed through the gate, and the world outside disappeared from his vision. The inside was no less busy – gems scurried around the building, chattering, carrying things, tapping on consoles. Steven recognized a few zircons and several peridots, but most were unfamiliar. Large quartzes, placed at even points along the halls, saluted him as he passed.

“As you can see, Pink Diamond, many things have changed since the end of Era 1!” Yellow Pearl gestured to various machines and working gems as they walked. “My diamond has revolutionized the empire with her peerless mastery of engineering and commitment to continuous improvement, Pink Diamond! Here you can see we have automated the process of sorting and processing material resources, freeing up your gems for more important work, Pink Diamond! And here…”

Steven felt his eyes glaze over as the sciency words traveled in one ear and out the other. He just nodded as they walked. And walked. And walked.

“…don’t need to sing to activate this computer, Pink Diamond, we just tap the button, Pink Diamond…

“…improved efficiency by more than double, Pink Diamond…

“…new model is much faster, Pink Diamond…

“…Pink Diamond…”

“You can just call me Steven!” he blurted out. Yellow Pearl’s endless chatter stopped instantly. She turned back to him with a nervous expression, though she kept walking forward at the same speed. “Like, uh, as a nickname!” he tried.

“I… have not heard of this… ‘nick name’... Pink Diamond.” Where before her voice had been quick and easy, now it was halting and warped, like a clock with something stuck in its gears. “Would it please your radiance to educate this pearl?”

“It’s like a shorter name you call someone, when their real name is too long or weird or they don’t like it or whatever!” Steven smiled. “So you don’t need to call me Pink Diamond all the time, you can just call me Steven!”

Yellow Pearl’s eyes went blank, and her grin froze on her face. “As you command, Pink Diamond Steven.”

“No no no.” Steven waved his hands. “You don’t have to call me ‘Pink Diamond’ at all! _Just_ Steven!”

Her face twitched. “As you command…” Her voice stuttered for just an instant. “…Steven Diamond.”

“No, no, you’re not getting it! C’mon, don’t worry about all that diamond stuff –”

Steven gasped sharply as Pearl gripped his shoulder, _hard_. It _hurt_. “Steven,” she hissed in his ear. “ _You’re going to break her._ ”

“What?” he whispered back. “I don’t get it – why can’t she just –”

“You’re a _diamond_ ,” she hissed, like that explained everything. She must have seen his confusion as she explained, “She can’t not call you a diamond.”

“But – but only because the diamonds told her to.” Or that’s what he had thought, but he didn’t feel very certain anymore. “If I say I’m okay with it, she, she’s not doing anything wrong, right?”

“That’s –” Pearl gritted her teeth, and started again. “It doesn’t work that way. She _has_ to do what she’s told, by Yellow Diamond _and_ you, if she gets conflicting orders –” Her voice stopped so suddenly it was like a recording cutting off. She looked distant for a second, more fear and terror flickering in her eyes, before she focused on him again. “We’ll talk about this later. Just let it go for now.”

Pearl finally released his shoulder, leaving it sore. He couldn’t stop himself from rubbing it. He looked back at Yellow Pearl, apparently oblivious to their conversation. Now that she wasn’t talking, he could see the stress lines under her eyes. “Uh… sorry,” he mumbled. “I was just, uh, fooling around. You can call me whatever you want,” he tried.

She didn’t seem to relax at all. She just said, “Of course, Pink Diamond,” in that same too-cheery voice.

After a few seconds she began chattering again, but Steven wasn’t paying attention to where she was pointing. She looked so happy, eyes wide and grinning from ear to ear, but she wasn’t, not really. She looked like Pearl had in that memory where she – talked to Pink Diamond. There was terror in that smile.

He felt queasy.

And then they were at a door. It was as huge as the front gate, with a similar sunburst pattern. A mural of Yellow Diamond adorned the door, covering the whole length. More unfamiliar topazes saluted from either side. Yellow Pearl placed her hand to an imprint in the wall, and the door slid open.

She saluted and bowed to him. “We have arrived at my diamond’s chambers, Pink Diamond.”

She moved ahead of him with long, quick strides, and he followed. He only got a few steps in before he heard the clink of weapons and Amethyst shouting. He whirled around instantly, crying her name.

The topaz guards had crossed spears over the gateway, blocking Amethyst at the threshold. She didn’t look hurt but she was still pressing against the guards, too close to their blades, too close. “Hey, what gives?!” she yelled, not sounding concerned at all.

“A-A-Amethyst, maybe you should step back…” Steven said, feeling faint as he stared at the wicked curve of the blades.

“Pink Diamond will be attending _alone_ ,” Yellow Pearl said coldly.

Amethyst boggled for a second, then pointed straight at Pearl standing beside him. “But Pearl gets to go with him!”

“Yes.” Yellow Pearl said it like Amethyst was a particularly slow child. “Pink Diamond will be attending _alone_.”

Amethyst sputtered and flailed furiously (Steven flinched as her arms passed oh so close to the speartips) before screaming, “But Pearl is _right there!_ Why does she get to come and we –” Ruby stamped on her foot, hard. “ _YOWCH!_ What was that f–” Before she could finish Ruby dragged her forcefully away from the spears (Steven let out a breath) and started shouting too fast for Steven to make out. One of the topazes made a noise almost like a laugh, but she strangled it halfway through, making it sound more like choking.

Sapphire bobbed a curtsey. “Please forgive our amethyst’s rudeness, your elegance.”

The pearl sniffed imperiously. “Oh, you can hardly be blamed. Amethysts are always fiiiiigh…” Her eyes went blank as she drew out the word like a broken record, shifting painfully to, “…iiiinding so many interesting ways to help we’re so grateful to have them Pink Diamond hahahaha!” Her grin was so horribly, painfully wide. She punched her arm out to close the door and pirouetted with the stiffness of a mechanical doll, racing ahead of him towards another console.

This room was a subtly different shade of yellow, a richer gold that shimmered as Steven looked at it. A massive throne was placed at the back wall, but Yellow Diamond wasn’t using it. She stood in the center of the room, focused on hovering viewscreens that surrounded her like a halo. They didn’t appear to be attached to anything; they just floated in the air, like holes in space. She held a datapad in her hand, occasionally flicking a glance down to write something on it.

“…has dropped by fifteen percent,” a voice from one viewscreen was saying as he approached. It didn’t belong to a gem he recognized. “Requesting your approval for an additional peridot division.”

Yellow Diamond flicked a glance down at her datapad. “Denied,” she clipped. “Peridots are spread too thin as it is. Manage the loss with your current personnel and I will review your case in a year if problems persist.”

“Ahem!” came a voice from lower down. Steven looked over and saw Yellow Pearl was surrounded by her own viewscreens, so many they nearly buried her. The others were all frozen on a blank screen, but this one showed –

Steven barely suppressed a yelp as he jumped back, hoping she hadn’t seen him.

Holly Blue Agate yelled, “I must speak to Yellow Diamond! This is an emergency!” Steven scuttled farther away, so that he could only see the back of the screen and Yellow Pearl’s displeasure. “The new humans aren’t integrating into the current population at all. I need express approval for construction of a new habitat before they wreck the whole Zoo!”

Yellow Pearl pursed her lips. “Reports on the Human Zoo should be directed to Blue Diamond.”

Holly Blue Agate went quiet for an uncomfortably long second. Steven couldn’t see her face as she said, “Well, yes, but, she won’t answer us for ages, and then she’s just going to tell us to ask Yellow Diamond anyway…”

Yellow Pearl just sniffed. “If you’re not willing to go through the _proper_ channels, you’ll just have to deal with this on your own.”

She tapped the screen, and it blinked out of existence. Another one replaced it almost instantly, and Yellow Pearl’s face wrinkled with frustration before she answered it.

“Oh – hello.” Steven risked a peek, but didn’t recognize this one – a tall, thin teal gem completely enveloped in a wide, bell-like cloak. “The music hall is being renovated in preparation for the Era 3 celebration,” she said. “We require Yellow Diamond’s approval for materials and –”

“Why are you calling my diamond for this?!” Yellow Pearl snapped. “The music hall is Blue Diamond’s responsibility! Stop wasting my diamond’s time!”

The gem on the other end avoided her gaze and cringed. “Er… you know how it can be… difficult… to talk with her…”

“My diamond has informed me her condition has improved remarkably since Pink Diamond’s return,” Yellow Pearl stated coldly. “You have no excuse for not going through the proper channels.”

“Please, she’s even worse now!” the gem cried, openly panicked. “I had just about gotten used to it before but now she’s _happy_ and it’s too much–!” Her voice cut out as Yellow Pearl swiped the viewscreen away into nothingness.

Her hand flowed instantly to the next call in the cue, pulling it towards her with more force than necessary. As soon as she activated it, the gem on the other end rattled out all at once: “Hessonite facet 612 cut nine.” The unfamiliar orange gem was maintaining a professional face, but Steven could see a single bead of sweat on her forehead. “The native life on [ Astreneus V ](https://tgchan.org/wiki/Asteroidverse) launched a surprise attack and took the alpha kindergarten. We need reinforcements! Put me through to Yellow Diamond immediately!”

A faint wave of… something passed over Yellow Pearl’s face. She looked oddly content, almost relieved, despite the dire news. “Of course,” she said in the same clipped tone as the hessonite. “I’ll put you in the high priority queue.”

“Hold.” Yellow Pearl and Steven both froze at Yellow Diamond’s booming voice. With a tap of her finger, the viewscreen in front of her turned gray. “I’ll take that call now, Pearl. Astreneus V is of the utmost –”

She looked down, and startled when her eyes locked on Steven. “Pink!” she gasped. “You’re here already? Why didn’t you say something?”

“Uh,” Steven said.

“One moment. I’ll clear all this.” She turned back to the screens, and crossed her arms in an X. The hessonite held something up to the screen as she cried with mounting panic, “My diamond if you could just approve –”

Then Yellow Diamond swept her arms out, and every viewscreen vanished at once. After all the buzz and chattering, the sudden silence hit Steven like a thunderclap. The room felt so empty, now, even with the giant in front of him.

Yellow Diamond turned back to him, rubbing her temples. She screwed her eyes shut, and Steven noticed the way her face cracked and wrinkled, bags forming under her eyes. “You see what I have to put up with?” Then her eyes snapped open, glaring at him with… he wanted to say hate, but no, he had seen _that_ at the trial. This was different. It looked more like when Pearl or Garnet were angry with him, frustrated with what he’d done but still loving him in spite of it, unshakably.

“…It was cruel, what you did.” She fell back onto her throne with a heavy sigh. “We all really believed it, you know. That you were really gone.” Her eyes narrowed, but she looked distant. “Blue and White, they… couldn’t handle it, Pink. Blue was completely devastated. She’s barely done anything these past five thousand years but cry. And White…” Her face creased for a second. “…I don’t even know. She hasn’t come out of her palace since we sang the song.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed again, a fractured, juddering breath that could have been a sob. “They just gave up. They let it all fall to pieces. I feel like I’m the only one who still cares about the empire. And I know that’s not fair, I know they do care, but they’re just… so… _useless!_ ” She threw her hands up in sudden fury. Steven noticed both the pearls beside him flinch away from the movement. “It’s gotten so bad their own gems have stopped trying to talk to them at all. They just send all their problems straight to me.” She grimaced, and gripped her head so tight she creased the surface. “It’s _too much_.”

Steven blinked. “I thought you liked managing stuff,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Yellow Diamond rolled her eyes. “Of course _you_ would think that,” she grunted. She fixed him with a glare again. “We are supposed to be _leaders_ , Pink. To push the empire _forward_ , to _improve_. Not to spend all our energy just keeping it from crumbling further.”

Then her expression suddenly softened, and she waved a hand airily. “But of course, things will be better now. Blue is getting out again, and you’ll do your share of the work too. You like battles, right? There’s a lot to do with some of the current colonization projects.” Then she laughed, genuinely light. “Just don’t start another fake rebellion!”

Steven felt queasy. The kindergarten had been so horrible, so bleak and dry. It stole the life from the planet, the gems said. Would they make him do that? He didn’t think he could, even if it was the only way to keep them thinking he was Pink Diamond.

Yellow Diamond snapped her fingers, the sharp sound jolting Steven back. “Oh, that’s right,” she said. “Blue kept your palace maintained, but didn’t update any of the systems. We’ll need to do that before anything else.” She pointed at Pearl, and Steven’s heart skipped a beat. “I’ll get you a new pearl for that, a proper one.”

“NO!” Steven screamed, wrapping his arms around Pearl as tight as he could. Pearl just kept facing forward with a glassy grin. “No no no don’t take her you _can’t_ take her please I don’t want a new one please –”

“Fine!” Yellow Diamond snapped, waving a hand dismissively. “I suppose you _did_ manage to keep this one for six thousand years without breaking her. But I’ll still need to send over my own gems. Your court has eroded over the eons, despite Blue’s best efforts.”

Steven breathed heavily, and slowly released Pearl. He still held tight to her free hand, not wanting to let her go. Yellow Diamond had opened another screen, flicking through it and murmuring to herself.

“U-uh, uh, let’s talk about that later!” Steven squeaked out. Yellow Diamond looked back at him. “I want to talk about the corrupted gems and White Diamond! I went to her palace but they wouldn’t let me in! How am I supposed to tell her?”

Yellow Diamond let out a quiet groan. “You’re still on about that?”

“Yes!” Steven snapped. He took a step forward and glared at her as hard as he could. “I… I won’t do anything else until the corrupted gems are fixed!”

Yellow Diamond flashed with anger, but only for a moment. She leaned her head into her hand, groaning again. “I _see_ ,” she sighed, her voice dripping with disdain. She looked at him again. “Truthfully, I don’t know, Pink. Not even _I_ have gotten an audience with White in thousands of years. She might be more responsive now that you’re back, but…” She waved a hand. “Frankly, this is low priority, Pink. You want my advice? Fix up your court, do your work, and get the empire running smoothly again. When everything’s back to normal, maybe White will go back to normal too.”

Steven clenched his fist. “Why can’t I just –”

A loud chime interrupted him. He turned to see a screen had popped up by Yellow Pearl. “My diamond,” she said with a salute, “you are scheduled to oversee citrine production in the theta-delta-omega kindergarten.”

Yellow Diamond swept her arm down to pull the screen towards her own face. She grunted. “Very well. Get my transport ready.”

“W-wait!” Steven yelled as she strode past him to the door, covering the length of the whole room in only a few steps. “You have to have a better plan than that! I need to talk to White Diamond!”

“Sorry, Pink, I can’t put this off.” Her pearl opened the door, and she stepped through. “We’ll talk more later.”

“Uh, uh–!” Steven ran down the hall after her, the Crystal Gems following at his heels, but he couldn’t hope to keep up with her massive steps. “Why don’t I come with you?”

Yellow Diamond stopped suddenly. She turned around, and – Steven had to do a double take. For a second he thought he was looking at another gem, the way her whole face had lit up, the sheer _joy_ unrestrained in every curve of her expression. “Oh, of course – you don’t know how much has changed since Era 1! We do things so much more efficiently now. Come, come, I’ll show you how it works.”

The ship sailed across the planet as it did before, a faint lurch at the start and then only an unnatural, perfect stillness.

“So, about White Diamond –”

Yellow Diamond cut him off with a wave of her hand. “ _Later_ , Pink. I want you to focus on this right now. Production has only become more important as the empire has grown. There aren’t enough gems to go around anymore. I’ve had to conquer more worlds just to make enough kindergartens to meet the quotas, but of course then _those_ worlds need more oversight and more maintenance to stay running…” She huffed and rubbed her temples again. “You have no idea how good it is to have you back, Pink. I need all the help I can get.”

Through the window Steven saw the ship descend through a break in the crust and go down, down, _down_ , past great, twisting pillars dotted with holes. Most of the areas they passed were dark and empty, bereft of any life, but they eventually landed on an island of light, machines blinking in the distance.

The ceiling split open, and Yellow Diamond rose from the ship. He stepped after her, but felt Pearl grip his arm. He turned and saw her staring back at him, nervous.

“Steven,” she whispered. “This… might not be a good idea. Maybe we should go back, and talk to Yellow Diamond later.”

“Uh, why?” Amethyst asked, not bothering to keep her voice down. “Seems like a good plan to me. Just keep bugging her until she gives him what he wants!” She smirked at him. “I mean, that’s what you always do, right?”

“That’s not what I mean.” Pearl shared a glance with Ruby and Sapphire that Steven couldn’t read, then looked back at him. “Steven, I don’t think you want to see…” She trailed off. Steven could see her face twisting as she searched for what to say.

“Pink, what are you doing? Come here!”

Steven whipped his head around, and saw Yellow Diamond looming over the ship. He gave Pearl a quick, apologetic shrug. “It’ll be fine,” he said, and marched forward.

The crowd outside was massive. The burly, unfamiliar yellow gems stretched out of his sight in perfect rows and lines, the kindergarten cliffs only a vague suggestion in the distance. Peridots – most of them with limb enhancers – marched through the crowd, poking and prodding at the assembled gems. Steven noticed there were a lot of shapes and sizes – some of the gems were tough and muscled like Jasper, but others were so skinny they looked like they could be bent by a stiff breeze. Others still were as short as Amethyst, their bodies squashed into small, rounded shapes.

“My diamond.” A peridot at the front saluted, then pulled up a screen. “We have completed measurements for theta-delta-omega kindergarten citrine cut twelve. Awaiting your judgment.” The fingers of her limb enhancers twirled to make a screen, which she tapped twice. The screen vanished and reappeared by Yellow Diamond’s head.

“Very good, Peridot.” Yellow Diamond looked down at Steven, and smiled. “Pink Diamond has elected to join us today. I hope I can show her how productive this kindergarten is.”

The peridot came over with the same blank look Yellow Pearl had before. “So do I, my diamond.”

Yellow Diamond started to lean down, but grunted as she bent her legs. “Ugh – Pink, could you enlarge yourself, please? I want you to look at this with me.”

Steven felt sweat on his face. “Uh – uh – it’s okay, I can just, uh, do this!”

Happy thoughts. Video games, ice cream, sunsets, beaches. All the things they didn’t have here – no, don’t think like that, think happy thoughts. Pearl. Garnet. Amethyst. Dad.

It worked. He rose like a balloon, feeling light as a feather as he floated next to Yellow Diamond’s head. He tried not to look at her huge eyes and huge mouth and focused instead on the screen in front of him. It displayed a full-body image of one of the gems below – a citrine, he presumed. This one looked like Jasper, big and tough, and the image was labeled all over with writing he couldn’t understand.

“Oh thank the stars, we have a good one,” Yellow Diamond muttered. She turned to him and adopted a teacherly tone. “Now obviously, we can approve this one. It could be better, but it is more than adequate.”

“Uh,” Steven said. “Sure?”

She tapped a corner of the screen, and an unfamiliar symbol appeared with a pleasant chime. “Done! But now, think – this citrine isn’t borderline, it’s well within parameters. That means we’d approve any similar gems too, correct?”

“Uh-huh,” Steven said.

“In Era 1 you reviewed every single gem, but –” She huffed, not sounding very pleased. “– we just don’t have the time for that anymore.” Her voice rose as she continued, “So I designed a new system to speed things up.” Her fingers spidered around on the screen as more parts lit up. “This sets these statistics as a benchmark we can measure other gems against. This citrine really is quite good, so we can automatically approve any others within –” She paused for a moment to stare at the screen, calculating something. “– five percent deviation of height and mass. Hue… I’ll set that to fifteen percent deviation.” With a few more taps, the screen flashed green. The peridots below began moving as Yellow Diamond explained, “And I have just sent that order to the peridots. They will start ordering the gems for us as we continue. See, _much_ more efficient. Let’s see what we have next…”

A new screen appeared in front of Steven. This one looked more like Amethyst, with short, stumpy legs. Yellow Diamond grunted in disapproval before saying, “Now look at this one. In Era 1, you wouldn’t hesitate to discard this gem.”

“Discard?” Steven yelped. “Wh-wh, y-you mean…” His throat tightened until the word could only come out as a squeak: “Shatter?”

“Exactly.” She said it so simply, as if he had been asking her about something as innocuous as doing the laundry. “But! If we did that now, we would have too few gems to run the empire. Observe.” She flicked her fingers, and the screen enlarged, shifting to a wide overview of multiple gems at once. Most of them were either stumpy or stick-thin, and several had a pale, washed-out hue. “Look at how many defects there are,” she said with a sigh as she scrolled through the list. “The rates of dwarfism and dystrophy have increased tremendously since Era 1. We just don’t have enough material anymore. Homeworld is almost completely hollowed out.” She waved a hand. “We get better results on fresh colonies, but of course those come with their own difficulties.”

She scrolled back to the dwarf gem she was looking at before, and enlarged it again. Steven stammered, “So… so you won’t shatter that one?” He felt himself starting to fall, and flailed furiously to regain height. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.

“Correct,” Yellow Diamond said, a lilt of pride entering her voice. “I have designed devices to get use out of these defective gems, where before we would have wasted them. See how the hue and mass are still within acceptable parameters?” She pointed to a set of incomprehensible squiggles. Steven nodded enthusiastically. “So this citrine can still be useful, if we just correct for the height with limb enhancers.” She tapped the screen again, and a different symbol appeared with a chime.

“Sooo… it’s kind of like the corrupted gems, then?” Steven tried.

Yellow Diamond gave him a weary glance. “No,” she clipped. “Weren’t you listening to Blue? Corruption is completely different. Stop obsessing and _listen_ , Pink.”

Yellow Diamond continued scrolling through, chattering about mass and hue – “Now you or Blue might say this hue is unacceptable, but _I_ say it doesn’t matter for a quartz…” – and numbers Steven didn’t understand. He watched the peridots below as they moved in a quick but meticulous scurry, almost like ants, slowly separating the citrines into different groups of size and shape.

Steven couldn’t restrain his impatience. “Do we need to look at every single one?” Maybe Pearl had been right. If Yellow Diamond wasn’t willing to talk about the corrupted gems, this was a waste of time. He hoped Blue Diamond would be more helpful…

“Weren’t you listening?” Yellow Diamond grunted, fixing him with an annoyed look. “We don’t, that’s the entire point. The peridots have filtered the list for extremes so I can sort all the gems based on where they fall in relation.” She flicked her eyes down to the crowd of citrines. “I’m just about done, I think. Final divisions…” She swept an arm out to the left, sweeping over a thin line of burly gems. “Class A gems on this side. Take them to orientation immediately.” The citrines started marching away, herded by peridots and led by a green agate. She swept an arm over the largest group, the gems with stumpy arms and legs: “Class B gems in this group. Outfit them with limb enhancers before they join Class A.” And finally, she swept an arm to the right, over the pale, off-color gems, so thin they looked like they might fold over from their own weight. “All other gems are unsalvageable. Shatter them before they cause any more problems.”

_Shatter._

The word cut through the boredom to write itself on Steven’s brain in blinding fire.

He dropped like a stone.

Pearl caught him, but he flailed out of her arms immediately. He looked up and saw the off-colors were already moving, pushed by peridots from behind.

He thought of the rutile twins, hunched in that hollow as the rays closed in, how they could only hug themselves and wait for death.

The citrines blurred from his tears. They weren’t moving neatly like the others had. They were stumbling, falling behind, some of them pushing back against the peridots. Did they know what was going to happen to them? They were still moving, they were going to die, they were all going to die and everyone was just letting it happen he had to stop it he had to do something –

“WAIT!” he shrieked, sprinting forward in a mad dash. The peridots obeyed, stopping awkwardly mid-stride. Several citrines bumped into each other, knocking over the ones in front like dominos. It would have been funny if it was anywhere else. “Stop! I – I –”

“Pink, what are you doing?” Yellow Diamond snapped from behind him. “Don’t micromanage! We have to stay on schedule!”

“I – I –” He looked at the citrines. The peridots were already moving again, the gems moving further and further from his reach. What could he do? What could he say? “I-I-I want to take them!” he babbled. “Let me take them I want them and that means you can’t shatter them!”

“Oh! Of course, why didn’t you say so!”

Steven looked back, and blinked. Yellow Diamond was _smiling_ at him, raising a hand for the peridots to stop. “I forgot how much you enjoyed looking at defective gems, Pink.” She raised her head, and her voice became a harsh order again. “Deliver the off-colors to Pink Diamond’s palace instead.”

Steven felt off-balance, still jittery from adrenaline. “Oh,” he said. “Uh, yeah. That’s good.”

Yellow Diamond looked at him, smiling again. “I hope these ones amuse you. Just don’t keep them too long!”

“Uh,” Steven said. He glanced back to see the confused peridots adjust their course, then looked at Yellow Diamond again. “And actually, I want _all_ your off-colors! Next time you get some, send them to me instead of sh-shattering them!”

Yellow Diamond raised an eyebrow. “Your palace will fill up quite quickly… but very well, Pink.”

♦

“Why didn’t you tell me Pink Diamond liked off-colors?” Steven yelled as soon as they were back in the palace. “That changes everything! That means I can save as many as I want!”

“We didn’t know,” Sapphire said, and something in her tone stopped him cold. “That was a very dangerous thing to say, Steven. You could have broken our cover.”

“Well what was I supposed to do!” Steven snapped. “Just let them get shattered?”

“Yes.”

Steven froze.

“Y…” He stepped back, staring at her. She just looked back at him, expression hidden under her bangs. “You can’t mean that.”

“She does.” He looked up at Pearl, and found no support there. “Steven, I don’t think you understand how… how delicate our situation is. You can’t give the diamonds any reason to suspect us, or they will destroy us in an instant. That won’t save anybody.”

Connie squared her shoulders, staring Pearl down hard. “But… we can’t just stand by and do nothing!”

“Yeah!” Steven’s head swiveled to the other side of the room, where Amethyst was gesturing wildly as she shouted. “I can’t believe you guys! We’re going to just _let_ gems get shattered? _Us?_ I thought we were, like, rebels!”

“We’re not here because we’re rebels, we’re here because we’re imposters,” Pearl said. “The moment we become rebels, right here, standing on Homeworld, it’s over.”

“No! Connie and Amethyst are right!” Steven cried. “We can’t stop helping people, Pearl! So what if it’s dangerous, everything is dangerous! I’m going to keep trying and I’m going to save everyone! That’s what Mom would have done!”

The room went quiet. The words had tumbled out before he could stop them. He took the opportunity to steady his breaths.

“…I think you did the right thing,” Ruby said. Pearl looked at her with fury and confusion, but she just glared back defiantly. “C’mon, Pearl,” she said, “we don’t really know if the corrupted gems can be saved, or if we can even keep up the act long enough to try in the first place. At least this way we’ve saved someone even if we fail.”

Quiet settled over the room again. Steven bit his lip. Pearl dropped her gaze to the floor, and sighed before looking up at him again. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I can’t ask you to do nothing when you see something like that. Just…” She smiled at him, but it was weak. “Talk to us next time, okay? Don’t rush ahead on your own. Remember, we’re all in this together.”

Steven nodded silently.

“So…” Connie raised her hand. “If we’re all agreed on that, let’s get back to the main plan. Did you get an audience with White Diamond, Steven?”

“No,” Steven groaned. “Apparently she hasn’t left her palace in forever.”

Connie tapped her fingers together. “Alright, then… next up is Blue Diamond, right? Maybe she can tell you more.”

Steven rubbed at his shoulder where Pearl had grabbed him. “M-maybe later,” he mumbled. He looked up and said more loudly, “Pearl’s right, I’m rushing things. There’s still a lot of other stuff to do. The palaces are so huge, but we haven’t explored this one at all! I should see my court, or whatever. Yellow Diamond said she’d send gems to update stuff, so I should make sure everyone’s getting along.”

“Sure! We can do that,” Pearl said brightly. She pressed her hand to the wall and sang a few notes, then began tapping the console. She frowned. “Hm. It seems like the bismuth is still the only one that’s actually here.”

“I’ll meet her, then!”

Pearl nodded. “She’s in the forge, in the lower levels.”

His fingers twitched nervously. He hoped this wouldn’t go like the last time he talked with a bismuth in a forge. “Okay. Can you come with me, Pearl?”

“Of course.”

“Everyone else, uh…” He looked around. “Take it easy, I guess!”

“Already on it!” Amethyst said, flopping onto the ‘couch’ with a grin.

♦

Steven felt like he had stumbled through a portal into another world, like in some of the books Connie had shown him. One moment he was in the sharp, ordered perfection of the palace, and the next he was in a stark, dim basement, the walls rough stone. The only light was a lava flow bubbling out of the far wall, casting everything in an eerie orange glow. The floor was messier, bits of rock and metal strewn haphazardly about. It reminded him far too much of the cave where he met the off-colors, and he felt his breaths quicken.

The bismuth sat against the side wall, staring blankly across the room. Her gem was slightly higher than on the Bismuth he knew, almost at her throat, and under her bright pink apron her skin was a uniform blue-gray, with no stars or other markings. But her hair was still that same dazzling assortment of colors.

She didn’t look up as he approached. For a moment she put him in the mind of a corpse, she was so still, but he swallowed the lump in his throat. Gems didn’t work like that. She really was just resting.

He waited, but she still didn’t acknowledge him. He cleared his throat, but it was so halting he barely made any noise. “Uh. Hi?” he tried.

She looked up at him, finally, but her stare was still blank. She blinked a few times, but said nothing.

Pearl leaned over to whisper in his ear. “Maybe I should talk to her privately, Steven. Bismuths don’t talk to most gem types. This is probably confusing for her.”

“But… but they _should_ get to talk to people,” Steven said. He looked back and tried again. “I’m, uh, since I’m back, I just thought I’d check up on everyone, you know?” He grinned, but he could feel the awkwardness of it on his face. “How are you… doing?”

The bismuth blinked at him again. “Who… ‘re you?” Her voice was thick and hoarse, like rumbling gravel.

Now it was Steven’s turn to look confused. “Uh. I’m…” He couldn’t stop himself from hesitating. It felt so weird to say it. “…Pink Diamond?”

The bismuth’s eyes flared with panic as she jumped to her feet, so fast it looked like a computer graphic glitching, sitting one moment and standing the next. “Forgive me my diamond I did not recognize you!” she screamed, forming the diamond salute. “What do you need from me my diamond I am so happy to serve you my diamond!”

Steven couldn’t speak. He knew gems weren’t all the same, but still – this was so _surreal_ , how different she was. He couldn’t imagine Bismuth ever talking like that, not even as an act. Had Bismuth been like this, once? Or was it the opposite – was this bismuth just as angry as she was now, and just couldn’t tell him because he was a diamond?

Steven became aware the terror in her eyes hadn’t faded. His mouth flopped open and closed, like a fish, before he finally found his voice. “N… no, I don’t need anything,” he managed. “I’m just. I’m just, uh. Checking in. You know. Making sure you moved in okay.”

The bismuth bowed her head, bulging eyes staring intently at the ground. She sounded like she tried to speak, but all that came out was a pained gurgle, like machinery grinding together.

Steven cringed, and tried to smile again. “Uh… do you mind if I call you a nickname? It’s just that I met this other bismuth, and it’s weird to call you the same name! How about Necky?”

“Really, Steven?” Pearl sighed from beside him.

Necky finally looked up. Her eyes were still wide with terror, but now her face warped with confusion as well. “There is… another bismuth here?” she said. “My diamond,” she added hastily.

“Oh, no, she’s on Earth,” Steven said. Her expression didn’t change. “Oh, you probably don’t know what that is… Earth is, uh… uh…” He ran a hand through his hair, stammering. “Uh, well, you’ll see it yourself! When I’m done here, we can all go back and you can meet her.”

Necky’s expression settled into a blank stare. He waited expectantly, but the silence just stretched out. “So!” he said to fill the void. “Uh, what were you doing before I came here?”

Necky’s stare was still blank. “Nothing, my diamond. I had no pending requests.”

“I mean before I came back, before you moved here.”

Her face flashed with confusion for one second. “I did not move here, my diamond,” she said. “I have been waiting here since your last request, six thousand years ago.”

For an instant Steven imagined that, sitting in this tiny dim room all alone, forgotten. He remembered what Bismuth said just before she poofed, how she would rather be shattered than to have no one know what happened to her.

He said, “I’m sorry.”

Her expression didn’t change.

“But you can come out now!” he said, forcing himself to smile again. “I won’t make you stay here, okay, in fact you can leave right now and see the others!”

She nodded stiffly. “As you command, my diamond.”

She walked past him, up the steps to the main palace. Steven grinned desperately at Pearl, but she didn’t look pleased. “Let’s follow her,” she said.

Necky stopped as she approached the top, holding a hand over her eyes and squinting. “…Bright…” she murmured.

“You’ll get used to it!” Steven said. He grabbed hold of her hand – it was so big, but she gripped him so loosely. “Come on, I’ll help you up the rest of the way.” He turned and walked into the light, pulling her behind him. “You’ll love it!”

The moment he stepped onto the floor she cried out, and he heard the unmistakable sound of cracking.

He looked back and watched in horror as she fell to her knees, a crack splitting her gem counter to its spiral. The cracks spread out across her form too, and they jumped around on her body as it glitched. “I can’t – I can’t – I can’t –”

“What’s wrong?!” he cried. He spun around wildly, looking for an attacker. “Did someone hurt you?!”

“I can’t leave my –” Steven turned back. She was clutching her head, staring at nothing. “I can’t leave my – I can’t leave my –”

A blue speartip sprouted from her head, and the babbling stopped. She froze completely, like a computer program crashing, then vanished into a cloud of smoke.

Pearl stood there with her spear still extended, staring at the cracked gem like it was the only thing in the world.

“What happened?” Steven wailed. “What cracked her – did _you_ –”

“Steven, she was cracking up.” Pearl’s voice was careful even as she dematerialized her spear and finally relaxed her pose. “That can happen when a gem is under too much pressure. They break under the strain.” She smiled, but he could see the anxiousness creeping around the edges. “It wasn’t your fault. She probably just never left her forge before.”

“Why didn’t she say that?” He looked down at the gem, feeling tears pricking at his eyes already. “I’d have stopped if she had just told me!”

“Steven, she can’t say no to a diamond.”

Steven felt like he wanted to throw up.

When he finally trusted himself to move he reached over, slowly, carefully, and picked up the gem. He held it as delicately as he could, terrified of doing any more damage.

He hurt her. He was just trying to help, but he had hurt her just by talking to her. Was that how everything was on Homeworld? Was it going to be like this with every gem?

He couldn’t have stopped the tears if he had wanted to. They fell from his chin and onto the bismuth in his hands, cradled against his heart. The crack disappeared, but more tears kept falling onto it, running down the spiral to collect in the hollow at the center.

Pearl ran her hand over his, and gently took the gem from him. “I’ll put her back in the forge,” she said. “She’ll be fine once she reforms.” She turned from him, and he heard the clack of her feet on stone.

“Pearl.” She stopped. He raised his head, and saw she had turned back to look at him. “Is that what you meant when you said… I was going to break Yellow Pearl?”

“Yes.” Her eyes went wide and before he could react she was saying in a too-cheery voice, “But I was probably overreacting! I’m sure Yellow Diamond’s pearl deals with more stress than that.”

“But I could have.”

“That’s why I warned you! You know now, so you won’t do it again.” She smiled at him, and he could almost believe it when she said, “Don’t feel bad, Steven. It was my fault for not explaining properly.”

Steven wrung his hands, squeezing them so tight it hurt.

“I still should have asked you first,” he said. “It’s just like you said, I’m not thinking. I’m acting like everything’s the same as Earth but it’s not, everything is so different and scary and…” He looked up. “If I’m stupid and I start saying something that could hurt someone again… please stop me.” He seized with panic as he realized what he just said and babbled, “I-I mean if you want to I’m not making you you don’t have to do it –”

“It’s fine, Steven,” Pearl said gently. “We’re not machines, it’s not like we’re programmed to obey everything a diamond says. It’s just most gems never realize they have a choice.” She ran her fingers over the bismuth. “We’ll have to go slowly. Sorry, Steven.”

Steven didn’t know what to say to that. He could only watch her descend back into the darkness, and wait for her to return.


	8. Unfamiliar

It felt like no time at all before Pearl was coming back up the stairs. She stared at him expectantly, but he couldn’t find the strength to move his legs.

A loud chime shattered the silence, and he just about jumped out of his skin. A viewscreen opened in front of him, with Peridot on the other end. “Good, you’re here!” she said. “A whole bunch of defective gems are at the gates! They say they’re a delivery for you! How’d that happen?”

“O-o-oh,” Steven stammered. “Right, that’s – I told Yellow Diamond to give them to me. I’ll go see them.”

They had all piled into the atrium, just past the front gate. As huge as the room seemed to Steven, the off-colors filled it almost completely.

A star-spangled peridot with full limb enhancers stood at the front of the crowd, her back to him. Steven did a double take. “Where’s Peridot?” he said.

“Right here!” The peridot spun on her mechanical heel, and – yeah, that was her alright. “Been waiting for you! What do you wanna do with these guys?”

Steven did a double take again – did that make it a triple take? “Peridot, you have limb enhancers!” he said dumbly, unable to believe his eyes.

“Yeah, obviously! Can’t get anything done without them. Since Amethyst _threw mine in the ocean_ ,” she spat with reproach, “I had to order new ones! Oh, but check this out!” She pulled her legs together, and slowly began to rise off the ground. The off-colors all stared at her as she levitated over their heads, drinking in their attention. She swept an arm out, and the limb enhancer detached from her body to fly out to a console on the wall. Its fingers flew over the buttons with even greater dexterity than a real hand, and suddenly the floor beside him reconfigured itself into a statue of Peridot, raising a fist to the heavens triumphantly.

The limb enhancer flew back and she floated back to the ground with a soft _clang_ , flexing her arms and grinning madly. “My metal powers work on limb enhancers too! I’m gonna get more arms, see if I can operate a whole room on my own!”

Steven grinned back. “That’s so cool, Peridot!” The limb enhancers had made him think of when they had fought – she had seemed so big and scary then, twice his height with steps that thundered against the earth. But now she just looked so happy, letting her detached fingers dance between each arm and laughing in delight.

“What do you want with us?”

The sharp voice brought him crashing back down. It belonged to a citrine near the front. She looked as skinny as the jasper in the Zoo, but her color was different from the others – a pale green that put Steven in the mind of unripe fruit. To her left was a citrine as short as Amethyst, but so thin she looked like a ghost.

“I… uh…” Steven stammered.

“It’s true, she’s gonna shatter us!” said a citrine in what was clearly supposed to be a whisper. She had a lopsided body, her right arm and leg looking warped and withered like when Amethyst had rushed her reformation. She limped as she tried to back away.

“No!” Steven cried, waving his hands desperately. “No, no, you’re gonna be fine, just…”

_(“I can’t leave my – I can’t leave my –”)_

Steven’s tongue felt pinned to his mouth. What was he supposed to say? How could he talk without hurting them?

“Pearrrlll?” he grunted out of the corner of his mouth. “Mmmaybe… you should talk to them…?”

“Nothing is going to happen to you right now,” Pearl called over the murmuring crowd. They went quiet immediately. “You will all be assigned new roles momentarily.” She leaned down and whispered to Steven, “We should probably send them to Earth. I’ll need to you to order them into a room in single file so they won’t think it’s strange no one comes back out.”

“What?!” Steven yelped. “What do you mean? What are you gonna –”

Pearl moved like lightning, clamping a hand over his mouth. He _mmf_ ed into it. “I’m going to bubble them so I can recall them to the temple. That’s the easiest way to get them to Earth.”

Steven shook his head furiously, and Pearl let go. “No, you don’t need to do that.” He tried to keep his voice down, but it still trilled with panic. “We can just send them through Lion!”

“What’s ‘Lion’?” a citrine yelled from the front of the crowd.

“Her lionskin jasper’s gonna shatter us?”

“NO!” Steven yelled, and immediately clapped his hands over his mouth as the citrines flinched back.

Pearl cleared her throat gently. “None of you will be shattered. Pink Diamond is going to reassign you to another planet. Follow me, please.”

Connie met them in the hall outside, scribbling furiously in a notebook. When they entered Pink Diamond’s chambers, Steven was happy to see Garnet had refused, leaning against the wall and looking out the window. Amethyst was still flopped on the ‘couch’, snoring loudly.

“Oh, are these the off-colors?” Connie said. “Peridot said they were coming in.”

“Mm,” Steven squeaked, trying to fold himself into a corner of the room.

“How many of them are there? I was thinking, maybe we should keep a tally of them! That way we’ll know how many we’ve saved. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?”

“It’s all in the reports,” Peridot said, clonking over to her. She grabbed the notebook to get a closer look. “What kind of datapad is this?”

“It’s not a datapad, it’s a notebook! It’s an Earth thing. It’s like, basically, we press trees into these really thin sheets and glue them together, and also there’s this rock that breaks off in thin sheets, so…”

“Over here is the creature from Earth,” Pearl said to the off-colors, gesturing to Lion. He looked up and blinked at them. “Just step into his mane, and, um…” She looked at Steven. “How does it work, exactly?”

“There are two islands, one near and one far,” Garnet answered before he could find his voice. “Go to the far one, then leave through the pink fields.”

After a few difficulties – _“The thing on the other side yelled at me!”_ _“Oh, that’s just Lars.”_ – the others became more eager to pass through. The procession stretched on and on, only a few citrines able to fit in the room at a time. Steven tried not to stare at their deformities, and looked away whenever one shot him a glance.

His stomach growled. He suddenly realized that the sky hadn’t changed color at all since he had arrived. How much time had passed? Was there any way to tell?

“Oh – Steven, here.” Connie handed him a set of travel bars. He unwrapped one and began munching. “It’s just trail rations, but they’ll keep you going.”

After the last off-color had made it out of Homeworld, Steven breathed a sigh of relief.

“I think that went well!” Pearl chimed. “We can just keep doing that for every batch Yellow Diamond sends us!”

“Wait, what?!” Peridot squawked. “There’s gonna be more?”

“More gems get produced all the time, don’t they?” Steven said quietly. “And every time, there are going to be… gems like that, that the diamonds don’t want. So we have to keep saving them, every time.”

He expected Peridot to get annoyed with him, but she just went quiet. “Oh,” she said in a small voice. “Yeah, that’s… true, isn’t it.”

Steven stood up and brushed himself off, though he hardly needed to – everything here was so aggressively clean. “So,” he said, “I guess it’s time to see Blue Diamond now?”

Pearl started, “If you’re ready for –”

“Aw yeah!” Amethyst leapt in front of him, suddenly awake. She pumped her fists. “Meeting with the diamonds! Important mission stuff!”

“Behave yourself this time, Amethyst,” Garnet warned.

“Yeah yeah yeah c’mon let’s go!”

“I’m still working on the systems,” Peridot said with a wave of her limb enhancers. “But I’ll have it ready by the time you get back! If Blue Diamond’s useless, you can just send a message straight to White Diamond!”

♦

The bridge to Blue Diamond’s palace was a beautiful magenta, like a twilit sky. The palace gate was just as large as Yellow Diamond’s, but that was where the similarities ended. The yellow palace had expressed its beauty through function and simplicity, with flat, ordered walls inlaid with images of strength and authority. This one was overpoweringly ornate, every surface covered in shimmering metal worked into head-spinningly complex geometric patterns. Where the path to Yellow Diamond’s palace was flat, a straight shot from the bridge, Steven had to climb a massive set of stairs to reach this one. Sculptures of elegantly worked metal rose around him in a beautiful display, the light filtering through to make them gleam in every shade from bright aqua to midnight blue. Strangely, the door itself was completely without decoration, just an unbroken sky blue polished to a mirror shine. It made up for it with an arch of grand statues, beautiful figures linking hands and swirling around the gate like they were dancing.

At the peak of the arch was the symbol of the Diamond Authority – but the _old_ one, Steven noted with some surprise, the four-chambered rhombus with Pink Diamond on the bottom. Everywhere else had that downward triangle symbol, with Pink Diamond absent. This place must not have changed in eons.

Steven noticed the guards here were topazes, too. He had assumed gems belonged to the diamond of the same color, but maybe that wasn’t true. The one on the right wasn’t familiar – her gem was on her shoulder.

Pearl tapped the gate. “Pink Diamond requests an audience with Blue Diamond!”

And the one on the left –

Steven gasped. “Topaz, is that you?”

The topaz with a gem like an earmuff turned to him slowly, like a statue rotating. She saluted stiffly, her eyes contracted to pinpricks. “My deepest regrets for not recognizing you earlier, your radiance! I beg your forgiveness!”

“Steven?” Pearl asked in a warning tone.

“No it’s fine I was just worried about you!” Steven said. “Aquamarine sounded really mad are, are you alright? Did they hurt you or…?”

“I am well, Pink Diamond,” Topaz replied. “I was allowed to return to guard duty.”

“Oh. Oh, thank goodness.” He glanced to the other topaz again. She stared straight ahead, ignoring him. “What about your friend – the other topaz? She’s not here, is she –” His head snapped back to Topaz as he spilled out in a rush, “I mean you don’t have to answer if it stresses you out you don’t have to do anything but, but do you know if she’s okay too?”

Topaz hesitated just a second before saying, “We were reassigned,” and she was unable to keep the hurt out of her voice. “I don’t know where she is now.”

“That’s horrible!” Steven burst out. “Who did that I’ll talk to them I can get you back together –”

Pearl gripped his shoulder, though not as tightly as before. He turned, and saw her slowly shake her head.

The door chose that moment to open. Blue Pearl appeared with a salute, her eyes hidden beneath her long hair as always. “Welcome, Pink Diamond,” she said in that eerily soft voice. “My diamond will see you in the main chamber.”

Steven felt his heart beat faster as she stared back at him with that unreadable face. He glanced back to Topaz to see she had already turned away from him, her eyes still wide. He looked back at Blue Pearl and crossed his arms in the diamond salute, wincing at the strain. “Thank you… Blue Pearl,” he said, trying to match her flat tone. Maybe if he didn’t show any emotion, that made it better? Was that what she wanted?

Blue Pearl just turned and started walking without another word.

“You don’t have to salute back, you know,” Pearl whispered to him as they walked.

“I know, but… but if it makes her feel more comfortable…”

Pearl made a sharp _hrm_. “I don’t think so, Steven. Diamonds don’t salute. She probably just found it strange.”

“It is fine,” Blue Pearl said from ahead of them. Steven jumped. “You may do whatever you wish, Pink Diamond.”

“O-oh. Uh, you heard that?” Steven said awkwardly.

“Yes.”

“O-oh. Sorry.” He walked a few more steps before asking, “So, uh, _did_ it make you feel better?”

“ _Steven_ ,” Pearl hissed. He clamped his mouth shut.

“Hm,” Blue Pearl murmured. “It was different. That doesn’t happen much.”

They walked the rest of the way in silence. The palace was much quieter than Yellow Diamond’s, though no less populated. Steven saw a few blue zircons moving in and out of distant rooms, but he didn’t recognize any of the others. They glided around the palace with unhurried grace, flowing easily around the Crystal Gems as they passed. In the distance he heard the trickle of fountains and the murmurs of indistinct conversation. Steven was a little surprised to realize he actually found it relaxing. The blue palace seemed peaceful, a small island of respite in this terrifying place.

Up another set of stairs, and then they were at Blue Diamond’s chambers. The door was the same flawless blue as the front gate, but a statue of Blue Diamond herself graced the arch. Its face was obscured by the hood, lending her an aura of mystery. There was another set of topazes, one on each side.

A beautiful melody washed over Steven as he stepped through the door. The walls on the other side were a pleasant deep sea blue, calming after the brighter shades in the rest of the palace. Blue Diamond had her back to him, overlooking a large group of singing blue and teal gems. The music drew to a close, and Blue Diamond applauded.

“Yes, that’s better,” she said. “But…” She pointed to one of the gems in front, a tall cloaked one that looked like the gem who had talked to Yellow Pearl. “Turquoise, you’re still off-key. Work harder to hit those high notes. And Cobalt”–this was to a larger gem in the back, surrounded by instruments–“I heard you fall behind in Movement 3. You need to keep up with the tempo.”

“My diamond, I present Pink Diamond.” Blue Pearl bowed beside him.

Blue Diamond spun around, her cloak billowing. “Oh, Pink! Welcome! I’m reviewing the performance for the Era 3 celebration.” She turned her head to the assembled gems and clapped twice sharply. “Dismissed, everyone! I will see you all again tomorrow. Remember, everything must be _perfect~!_ ”

“Uh, cool,” Steven said when the gems had finished shuffling out. “I didn’t know there was going to be a celebration!”

Blue Diamond looked confused for a second, then laughed softly. “Oh, that’s right – I sent you a message, but your systems must still be out of date! So sorry.” Her eyes sparkled. “Well, it’s better to tell you in person anyway – I’ve decided this will be the start of Era 3! I’ve composed a wonderful symphony for the occasion. You’re going to love it!” She pressed a hand to her face, and sighed dramatically. “Oh, it has been too _long_ since I have heard good music, Pink. When I thought you were gone… nothing brought me joy anymore. I tried so many songs and performances, but they never made me feel any better. Eventually, I just… let the music hall go quiet.” She brightened again. “But now that you’re back, music can fill Homeworld once more! I’ve already begun renovating the music hall in preparation. You can bring your whole court!” She winked. “I even convinced Yellow to come.”

That got Steven’s attention. “Will White Diamond come too?”

Blue Diamond’s face fell. “Oh… I don’t know. It would be wonderful if she could, but… with how she’s been…”

“What do you mean?”

Blue Diamond’s eyes widened briefly, and she held a delicate hand to her mouth. “Oh, of course you wouldn’t know… oh…” She dropped her hand and motioned for him to come closer. “Can you come up here? It… might take a while to explain…”

Steven smiled, but it felt wrong. He could _feel_ that it wasn’t reaching his eyes. “Sure,” he said, and tried to think happy thoughts. That had worked with Yellow Diamond, right? Think about good things. Think about good things. Think about –

_(“Shatter them –”)_

_(“You’re going to break her.”)_

_(“I can’t leave my –”)_

His feet had barely left the ground before he fell again, gasping shuddering breaths.

“Pink, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” Blue Diamond called from above.

“I’m fine I’m fine!” Steven yelled. “Just let me try again!”

“Oh, don’t worry about it – Pearl, make a chair for her.”

A chime sounded, and the floor shifted under him. Suddenly he was rising up, up, up, and then there was a chair under him, so massive he and Pearl could both stand on it without covering the full width. Blue Diamond sat back in her own throne, and her eyes became level with Steven’s.

“…Mm,” she said, looking at him strangely. “You’re so small, Pink. I can hardly see you, even now.”

“So you were saying something about White Diamond?” Steven said quickly.

Her eyes dimmed. “Yes… well… you know how White uses her powers to prevent the quakes?” Steven blinked in confusion, but nodded at the last second. “She’s had to do that more, now. There have been more disturbances, more quakes, and she’s had to use more and more of her power to keep everything working.” She cast her glance aside, and rubbed at her face contemplatively. “She’s so noble, Pink, working tirelessly to allow everyone else to continue living in harmony, but sometimes I wonder if… it’s too much, even for her. She hasn’t come out of the palace since you…” Steven heard the hitch in her voice before she finished with, “…disappeared.”

Steven thought back to the hollow eggshell of the planet. So it wasn’t supposed to be like that. But then he thought of the model Peridot had shown him of what Earth would have looked like if the colonization had gone through, and then he tried not to think about anything at all.

“So,” Steven babbled to fill space, “so, so.” White Diamond. He had to get to White Diamond. “You can still visit her, though, right? I went to her palace but the guards wouldn’t let me in. Is there some kinda password you need or something?”

Blue Diamond’s eyebrows shot up. “You already went to her palace? Why didn’t you tell us? You should have asked us first, let us come with you! I-I’m sure she’s happy to have you back but she might be mad at you too, Pink!” Then her eyes dimmed again, and she looked away. “Or maybe not. I don’t… I don’t really know.” She began twirling hair around one finger with wide, nervous movements. “It doesn’t matter anyway. She wouldn’t have let us in, either.” Her hands went stiff, and Steven felt a wave of sadness wash over him – not the soul-shredding grief she had projected before, but enough to make the world feel greyer, dimmer. “I haven’t seen her in so long,” Blue Diamond murmured. Tears pooled in her eyes – and Steven’s – as she continued, “After the song… It was like we lost her too, Pink. She shut us out. She shut everyone out. She’s still like that, even now – she didn’t even respond when I messaged her that you were back, can you believe that? Sometimes I wonder if… if she’s _trying_ to hurt us. Could she… blame us, for what happened? We weren’t strong enough, we weren’t fast enough, and because of that…”

She trailed off, and stared into the distance. Steven chewed his lip as the silence stretched out.

Suddenly she waved a hand, and smiled again. “Oh, I’m being so gloomy. There’s no need to worry about White when _you’re_ finally back! You have no idea how good it is to talk with you again, Pink. Yellow is hardly good company, even when she isn’t busy. What do you want to do now that you’re back? I’m so sorry we ruined your colony – would you like to start on another one?”

“No,” Steven said. Blue Diamond frowned – he must have said it too sharply. He grinned and tried in a happier voice, “I won’t need to if we heal the corrupted gems, right? I can go back to Earth and it’ll all be fine!”

“Oh, Pink…” Blue Diamond twirled hair in her finger. “Are you saying you want to fix _all_ the gems on the planet? I told you, White won’t leave her palace. We’d have to bring every one to her. There will be a lot of them…”

Steven wanted to snap at her, but forced his tone light. “That’s not a problem! I’ll wait as long as it takes!”

“Mm.” Blue Diamond didn’t seem entirely pleased. She flicked her gaze over to Pearl and smiled, but it was hollow. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask – what is that thing your pearl is holding? I’ve never heard of a pearl carrying something with her hands!”

Steven’s blood turned to ice. “Uh.” He moved his eyes very carefully to Pearl, and saw fear creeping along her face too. “It’s, uh.” He looked back into Blue Diamond’s expectant gaze. “I just thought it would be funny to have a pearl carry something! Because you know, normally they don’t do that!”

“Hmm.” Blue Diamond pursed her lips in a smile she probably thought looked polite. “Of course. I had forgotten how… _interesting_ … your tastes could be, Pink.”

“I’d like to leave now if that’s okay,” Steven said in one breath.

Blue Diamond sighed dramatically. “Already? We’ve barely talked at all. Can’t you stay just a little longer?” She spread her arms, as if to encompass the whole world, and her eyes sparkled. “I’d love to tell you more about the celebration. I’ve prepared a symphony with five movements, one for each of us plus a finale representing your return and our renewed unity. It will be a reprise of the glory of Era 1, in anticipation of the new Era 3! You should probably look over your movement, actually – it’s for you, after all, so we should make sure everything is to your liking!”

“I’m sure it’s great,” Steven said, fighting to keep his voice even. “I’m, uh, I’m really busy actually so I need to go now.”

Blue Diamond sighed again, and smiled sadly. “I suppose you must be… but do talk to me another time, Pink!” She clapped, and the chair beneath him lowered back into the floor.

Steven bolted for the door.

“Oh, Pink, one last thing…” He jerked to a stop, and cautiously turned back. Blue Diamond had her hand in her chin, looking at him critically. “Do you intend to keep looking like that?”

“Urk?” Steven asked.

“It’s just… your ‘lion’ looks more pink than you, Pink!” Blue Diamond chuckled. “You don’t have to disguise yourself anymore. Why don’t you look more like yourself?”

“Well,” Steven squeaked. “Well, that’s, uh.”

“Hm?” Blue Diamond leaned forward, looming over him, those great black eyes threatening to swallow him.

“I like looking this way!” he tried. “It’s, uh, so different from what you’d expect!”

Blue Diamond’s expression cooled. “Yes, well,” she said, “that’s all well and good in your own palace, Pink, but you should really respect yourself when you go out. Will you change for the celebration, at least? I wouldn’t want gems to be confused about who we’re celebrating!”

She spun around and started tapping at a datapad before he had to answer. He took that as an invitation to leave, and did so at speed.

The moment Blue Pearl was out of earshot, Steven leaned over to Pearl. “I thought you said no one would notice!” he squeaked.

“I thought no one would,” she hissed back. “It’s rude to comment on someone else’s pearl – but I guess that doesn’t apply to diamonds. Maybe…” Her expression turned strange. “Maybe they don’t trust her with a pearl, so they’re paying more attention…”

“What?” Connie said, eyes wide, every muscle tense. “What happened? Is Blue Diamond on to us? Do we need to book it?”

“We will talk about it when we get back to the palace,” Sapphire said, calmly but forcefully.

They hastened back in crushing silence. The instant Pink Diamond’s gates had closed behind them, Steven exploded with, “Okay so what do we do, what do we do? I need the shards with me but they have to be hidden but we can’t use the chest apparently –”

“Steven.” He juddered to a stop as someone grabbed his shoulder – Garnet, already refused – but continued hyperventilating. “Don’t panic.”

“I probably overreacted,” Pearl said. “Blue Diamond didn’t seem suspicious, just curious. It was probably because she’s seen me holding it multiple times. And she does concern herself more than any of the others with how things look.” She waved a hand lightly. “We’ll avoid her until we have a more secure way of moving the shards, but we should still be able to see the other diamonds.”

Steven took a breath. “Okay.” He blinked. “The other diamonds… All we really need to do is talk to White Diamond, right? Let’s just do that. We’ll go to White Diamond’s palace again, we’ll get through this time, she’ll heal the corrupted gems, and then we can get out of here!”

♦

Steven could see the quartzes now that he knew to look for them. They weren’t quite perfectly clear – the light bent and refracted around them, creating faint but beautiful shimmers in the air where they stood, like elegant glass sculptures. Steven also noticed that, unlike with the guards to the other palaces, their eyes followed him constantly.

Steven and the Crystal Gems stared at the gate again. “So, how do we get through…?”

“My diamond orders you to grant us entry,” Pearl barked from beside him, her voice shockingly fierce.

“Pearl!” Steven squeaked. “Wh-what are you doing what if that breaks them –”

Pearl ignored him to press her hand against the gate. Without making a sound, it parted. The quartzes on either side simply saluted, nodded, and turned back to their posts.

Steven sputtered. “It was that easy the whole time?!”

Pearl nudged him as he stepped forward, and handed him a pair of mirrored sunglasses. “You’re going to want these,” she said. He took one look inside, flinched from the glare, and agreed.

As soon as the gate closed behind them, the silence pressed down on Steven like a weight. Everything here was horribly, eerily quiet, even the faintest of his footsteps ringing out like an alarm. He felt conscious of every movement, like every noise was an intrusion in this place. Blue Diamond’s palace had been quiet too, but that wasn’t anything like this. That had been a peaceful quiet, still filled with the sense of distant life. This place felt dead.

“So, uh…” Steven could barely hear his own whisper. Nothing else felt appropriate. “Do you know where we’re supposed to go?”

Pearl looked slowly around the room, before finally pointing down one hallway. “That way.”

They continued the rest of the way in absolute silence. Occasionally Pearl would direct him down another corridor, and he would follow without a word. Rarely he would see a gem amongst the perfectly smooth, perfectly white columns and arches. He could never quite tell what they were doing – they were always hunched in corners or far rooms, like they were trying to be as invisible as the quartzes outside, like they too felt their presence was an intrusion. Not a single one of them was any shade other than black or white. Not a single one of them cast a shadow, either – there were no shadows anywhere here, Steven came to realize. The palace glowed from every surface, bathing everything in a harsh, absolute radiance. It made the whole thing look like a dream.

Finally, a corridor spat them out into a relatively large room. The structure facing them looked like a miniature of the palace: a great white face set into the wall. The edges of the room were ramped, allowing visitors to climb to the crown of the head, where White Diamond’s rhombus gem served as a door. Light spilled from the edges, searing even through Steven’s sunglasses.

There was a pearl there. She was the same stark white as the palace, with her hair curled into twin buns and –

Steven cried out, running the rest of the way towards her. “You’re cracked!” Something was horribly wrong with her left eye. It was just a blank gray circle, like a black eye, with cracks spreading from it in all directions. “It’s okay I can heal you just give me a sec–!” He licked his hand and – her gem was hard to make out when it was the same color as her body, but he saw it set in her stomach, perfectly spherical like the other diamonds’ pearls. He pressed his hand there, looking at the pearl for any change.

Pink sparkles shimmered around her, but nothing else happened. The cracked eye remained as it was.

She just looked back at him with her one good eye, smiling like nothing was wrong.

From behind he heard a faint gasp, and Ruby’s voice. “Sapphire, is that…”

He turned. Pearl, Ruby, and Sapphire were all staring past him at the pearl. Sapphire was unreadable as always, but Ruby and Pearl had their faces stretched in abject horror. Amethyst just looked back at him with an expression that said, _Your guess is as good as mine_.

“Do you know her?” Steven asked. “What’s wrong with her eye? Why can’t I heal it? Is it like the corrupted gems?”

“I think…” Sapphire spoke very slowly, like she was afraid of what she would say. “…That’s Pink Diamond’s pearl.” She paused, and her voice went even quieter. “I didn’t realize they kept any of them around…”

“What do you mean? What happened to her?”

The Crystal Gems didn’t respond. Pearl’s hand began to tremble, very slightly, and Ruby took a step back. Neither of them looked at him.

He spun around, and grabbed the pearl’s hand. It was like she was made of stone – the arm didn’t move an inch, even as he tried to pull it towards him. Steven noticed her posture was strange, her arms flared out artfully and her knees bent like she was dancing, but frozen in a single position. Only her head moved, to track him with that single eye and never-changing smile. It sent a chill down his spine, and he let go to gain some distance from her. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “If I know I might –”

“Nothing is wrong.” She spoke for the first time, and her voice sounded as unnatural as her posture looked. It was a cheery, high-pitched trill, but a monotone at the same time, never changing. But underneath it all it was still _Pearl’s_ voice, and that made Steven feel even sicker. “Everything is fine, because White Diamond is here. White Diamond solves all problems. White Diamond is the savior of Homeworld.”

Steven stood there for several long seconds, staring into that unblinking eye. “Right,” he said eventually, “But your eye, um, I just wanted to know –”

“It’s best not to trouble her with personal questions,” Sapphire said from behind him.

He winced. Of course. He was so stupid. If she was already cracked, he couldn’t afford to hurt her any more.

“S-sorry,” he babbled. “Actually, I wanted to talk to White Diamond –”

“No admittance.”

Steven startled. “But she wants to see me, doesn’t she?”

The pearl didn’t respond.

He tried, “Please, it’s really important that I talk with her –”

“No admittance.”

“But I’m Pink Diamond!” he yelled, desperate. “Doesn’t that mean I can see her?”

“No admittance.”

Steven couldn’t stop himself from screaming in frustration.

“Why?!” He screwed his eyes shut, and his voice shook with angry sobs. “Why can’t you just let me do this? After all this, after I came here, after I ran all around Homeworld, it’s all for nothing? I just need one conversation, I just want this to be _over_ , why is that so much to ask?!”

“No admittance.”

He opened his eyes. The pearl hadn’t changed expression at all.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. It’s not your fault.” The pearl didn’t say anything. “Do you know when there… _will_ be admittance?”

“Would you like to send a request to White Diamond?” the pearl chimed at him.

“Yes!” Steven said. “Yeah, send her a message so she knows it’s me! Then she’ll let me in for sure!”

“Sending: Request for audience. From: Pink Diamond.” The pearl rotated her right arm up, and tapped something into a datapad without looking at it. “Sent. Estimated response time: one hundred years, five days.”

“A hundred years?!” Steven cried. “I can’t wait that long! Can’t she respond any faster?”

“White Diamond will respond when time permits.”

Steven huffed, “How many messages does she even _have?_ ”

“White Diamond currently has –” The pearl cut off sharply, and paused for a split-second before continuing seamlessly. “– ten thousand, nine hundred and eighteen unread messages.”

“What?!” Steven threw his hands up. “She’ll never get through all that!” He snapped his gaze to the panel by the door. Pearl had activated the gate outside on her own. Would it work if he just…? “I’ll just see her right now!” He stretched his arm out to the panel –

And suddenly his wrist was gripped in Pearl’s hand, as tight as a vice. “ _I don’t think that’s a good idea, Steven._ ”

“Why n–”

He looked up at her, and stopped. She wasn’t looking at him. She was still staring at the other pearl. Her eyes were starting to water.

“…Okay,” Steven said. “Let’s go back.”

♦

“So… what’s wrong with White Diamond’s pearl? Do you know how I can heal her?”

“If you can help the corrupted gems, you might be able to help her,” Garnet told him.

Steven was confused. “So she is corrupted? But she’s not a monster…”

“No, she’s not corrupted, but it’s… similar…” Pearl stopped, and looked through him.

“How is it similar? Garnet said corruption is like… a tear in the mind. Is that what happened to her?”

Pearl shot Garnet a questioning glance. Garnet grimaced, and gave a single hopeless shrug. Pearl bit her lip, and didn’t look back at him.

“You don’t want to tell me.”

Pearl shut her eyes tight, her whole face creasing. She opened her mouth, held it for several seconds, then closed it again.

“We just think it’s best if you’re not distracted,” Garnet said. “There’s no sense worrying over things you can’t fix.”

Steven’s face fell. “I really can’t help her? You’re sure? There’s… not even a single future where I do?”

“None in the near future.” Garnet paused before offering, “Perhaps after we have resolved our current situation with the diamonds.”

“Well hold on, now I wanna know,” Amethyst chimed in, hanging over the back of the ‘couch’. “That pearl was weird. Like, _seriously_ weird. What even _is_ wrong with her?”

“We’re here to fight Homeworld’s evil,” Connie said quietly. “If the diamonds are capable of doing something like that… we need to know about it. Knowledge is power, and… we need all the power we can get right now.”

“She was Pink Diamond’s last pearl.” Pearl said suddenly, staring at a point just to the side of Steven’s head. “I never knew her personally. I only knew her… after. But the other pearls all talked about it.” Her expression settled into a cold, distant look, and her voice slowed to a normal pace. “They told me… when Pink Diamond got bored, she would toy with her pearl. Gave her conflicting orders to see her try to do all of them at once. They said the last one was something awful like… ‘Don’t do what I want.’”

Steven’s eyes went wide.

_(“You want me to… not… do what you want?”)_

“The strain built up until the pearl just… couldn’t take it anymore. They fixed the cracks in her gem, but she still couldn’t reform.”

_(“I want what you… want…”)_

“White Diamond took her after that. No one knows exactly what she did, but… she did get her to reform. White Diamond used her as her own pearl, and paraded her at public events. She never said it, but… we all knew why.”

_(“Want – want – want – want –”)_

“It was a show of what the diamonds could do to us.”

Steven clutched his hands to his mouth, fell to his knees, and heaved. Shaking, he choked the bile back down, the acid burning his tongue.

“Oh no, Steven!” She touched his shoulder. “I-I’m sorry, that was too much, I shouldn’t have –”

A chime interrupted her, and the door slid open. “What’s up, Steven!” Peridot called, boldly marching in. Behind her, a group of peridots exchanged nervous glances before hesitantly passing the threshold themselves. “Check it out, Yellow Diamond gave you a whole team of peridots! Now we can _really_ get this place up and running!”

Steven stared at the peridots. None of them had limb enhancers, and their bodies were a perfect chartreuse, even brighter than Peridot’s hue.

One saluted. “Pink Diamond, our sincerest apologies for failing to keep your systems current. Where do you wish to direct us first?”

Steven tried to speak, but his stomach roiled and he had to cover his mouth again.

“Pink Diamond is busy with other things at the moment,” Pearl fluted. “Perform the work at your own discretion –”

“Prioritize the messaging system,” Garnet interrupted.

“– but prioritize the messaging system,” Pearl continued seamlessly.

“Got it!” Peridot saluted, and the whole group turned as one to leave.

“Wait,” Pearl said. “Peridot, you can stay here. I’d like your opinion on something.”

“Sure!” Peridot strode back and shut the door, leaving the rest of the peridots on the other side. “What d’you need?”

Pearl smiled down at Steven, and patted him gently. “Steven, I think this will cheer you up. I’ve come up with an idea that will hide the shards _and_ make you look nicer to the diamonds!” She leaned over, and from her gem materialized a bundle of pink fabric. It was shaped like a dress, but the stitching hadn’t been closed, leaving the insides exposed. “I anticipated we might need something like this, so I’ve been working on a replica of Pink Diamond’s outfit!”

“Okay, great,” Peridot said, leaning into Pearl’s space, “but how does this help with the shards? We can’t unbubble them or they’ll materialize and crawl everywhere.”

Something – came over Pearl. She grinned wide, her teeth glinting in the light, but there was something in that smile that made Steven back away. “Not if they’re set in a physical binding,” she said sweetly. “Isn’t that right?”

Peridot’s eyes lit up and she grinned, with genuine joy. The contrast only made Pearl’s smile more unsettling. “Oh, of course! Why didn’t I think of that!”

“I got the idea from humans, actually,” Pearl said, placing the box next to the dress. “Sometimes, they would hide jewels by sewing them into their clothes. We need clothes, we need to hide jewels, and so…!” She flicked the chest open. Steven’s eye caught the shards for only an instant before he looked away, a chill squeezing his heart. “Just tell me if these pockets look secure to you, Peridot. We’ll have to work quickly.”

Steven turned around as she withdrew a sewing needle and reached into the chest. Amethyst and Connie both crept closer, watching the scene behind him with fascination. Steven looked away from them, held Garnet’s hand, and breathed.

It was only a few minutes before Pearl called, “All done!”

Steven turned around, and – it really did look amazing. The torso was puffed out and textured like a knight’s armor, with huge, imposing shoulder pads sprouting from the top. Bright pinks, reds, and purples flowed across the dress, starting light in the center and darkening at the edges. Steven ran the fabric through his hands, and not even the hard feeling of the shards inside could dull his excitement. “Wow, this looks so pretty, Pearl!” he said. “I’ll try it on right now!”

Connie blushed as he shrugged out of his shirt. “Oh okay, you’re just going to – I’ll just turn around, then.”

After he pulled the dress over his head, Pearl helped him with the tight gloves and boots. They covered his skin almost completely, making him look as pink as Lars. He fluffed the skirt of the dress, watching it flare out magnificently. “This is great!” he said, stretching his arms experimentally. The things on his shoulders felt a little restrictive, but he realized he just needed to be a bit more conscious of where his arms were. He spun around, smiling at how easy it was. “How do I look?”

“Why don’t you see for yourself?” Pearl bowed and withdrew from her gem a big rectangular mirror, as tall as he was. He turned, looked into it, and there staring back at him was –

– was –

 _…I want that planet wiped_ **_off our star maps_ ** _…_

 _…You will be_ **_broken_ ** _for this…_

 _…_ **_I don’t want you to just do what I want!_ **

Steven threw up.

People were shouting and crying but he couldn’t make anything out over his own screaming.

“TAKE IT OFF!” He pulled at the fabric, balling it in his fists. “I DON’T WANT IT I WANT SOMETHING ELSE TAKE IT OFF _TAKE IT OFF!_ ” Someone touched him and he grabbed them with all his strength, crying into their chest. “I don’t want to look like her!” he wailed. “I’m not Pink Diamond! I’m not Pink Diamond! I’M NOT PINK DIAMOND!”

“You’re not Pink Diamond,” Pearl agreed. “You’re Steven.”

“I’m not Pink Diamond…” Steven sobbed. He felt Pearl stroking his back. “I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to be like her…”

“You’re not. You’re –”

“ _But I am!_ ” He tried to pull away, but Pearl’s grip held him tight. He shut his eyes instead. “You said she told her pearl – I, I, I did that…!”

“No, Steven, you didn’t do that. You’re not Pink Diamond.”

“No! Buh, before, in th-th-the Room…!” He gasped ugly, sobbing breaths until his voice steadied somewhat. Pearl kept stroking him and making quiet shushing noises. “I did that to the Room. One time when I was playing there with Connie, I got confused and I told it… I said that. ‘Don’t do what I want.’ And then it went all wrong and it was so mad at me–!”

“Woah woah woah, Steven,” Connie said from somewhere, “don’t blame yourself for that. You didn’t realize what was going on.”

“That’s just it!” he wailed. “I wasn’t thinking and I hurt it, like I hurt Necky, like I hurt Yellow Pearl, I’m just so _stupid_ and _horrible_ and –”

“It’s not like that.” Pearl stroked his head, and he finally looked up at her through his tears. “You’re not going to do that to someone just from one mistake, Steven. Pink Diamond wore her down over years.”

Steven took in a shaky breath. “But… but I…”

“Shh.” Pearl hugged him closer, and he closed his eyes, just breathing.

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that, but eventually, it stopped feeling like the world was falling out from under him.

He swallowed and whimpered, “I don’t know if I can do this.” He stepped back and Pearl finally loosened her grip, though he kept hold of her arms to steady himself. “I came here to help the corrupted gems. But… but there’s so many other people we have to help. I thought I understood, from the off-colors, from what you told me, but I didn’t realize just how many…” He shuddered. “Do they really shatter that many gems, in the kindergartens? Every time?”

“…Yes,” Pearl said, very quietly.

He felt himself crying again, and wiped at his eyes. “And how… how often do they make more gems? How many kindergartens do they have? How many gems are out there right now, like the off-colors, like fusions and gems who don’t like their orders?” He squeezed his eyes shut, and now he felt anger fueling his tears too. He clung to it, desperately, because at least it wasn’t despair. “I’m just _sitting_ here, in this f-fancy palace with my fancy clothes going to fancy parties while all those gems are scared and running for their lives, how am I supposed to stay here when that’s happening, it’s so horrible it’s so _wrong!_ ”

“I know, Steven,” Pearl said. “It’s… why we left.”

Steven tore at his hair. “But how am I even supposed to do anything when I’m part of the problem! I’m telling them I’m a diamond so they have to do what I say and I can’t even tell them _not_ to do that or I’ll hurt them _more!_ ”

“But you’ve already helped people.” He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up into Connie’s face. “Those off-colors were saved because of you. You did that, Steven. That worked!”

Steven blinked, then nodded fiercely. “You’re right!” He stood up. “I’m being so selfish! I’m only focusing on what _I_ want!” He clutched his head, not really looking at anything. “I need to stop trying to talk to White Diamond,” he said quickly. “I can’t waste any more time on that. I need to find more off-colors, more gems who need help, I’ll just follow the diamonds around all the time and every time they want to shatter someone I’ll stop them, that’s what I should be doing!”

“Steven,” Garnet said, “you can’t be everywhere at once.”

“And… you need to sleep at some point,” Connie added.

Steven grinned crookedly. “Maybe I don’t! I’m half-gem, and gems don’t have to sleep, so maybe all this time I just _thought_ I needed sleep and if I just keep going I’ll activate a new gem power and it’ll be fine!”

“Steven.” The sharp voice silenced him, and he turned to see Peridot raising a hand. “You’ve got a whole court. You don’t have to do everything yourself.” She lowered her arm, and looked distantly at the console. “I can handle the defective gems for you. You said you want to grab every single batch? I can do that. I’ll monitor every emergence report, and make sure the diamonds don’t forget a single one. I’ll fill Yellow Diamond’s entire inbox if I have to.”

“Oh.” Steven let out a long breath. “Yeah, that… that would help a lot. Thanks, Peridot.”

“And if you’re scared to talk to other gems, Pearl or I can do that for you,” Garnet added.

“And I can, uh…” Amethyst looked him over. “…Dude, you’ve been _so_ high-strung all day. No way can that be good for you. I’m here if you ever need to talk, okay?”

“We came here to help you,” Connie said. “Remember that. You _should_ talk to White Diamond, because you’re the only one who can. But you can trust us with the rest.”

Steven’s eyes watered, but for once, he didn’t feel sad at all. “You guys…” He sniffed, and wiped his eyes. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

He took a deep breath, and faced the mirror again. He did look like Pink Diamond. He looked like he was dressed for a battlefield, sharp and huge and violent. But beside him were Pearl and Connie, and behind him were Garnet, Amethyst, and Peridot. His face was still his own, the exposed gem on his belly was a soft circle and not the sharp rhombus of the diamonds. He was still Steven.

“We can do this,” he said. “It’s hard, but we can do this. As long as we have each other, we’ll make it in the end…”

Then his head nodded sharply, and he nearly fell over. Pearl caught him as he stumbled. “A-actually, I do feel really tired,” he admitted. “Maybe I should lie down…”

Connie gave him a smile, though there was a touch of reproach in it. “See, Steven, I told you you need to sleep. It’s no good to anyone if you push yourself too hard.”

He glanced at the stinking puddle on the floor, and cringed. “Sorry I threw up,” he apologized.

“We’ll take care of it,” Pearl told him. “Just rest for now, Steven. You’ve had a long day.”

Steven leaned his head back against Lion’s flank, and closed his eyes. His last thought before he sank into darkness was: _And tomorrow will be an even longer one._


	9. Feeling Blue

Steven woke from a blessedly dreamless sleep. He blinked at the unfamiliar pink ceiling and patted at his unfamiliar pink clothes. 

“Good morning, Steven!” Pearl sat crosslegged in front of him, looking like she hadn’t moved all night. 

“Good morning…” Steven stretched and looked around. The floor was spotlessly clean, just as it had been when he had first arrived. Garnet nodded acknowledgement as his eyes passed over her. Peridot and Amethyst were playing with the console, appearing and disappearing small chunks of furniture around the room. “Where’s Connie?” 

As if on cue, Connie tumbled out of Lion’s mane right next to him, gasping like a fish. Her backpack _clonk_ ed when it hit the floor, and she shrugged it off before rising to her feet. “Oh, good morning, Steven!” she said in between breaths. “I got up before you, so I went on a supply run!” She unzipped her bag, revealing packs of protein bars and shining drink cases. “I brought some energy drinks, too! Just don’t drink too many!” To demonstrate, she grabbed one, pulled the tab back, and started chugging. 

Steven’s stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten since throwing up last night. He gulped an energy drink, washing out the taste of bile with some sharp artificial flavor, then grabbed a handful of power bars and chowed down. 

“So what’s the plan, Ste-man?” Amethyst asked, bouncing over. She crept a hand towards the backpack, and was swatted away by Pearl. 

Steven took a deep breath, and considered. “Blue Diamond says there’s going to be a big party to celebrate my… Pink Diamond’s return, and everyone’s invited. If I can’t see White Diamond on my own… maybe she’ll come to that?” 

“Aw yeah, party!” Amethyst wooped. “She’s gotta! When’s it happening?” 

Steven flushed with embarrassment. “I – uh – oh geez, I forgot to ask.” He paused, and a jolt of anxiety ran across his heart. “I guess I’ll… have to see Blue Diamond again.” 

“It’ll be fine, Steven!” Pearl chimed. “I’m sure she’ll love your new outfit.” 

“Sure,” Steven mumbled. “Anyway, uh, the bigger problem is, Blue Diamond said she’s not actually sure White Diamond will come. I need to learn more about White Diamond, see what’s up with that.” 

“Hrm. I…” Pearl tapped her fingers together, and was quiet for a long moment before deflating slightly. “I really don’t know. Her palace is nothing like I remember. It used to be the center of all the most important operations of Homeworld…” Her eyes clouded, and an odd note of pride entered her voice as she continued, almost singsong, “It was always running, but not frantic, not chaotic, not like Yellow Diamond’s palace is now. Just everyone working in perfect harmony and balance. You should have seen it…” Then her eyes focused again. “I can’t imagine why she’d reduce the staff, or let her messages pile up like that. She always prided herself on knowing everything, doing everything perfectly…” She trailed off, looking like she was trying to focus on something just out of her reach, like she had all the pieces but couldn’t figure out how they fit. 

Steven twined his fingers together. Not answering any messages… no audiences… 

There had been a thought growing in his mind, a terrible thought that kept growing the more he tried to ignore it, and now it finally tumbled out: “Could she be… dead…?” 

Peridot broke out with a sharp, mocking laugh. “White Diamond? _Shattered?_ No way! That’s impossible! I mean, even if, we’d _know!_ Everyone would! No way could you hide something that big!” 

Pearl looked like she was seriously considering it, but settled on, “…No, it couldn’t be. She uses her power to prevent quakes in the planet, like Blue Diamond told you. If she wasn’t around to do that, we’d feel it.” 

Steven bit his lip. “I don’t know… what if her court took over the machine she used and they’re keeping it running? I just… like you said, this is so weird. Why doesn’t she want to talk to me? Shouldn’t she be happy Pink Diamond is back, like the others?” 

Garnet sighed and raised her hands in a wide shrug. “There’s no point in speculating. You’ll need to ask the diamonds if you want to know more.” 

Steven sighed. “So same as yesterday, then.” He put his hands on his hips, and tried to look confident. “Blue Diamond first – I gotta learn more about the celebration too! Maybe if we’re lucky, I won’t even have to talk to Yellow Diamond at all.” 

“Oh – um –” Connie raised her hand and waved it for attention. All eyes turned to her. “If we’re going to see Blue Diamond, I was wondering… Do you think you might be able to build up a resistance to… whatever it was she did back there?” Connie’s eyes flicked away for a second, anxiously. “You know… in case we have to fight her again. We should be prepared.” 

Steven blinked, saw her flying through the air, saw the blood, saw her dying and it was all his fault because he wasn’t strong enough. 

“That’s right,” he wheezed. It was so weak he wasn’t sure anyone heard him. “Wh-when we fought her, when she did that, we couldn’t stay as Stevonnie. I d-d-don’t…” He couldn’t look at Connie. Breathe. Stay focused. “I don’t want that to happen again. I was getting better at it by the end, maybe if we can get her to use it on Stevonnie, like, safely, just as a test, I can figure out how to keep us together.” 

“No,” Garnet said immediately. 

“Why not?” Steven and Connie asked at the same time, her voice calm, his a desperate wail. 

“Blue Diamond…” Her lips pulled back in a snarl, more furious than Steven had ever seen her before, and she spat the next word: “… _hates_ fusion. You _cannot_ come to her as Stevonnie. You cannot let her know Stevonnie _exists_. It will be the end of us for certain.” 

“Oh,” Connie said before Steven could muster a response. She rubbed her head with a flush of embarrassment. “I forgot about that. Sorry, I guess that was kinda dumb.” 

“No!” Steven grasped Connie’s hand in his own. She glanced up at him, but still hunched her shoulders. “That was a really good idea, Connie. I…” Now it was his turn to look away. “I let you down, and you got hurt because of me. You’re right, I need to get better so that doesn’t happen again.” 

He looked back at her and smiled, but her expression stopped him short. She was standing up straight again, but she wasn’t smiling back at him. She looked… almost _pitying_ , but that didn’t make sense. Steven didn’t understand. 

“Don’t blame yourself, Steven,” she said. “I… should have held it together, too. I could have tried harder to understand what you were feeling, but instead I just freaked out.” 

Steven blinked. “M… maybe.” He smiled again. “But, hey, you don’t need to worry about this, because we’re just talking to them! We won’t need to fight them at all!” 

“And if we do, we’ll just poof Blue Diamond first,” Pearl said, with what Steven felt was inappropriate cheerfulness. 

Connie smiled, but didn’t look totally convinced. Before Steven could say anything more, he was distracted by Peridot clapping her limb enhancers together with a loud bang. “Oh, that reminds me – I got the messaging systems fixed up!” She started tapping at the console. “Blue Diamond actually sent you something already – oh, and there’s something from Yellow Diamond too!” 

Steven felt a flutter of hope. “What about White Diamond?” 

Peridot looked over the screen for another second. “Hm. Nope, doesn’t look like it.” 

Steven slumped. “Aw. Can you message her, at least? Maybe she doesn’t even know I’m back…” 

“Sure, go ahead!” Peridot tapped something, and a blank screen appeared in the air next to Steven. 

Steven tilted his head at it. “Uh… what do I do?” 

“Oh, for…” Peridot stomped over, and pointed at some writing on the very edge of the screen. “Hit that to start recording, then say whatever you want.” 

He did so. The screen buzzed, and then showed an image of him and Peridot, like he was taking a selfie. “Uh… hi?” he said with a wave. “Um… so… this is Pink Diamond? I don’t know if you heard, but, uh… I’m not shattered! I’m here! Isn’t that great?” He could see how pained his grin looked, and tried to relax. “So uh, if we could just talk, that’d be nice! I tried to see you but your pearl wouldn’t let me in! So uh… yeah!” In desperation, he made finger guns. “See you at the celebration! Bye!” he finished with a squeak. 

He punched the recording button. The screen flashed with some more writing, then vanished. 

Peridot palmed her face. “Steven, that was awful.” 

“Well at least now she knows!” Steven said. “Let’s tell Blue Diamond I’m coming now. Uh, I’ll try to do better this time…” 

♦ 

Blue Pearl was already there when they approached the gate. “Pink Diamond, my diamond will see you in the main chamber,” she said with a salute. 

Remembering what she had said before, Steven saluted back. “Thank you, Blue Pearl.” 

He glanced at Topaz as they walked through the gate. She didn’t look back at him. 

They moved through the palace as before. The gate to Blue Diamond’s chambers opened again, and Steven stepped through. 

He was immediately greeted by a cry of, “Hello, Pink!” Steven was so surprised he jumped straight into the air, and had to wait for himself to float back down. Blue Diamond was already moving towards him. “You’re back already – oh, and you’re looking so much better!” She spread her arms, and her eyes sparkled like real diamonds. “The celebration is coming along wonderfully. Would you like to hear more about it? Oh –” She touched her hand to her lips. “You’re still so small. Do you want me to make a chair again?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Blue Diamond clapped her hands again. Blue Pearl tapped the console, and the floor rose beneath him and Pearl. Blue Diamond was already tapping on a datapad by the time they were level with her. “So, what do you think of the sheets and videos I sent you? We can go over them together now if you want to change anything!” 

“Oh! Yeah! I definitely saw those!” Steven lied. “They were great! But, uh, could you remind me when it’s happening?” 

“Likely in a month,” Blue Diamond said. 

Steven couldn’t stifle a whine. 

“I’m sorry I can’t give a more exact date,” she said apologetically. “There’s so much to be done! The music hall must be renovated, the performers need to practice, and I’m still making adjustments to some pieces…” She smiled brilliantly. “This will be the most important event in eons, after all!” 

Steven bit his lip. “Could you make it… just a bit earlier?” 

The look Blue Diamond made his face curdle before he could stop it. It was the same exasperated look the Crystal Gems gave him when he was being too impatient and annoying about something meaningless. As if this was meaningless, as if they weren’t staking all their hopes on this. 

Blue Diamond gave him a mollifying expression. “I am already working as fast as I can, Pink! You must understand, these things take time. I wish we didn’t have to wait either, but I cannot afford to take any half-measures. Everything has to be perfect!” 

“I can help out too.” Steven forced a smile. “And I don’t mind if it’s not perfect. If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs!” 

Blue Diamond’s eyes glazed with confusion. “What is a… ‘pork chop’?” 

Steven grinned nervously. “Well, it’s like, so, you make pork chops out of pigs, right? But there are some parts you can’t use for pork chops, but you can use them to make other nice things, like hot dogs!” Blue Diamond’s expression didn’t change. “So,” he tried, “so you know, it’s like, even when something isn’t perfect, you can still make good things out of it. So maybe, even if this party isn’t perfect, it’ll still have something special. Something you wouldn’t have otherwise!” 

Blue Diamond’s eyes focused on him again, but she looked no less baffled. “That doesn’t make sense. Nothing good comes of imperfect things. We should always strive for perfection.” 

His smile cracked. He glanced to his side, and saw Pearl’s eyes were so wide they looked ready to pop out of their sockets, staring at him with utter incredulity. She swept a hand over her throat in one sharp, stiff movement. 

Steven laughed nervously. “Well what I meant to say is, all I really want is to see White Diamond! Is she gonna come?” 

Blue Diamond’s face composed itself, apparently back on sturdier ground. “I’m afraid she still hasn’t responded to me, Pink. Have you tried contacting her?” 

“Yeah, but she didn’t call back.” Steven paused and continued carefully. “Does she… _ever_ call back?” 

“Sometimes,” Blue Diamond said, and frowned even more. “But she doesn’t say much. Just that everything’s fine. But…” She shook her head. “If everything’s fine, why doesn’t she want to see us?” 

Steven tapped his fingers. So she wasn’t dead… unless someone had hooked up a recording or a hologram to make it seem like she was still answering calls. He saw that in a spy movie once. 

“I really, really want her to come to the party,” he said. “Like, I want to make _sure_ that happens.” 

“I’d love that too, Pink.” Blue Diamond brightened slightly, but her mouth couldn’t lift all the way, twitching futilely before settling again. With a hollow desperation to her voice, she offered, “Maybe she just has so many reports to go through she hasn’t seen my message yet. We could try visiting in person.” 

Steven said, “I already tried…” 

Then he stopped. He felt an idea coming on. 

“…Could we have the party in White Diamond’s palace?” 

Blue Diamond looked stunned, sitting in shock for a full second. Then her eyes refocused, and she grinned hugely. “Of course! Of _course!_ How could I forget – that is where we should be holding the celebration anyway! It’s even larger than the music hall – there should be no trouble!” She pulled up a datapad and started typing excitedly. “I’ll send out the order right away. I may have to make a few adjustments but – oh yes, _yes!_ What better place to mark the beginning of a new era than the shining beacon of Homeworld, the conflux of all colors!” She beamed at him. “What a great idea, Pink!” 

Steven found himself returning the smile, her enthusiasm infectious. “Yeah! That way she doesn’t need to leave her palace to meet with us!” 

“Yes, surely!” Blue Diamond said, with a slightly manic edge. “She’d only have to step outside her room, haha!” 

Steven breathed out. Finally, things were looking up. “Okay, then! I’ll help you set everything up. That’ll make it go faster, right?” 

“That would be wonderful, Pink.” Blue Diamond tapped her chin. “We’ll need to survey the grand hall before anything else… Oh, white is such an excellent background! We could have so many more decorations.” 

Steven stood up. “Okay! Let’s go right now!” 

Blue Diamond looked a bit surprised, but smiled, dismissing her datapad. “If that’s what you want to do, Pink,” she said with a small laugh. With a clap of her hands, the chair sank into the ground. She crossed the room in wide, elegant strides, and Steven ran to catch up. 

Then they passed through the gate, and the topaz guards caught his eye. Steven remembered something. 

“Oh, one more thing, Blue Diamond!” he called up to her. “Topaz – uh, the topazes who captured me, for the trial, where are they now?” 

Blue Diamond stopped so suddenly he nearly ran into her. “I reviewed the case report sent by their commanding aquamarine,” she said, and the emotion she had spoken with just a minute ago was starkly gone, leaving only a professional coldness. “Because their attachment nearly compromised the mission, they were separated and reassigned to new partners. But, since they did still complete their objective, I decided they could safely return to their normal duties.” She looked down at him, and smiled thinly. “Do you think that was the wrong choice, Pink? They _did_ hurt you. Would you like me to punish them more harshly?” 

“No!” Steven cried, waving his hands frantically. “I want you to put them back together again! Topaz is really sad –” 

In an instant Blue Diamond’s gaze turned to ice, freezing Steven’s tongue in his mouth. She glanced at the surrounding topazes, then back to him. “Let’s return to my chambers for this, Pink.” Steven nodded frantically. 

As soon as the doors had shut behind them, Steven tried again: “See, she didn’t know it was me, so she didn’t do anything wrong –” 

Blue Diamond whirled on him, and now she was blazing with fury. “Do not embarrass me in front of my gems like that again!” Steven stumbled back like she had punched him. “A gem nearly compromises her mission and you want to _reward_ her? What is _wrong_ with you?” 

Steven felt his hands starting to tremble, and he forced them still. “But – but – she didn’t –” 

“And that’s supposed to absolve her?” Blue Diamond snapped before he could finish. “It makes it worse! She thought she had captured a real rebel – a rebel who _shattered a diamond_ – and she nearly let her go! What will she do next time?” She threw her arms out, and with a burst of wind, her hood flew back. “ _Fusions!_ ” She said it like it was the most vile word she could imagine. “They’re _safe_ , we all said. They’re _useful_ , we all said. What _fools_ we were! Even ordinary fusions betray me now.” 

Steven clutched at his head. He felt rage flushing to his face – he couldn’t tell if it was his or hers. His tears were burning. 

… _You will be **broken** for this…_

“What’s wrong with _you?_ ” he snapped back, unable to contain himself. “Why are you like this? Why do you hate fusions so much?” 

“Don’t play games, Pink,” Blue Diamond called back, voice suddenly chillingly quiet. “You know why.” 

Steven clenched his teeth, and took deep breaths. “Actually…” He paused, breathed, and placed every word with care: “It’s been a long time. I can’t remember everything. Can you remind me… please?” 

Blue Diamond glared at him another second, then scoffed. “I imagine you never paid attention in the first place. But fine! I’ll explain it to you. Again.” 

She flicked her arm out, and light blossomed between them: a massive hologram of a tetrahedral crystal, countless points linked by glowing bonds. “I explained to you about crystal structure and defective gems before. Do you remember that, at least?” 

“Yes,” Steven said, choking down the rage bubbling in his throat. How could he forget? 

Blue Diamond waved her fingers, and the hologram expanded, the points resolving into gems of every type: rubies, agates, peridots, zircons… more and more that he hadn’t ever seen, stretching out to every corner of the pyramid. At the very top was Blue Diamond herself. “Then it should be easy for you to understand. Just as atoms must come together in just the right way to form a gem, so too must gems follow their purpose to maintain the order of our whole society. Every gem has a purpose, a place in the structure.” 

The words came to Steven’s mouth unbidden: “‘A quartz has a purpose, she can fight a war. A sapphire has a purpose, she can tell you what it’s for…’” 

Blue Diamond’s eyes lit up. “Yes! See, you _do_ remember.” Smiling, she gestured to the holographic collection of gems. “So you understand, then – cross-gem fusion makes gems forget their purpose. A turquoise sings and a cobalt drums – but what, then, does a turquoise-cobalt fusion do? Fusion makes them confused, may even lead to the foolish belief that a cobalt should sing and a turquoise should play. And should they act on this absurd idea –” She snapped her fingers, and two of the gems in the hologram – the gems he had seen performing yesterday – swapped places. Cartoonishly exaggerated expressions of shock crossed their faces, and the lines linking them to the other gems flickered out. The whole structure wobbled, shattering the delicate lattice and spilling holographic gems across the floor. “A gem that betrays her purpose betrays her empire, Pink.” 

Purpose… the Crystal Gems had all told him about that. In Homeworld, you weren’t allowed to be anything but what you were made for. Did everything come back to that? It was why the Crystal Gems rebelled, why the off-colors were hunted, and now why fusions were hurt… 

Could it be why the diamonds were hurting too? _I don’t think she wants to be a diamond_ , Mom had said in that memory. 

Steven started, “So…” 

Blue Diamond didn’t seem to hear him, staring somewhere beyond his head as she rambled, “It’s probably hard for you to understand, Pink, because fusion was discovered not long before you joined us. You didn’t understand what a big change it was. We were experimenting with gems of similar types, to see if they could create a more perfect gem…” Her expression twisted, suddenly ugly with disgust. “And then your little rebellion happened. The rebels fused all the time, between all sorts of gems, and we had to answer in kind… and we are still suffering the consequences. What was done for a purpose during the war continues to be done _without_ purpose, fusion for the sake of fusion, no matter how hard we try to stamp it out. In time we realized even fusion between the same gems could lead to derangement. And worse, a disregard for who they were fusing _with_. It makes me want to–!” Her voice rose to a fever pitch as she spoke, like a tea kettle whistling, until she couldn’t even finish the sentence, nothing but incoherent rage spilling out from her gritted teeth and tensed muscles, boiling and boiling – 

“Garnet’s not deranged!” Steven snapped, heat flushing over his cheeks, his tongue, his breath. His own volume startled him, and he shook his head before trying again. “Look, I mean –” Blue Diamond was finally looking straight at him, raising a single eyebrow. “Garnet is so much more than just Ruby and Sapphire. She can do stuff neither of them can on their own, like, Garnet told me how Sapphire could only see one future, but Garnet can see so many. And Garnet has these cool electricity powers, and doesn’t even mind getting hit by lightning!” 

Blue Diamond dropped her eyebrow, and her gaze turned cold. “‘Garnet’? Is that what your ruby and sapphire fusion calls herself?” 

“Yeah,” Steven said. He tried to smile. “See, it’s like… she made her _own_ purpose, and that lets her do all sorts of awesome things!” He waved his arms enthusiastically. “She could probably explain it all better than me. Maybe… you could work it all out if you talked to each other!” 

“Absolutely not,” Blue Diamond spat. 

Steven flinched. “Please – just – I really think she could help you underst–” 

“I need no _help_ from that _thing_ ,” Blue Diamond screeched, “and neither do you! I do not know _what_ possessed Yellow to encourage this, but I will not! You are to keep your ruby and sapphire unfused, do you understand?!” 

“But – but –” Steven felt tears in his eyes. He thought he was finally getting somewhere, but now he felt like he was farther away than ever. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand! If you would just _talk_ to her…” 

Blue Diamond pushed up a hand, silencing him. “There is nothing to discuss.” She turned away to glare daggers at the wall, her fingers clenching. “You understand, Pink,” she hissed, not looking at him, “that by rights I should shatter them for what they’ve done.” 

Steven couldn’t stop the tears, or his sob. “No – please –” 

“I permit them for your sake, and because they were _apparently_ only following your orders as part of some – sick joke.” She turned back to him, and tears started to flow down her face, a tumult of pain, anger, and confusion washing off of her. “But I don’t like it, Pink. Just… stop this, please. I don’t want to hear any more.” 

Steven took a shuddering breath, and wiped away his tears. Pearl placed a hand on his arm, and flicked her eyes insistently at the gate. 

But… but… 

_…You will be **broken** for this…_

_…A fusion like me is just… unacceptable…_

He couldn’t leave it at that. Connie had been right. If she wasn’t going to listen to Garnet or anyone else, she had to listen to him. This was something only he could do. 

“Wait a second,” he whispered to Pearl. Turning back to Blue Diamond, he saw she had already looked away, as if to dismiss him. But she wasn’t going to get rid of him that easily. Mustering all his courage, he said, “What if I showed it was okay? What if… _I_ fused?” 

Blue Diamond screamed. Just under it, right beside his ear, he heard a muffled scream from Pearl as well. “That’s not funny, Pink!” Blue Diamond shrieked, so loud it seemed to shake the palace. 

“But I could, couldn’t I?” His heart was racing. Pink was eccentric, they said. And if she was eccentric enough to save off-colors, then she could be eccentric enough for this too. “Then it would be fine, because a diamond did it, and you wouldn’t have to shatter –” 

“STOP IT!” Tears gushing from her face now, Blue Diamond threw her fists out wildly, slamming into the wall. Blue Pearl, up to now so perfectly still she almost blended into the room, stepped back quickly. “STOP IT STOP IT **STOP IT**!!” 

She bent almost double, and the blue tide swept over him. He gritted his teeth, trying to ready himself for it this time – 

_– “It could've been great!” –_

_– “That’s exactly what she said… that’s exactly what **you** said!” –_

_– “I watched the leader of the Crystal Gems – Rose Quartz – **shatter Pink Diamond!** ” –_

– but it wasn’t anything like before. It felt like the world had fallen out from under him, like he couldn’t hold on to anyone or anything, like he was just drifting in space, all alone. 

Then just as quickly as it had come, it was gone. The room was back to the normal blue of the palace, and Blue Diamond was hunched on the floor, sobbing quietly. Steven looked to his side, and saw Pearl struggling to her feet, clutching her face. He reached out to help her up, but in a blur of movement she reversed the gesture, clamping her hand around his arm. She shot him a frantic look and hissed, “We have to get out of –” 

“Why?” Blue Diamond’s sob cut across the whole length of the room, and Pearl froze. “Why are you… saying these things to me, Pink?” She stood up to look at him again, but he could barely see her eyes through her tears. “You’d never… you’d never _actually_ do that. You’re just saying these things to hurt me.” She sobbed, and bent over again. “Do you hate me, Pink?!” 

“Say no,” Pearl hissed immediately. “Say you didn’t mean any of it.” 

“I don’t hate you,” Steven said. Because that was true. For all she’d said and done, he didn’t hate her. “I just…” He choked up. 

“ _Say you didn’t mean it,_ ” Pearl hissed, more insistently. 

“But…” Steven squeaked through his teeth. If he kept saying everything was a joke, he’d never convince them of anything at all. 

“…Pink…” 

Steven looked up. Blue Diamond had stepped closer, and now bent one knee to get closer to him. Once again he had to take a moment to process how terrifyingly huge she really was, and he wondered if he’d ever get used to that. She had stopped crying, but tears still streaked her face. 

“You’ve been acting so strangely since we found you.” She sounded so forlorn, like they were on opposite sides of a dark, empty ocean, and not face to gigantic face. “You remember so little, and you’re saying such odd things… such awful things.” Her brows creased, and she looked at him with the utmost concern. “Are you _sure_ you’re alright, Pink? I know you really wanted to try something new, but… I’m starting to wonder if that organic matter around your gem is affecting you somehow.” 

Blue Diamond reached towards him, ever so slowly, her hand growing to fill his entire world. 

“If I could just clean it off…” 

He was jerked away before he could even react, so forcefully it felt like his arm was being pulled out of its socket. Over the _whoosh_ of the door opening, Pearl rattled, “Forgive us Blue Diamond but Pink Diamond has urgent matters to attend to!” 

Steven didn’t even have time to see her face as Pearl spun him around and shoved him out the door. “Oh…” Blue Diamond sighed from behind them. “Maybe later, then, Pink.” 

Pearl was already leading him away, nearly dragging him. He tried to look at her, but she just stared straight ahead with a blank, focused expression. 

She didn’t let go until they were back in his room. Peridot looked up from her console as they trooped in. 

“ _Agh!_ ” Steven shouted, falling back onto the rock-hard couch with a huff. “Why was she like that? If she would just _listen_ …” 

“So… she won’t even tell you when the party is?” Connie asked, clearly confused. 

Steven felt like a bucket of water had been dumped over his head. He blinked. “Oh. No, that went okay. She said it’s in a month –” 

“A _month?!_ ” Connie wailed. 

“– but she said I could help out, so if we work hard it could be sooner!” he finished with a smile. But it fell again as he continued, “But then we started talking about Topaz, and fusion, and I just…” He threw his hands up again. “ _Agh!_ ” 

“Mmhm,” Pearl said, standing stiffly behind him. “Steven, do you remember how I said you need to ask us before saying things sometimes?” 

“Yeah?” 

“That was one of those times.” 

Steven sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just… I really thought it would work! Talking like that usually works! Remember Peridot?” He gestured to her. “Peridot, you didn’t used to think the Earth was worth protecting, but then I told you about it and you saw it for yourself and then you did. Right?” 

“Yeah,” Peridot said. “But what’s that got to do with this?” 

“So I can make the diamonds feel the same way, if they can just – like – _talk_ about this stuff, they’ll see they’re wrong!” He groaned, and clutched at his hair. “But she wouldn’t _let_ me talk! She wasn’t listening at all! She said fusions don’t have a purpose, but – but Garnet’s done so much for us, and she can do such awesome things! But when I tried to tell her that she just started yelling at me…” 

Peridot snorted suddenly, more harshly than he’d come to expect from her. She looked more serious than he had ever seen her as she spat, “Oh, so Blue Diamond’s a liar too? Big surprise.” 

Something in her tone silenced him. Steven just stared at Peridot’s clenched, hateful features before finally mumbling, “Wh… what do you mean?” 

Peridot barked, and the cruel laugh felt like it split his skull. “They’re all liars, Steven! This… this ‘Diamond Authority’ thing, about how they’re so smart and objective, it’s _all_ a lie! They’re _idiots!_ ” Her voice suddenly cracked with the final word, and Steven saw tears well in her eyes. She jerked her head to the side to hide it. “Blue Diamond doesn’t really think fusions are useless or whatever junk she told you! She doesn’t _have_ a real reason! Just like my diamond…!” 

Her voice broke into a sob, and she stopped, clutching her gem. 

“Peridot?” Steven said. “Are you… okay?” 

She sniffed. She looked back at him, not seeming to care anymore that tears were leaking out from under her visor. “You think I was stupid too, right? Because I kept believing in Yellow Diamond for so long.” She let out a weak, snorting laugh. “I thought I could convince her too. I thought for sure that if I could see value in Earth, so would she. Because…” Her voice fell to a whimper, and she hugged herself with her limb enhancers. 

“Because she saw value in _me_.” 

She looked down at her prosthetic arms, rotating them to see every angle. “I’m a dwarf gem,” she said. “By Era 1 standards, I’d be considered hopelessly defective. Useless. But my diamond didn’t think I was useless. She gave me these. She gave me a purpose.” With a sob, her motions suddenly jerked to a stop. “S-so I believed she was right. Of course I did! If she wasn’t, then I was, I was worthless. So I didn’t question it when she said all the o-others really were worthless. That they had to be shattered for the sake of the empire.” Her face suddenly flushed with rage, and she jerked an arm at Lion, who was pawing at the ground absently. “But _she lied to me!_ All those defective gems, we just had to take them to Earth and it was _fine!_ Homeworld didn’t collapse! I didn’t need to shatter them, I _never_ needed to shatter them!” 

Steven jumped up, reaching out to her. “Of course not!” he cried. “Shattering’s awful, that’s why –” 

To his surprise she just jerked away from him, crying and laughing at the same time. “So I’m awful too, is that it?” 

“What are you talking about?” Steven said. “You’ve never shattered anyone! You’re a good person, Peridot!” 

Her whimpering stopped suddenly, and she looked at him with bafflement for an instant before it flashed to anger. “Of course I have!” she snapped. “I’m a _kindergarten technician!_ ” 

Steven stumbled back like he had been hit. His arms still reached for her, but now they clutched at air, just looking stupid. He tried to speak over and over, but every time it just came out as an incoherent whimper. 

Peridot looked away, and laughed bitterly one more time. “But it was all a lie. I thought it was for a reason, but it was all a lie. If it was really about purpose or use, she could have found one for them. _We_ did. So why should Blue Diamond be any different?” 

From beside him, Connie said, “So… they’re claiming to act rationally, but their reasons are actually just…” 

“Let’s not worry about this right now.” Garnet appeared beside him, anchoring him with a steady hand on his shoulder. “Steven. You said the celebration will happen sooner if we help. Tell us what we need to do.” 

“O-oh, um, uh…” He looked up to her, into those mirrored shades that reflected his own face back at him. He focused on her like she was the only thing in the room. “Blue Diamond said something about going to the grand hall so she can decorate it…” 

“White Diamond’s grand hall,” Pearl clarified from behind him. Garnet looked up at her. “We think that if we move the celebration there, there’s a better chance White Diamond will show up.” 

Garnet nodded once. “Good.” Her lips pressed tightly together. “Will we have to work with Blue Diamond?” 

Steven prepared to answer, but before he could, Pearl said, “I think it’s best if we avoid the diamonds as much as possible.” His fault. Steven winced, and felt heat rise to his cheeks. “Peridot, can you set up a communication line with Blue Diamond? We’ll do the planning via message from now on.” 

“On it!” Steven recoiled from Peridot’s voice, jerked his head to the other side of the room. 

He needed to lie down. He sat back on the ‘couch’, not caring how hard it was, and closed his eyes. Breathe in. Pearl was a shatterer and Peridot was a shatterer and the diamonds were shatterers shatter shatter shatter– Breathe out. The gems were talking without him, but he didn’t pay attention to the words. 

After a second, he opened his eyes, and looked down at his gem. He touched it gingerly. 

“Guys, do I poof?” he asked suddenly. 

The room went quiet. Garnet looked down at him, and visibly frowned. 

He looked back at her. “Like, um, if I’m hurt, or if I like, lose my gem… what would happen? Would I reform, like you do?” 

“Well, Steven, that’s a fascinating question!” Pearl fluted, suddenly cheery by his side. “The truth is, we just don’t know! You’re completely new and unique so there’s no way to predict –” 

“You would die.” 

Pearl’s face cracked like porcelain under Garnet’s words. Steven swallowed, and looked at the floor. “Oh.” 

No one said anything for a while. Steven chewed his lip. Eventually, he took a breath. “It’s just, Blue Diamond said she wanted to… ‘clean off my gem’…” 

Everyone sucked air through their teeth. Steven saw Garnet clench a fist. 

“…Pearl is correct, then,” she said, voice calm but clipped. “You must stay away from the diamonds. Remain here, and direct us through the communication channels. We will handle work on the ground.” 

“Oh,” Steven said, glumly. “Okay.” 

He yelped as Amethyst suddenly punched him in the arm. “Hey, don’t look so down, Steven! You’re still the boss!” She grinned into his face. “Just tell us what you want. Streamers? Party cannons? We got ‘em! We’re gonna make this the best party ever, okay?” 

Steven laughed. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right! We may be trapped on another planet with a bunch of giant dictators, but that’s no reason not to have fun!” 

“Yeah! See, you get me!” 

“Peridot, do you have a communicator?” he heard Pearl ask from the other side of the room. 

“Yeah, right here!” 

“Excellent.” Pearl gracefully caught a white diamond-shaped machine, like the communicator Peridot had used so long ago. “We’ll head to the grand hall,” she said, addressing the others, “and send a video link back here so you can see everything, Steven.” 

“Okay,” Steven said. She was already walking out the door, with Amethyst in tow. Garnet stayed behind, settling onto the ‘couch’. “See you in a bit!” 

The room felt oppressively quiet after they left, even with Peridot beeping away at the console. He tried to look at her, but his heart clenched every time he tried. Garnet just stared at him silently. Lion had apparently fallen asleep. 

“Steven…” Connie said suddenly, looking at him sideways. “Please… be more careful, okay? I don’t want you to…” She stopped, and flicked her eyes away for a second. “…get hurt.” 

“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry.” Because he really had messed up, hadn’t he? He’d pushed his luck too far, and now he couldn’t talk to the diamonds at all. His heart hammered as he remembered Blue Diamond reaching for him, ready to crush him like she had tried to crush Garnet. Even like this, with them thinking he was one of them, they wouldn’t even give him a chance. 

Was that why… 

_(“I would have taken the war to Homeworld! I would have **shattered the diamonds** –”)_

No. No. No. That couldn’t be the only way. 

He realized he had his hand over his gem, gripping it tightly. Rose Quartz’s gem. She had believed there was another way, so he had to too. He just had to be more careful, try a little harder. 

When the _ding_ of the communicator sounded, he forced a grin and met Pearl’s equally bright smile. He could help the corrupted gems, at least. He just had to keep focusing on what he could do, one step at a time. 


	10. White Lies

“It still looks so empty! We should add balloons! And confetti cannons!”

From the other side of the screen, Yellow Pearl’s disdainful expression flicked to horror for a moment. “Cannons are not allowed inside the palace walls!” Before he could clarify, her expression settled back and she continued, “As for these ‘balloons’, they are unprecedented and therefore out of the question.”

Steven glanced behind them at the stark walls of White Diamond’s grand hall. Thin glass sheets, so fine and detailed Steven thought they were cloth banners at first, had been placed at various intervals, and were the only color he could see. They displayed flattering illustrations of the diamonds and their courts, Pink Diamond being displayed most prominently. His eyes slid off one of the new ones displaying ‘Pink Diamond’ in his form, before he got sick again.

“Okay,” he said gently. “What _is_ precedented, and therefore, _in_ the question?”

“Everything we’ve already done.” Pearl spoke quickly, before Yellow Pearl could even make a noise. “If White Diamond has truly not left her palace since the end of Era 1, it’s unlikely she would take kindly to any new fashions. We don’t want to upset her.” This with a pointed, intense stare Steven had become familiar with over the past week – it meant, _Please shut up, Steven._

“O… kay.” Steven looked away awkwardly. “I just, um, want to make sure everyone knows they can have fun. I don’t want it to be, like, a boring stuffy thing.”

“A fountain would be nice,” Blue Pearl murmured. “My diamond uses them, so there is a precedent. They are calming.” She paused a second before adding, “I like them.”

Steven brightened. “Sure! That sounds like a great idea! Add stuff like that. Stuff you like.”

“But not anything White Diamond wouldn’t like,” Pearl added sharply.

“Yes, of course! The perfect, radiant, all-shining White Diamond’s feelings matter more than anyone else’s!” Yellow Pearl rattled out. Her voice waved for just an instant when she continued, “She still hasn’t told us much… or rather, _anything_ about what she wants, but we will please her nonetheless, I guarantee it!”

“Yes, why don’t we get on that,” Pearl said stiffly. She waved a hand, and Yellow Pearl marched out of the frame, with Blue Pearl following softly behind. She looked at Steven one last time, and raised a hand to the frame.

“Pearl,” he said, and she stopped. “Am I… doing this right?”

Pearl paused just a split-second too long before smiling. “You’re doing fine, Steven,” she said lightly. “I can handle it from here – we’re just putting on the finishing touches, really. You can take it easy, maybe see if White Diamond has responded yet.”

Steven nodded, and ran a finger through his curls. “And, uh, I was wondering… how is Necky doing?”

“She’s doing well, I think,” Pearl said. “She still gets stressed when she’s around other people, so she’s staying in the forge for now.” She smiled brightly again. “But even just moving to a different forge is a big step forward! It was a good idea to let her help out.”

Steven let out a breath. “That’s good. That’s really good.” He had butterflies in his stomach the whole time he walked Necky across the bridge, but the thought of leaving her in that lonely room twisted him up even more. He tried to smile, but it came out crooked. “Maybe if I explained everything, she wouldn’t be so scared…”

Pearl’s smile dimmed, but stayed fixed. “Later,” she said. “Remember, you just need to focus on White Diamond for now. Let us worry about everything else.”

Steven nodded. “Okay.”

“I love you,” Pearl said.

“I love you.”

Then the screen finally winked away.

Steven took a deep breath, and let it out again.

It had been several days – or at least he had slept several times – but it felt like nothing had changed. White Diamond still hadn’t responded to anything he sent her, and Blue Diamond dodged the question whenever he asked her about it. He had thrown himself into the preparations, thinking that the sooner the party happened the sooner he could go home, but if White Diamond didn’t come it would all be a waste. And then he might not get another chance for…

No, don’t think about that. He’d just keep trying. He could ask Blue Diamond again. Just not in person, or if he did, not within arm’s reach…

He shook his head, and looked over himself in the mirror. He felt his breaths quicken, but he kept his stomach from somersaulting this time. He ran his hands through his hair, dyed not the pale cherry-blossom of Pink Diamond but the comforting, solid magenta of Mom’s hair. He clung to it, focused on it. With that color, he could almost believe he was just pretending to be Mom, and not an evil shatterer. (Almost. Did Pink Diamond really walk around with those ridiculous shoulderpads? They made him look like an anime supervillain.)

He leaned forward, saw black at the roots of his hair, and frowned. “Garnet, could you help me with the dye again?”

He heard someone take a gasping breath, and whirled around. Connie crawled out of Lion, and dropped her backpack to the floor with a heavy clunk.

“Connie!” he called, already running over. She jerked her head away from him and started rifling through the bag. “You were gone all day yesterday! Are you okay?”

She stopped abruptly, and paused like she was considering her answer. What she finally said was, “I was busy. Checked on the off-colors.” Her tone was unnaturally flat, like she had crushed all the feeling out of it.

“Oh,” Steven said. She started rummaging through the bag again, making loud crinkling and clanging sounds. “Are _they_ okay?”

“Mmhm,” Connie said tightly. “They were kinda swarming Beach City. The people were getting a little nervous. Bismuth built a house for them underwater, just off the coast. That seems to be working for now.” Connie began extracting items from the bag, sorting them slowly and methodically into piles next to her. She was still looking away from him.

Steven zipped around to the other side. “Let me help you with that –”

She snapped her forearm across her face, but not fast enough to hide the redness around her eyes.

He froze. “…Connie?” he asked, and his voice sounded like cracking ice. Connie slowly lowered her arm, but she still wouldn’t look at him. She just stared down at the floor, face trembling slightly. “Why were you crying? What’s wrong?”

She took in a breath. She held it for a second before saying, “I saw my parents.”

“Wh-why? Did something –”

“Because this might be the last time I see them.”

Her voice cracked on the last word, and she shoved her fist in her mouth to muffle a sob.

“That’s not true,” Steven said, but the words sounded hollow even to his ears. “Once this is over you can go back home and see them again and everything will be fine!”

Connie lowered her hand back to the ground. “Once this is over,” she repeated, so quietly it was like she was only talking to herself. She raised her head and looked out across the room, to Garnet sitting by the far wall. “Garnet,” she said, “could you give us a moment alone?”

Garnet nodded silently, and left.

Connie rose to her feet, and sighed sharply. “Of course you’d be here,” she muttered. “Stupid. I thought I’d have more time to…” She shook her head, and rubbed at her eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Connie?”

She finally looked him in the eye. She was trying to look tough, determined, but it was an uneven mask. Steven could see her fear and pain through it clear as day. “Steven, what’s your plan here, _exactly?_ ”

“Well, I’m gonna go to the party, tell White Diamond about the corrupted gems, and get her to heal them.” Steven smiled playfully, but it was weak. “That’s been the plan all along. Is… there something wrong with it? Is that why you’re sad?”

Connie just kept looking at him with that face of cracked stone. “And then what?” she asked, ignoring his question. “After that, then what?”

“Then we can go home! You can see your family again, it’ll be fine!”

“So we’re just going to give up on the rest?” Connie just sounded sad, not accusing at all, and that made it hurt even more. “The oppression, the kindergartens… everything we’ve seen?” He flinched under every word, until finally it was his turn to look away, staring down at his boots. His diamond’s boots. He wanted to say something, tell her he had a plan, but his thoughts just unraveled into a lump in his throat.

After a while, Connie said, “Steven, we both know we can’t stop at the corrupted gems. This isn’t over until we stop this, _all_ of this.”

Steven looked up, into her hard and shimmering eyes, and nodded once. “You’re right,” he agreed. “At first, I really thought… I just needed to talk to White Diamond, and that would be it. Everything would be fixed, and we could go back home. But…” He screwed his eyes shut and he was back in the kindergarten, the off-colors stumbling and crying. “…I can’t do that anymore. There’s too much else that needs fixing, too.” He opened his eyes, and took a deep breath. “I’m going to need to talk to the diamonds even more, until I can convince them to stop doing all this… this evil stuff. And… I don’t know how long that’ll take.” He smiled, even still. “But that doesn’t mean you’ll never get to see your family again. You can still go back any time you want, I promise!”

Connie – tried to keep her face stony, but she tried too hard. Steven could see the cracks at the edges, some panicked energy breaking through. “‘Convince,’” she said, not quite mockingly, but critically, like she was turning the word over in her hands. “Do you really still think you can solve this just by talking to them?”

“Well… yeah?” Steven said, confused. A little defensively, he added, “That’s what _you_ told me to do.”

Her eyes flicked away. “Maybe I was wrong.”

“No, you were right!” Steven said immediately. “The problem is that they won’t listen to anyone else, but they’ll listen to me! I think I almost got through to Blue Diamond –”

Connie’s eyes snapped back to him, and her face contorted with disgust. “She _threatened to kill you!_ How is that ‘getting through to her’?”

“She wasn’t trying to threaten me! We told her the organic stuff isn’t important, so she doesn’t know –”

“Why are you making excuses for her?!” Connie snapped. Steven took an involuntary step back. “She’s your _enemy_ , Steven!”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t talk to her.” Steven took another step back. Connie was flushed, the red spreading from her eyes all across her face, like she was burning up. He’d never seen her so mad. “Lapis, and Peridot, they were my enemies too, remember? But talking worked for them.”

“And Jasper? Did talking work on her?”

Steven recoiled like he had been burned. The glee on her face when she split Garnet apart, the pain as her helmet smashed into his head, the way she held Amethyst on the beach, the _hatred_ coming off her in waves. He pressed a hand over his abdomen where she had clawed him, had tried to keep fighting him even as he tried to help her, even as she was destroying herself. “They’re not like Jasper,” he said.

Connie looked completely stunned. She just stared at him, boggling, before finally yelling, “Yes they are! If anything they’re _worse!_ Jasper was following _their_ orders!” Connie threw the words like a knife, and Steven stopped short. She looked guilty for a second, and her expression softened. She took a deep breath, and said, “Look… you agree, we had to fight Jasper. You can’t always solve everything peacefully. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, no matter how much you want it to. Sometimes… you have to fight.”

Steven shook his head. “But… not this time. This isn’t like it was with Jasper. They’re not, like, attacking us, like they were before –” Connie shuddered at that. “I can keep trying, Connie. There’s no reason for them to be doing this stuff, they’ll have to see that eventually.”

Connie shook her head. “The diamonds won’t listen to reason. You remember what Peridot said. They’re lying about their real feelings, they’re behaving irrationally. You’re not going to get a reasoned debate, you’re just going to make them mad. Maybe mad enough to, to–” She cringed. “–to kill you even if you’re a diamond!” she forced out in one breath. She leaned back to compose herself, and set her jaw even as it trembled. “Steven, if we want to free the gems here, we’re going to have to fight the diamonds. Whether…” All the fire went out of her at once. She buried her head in her shoulder and clutched her stomach suddenly. “…Whether we want to or not,” she finished weakly.

Steven could only stare at her, mouth half-open. He blurted out, “You sound like Bismuth,” and immediately regretted it.

Connie glanced back at him, and seemed to steady herself a little. “I’m not saying you have to shatter them,” she said, a little more forcefully than necessary. “Just… I don’t think talking’s going to work this time, Steven. We have to get ready to fight them, and… and…” Her voice cracked more and more as she spoke, until she finally burst out in one horrible sob, “and when we do I might not make it.”

Steven’s eyes went wide, and he wrapped his arms around her immediately. It was like hugging a stick, she was so tense. “No! You will! I’ll protect you, I promise!”

“You couldn’t protect me last time.” Steven’s breath hitched and he saw blood again, and before he could recover she was shoving him away, hard. “And don’t you _dare_ ,” she sobbed, “say that was your fault! It’s _not_ your fault that you can’t be everywhere at once, that’s – that’s just what happens! You can’t do everything, you can’t be sure…” She was crying openly now, her knees knocking together as she clutched tightly at her stomach. She gasped a breath and choked out, “It h-hurt, when she hit me, it hurt so much. I was so scared, I… I really thought I was going to die!” Her hand trembled, and she lifted it to her head. “And I was _lucky_. If she had kicked me a little differently, or if she had _s-stepped_ on me…”

She clutched a hand to her mouth, and wailed.

Steven stood frozen, feeling sick. “I… I didn’t know,” he whimpered. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have made you come here. You can go back to Earth, and…”

Connie snorted wetly, and wiped her face. “I knew you’d say that,” she said bitterly. “You never _made_ me come! You tried to make me stay! You _would_ have, if I hadn’t pretended I was fine!”

“What do you…”

“That’s what you _do!_ You do whatever _you_ think is best for people, no matter what they actually want! I still want to help, even though I’m scared. But if I told you that, that’s not what you’d have heard! You’d have made me stay behind!”

Steven looked back at her, his mouth hanging open silently.

Connie sniffed. “Don’t try to tell me you wouldn’t. You _just did_. You want to send me back.” Her face scrunched up, and she started to cry again. “You’re… so _selfish._ ”

That snapped Steven out of his stupor. “H-how is that selfish?” he wailed, only half in anger. “I’m trying to keep you safe!”

“So am I!” Connie yelled.

They stared at each other for a moment, the only noise the sound Connie’s heavy breathing. She wiped at her eyes again. “I get it,” she said. “You want peace of mind. You want to know for sure that I’ll be safe.” She screwed up her whole face, and exploded, “Well have you ever considered that other people want that too?!”

Steven’s heart twisted with guilt, and he looked away from her. After a second, he murmured, “This is… like when I was captured, isn’t it?”

It was a long time before Connie spoke, like she was running over countless responses in her mind. What finally came out was a quiet, “Yeah,” all the anger gone from her voice.

She turned to Lion, and petted his flank absently for a few seconds. Lion’s head perked up for a moment before settling back down. “I was safe then, I guess,” Connie said. “But I didn’t want to be. I spent the whole time worried sick. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the horrible things that might be happening to you. I couldn’t stop thinking that it was my fault, that if I had just done things differently, if I was _there_ with you, I could have saved you.” She was clearly trying to look angry, but she just looked hurt. “You promised then that you wouldn’t cut me out again. So _don’t_.”

Now it was Steven’s turn to cry. “I’m s-sorry!” he wailed. “I’m not trying to it’s just – it’s just – I’m scared too, Connie! Wh-when you, when it happened, I was so scared I wouldn’t make it in time, I was so scared you were a-a-already…” His throat seized up, and his body wracked with sobs. “I don’t want that to happen again, I don’t want anyone to be hurt again!”

“I know,” Connie said. “But… I don’t want you to get hurt, either.” She stepped forward, and laid her hands on his shoulders. “If you’re willing to risk your life for this, then so am I.”

Steven shuddered at the bluntness of those words. _If I could just clean it off…_ He sniffed. All he could manage in response was a pathetic, “Okay.”

Connie said nothing. After a moment she stepped back, and let out a deep breath while he wiped at his eyes. “Look, I mean… _I_ don’t want to get hurt either,” she said with an apologetic smile. “I promise, I _will_ be more careful this time. If we’re unfused, I won’t run off on my own.”

Steven glanced away for a second, sniffed again, and smiled weakly. “H-hey, c’mon…” he said. “Why are we worrying about this now, anyway? Even if you’re right, it’s not like we’re gonna be fighting them right away. I mean, we’re going to have a party! We can worry about all this after.”

Connie frowned, and turned her head away from him. “Well, uh…” she mumbled. “Nobody seems to know anything about White Diamond, and… that makes me nervous. We don’t know for sure if she’ll be fooled by the shards, or how she’ll react to you, or what she can do. There’s… a lot that could go wrong. We have to be prepared for anything.” She glanced at Lion, and then back at Steven. “I think… you should see your dad, Steven,” she said. “You know, just… in case.”

He dropped his gaze in lieu of a response, chewing his lip.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Connie said after a second. “I’m going to talk strategy with the others.” She hoisted her backpack and walked out the door, glancing back once to say, “…See you, Steven.”

Steven looked in the mirror again. Then he moved to his travel bag, and pulled out his old clothes.

♦

When Steven poked his head out, the first thing he saw was Sadie’s face. She was blushing slightly, but her cheeks got darker as she stared at him with slowly widening eyes. “Oh! Hi, Sadie!” Steven chirped. “It’s nice to see y –”

“STEVEN?!” Lars shrieked, and Steven was flung back with such force he flew out of the hair and onto the ground. Lars and Sadie were sitting on a bench in the middle of the park; Sadie sputtered a laughing cough while Lars almost fell over the edge in his attempt to lean away from her, burying his face in his hands. “Can you like – knock next time?!”

Steven looked up, into the bright blue sky, and took a deep breath of fresh, Earth air. It was a beautiful day.

“Sorry, Lars!” he chirped. “Hope I didn’t surprise you too much, haha!”

Lars looked even pinker than usual. “You can’t just – I was –” His voice degraded into impassioned but unintelligible squeaking as he curled into himself further.

Sadie guffawed, and Lars untensed. “Oh wow, that was…” She took a moment to catch her breath, shook her head, and laughed again. “I guess this is just something we’ll have to get used to.”

Steven stood up and hugged Sadie, who let out an _oof_. “I’m sorry I couldn’t see you before I left, Sadie!” He pulled back, and smiled at the both of them. Lars was still leaning at a ridiculous angle, but he looked a tad more relaxed now. “I’m so glad you can see each other again!”

Sadie laughed. “Yeah, that was really something! Right after we’re told to evacuate, Lars comes back out of the blue, and…” She shook her head, but she was smiling. “I know you told me, but I can still hardly believe it. He’s a space captain now… that’s really something.”

“You’re… pretty cool too,” Lars managed, his voice small. “I never thought you’d become a rock star.”

“Yeah, me neither.” She looked fondly at Lars, who awkwardly avoided her gaze. “We’ve had a lot to catch up on.”

“A-and also apparently I’m Steven’s personal taxi service now,” Lars huffed, putting the edge back in his voice. “Come on, I _just_ let Connie through! I thought I might _finally_ have some time to myself, but _nooo!_ Are you playing tag team or something?”

He crossed his arms and glared, but Steven just smiled back. “Sorry, Lars. We’ve got a lot of gems to save!”

Lars moaned dramatically. “Oh, please, no! Don’t tell me you’re gonna send _another_ endless gem parade through my head!” He scrunched his face, and looked a smidgen more serious. “I mean – ugh, I _know_ you gotta save them and all, but can you at least give me some warning first? Or find someone else to cry on?”

“Lars!” Sadie said. “Don’t be mean.”

Lars blinked, and pointed to himself. “No, seriously, this happened because Steven cried on me. He’s got magic tears or something. That’s how he turned me into a pink portal zombie.”

Steven’s smile went crooked.

Sadie laughed. “ _Zombie?_ You look pretty alive to me, Lars!”

Steven looked away.

“Well, I died and came back to life! What else could I be, an angel?”

Another laugh from Sadie. “Well, alright – you’re definitely no angel.”

Steven said, “I-i-it was great seeing you but I gotta go now bye!”

“Oh – yeah, don’t worry about us! Do your important stuff!” Sadie said. “And don’t mind Lars, either. He really does care about you and the gems.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Lars admitted. “If you’re here for the off-colors, they live in the ocean now. Hope you have diving gear.”

“Sure! Bye!”

Steven scampered off.

He tried to head straight for the car wash, but he found his footsteps slowing without realizing it. He couldn’t stop himself from lingering in his favorite spots, drifting down familiar streets, waving to the townspeople. It was as if the diamonds had never come here. Beach City was still the same place he knew and loved. For a moment he had the selfish thought to stay here, just a little longer, until he could forget about the diamonds and Homeworld and everything could go back to normal.

But he knew he couldn’t, and the longer he stayed, the more that made him ache.

Greg was sitting just outside the car wash, playing an airy melody that carried across the lot. It jerked to a sudden stop as Steven approached.

Greg’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates before he jumped up, dropping his lute to wrap Steven in a hug.

“Steven!” he cried, sounding on the edge of tears. “You’re back! You’re okay! Where are the others? Did you win?”

“Not… yet,” Steven said, hugging him back. “We’re still working on it. I just… wanted to see you.”

Greg unwrapped his arms to place his hands firmly on Steven’s shoulders. His eyes shimmered, but he kept his voice steady as he said, “Of course, of course. I know it’s only been a week, but… I’ve missed you too, buddy.” He picked up his lute, and sat back on the edge of his van. Steven hopped up, taking his familiar spot beside him.

Now that he was actually here, Steven realized he didn’t know what to say. He stared down at his lap, and swallowed.

Greg let the silence stretch out a moment longer before rubbing circles gently on his back. Quietly, he asked, “How’s it going over there? Is everything okay?”

Steven looked up into his father’s eyes. He opened his mouth, prepared to say some assurance, that he was fine, that he didn’t need to worry.

What came out was, “I’m scared.”

His lip trembled for a second, and then it was like a dam bursting. Greg pulled him close as he cried and cried, feeling like he was spilling out his entire heart, everything he had kept from the gems, everything he had kept from himself.

“I’m so scared,” he said again, after he had regained some breath. “The diamonds are h-hurting so many people and I don’t know how to make it stop. Every time I try to talk it gets worse. I d-don’t know what the diamonds will do. I’m scared the gems could die, I’m scared Connie could die, I’m scared I… I…” His throat squeezed, until he could only scream thinly.

“It’s okay,” Greg murmured softly. Steven hiccupped.

After a second, Steven said, “I’m s-sorry. I said I wasn’t s-scared before, but I was scared then too. I wasn’t safe, I didn’t actually know they wouldn’t hurt me, I was so scared they were going to hurt me.”

“I know,” Greg said, with so much gentleness it just made Steven cry more.

Steven hugged him tightly, burying his face in his chest. They sat there, wordlessly, until Steven stopped shaking. Eventually he pulled back, sniffed, and looked out across the city again.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he admitted. “We have a plan, but I don’t know if it’s gonna work, and I don’t know what to do after.” He clutched his head. “Everyone’s expecting me to know what to do, but I don’t! There’s so much going on and it’s all too much and I…”

“Steven.” Greg placed a hand on his shoulder, and he stopped hyperventilating. “That’s okay. It’s okay to not know what to do. _I_ don’t always know what to do all the time. No one does.” He paused. “And no one should expect you to. You’re… only fourteen, Steven. No one has it all figured out at fourteen.” He turned to look out at the landscape, and his eyes narrowed slightly. Steven felt his grip on his shoulder tighten slightly, become firmer.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have encouraged this,” Greg said. “At least not until you were older.”

“What do you mean?” Steven asked.

Greg looked at him, sadly. “I never meant for you to get wrapped up in your mom’s war,” he said. “I don’t think the gems did either, but… I don’t think they really understand.” He cupped a hand around Steven’s cheek, and tears started to pool in his eyes. “You’re so young,” he choked out. “You should be… playing with your friends right now. Eating ice cream. Having fun. Having a _childhood_. Not fighting for your life against monsters and soldiers and who knows what else.” He shut his eyes, and tears streaked down his cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Dad.” Steven placed a hand over his father’s. “I miss those times too, but… I have to do this. This is what Mom made me for.”

Greg’s eyes snapped open, suddenly wide with shock. “Wh-what?”

Steven smiled. “I figured it out,” he said. “The diamonds have these crazy strong powers, too strong for the gems to fight. But they don’t work on humans, so I can resist them. That’s why Mom made me! She knew she couldn’t beat the diamonds on her own, so –”

“No.” Greg shook his head, looking sad. “No, Steven. That’s not true.”

“But –”

“Rose would _never_ ,” Greg insisted, “make someone else fight her battles for her. She couldn’t possibly have known it would turn out like this. All she ever wanted was for you to live a normal, happy life.” His eyes grew misty as he breathed, “And that’s all I want for you, too.”

Steven looked down at his gem, unable to say anything.

Greg sighed. “Steven,” he said seriously, “you’re not Rose. You’re not responsible for anything she did, or for fixing her mistakes. It’s not fair to make you shoulder this five-thousand-year-old burden.”

Steven twined his fingers in his shirt. “But… someone has to do it,” he said. “Someone has to finish what she started. Earth won’t be safe, and the gems won’t be safe, not until someone stops the diamonds.”

“But that someone doesn’t have to be you.”

Steven shook his head. “It does, Dad. I’m the only one who can resist their powers. I’m the only one they’ll talk to. I’m the only one who can fix this.”

Greg stared down at his hands. After a second, he said, very quietly, “There’s a selfish part of me that wants to tell you that’s not true. That it’ll all work out, and you can forget about it and come home.” He shook his head, and smiled sadly. “But I know I can’t do that.” He looked back at Steven, and slowly twined their fingers together. “I wish you didn’t have to do this, Steven. But even though I don’t know much about gem stuff… I know how important this is. I know you care so much about everyone, and you want to save them. And… I know you will.”

They pulled into one last hug. “I believe in you, Steven,” Greg said. “Just please… come home safe.”

“I will,” Steven promised. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

Steven waved goodbye, dried his tears, and forced himself to head back.

He started walking towards Lars’ house, but stopped. The sun was still high in the sky. He had time to visit someone else, while he was here. If they really were going to fight the diamonds… then maybe it would be a good idea. Just to see how prepared they were.

He turned away from the city, towards the beach. He saw a few off-colors poke their heads above the water as he passed, but they retreated when he waved at them. He climbed the steps to his house, took a breath, and stepped into the warp pad.

Bismuth’s forge was open. Steven walked down the shaft into the earth, the noise of Bismuth’s work growing to fill his ears. The heat wafted into his face as he stepped into the workroom, and he felt himself starting to sweat.

Bismuth had her back to him, tinkering delicately with something on a workbench he couldn’t see. Imposing weapons still hung from the walls, making Steven’s heart beat a little faster, but closer to the center was something new: suits of armor in a variety of sizes, so shiny they gleamed.

“Hi, Bismuth!” Steven called.

Bismuth nearly jumped out of her seat. With a sharp, spasming movement her arms shot out, practically _hurling_ her current project off the table and into a box on the floor, before she whirled around so fast her braids slapped her face. “STEVEN!” she yelled in a brittle voice, grinning hugely. “I didn’t know you were coming! What are you doing here!!”

“It’s been a while,” Steven said with a wave. “I thought I should check in, see how you were doing!”

“Yeah yeah things are going great here!” Bismuth said quickly. Her eyes flicked back to the workbench, and she not-so-surreptitiously swept some bits behind her. “You need anything?”

“Uh, well…” Steven’s gaze moved to the shining suits of armor. Looking more closely, he could see each one was perfectly fitted to one of the Crystal Gems. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been working on! Like this armor!” He rapped on one, and it made a pleasing _clang_.

“Ah – that’s my anti-destabilizer armor!” Bismuth visibly relaxed, a more comfortable intensity filling her eyes as she moved into an explanation. “They exert an electromagnetic field that repels the charge from a destabilizer, shielding the gem inside. Watch!” She picked a destabilizer from one of the racks, and jammed it straight at the nearest piece of armor. Instead of running into the metal as Steven expected, the sparks flew away from it, arcing back into the weapon. Bismuth flipped the destabilizer back onto the rack, glowing with pride. “If Yellow Diamond’s bolts work the same way – and I think they do – then we’ll be protected from her too! No more insta-poofing!”

“That’s so cool!” Steven cooed.

“And as for Blue Diamond –” Bismuth swept across to the other side of the room, and opened a sealed box tucked away from the lava streams. Steven leaned over, and saw blocks of wood carved into various shapes and sizes. “I don’t have as much to go on there,” Bismuth said with some annoyance, “but you said your human half helped you resist it, so I wondered if we could do something similar – encase our gems in organic material, and maybe that would block it. Bit of a shot in the dark, but it’s my best guess.” Her mouth quirked. “Still think we’re probably better off just taking Blue Diamond down before she can use her power. Maybe you could do a surprise attack, while they still think you’re Pink Diamond.”

Steven backed away, glancing around the room. “U-uh, maybe,” he mumbled. He strode over to the box by the workbench, forcing a smile again. “What about what you were making when I came in? Something even better?”

“UH.” Bismuth zoomed across the room until she was beside him, her heavy steps booming like a rockfall. “That’s uh, that’s just a side project really don’t worry about it –”

Steven smiled up at her. “It’s fine! I’m sure anything you make is gonna be cool –”

“No no no really.” She laughed nervously, shoving herself in front to block his view. “It’s not finished yet you don’t want to –”

He pushed past her. “Aw, c’mon, let me see –”

He looked down into the box, and froze.

It was the Breaking Point.


	11. Heart of the Crystal Gems

Steven lifted the Breaking Point and turned around, very slowly. Bismuth had taken several steps back, her body hunched in a defensive posture.

Steven threw the weapon down at her feet, hard. “So you haven’t changed at all!” he said, hot tears at the edges of his eyes. “Even now that you know what shattering really is!”

Bismuth closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let her arms fall slack by her side.

“You promised,” Steven said in a trembling voice. He couldn’t decide whether to advance on her or back away. His legs just wobbled, stuck between the two. “You promised me you wouldn’t do this anymore! Was that all a lie?!”

Bismuth’s eyes snapped open. “No,” she said, dropping the word like a weight of lead. “I never lied to you, Steven.”

Steven fumed at that, sputtering before jabbing an arm at the Breaking Point and shouting, “Then what do you call this?! I _destroyed_ the last one! You’ve been making a new one, this whole time, behind my back!” He balled his fists. “Why would you do this?! Even after everything you said… about the peridots… about your friends… you said you understood, you said you were wrong!”

“ _And I meant it!_ ” Bismuth said, and her voice finally cracked. She stopped, leaned back so she was no longer looming over him, and took a breath. “Steven,” she said, “I _was_ listening to you. When I said shattering Homeworld soldiers was wrong, that wasn’t a lie. I’m _not_ going to use it on any of them.” Her eyes narrowed, and Steven felt a chill despite the heat. “But the diamonds have to be destroyed.”

“No.”

“ _Yes!_ ” Bismuth shouted, balling her fists. “This isn’t like Peridot! This isn’t like _me!_ They’re not some misguided, ignorant fools just waiting to see the light! They _know_ what they’re doing! They’ve done it for eons and they will _never stop!_ ” She threw up an arm, buffeting a wave of hot air over Steven. “ _Eons_ , Steven! Can you even _comprehend_ what that means? How much harm they’ve done? You know how many off-colors were going to be destroyed if you hadn’t sent them here – well that was just _one batch!_ Try to imagine that many shatterings in _every emergence_ , for _thousands of years!_ ”

Steven had tried very hard _not_ to imagine that. He felt his breaths getting shallower, making him lightheaded in the heat.

“To say nothing of the planets they’ve destroyed – you think Earth was the only colony with native life?” She jabbed her arm at Steven like a lance, but to his relief, did not turn it into one. He held his ground, not sure if he was brave or just too terrified to move. “ _Those_ are the people who matter! _Those_ are the people you should care about! We owe it to them, to everyone who’s died and who will die, to stop the diamonds from hurting anyone else!”

“I _know!_ ” Steven wailed. “I know, Bismuth! That’s why I saved the off-colors, I know we have to stop them.”

“Then let me ask _you_ why, Steven,” Bismuth snapped. “Why _you_ are betraying _me_ , after you said _you_ understood, after you said you were going to fight them! Why you’re _still_ trying to protect them! Why you think their lives are worth more than everyone else’s!”

“Because you don’t need to shatter them!” he countered. “We could just bubble them, you said that would be good enough!”

Bismuth’s mouth quirked oddly, and she broke his gaze. She huffed a weak laugh. “Sorry. That one _was_ a lie.”

Steven felt himself shivering, even as the heat felt more stifling than ever. “Why?” he sobbed. “Why can’t we just bubble them?” He thought back to Pearl’s memory, when Mom had made the same argument. Back then, Garnet had said… “This isn’t like Pink Diamond! If we bubble them all, there’s no one else left to get mad! No one will try to take them back!”

Bismuth gave him an incredulous look. “What? Is the only reason she…?” She sighed, and shook her head. “Let’s say you’re right. We hold the diamonds in the temple, and _somehow_ , not a single gem in the entire empire objects. That’ll go great,” she said, “until someone trips and pops a bubble. Or –” She snorted a derisive laugh, and threw her arms up in exasperation. “– we find out too late that one of the ridiculous powers diamonds have is breaking out of bubbles!” Her gaze was on him again, utterly without mercy. “Then it’s over. The diamonds will destroy us, and start the empire running again like they never left. Everything we worked for, everything we _sacrificed_ for, gone in an instant.” She clenched a fist, her whole arm tensing with the motion. “So long as they live, we can _never_ be safe. _They have to die_.”

Steven clutched his head. “No.”

“ _ENOUGH!_ ” Bismuth roared. She grabbed the Breaking Point off the ground and this time Steven did step back, but she just tossed the weapon aside, into another bin. She snapped her arm out in a harsh cutting movement, and Steven saw that there were tears in her eyes now, too. “Who are _you_ to tell me I’m wrong?! You, some Earthling who emerged yesterday, who never had to live under their rules, never had to live in fear! How dare you act like you can tell me how to feel! How dare you act like you know what they _DESERVE!_ ”

Steven’s breath hitched. “No one…” He gritted his teeth, and now the angry tears were back. “ _No one_ deserves to be shattered! How – how dare _you_ tell me how to feel about that, I’ve talked to the shards, I’ve felt how horrible it is!” He clutched at his chest. “One of them’s already been shattered, and she hurts so much, she’s crying out constantly –”

“I don’t care.”

Steven stopped dead. He could only stare into Bismuth’s unflinching eyes, in horror.

“Do you have any idea how many gems _she_ shattered?” Bismuth’s voice suddenly calm now, a horrible, cold calm. “Do you have any idea how many of my friends right now are feeling the same torment, because of _her?_ ” She snorted, a single quiet, dismissive huff. “If she’s suffering the same way, then _good_. That’s _justice_.”

Steven just stared at her, panting. “How…” He felt like he was burning up. Even the tears on his cheeks felt scalding. “How can that be justice?”

“It’s fair, isn’t it! A shard for a –”

“Stop it.” Steven’s legs finally gave out, and he collapsed to the floor. “ _Stop it!_ ”

He buried his face in his hands, and sobbed.

He didn’t know how long it was before his breaths finally steadied again. Bismuth said nothing the whole time.

“I’m fourteen,” he whimpered. “I’m only fourteen.” He stared at his hands, sticky with tears that were already drying in the forge’s heat. “You’re – hundreds of years old, right? You’ve had so long to think about all this stuff, justice and fairness and whatever, but I…” He sniffled. “I thought I could be strong, and cool, and everything that everyone needed from me. But I’m still… I’m still just a kid. A year ago, a-all I had to worry about was my favorite ice cream running out. N-now you’re telling me I have to shatter someone, and that that would be _right?_ ” He shuddered with another sob. “I can’t… do this. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to have to make these horrible decisions.”

“Then don’t.” Bismuth’s voice was soft again, the same voice she used when they first met. The voice he missed. She knelt in front of him, but Steven didn’t look up at her. “Let me be in charge. I can make those decisions for you.”

Steven shook his head. “You mean you’ll shatter them.”

Bismuth’s voice tightened. “It has to be done, Steven.” Her voice softened again as she continued, “I understand you don’t want to do it. No one should. So I’ll do it for you.”

Steven shook his head more fiercely. “No!” he wailed. “No, I don’t want them to be shattered at all!”

“Steven –”

“Why does it have to be this way?!” He buried his face again, but tighter, clawing at his scalp. “All I want is for no one to have to die, _why is that so much to ask?!_ ”

“Because we can’t always get what we want,” Bismuth said immediately. “The universe is cruel, Steven.”

Steven gasped a few more breaths. From above him, he heard Bismuth sigh. “You think I don’t feel the same way? You think I _want_ to shatter people?” She huffed, and her voice soured. “You do, don’t you. You said as much before, you said I was no better than Homeworld. Well I –”

“No.” Steven finally looked up at Bismuth, into her guarded eyes. “I’m sorry I said that, Bismuth. It wasn’t true. I didn’t know anything about Homeworld, back then, and you… I was so scared of you. All I could think was how awful it was that anyone was getting shattered at all.”

Bismuth actually looked surprised for a second. “Oh,” she said. A second of silence, then: “I’m sorry. Again.”

Steven bit his lip. “I do know more now. And you’re right, they’ve done awful things, they’ve done _such_ awful things. But I still can’t… I can’t believe _anyone_ deserves to be shattered. Even them.” He could hardly bear her intensity, but he forced himself to hold her gaze as he said: “I want to save everyone. The Homeworld gems, and the diamonds.”

Bismuth’s face tightened. “ _Why_ ,” she grunted. “Why do you want to keep trying? Why do they deserve more of a chance than everyone they’ve killed?” Bismuth pounded a fist against the ground, well away from him, but it still made Steven flinch. “Why do we keep acting like _they’re_ the ones who matter, like they’re more important than anyone else? That’s a lie, that’s _their_ lie, don’t you get it! They make us believe that they’re better than us, that their lives matter and ours don’t, that they’re _special!_ Stop buying into it! They’re no different than us, they don’t deserve any better!”

“That’s _why_ they deserve a chance.” Steven found the strength to rise to his feet, wincing at the heat as he pushed himself up. “You’re right, they’re not any different. That means they’re not any different from the gems I already saved, like Peridot, and Lapis Lazuli. Which means I _can_ change their minds. I _can_ save them.”

Still kneeling, Bismuth just gave him a silent, dubious glare.

Steven bit his lip. “I know it’s not going to be as easy as I thought it was, Bismuth. I _know_. It’s so hard to get them to listen. I know it’s going to be dangerous, and I know it might take a long time.”

“No ‘might’ about it, it will,” Bismuth said bluntly. “And for all that time, the empire will go on as normal. While you’re chatting up in your towers, more gems will be ground down beneath your feet. You _won’t_ be able to save everyone.”

“I can save them,” Steven insisted. “Like I saved the off-colors.”

“Steven…” Bismuth gritted her teeth, and looked away to exhale before facing him again. “I don’t want to trivialize what you did. Every life you saved there was a miracle. But in the grand scheme of things, that was just a speck. I told you, emergences happen all the time. You can’t save every single off-color that comes out.”

“Yes I can,” Steven said. “Yellow Diamond agreed to give me every single batch from now on.” Bismuth’s eyebrows shot up at that. “And – I can follow the diamonds around, stop them from shattering anyone else too. I won’t let them hurt anyone, I promise.” Bismuth’s expression settled back, but it was unreadable now. “ _Please_ ,” Steven pleaded.

Bismuth looked at him for another second. “You’re saying you’ll take responsibility for them, then?”

Steven blinked. “What?”

“They will hurt people,” Bismuth said darkly. “They’ve hurt people before, and they’ll do it again. By refusing to end it now, you’re endangering countless gems and planets. You understand that?” Steven hesitated, then nodded stiffly. Bismuth stood up to her full height, and Steven had to fight down a thrum of panic. “Then I will give _you_ a chance,” she intoned, and Steven allowed himself a flutter of hope. “ _But_ ”–the hope faltered like a butterfly with a torn wing–“you are responsible for them. If they hurt _anyone_ , you share the blame. You will not get to say you didn’t shatter anyone just because you didn’t swing the hammer yourself. _Do you understand?_ ”

Steven looked into her eyes, and saw not a single trace of mercy there. His eyes flicked to the distant bin that held the Breaking Point, and he swallowed.

“Yes.”

Bismuth’s face fractured for a second, something soft seeping past the hard, uncompromising expression. It might have been respect, or maybe it was pity. It was gone before Steven could tell.

Bismuth nodded once, and stepped back. “Then you’ve got a lot of work to do,” she said. “Don’t let me keep you.”

After another moment, Steven finally forced his legs to move. He tore his gaze away a second later and walked to the exit, forcing his steps to be steady. He felt Bismuth’s eyes on him the whole way up, until he emerged back into the light.

He ran a hand through his hair. It was time to go back.

♦

Steven stepped out of Lion, and took a breath.

He had to let it out immediately as a screen appeared in front of him, making him tumble back onto Lion. Fortunately, he had taken a step, and Steven only bounced against his flank.

“Oh, Pink, I just had to call you!” Blue Diamond looked utterly ecstatic. He had thought she looked happy when they had talked before, but now he realized there had been a restraint to her smiles, a pallor of despair still clinging her her eyes. There was none of that now. She truly looked like the happiest person in the world. “White’s coming, she’s really coming! We’re all going to be together again! Are you excited?”

The Crystal Gems – all of them – ran over to see the screen with him, looking just as shocked as he felt. “White’s coming?” he echoed dumbly. “She didn’t tell me.” Peridot shoved her head into the group to get a better look, and her hair poked awkwardly into his face. “Peridot, was there anything from White Diamond while I was away?”

“Nope! I’ve been checking all day!”

Blue Diamond’s perfect joy dimmed only a little. “That’s strange,” she said. “Maybe there’s still an issue with your systems. Here, I’ll forward you the message she sent me!” She tapped something, and a new image filled the screen.

Steven was struck by an absurd sense that the new gem looked familiar, even though he knew he couldn’t possibly have met her. And then he realized: This was the face he had seen every day he’d been here. The face on the palace that towered over Homeworld.

“Hello, Blue,” White Diamond said.

Every part of her glowed. The light grew stronger at the crown of her head, so bright as to be blinding. Steven knew, from the statues and murals, that her gem was somewhere in there, but trying to look for it was like staring into the Sun. The features of her face were only visible by contrast, specks of night against the starlight.

“You tell me Pink was not shattered, and has now returned to us. That is wonderful news. Everything back the way it was.” She blinked slowly, like a cat, her dark lashes sweeping down and up. “I would very much like to see her for myself at your celebration.”

The screen switched back to Blue Diamond, still beaming. “See? She’s so happy you’re back, Pink!” She clapped her hands excitedly. “And since you’ve helped out so much, we’re already set to begin! I’ll see you there! It will be _perfect._ All of us, together again, working for the good of Homeworld.” Her mania settled slightly into a calmer joy, and as she looked at him, her eyes glittered with…

…Love.

She was looking at him the same way his father had looked at him, just before. The same way the gems looked at him on those days when there was nothing scary or wrong happening, when all they needed was each other.

It made him feel uncomfortable, but in a way he couldn’t name. Every beat of his heart hurt, as if there was something lodged in it.

“Everything back to the way it was.” Blue Diamond clasped her hands over her heart. “Like you never even left.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You will not get to say you didn’t shatter anyone just because you didn’t swing the hammer yourself" is a paraphrase of my favorite line from the anime _Trigun_. I highly recommend it if you enjoyed the themes of this chapter.


	12. Change Your Mind

Steven looked over himself in the mirror one last time. Every strand of his hair was a beautiful, solid magenta, every one of his curls as elegant as Mom’s. He patted carefully at his face, uncovering no gaps in the dusting of makeup that lightened his skin to a cherry-blossom pink. He ran a hand down his dress, pausing to feel every shard in the fabric. “I’m sorry,” he whispered to them under his breath.

Behind him, he saw Pearl wrestling a flailing Amethyst as Bismuth tried to shove her wooden shield into her gem – carved and painted to look the spitting image of the real thing. “This’ll hurt less if you just hold still–!”

Garnet swept behind him, blocking his view just before Amethyst yowled. She placed her hands against his arms, her own shields feeling rough and awkward against him, and gently turned him around face-to-face. She knelt down, her armor jangling softly as she did, and tapped a hand to her temple. Her shades disappeared, and Steven could see plainly the fear and sorrow in every one of her eyes.

“Steven.” Her voice was fragile, just on the edge of breaking. Not like her at all. “I have seen… a lot of futures today. I do not understand most of them. I do not know how many are actually possible, or likely. But I do know that… things may not go as planned.” She paused, her third eye growing distant as her others focused on him even more intently. “If… things go wrong… promise me you will get out. Promise me you will survive.”

“Of course,” Steven said.

Her grip just got tighter, and her lips parted in a grimace. “ _Someone_ has to survive,” she whispered. “We cannot all fall. Promise me, Steven…”

“I promise,” Steven said with a smile. “No one’s gonna die today.”

“Alright, it’s time,” Pearl said from behind them. Garnet hastily resummoned her shades and stood up. Amethyst lumbered into view, wobbling on her new limb enhancers – Blue Diamond had insisted – as Peridot hovered nearby, helping her balance.

Connie took his hand. He glanced at the sword strapped to her back – prepared for anything.

He looked out to the hall, and took a deep breath.

“Let’s go.”

♦

Gems parted before Steven as he entered White Diamond’s grand hall. He shielded his eyes, but to his relief, the light wasn’t blinding anymore. He was pleased to hear the trickle of fountains, and saw there was one on each side of the entryway. He smiled. So Blue Pearl had gotten to do that, at least.

He noticed several gems had paused in their motions to look at him expectantly. He smiled reassuringly and waved his arms. “Oh – no, no, we’re not starting yet! I just wanted to bring my friends in early!”

“Aww yeah!” Amethyst agreed, rushing forward from behind him with thundering steps. She now towered over him, but looked at home among the other amethysts. She high-fived them as she passed, looking pleased with herself.

“Hmph,” Peridot sniffed from beside him, tracing her own booming steps. “Is there something wrong with the lighting? White Diamond’s palace is supposed to have the highest output in the empire, but this just looks… _normal_.”

Steven laughed awkwardly. “Uh, it was too bright for me and Connie, so Pearl turned it down.”

“Huh,” Peridot said, eyes flicking along the walls and ceiling. “White Diamond must be _really_ out of it if she allowed that.”

“White Diamond’s grand hall…” Steven hadn’t even noticed Bismuth move past him. She knelt down in the center of the floor that spread out like an endless desert, and ran her fingertips over the tiles, almost reverentially. “To think that _I_ would be allowed in here…”

Ruby and Sapphire departed in opposite directions, not sparing each other a single look. Steven’s heart twisted. Then Connie squeezed his hand, and he looked over at her. He could see the fear in her eyes now – it was so plain, he felt so selfish for not recognizing it before – but her determination burned brighter. She smiled at him, and he felt like everything was going to be alright.

“Here.” Pearl handed him Nephrite’s bubble. “Be careful. We don’t want –”

He popped it before she could finish. Nephrite reformed into a small, furry centipede and immediately started growling, twisting her head around wildly to take in the surroundings.

“It’s okay, Nephrite, it’s gonna be okay,” Steven said. He opened a bag of Chaaps, and Nephrite perked at the noise. “I’m sorry about before, but this time, we’re really going to get you fixed. I promise.” He tossed some chips for her and she snapped them out of the air, leaving crumbs on the immaculate white floor. They were dissolved by drops of acid a second later. He walked down the central aisle and Nephrite followed, clicking at him.

Steven stared at the amassed gems as he passed. Each type was ordered into strict groups and rows, packed against the walls. Every time he locked eyes with one, all he saw was fear. They looked less like partygoers and more like cogs in a machine – one group even _looked_ like cogs, he noticed with a twinge of horror. Blue Diamond had called this a celebration, but no one looked happy, only… purposeful.

Nephrite squacked, and he realized she had gone ahead of him and was drifting to one side. She had left a meandering trail of holes behind her, not a care in the world. In a weird way, she seemed freer than any of the uncorrupted gems that filled the halls.

Steven hurried forward, coaxing Nephrite back to him as she dribbled more acid onto the white tiles.

“Oh! Pink Diamond! We weren’t expecting you so soon!” Yellow Pearl said when he finally reached the thrones at the other end. She bowed quickly and added, “Of course you may come any time you like and do whatever you wish aaaaaaaAAAAAAA!” Her voice rose to a shrill wail as she pointed sharply at Nephrite, looking as tense as a bowstring. “WHAT is THAT?! It’s melting holes in the floor! Someone stop it before anyone sees!”

“No, no!” Steven threw another handful of Chaaps at Nephrite, making her trill happily. “That’s Nephrite, the corrupted gem White Diamond is gonna heal! She can stay!”

Yellow Pearl grinned painfully at him, and her right eye twitched once. She said nothing.

“We take responsibility for the corrupted gem,” Pearl said quickly. “You will not be held accountable for anything that happens.”

Yellow Pearl’s eyes looked a little less tense after that, but she was still far from relaxed. Steven noted the stress lines in her face, her posture that was still just as stiff as the last time he saw her.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, Yellow Pearl!” Steven smiled at her, and spread his hands. “In fact… don’t worry about anything! It’s a party! Just relax and have some fun!”

His words didn’t seem to have any effect. “‘Fffffun,’” Yellow Pearl said, drawing the word out painfully. “Your radiance has mentioned this thing before, but I must confess I am not familiar with the subject. Would it please your radiance to educate this pearl?”

Steven just stood speechless for a second, blinking in confusion. “Uh,” he said. “Well, fun is like… when you do something you wanna do, just because it makes you happy.” He smiled again. “Do you have anything like that, something you like to do?”

“Of course not!” Yellow Pearl trilled, still grinning like her head was going to snap in two. “My feelings are irrelevant.”

“No they’re not!” He heard Yellow Pearl’s breath hitch, and immediately felt horrible. Nephrite clicked at his feet, and he ran his fingers through her hair to calm himself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” he said. “I just mean… _I_ don’t think your feelings are irrelevant, and, and, you shouldn’t either. No matter what Yellow Diamond tells you, you’re important.” He tried to smile. “There must be something you like. What do you do when you’re not running errands for Yellow Diamond?”

Yellow Pearl hesitated.

“I like to draw.”

Blue Pearl, silent beside them up to now, spoke suddenly. He didn’t think it was possible for Yellow Pearl to look more nervous, but she now stared at Blue Pearl in utter horror. “Wh-wh-wh-what?” she stuttered.

Blue Pearl pulled up a datapad, and turned it so Steven could see. “My diamond allows me to draw during court proceedings.”

Sure enough, they were pictures of Steven’s own trial – Lars trapped in the cage, him on the floor, even the zircon getting zapped. Nephrite trilled curiously at the images. His smile faltered at the unpleasant memories, but he still said, “Yeah! Like that! These are great!”

“Y-y-you can’t share those! They’re highly confidential!” Yellow Pearl batted the datapad away from Blue Pearl, then practically ran backwards, putting as much distance between them as possible.

“I don’t mind!” Steven spread his arms. “Don’t worry about the rules, okay! Just for now, at this party, you can do whatever you w–”

Pearl shook him so hard his words faltered with a squeak. He looked over to see Pearl shaking her head so fiercely it blurred. “O-oh, right, sorry,” Steven said, rubbing his head shamefully. “Everything I say is an order. I’ll let you tell them.”

Her head snapped to look at Blue Pearl. “That is disorderly conduct, Pearl,” she said harshly. “Do not do it during the celebration.”

“WHAT?!” Steven yelped as Blue Pearl bowed politely. “How could you say th–”

Pearl slammed a hand over his mouth, so sharply it stung. Her eyes were wild. Nephrite squacked and bit at her foot, and the fire in her eyes dimmed. “Steven,” she said, “I understand you’re trying to help, but _you don’t know White Diamond_. She is _not_ like the others. If a gem does anything to upset her, you will not get a chance to stop her. She will shatter them with a word.”

She released her hand. Steven looked over at Blue Pearl, who was staring back at him expressionlessly. Yellow Pearl was already gone.

He balled a fist, and felt himself starting to cry. “S-so what,” he said, “this is only a celebration for the diamonds? That’s not fair…!”

“Nothing the diamonds do is fair.” Steven jumped, and whirled around to see Bismuth towering over him with a pitiless expression. “I told you, Steven. We will never be safe until the diamonds are stopped. As long as their threat hangs over us, telling gems to think for themselves is as good as shattering them.” She gave him a knowing look, and Steven remembered her warning with a chill. “You want to help them, you gotta deal with the diamonds first.”

“ _But not right now!_ ” Pearl said quickly, glancing at Bismuth irritably. “Steven, we have to pick our battles. Remember that right now, we are _only_ here for the corrupted gems. You _must_ stay focused on that. No more digressions, no more outbursts, nothing that will displease the diamonds. Can you do that?”

Steven nodded glumly. Nephrite curled around his feet and chittered over the hiss of acid sizzling into the floor.

Blue Pearl bowed, said, “I must prepare to announce my diamond,” and left.

“I think it’s time for you to take your throne, _my diamond_.” Bismuth’s sarcasm was thick enough to cut with a knife. Steven took Nephrite in one hand, Connie in the other, and lifted them all up to the lowest throne. He released Nephrite – the throne was so massive she could run around easily – and waited until the lights in the hall dimmed. The gems below went instantly silent.

A bright spotlight illuminated the front arch. “Everyone, behold!” cried Yellow Pearl, her voice shaking with reverence. “The daunting beauty and elegance that is Yellow Diamond!”

In a burst of golden light, Yellow Diamond stepped through. Gems broke into roaring applause, and a sharp, electronic tune rang out across the room, almost like a military march. Steven glanced to a corner, and saw some blue gems – cobalts, he recognized from earlier – playing some unfamiliar instruments. Yellow Diamond marched down the aisle like a soldier, her back straight as a rod, no movement wasted. Her arms remained at her sides as she advanced with mechanical, purposeful steps. She only broke her professional demeanor to smile at Steven once before taking her seat on the throne to his right.

The music stilled, and another spotlight appeared. “Ahem,” Blue Pearl said softly. “Everyone, prepare yourselves emotionally for the overpowering elegance that is Blue Diamond.”

Blue light washed over the hall like a pleasant wave. The applause this time was softer, and Steven noticed a few gems tearing up. He felt a prick at his own eyes, but wiped it away. The cobalts played a different tune this time, slow and deep with emotion. Blue Diamond walked down the hall with careful steps, placing one foot in front of the other like she was walking a tightrope. She extended her arms elegantly as she walked, flaring the sleeves of her robe beautifully.

“Oh, this is wonderful, Pink!” she whispered to him. “The symphony will start soon – oh, and I’m sure you’re excited for the tournament too! I can’t wait!” She took her seat to his left.

Nephrite clicked. He stroked her back, stared into the blinding light of the arch, and swallowed.

Another spotlight. Steven could just barely make out the white pearl he had seen before, though she almost blended into the floor.

She said simply, “Presenting: White Diamond.”

Steven’s jaw dropped.

He had thought Blue and Yellow Diamond were giants, but the arch had been big even for them. Now he understood why: It was built for White Diamond. She was impossibly huge, so giant Steven’s mind faltered every time he tried to process it, a mountain of a person.

Beside him, he head Connie gasp, “Like Atlas holding up the world…”

She held her arms out beside her, palms up, bent slightly at the elbows. Cupped in her hands were what looked like twin suns, lights so bright they hurt to look at. He looked down instead, and for a moment he thought she had opened a window into the night sky. Brilliant stars trailed down from her arms against a cape of perfect black, so many he couldn’t count them all. It was as if she was wearing the universe.

There was a second of silence; Steven imagined the gems were as shocked as him. Then the applause started, growing to a deafening roar. The cobalts began to play a strange, haunting tune that Steven couldn’t place.

Then White Diamond appeared to grow even more impossibly huge. After a frantic second where he wondered if he was dreaming, Steven suddenly realized she was actually getting closer – she just wasn’t moving at all. She was _gliding_ along the floor as if on a conveyor belt, her whole body remaining perfectly still.

Then she was in front of him. He clutched tighter to Nephrite as she rumbled softly, and craned his neck up and up and up. He thought the other diamonds had prepared him for this, but he just felt like he was back in Yellow Diamond’s palm after their battle, so terrified and so lost.

White Diamond stared down at him, but said nothing. The silence stretched out uncomfortably. Steven waited, slowly moving his hand closer to Connie. This was the moment of truth. Do or die…

“How did you change your gem?”

Steven blinked. The silence pressed in as White Diamond very slowly turned her head to regard Blue Diamond. He gulped. “W-well,” he said, “well, you see, I was pretending to be Rose Quartz, right! So I had to look like her, that’s all!”

“Yes, but _how_ did you do it?” White Diamond pressed.

“Oh, White, you’re upsetting her!” Blue Diamond said suddenly, He snapped his head over to her, grateful for the distraction. “Pink is _back!_ Isn’t that all that matters?”

“This is important, Blue,” White Diamond said, but not sharply. “If there is a way to change a gem, that is… concerning. You understand, yes? If gems can take other gems’ identities, it could invite chaos to the whole empire. Imagine if Pink’s little prank happened in reverse? A _quartz_ pretending to be one of _us?_ ”

Steven felt sweat curling down the side of his face. Connie took his hand, and he could feel the tension in her fingers.

“White,” Blue Diamond crooned forlornly, “can’t we _please_ just enjoy the celebration for now? It’s been so long since we were all together…”

White Diamond sighed, and to Steven’s surprise, she smiled. “I suppose that is true. It can wait.” Her eyes flicked back to Steven, and the smile vanished instantly. “Blue, why did you let an organic lifeform in here? Get it off Pink’s throne before we begin.”

Connie let go of him instantly, snapping her hand to her side. She looked pale. “H-huh?” Steven babbled. “B-but she’s my friend, uh, I want her to, uh…!” If Connie had to leave, they couldn’t fuse. If they couldn’t fuse, Connie…

He felt sick, and the words tangled in his throat.

White Diamond huffed slightly, but even that noise was elegant. She moved her arm towards him, just by an inch.

Steven felt an odd sense of the ground shifting under him, like the whole world had tipped to one side, very slightly. A look of panic flashed across White Diamond’s face, and her arm snapped back into position. “Hurry up,” she said, a grit of irritation creeping into her perfectly composed voice. “I’m not going to do it for you.”

“Oh for stars’ sake…” Yellow Diamond leaned over, and grabbed Connie in one hand. She screamed and Steven summoned his shield, yelling her name, but the next second she was on the ground, unharmed. “There, done. Now can we get on with it, please?”

Steven breathed heavily. Pearl rushed over to Connie, checking her over for injuries, but Connie waved her off and gave Steven a thumbs-up, smiling hollowly.

“Yes,” White Diamond said somewhere above him, and then her feet – each of them easily bigger than Garnet – left the ground. Steven watched as, remaining perfectly still, White Diamond floated over him, rotated in midair, and landed in front of her own throne, perched above the others. She remained standing.

Smiling, she announced, “Let the Era 3 celebration commence!”

A stage rose in the center of the hall. Turquoises, pearls, and several unfamiliar gems flocked to it and began to sing. A few gems broke off from their neatly ordered rows to dance with each other, but most remained where they were, watching the performance impassively. Nephrite seemed to be calmed by the music, curling her legs back as she looked out over the scene. She had even stopped dripping acid.

Steven let the music wash over him, letting out his anxieties in calm, deep breaths. Everything was going fine. White Diamond was here and she believed he was Pink Diamond just like the others. He just had to talk to her, and everything would work out.

The stage suddenly burst into light, coalescing into a massive image of Blue Diamond. It must have been a hologram, but it looked as real as if she was standing there now – he had to glance over at her to make sure she hadn’t teleported. Planets spun around her like she was a sun. One of them glowed brightly, and then suddenly the entire hall transformed, the ceiling fading out to show a starry night sky while brilliantly-colored towers sprouted all around them. Beside him, Blue Diamond sighed happily. Leaning over, she whispered, “Look, Pink! This is the story of _my_ first colony!” She giggled. “Don’t worry, I had my fair share of difficulties, too!”

Steven nodded politely, but the song and dance were inscrutable to him. He whispered back, “Can I talk to White Diamond now?”

Blue Diamond looked crestfallen, and Steven immediately felt bad. “Don’t you want to watch the performance?”

“Oh – yeah, it’s great,” Steven said, “it’s just, the corrupted gems, you know, I don’t want to miss my chance…”

She frowned, almost pouting. “Can’t that wait until after?”

“I…” She was looking at him so earnestly. He smiled crookedly, and said, “Okay. White will stay to talk to me, right?”

Blue Diamond smiled back. “Yes, of course. I told her about your corrupted gem. Now look – here’s my first colony kindergarten! Oh, it’s so exciting…!”

Steven returned his attention to the stage. The holographic landscape had shifted, the roughness smoothing out into sleek architecture like what he’d seen on Homeworld. He watched the dance, listened to the music, tried to follow Blue Diamond’s whispered commentary.

He kept watching. And watching. And watching. More gems, stars, and buildings whirled past him. It was beautiful, he wouldn’t deny that, but it just kept going…

Nephrite jammed her mandible sharply into his hand, and he realized he had zoned out. His stomach growled and he had to stop a cry of pain. It felt like there were knives in his stomach. When had he last eaten? He had eaten just before this. Hadn’t he? Everything blended together…

He swayed. The performance showed no sign of stopping. He was going to starve at this rate.

Nephrite crooned softly, and he realized he had his excuse. He turned to Blue Diamond again and said, “Hold on, I want Nephrite to enjoy this too! White Diamond can heal her quick, and then she can watch it with us, right?”

Blue Diamond glanced at him, then up at White Diamond, then back at him. “…Alright,” she said reluctantly. “But be quick!”

Steven scooped Nephrite into his arms, and rose into the air. It was the easiest it had been all week. He floated higher and higher, feeling like he was scaling a mountain as he climbed past White Diamond’s knees, then her waist, then finally her shoulders.

“H-hey, White Diamond!”

Nephrite squacked once, and White Diamond’s massive eyes moved over the two of them dispassionately. Her pupils burned like suns, only visible because they were even brighter than the whites of her eyes.

“I almost didn’t see you there.” Her voice was quiet, but he could hear it perfectly. “You should be larger.”

“U-uh, I’m trying out a new look.” He shoved Nephrite forward, and she wriggled in his grasp. “Anyway, I wanted to know if you can heal Nephrite!”

“The corrupted gem?” White Diamond said, looking her over. “Well, of course I _can_ , but must it be now? We’ve already started the performance.”

“Yeah, but I’d like Nephrite to see it too!” Steven said with a grin. Nephrite hissed.

White Diamond simply stared at him for a long moment. From behind him, music filled the silence.

“Why?”

She said it with genuine curiosity, as if he had said the most baffling thing in the world. He stared back at her. “What do you mean, why? This – this is a celebration! Doesn’t she get to enjoy it?” She just kept staring at him. He felt his teeth grinding together in frustration. “This is why I’m here!” he snapped at her silence. “She’s – she’s hurting, and I want to help her!”

White Diamond’s eyes narrowed, very slightly, and his anger immediately chilled. Her blazing eyes flicked down an inch, to the gem in his stomach, before moving back to his face. “Such is the consequence of a rebellion.”

He felt himself starting to fall. He closed his eyes, gripping Nephrite tighter, and tried to focus. “Okay – okay, but –”

“But very well.” He looked up to see White Diamond facing away from him, towards the stage again. She waited a second for a break in the music, then said, “Hold.”

The holograms faded out at once, returning the hall to a blank white. The singers and dancers stopped awkwardly mid-motion, all staring up at White Diamond anxiously.

White Diamond smiled. “Before the symphony continues, I will repair a gem damaged in the war for Earth.”

“Ah – yes –” From below, Yellow Diamond turned to look up at them. “The three of us attempted to undo the corruption, but the gem only lasted a few minutes before reverting.”

“Yes, it was such a shame,” Blue Diamond confirmed. “Pink is very sad that she lost so many gems over a silly prank. She was hoping you could help her, White!”

White Diamond looked at each of them fondly, but her gaze passed over Steven like he wasn't even there. “Ah, Blue and Yellow,” she said sweetly, “You are diamonds, the greatest of gems. But even you are minutely flawed. You see the world through only one color, and so it limits your understanding of the whole gem. Yellow, you see what _is_. Through your knowledge of the physical world, you advance our capabilities ever forward. Blue, you see what _can be_. Through your understanding of the mind, you inspire our gems to be the best they can be. In these things, you are perfect. However, you cannot be perfect in _all_ things. You cannot see the whole breadth of the universe, and so, you cannot fully reassemble a gem distorted by corruption.” Now she looked out, past Steven, to the whole hall of assembled gems. “But _I_ am a perfect crystal, powerful in all things. Do not worry, for I can do what even you can not.”

She paused, and a wave of applause spread across the hall, slowly rising in intensity. After a moment, it died down again.

White Diamond still didn’t move.

“I will need to move my hand, though,” she said with just the slightest note of annoyance. Her head turned to Yellow Diamond, still smiling. “Yellow, hold this for a moment.”

Yellow Diamond stood up immediately. As huge as she was, she barely came up to White Diamond’s chest.

For the first time, White Diamond moved. With agonizing slowness, her knees began to bend. She kept her arms perfectly even until they were level with with Yellow Diamond’s head, and then White Diamond rotated her arm towards her and poured the sphere of light into Yellow Diamond’s waiting hands, as carefully as if it were glass.

Yellow Diamond gasped a sharp intake of breath. Her arms shuddered, and Steven thought the walls of the hall shuddered too. With a grunt, she dropped roughly to one knee, sweating profusely. Her arms visibly strained under the weight of whatever she was holding, but held firm.

“Now.”

Nephrite flew from Steven’s fingers before he could even react. She thrashed in midair, twisting and flipping over with panicked squacks, and then White Diamond’s hand was under her. She continued thrashing, biting and spitting acid onto her palm. Steven felt a wail growing in his throat and reached out.

White Diamond said, “ **Be still,** ” and Nephrite went limp.

White Diamond curled a single one of her fingers inward to touch Nephrite’s gem, the fingertip almost swallowing it. Nephrite’s body melted into light, before Steven was blinded by a bright flash.

When the spots faded, Steven saw White Diamond’s hand uncurl. Nephrite stood there, looking as she did when she was healed before, standing tall. She looked up at White Diamond, and saluted.

“Nephrite, facet 413, cabochon six, awaiting orders,” she said.

“Behold!” White Diamond intoned. “This nephrite, corrupted in battle against the rebels, is now restored to her former function, and may resume her service to the empire!”

Steven couldn’t stop the grin spreading over his face. The crowd erupted into a roaring cheer and he joined them, laughing in mad relief. It rose to a cry as Nephrite flew out onto open air again, her limbs flailing out before locking still. White Diamond flipped her palm over, and Nephrite sank down towards the hall below. Steven followed, his heart hammering.

The ground vibrated gently as he touched down. Nephrite looked around the hall, and began to walk to one side.

“Centipeedle! Er – Nephrite! Wait!” He ran towards her, and she stopped. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

She turned around, and looked at him blankly. “Who are you?”

Steven felt a cold dread wash over him.

“Come on, you know me.” He took a step forward, and spread his arms. “It’s me, Steven! Don’t you remember me?”

“Pink, return to your seat,” Blue Diamond whispered. “It’s starting again!”

The hall transformed into Blue Diamond’s colony again, spires sprouting up next to Steven. Nephrite turned away. Steven swatted at the holograms, running to catch up. “Nephrite, wait! You gotta remember!”

She did not even look at him as she said, “I must find my place among the other nephrites.”

“No! Wait! Just wait a minute, uh, please!” He grabbed her hand, and she finally turned to look at him again. There wasn’t a single glimmer of recognition in her pupil. “Okay, so, you just need something to jog your memory, that’s all,” he said. “Do you remember that time when, uh… you saved me in the cave, against that other gem monster? That was really cool!”

Nephrite blinked at him. “No.”

Music began to wash over them. Nephrite’s eye flicked to the stage, then back to him. He felt her starting to pull away, but he clung tight. “H-hold on, I _know_ you’ll remember this!” He pulled out the bag of Chaaps, rustling it with a desperate grin. “ _I love chips, and you love chips, we all love chips from Chaaaaps!_ ”

He threw a chip at her. She stared at it as it bounced off her uniform and fell to the floor.

“Perhaps you have mistaken me for another nephrite,” she said calmly. “My designation is cut 413, cabochon –”

“No!” Steven grabbed her shoulders. “It’s _you_ , Nephrite! I remember! You remembered before, even when you were corrupted!” He paused. “What about when I almost healed you before?” He could hear the desperate wail rising in his own voice. “We sat, and you drew pictures, remember? You told me about what happened to you, about the song, and your crew, and…” Nephrite didn’t react. Steven frowned. “I-I’m sorry. You got really upset before. Maybe that’s not the best one…”

But… Nephrite seemed completely calm now. There was none of the tears and crying from before. When he looked into her eye, the look she gave back was…

…chillingly familiar.

The strength went out of his fingers, and Nephrite stepped out of his grip easily. “I must report for duty,” she said in the same flat monotone as White Diamond’s pearl.

Steven began to cry.

All this time. All this time, this is what the diamonds had meant, when they told him they could _fix_ the corrupted gems.

This wasn’t Nephrite. Nephrite had a crew that she loved. Nephrite had fought and lost so much in the war. Nephrite had been betrayed by the diamonds, and she had been so angry at them for it. And now, he had betrayed her too.

Was this how the diamonds wanted every gem to be? Strip away all the memories, all the feelings, until they were nothing but _purpose?_

“…Why are you crying?”

She hadn’t gone away. She was still staring at him, real emotion flickering on her face for the first time.

Steven wiped a tear onto his finger.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

He touched the tear to her gem. She glowed pink for a second, and then her own tears poured from her eye.

Steven hugged her.

She sobbed, “ _Steven_ ,” once, before melting into light under his arms.

He turned to see Pearl and Connie were right behind him. Pearl’s eyes laser-focused on the centipede now thrashing in Steven’s arms. Connie said, “What happened? White Diamond couldn’t heal her?”

“No,” Steven said. “She didn’t want to.”

Steven marched back towards the diamonds. Flares of hot pain cut across his body where Nephrite’s claws cut through the fabric and his nose burned with the smell of acid, but he didn’t care. “Stop!” he yelled. “STOP EVERYTHING!”

The music jerked to an awkward stop. Before he could say anything more, Blue Diamond let out an ear-splitting whine. “Pink, what did you _do?_ ”

Yellow Diamond slammed a fist against her throne, eyes tight with fury. “You broke her again already?! After White worked so hard to fix her–!”

“No she didn’t! She never even _tried!_ ” Steven shot back, hugging Nephrite tighter even as she tore at his arms, her eye thrashing wildly between the diamonds. “I came here to _help_ her, but you don’t care about that! You _never_ did! You just want to make her do what you say again, like – like White Diamond’s pearl!”

Pearl’s spear stabbed into Nephrite, and she poofed. Steven gurgled an objection, but Pearl bubbled and returned her the next moment. That was probably safer for her, he conceded.

“Pink,” Blue Diamond hissed, “return to your throne. We will –”

“NO!” Steven shrieked. “I won’t let you ignore me anymore! You are going to SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!”

Yellow Diamond groaned, and gripped her head tightly.

“Steven…?” Pearl said in a tone somewhere between fear and warning. Connie clutched his hand so tightly he could feel the bones of her fingers.

“You have to _stop this_ ,” Steven said. “Stop – being so _awful!_ ”

Blue Diamond curled in on herself, hiding her face under her hand. “ _You_ stop this!” she said, clearly trying to be quiet but losing control even as she spoke. “What are you even _talking_ about –”

“What am I talking about? _What am I talking about?_ You – you _tried to kill Connie!_ You tried to shatter Garnet for – for _what?!_ For _loving_ herself?!”

Blue Diamond huffed in irritation. “Alright! I am sorry I tried to kill your friends! Now can we please get back to the celebration!”

“No!” Steven looked at Connie through his tears. She stared back at him with wild eyes, her other hand already on her sword. Pearl was stepping back slowly, hands over her mouth and eyes wide with horror. “Don’t apologize to me! Apologize to _them!_ They’re the ones you hurt!”

“Well you know, Pink –” Blue Diamond was yelling now, all attempts at subtlety forgotten. “– maybe you should have thought of that before you made them attack me! That human nearly de-materialized me! Were you just going to let that happen? Really, Pink, I think _I’m_ the one who’s owed an apology here!”

Steven felt himself shaking. “Steven,” Connie whispered, “are we attacking or what?”

Steven just stared back at Blue Diamond. “How many gems have you shattered?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “What?”

“ _How many gems have you shattered?_ ” he shouted.

“I don’t know, it’s not like I keep count! What does this have to do with anything? Are you trying to shame me for my failures?”

“You don’t even remember.” Steven felt like he was choking. He had to force himself to form words instead of just screaming in rage. “You don’t even remember how many, and – and you think _we_ can’t fathom _your_ grief?! Every gem you shattered had friends! The Crystal Gems lost so many friends in the war, because – because of _you_ , and you think they can’t understand what you’re feeling? Do you think they don’t have feelings at all? You have to stop doing this! You have to stop acting like you’re the only person in the universe who matters!”

“Of COURSE we are the only people who matter!” Blue Diamond stood from her throne, her cloak billowing with an unseen wind. “All gems exist to serve OUR vision! That is the purpose of the empire!”

“Enough,” Yellow Diamond snapped. “Pink, you’re being selfish –”

Steven whirled on her. “ _And you’re not?!_ ”

Yellow Diamond stopped like he had slapped her. Her face contorted with anger – _real_ anger – as she gripped her throne so tight it cracked.

“How _DARE YOU!_ ” She nearly threw herself from her throne, slamming her foot into the ground as she took a step towards him. He trembled – with fear, this time – but refused to give an inch, even as he heard Connie breathing heavily next to him. “I’m selfish? _I’m_ selfish?! After you _abandoned_ us, left me behind to clean up _your_ mess?! You have no idea how much I’ve done – how much I’ve _had_ to do because of what you did!” She flung her arm out wildly, hitting Pink Diamond’s throne so hard shards of metal flew into the air. “We can’t all run off and pretend to be shattered or mope around crying all the time or lock ourselves up and pretend the world doesn’t exist _no matter how much we want to!_ _Someone_ has to do the work! _Someone_ has to put the empire over their own whims! _Someone_ has to keep resources moving and keep gems in line and take everyone’s _whiny, idiot_ calls all the time because no one else is bothering to _do their jobs_ and, and, _and_ …!” She hunched over suddenly, falling to one knee and clutching her gem so tightly Steven thought she might tear it out. Her eyes were squeezed tight, not even looking at him anymore. “Everything –” she sobbed, “everything I’ve ever done, I’ve done for the empire.”

Steven only paused a second before saying as gently as he could, “Maybe you didn’t have to.” But he couldn’t stop the growl from entering his voice as he continued, “Maybe you don’t have to shatter tons and tons of people all the time just for being different. Maybe then you wouldn’t have to destroy so many planets just to make more gems to shatter!”

“Pink, please, please stop this.” Blue Diamond glanced behind him at the crowd like she was actually afraid of it, and clutched at the hair across her neck. “Everyone is hearing this. You’re making a scene!”

Steven clenched his jaw so tight it hurt. “GOOD!” he snapped. “I _want_ them to hear this!” He whirled around – Connie yelped as she had to break his grip, and immediately latched onto his other hand – and he looked over the crowd. The performers were still standing exactly where they had stopped, while the other gems stretched out in their columns and rows, an endless sea of people. Every one of them had their eyes on him – except for Pearl, who was still looking back at the diamonds, every feature tense.

“Don’t you agree with me?” he called out. “This isn’t fair! Why do only turquoises get to sing, and only cobalts get to play, and – and –” He faltered, gesturing at the gear-shaped gems on the dance floor. “I’m sorry I don’t know your names –”

“Jade,” the one closest to him squeaked.

“– and only jades get to dance! This is a _party!_ Everyone should get to do all of those things! Everyone, you can do whatever you want!”

“No, you absolutely cannot!” Blue Diamond shrieked. He turned back around to see her bent almost double to get closer to him, a pained grimace on her face. “Pink, you need to stop joking,” she said in frantic whisper. “Haven’t you done that enough?”

Steven clenched his fists so tight he felt the nails dig into his skin. He grit his teeth until they hurt, screwed his eyes shut, tensed every muscle until he finally screamed,

“ _THE REBELLION WASN’T A JOKE!_ ”

Blue Diamond’s eyes slowly widened until they were bulging. Into the silence, Steven yelled, “Everything Rose Quartz believed, I believe too! Everyone deserves to live their life! Everyone deserves to be whoever they are!”

He heard footsteps behind him, and turned. Amethyst threw her limb enhancers into the crowd before rocketing towards him. Bismuth followed, landing next to him with a force that made her armor jangle. Behind them, Ruby and Sapphire broke ranks to run forward at breakneck speed, locking hands –

Everyone gasped as Garnet appeared. Steven grinned, but Garnet didn’t share his enthusiasm. Grimacing, she clasped his shoulders hard and said, “Steven, take the sword and poof Blue Diamond _now_ –!”

“I knew I wasn’t the only one!” someone called from the crowd. Gems recoiled from the fusion – a soft, green gem with four eyes – like oil from water. But then more appeared, stepping out from the crowd for everyone to see. On the stage, a turquoise and cobalt fused into one.

“I stand with Pink Diamond!”

“ _Yeah!_ ”

“No,” Blue Diamond breathed, staring at the roaring crowd in abject horror. “No, no, no, no…!”

Steven looked up at her, and summoned his shield. “ _WE_ –”

Amethyst drew her whip. “– ARE THE –”

Bismuth spread her arms wide, morphing them into swords with an earsplitting grin. “– _CRYSTAL GEMS!_ ”

“And we are here to stop your tyranny across space!” Steven cried. “Let everyone –”

“You’ve gone too far, Pink!” Yellow Diamond shot back to her feet and looked at him with betrayal, her face on the brink of tears. “Stop this at once, or I…” She shot her arm straight out, trembling as the palm crackled with lightning. “ _I’ll de-materialize you!_ ”

Steven pointed back at her, in triumph. “Hah! You _can’t!_ _That’s_ why I put my gem in an organic body! Your powers can’t do _anything_ to m–”

“ **Stop.** ”

Steven stopped.

His shield and the arcs along Yellow Diamond’s hand both vanished, snuffed out like candle flames.

The entire hall had gone silent. He forced his head to look back, and even that simple action felt exhausting. He saw every gem in the hall standing still as statues, looking forward with expressions of horror frozen on their faces. The Crystal Gems were still poised to fight, but they looked now like pieces in an art gallery, completely lifeless.

In the silence, Steven heard the deafeningly quiet sound of something tinkling against the floor. He lowered his eyes, and saw pink shards dropping out of his outstretched arm like snow, the pockets that held them torn and burnt from acid.

The shards levitated off the floor, and began to rise higher. Steven followed them with his gaze until they were in front of White Diamond’s own face. She stared at them for a long, silent minute.

“I see,” she said. “Of course.”

A shard flew to each side, stopping in front of the other two diamonds. “Look.” Yellow Diamond stared in shock, and Blue Diamond choked out a single sob.

White Diamond’s lips tightened. “Just as I suspected. We _felt_ Pink’s presence, but this gem is not her. This is Rose Quartz, hiding herself in the shards of her crime, come to deliver us one final insult. You _fools,_ ” she spat, looking between Blue and Yellow Diamond. “You should have known this at once. She is nothing like Pink. Her gem is not even the right shape! How did this happen? Why did you allow this embarrassment to occur?”

“Because I wanted it to be true.”

Steven turned towards the voice.

He braced himself for her hatred, but Yellow Diamond only looked back at him with sorrow. All her anger, all her stoicism, everything she had worn on her face like a shield, had been wiped away, leaving her looking as vulnerable as a child.

“I knew,” she said. “I knew it couldn’t really be her. But I let myself believe it. I wanted to pretend, because…” A tear spilled from her eyes, and rolled slowly down her face. “I miss her. I miss her so much.”

White Diamond was quiet for a long time. “We all do,” she said, with real sorrow. Then her expression hardened, and she continued, “But it does no good to cling to fantasies. We must accept the truth.” She turned back to stare down at Steven. “Rose Quartz took Pink from us, and now she plans to destroy us as well.”

Connie grabbed Steven’s hand again. With a burst of energy, he forced his arm down. “ _No!_ ” he cried out, staring White Diamond in the eyes. “Rose – _I_ never wanted to shatter Pink Diamond, and I don’t want to shatter you either! It doesn’t have to end this way! Please, we can –”

“ **Silence.** ”

Steven’s mouth snapped shut.

“You are correct, Rose Quartz,” White Diamond said. “It will _not_ end that way. Your little game, the mockery you have made of our empire and our authority, ends here and now. You believed you knew better than us. You believed you could defy us. You believed yourself better than what you were. All these things you told yourself and all the gems you perverted. All were lies. You are and were always _our_ gem, to use and to discard as we pleased, and now, you will obey your final order:

“ **Die.** ”

Steven heard a _crack_ , as deafening as if were coming from inside his own skull.

The world felt – twisted, crushed into a single, inevitable point he couldn’t help but fall into. A slashing pain flared in his stomach and shot out across his whole body, like something was eating him from inside. Static crawled across his vision. His ears were ringing.

…No, that was Connie screaming. He saw her now, leaning over him, her arms cradling him as he looked up from his back. “Oh God no – oh God no –”

He blinked and staggered to his feet, panting. “I’m alright,” he said, and his legs immediately gave out. He clutched at his stomach and –

His heart skipped a beat. He looked down, unable to believe what his fingers were telling him.

His gem was cracked.

While he was staring numbly, Connie’s arm snapped out, spilling Rose’s tears over his gem. The cracks vanished, but the pain didn’t, only subsiding to a dull ache. He gasped another breath and finally righted himself.

“… _What?_ ” White Diamond hissed, drawing the word out with fury. “This is – some illusion, some trickery like your shield of shards! No gem can disobey me. I will not be defied. I will not be denied –”

“It’s no trick.” Steven looked back at her, defiant. “We’re more than you think we are, and you’re not perfect yourself! We can do things we weren’t made for. We can become better instead of pretending we’ve always been perfect. And we _will!_ You think we have Homeworld under control, but the truth is, rebels are everywhere! There are off-colors and fusions living just beneath the surface, learning how to live their own lives, and people are gonna keep joining them. You can’t keep everyone down forever! People keep realizing this isn’t the way things need to be – that this isn’t the way things _should_ be –”

White Diamond looked at him the exact same way Pink Diamond had looked at Pearl, with a hate to outshine the sun. She _roared_ , a sick and guttural noise, and lunged.

Her hand stopped halfway to him as the light she was holding exploded into a rainbow of colors. A shockwave ripped across the room, throwing Steven, Connie, and the frozen gems to the ground. White Diamond stumbled to her knees, shock taking over the fury on her face.

“No,” she gasped, staring at her empty hand. “I… you made me lose control.”

Steven leapt to his feet and pulled Connie up, but the floor still trembled under them. “It’s okay to not be in control,” he said to White Diamond. Tentatively, he reached a hand out to her, palm up. “Everything I just said… that applies to you too. You don’t _have_ to be perfect. You can just be whoever you –”

Steven suddenly he felt like he was drowning, something heavy in his lungs. He snapped his hand back to his mouth as he hacked a thick, retching cough, and the taste of metal filled his mouth. When he drew his hand away from his mouth, it was covered in red.

He felt lightheaded.

Connie stared at his hand in horror. “Why are you still talking?!” She gripped the hilt of her sword with one hand and clutched Steven with the other. “We have to –”

She was drowned out by the sound of hysterical laughter, slowly rising to a keening wail. White Diamond threw her head back, laughing as the floor continued to shake, her right arm hanging limp in front of him. Then all at once she stopped, and somehow that was even worse.

“No more.”

Tears fell from White Diamond’s eyes as she looked over to the remaining sun, still balanced in her left hand. “My empire will not be desecrated any further. I will not let any more harm be done. I…”

She slammed her arm into the ground, and the sun guttered out.

“I am _ending this!_ ”

The shaking grew to the intensity of an earthquake. A massive crack split the ceiling far above, and began to spread down the walls.

“Oh, _SCREW THIS!_ ” Connie screamed.

There was no dance. Connie grabbed him tightly, like she was trying to devour everything that he was. He closed his eyes, and let her.

Stevonnie lifted their feet from the floor, and drew their sword. They looked at White Diamond as she leaned back with a mad grin, arms spread out to the heavens as if in exultation, and knew what they had to do.

They flew forward, sword extended, and ran White Diamond through the heart.

“Knot sliced,” they said.

White Diamond looked down at them, as shocked as if she had been struck by the dirt beneath her feet. Her mouth formed only a silent, uncomprehending gasp as the light within her grew to blinding, and burst.

The noise returned like a thunderclap. Everyone was screaming, shouting, running, but Stevonnie knew they had to focus on the gemstone that was accelerating towards them. They caught it just before it hit the ground. _Bubble it. Bubble it –_

“NO!” Blue Diamond wailed from somewhere. “She’s going to shatter White like she shattered Pink! Yellow, _DO SOMETHING!_ ”

Even in the din, Stevonnie heard the crackle. They turned, saw the blast forming in Yellow Diamond’s hand.

Their hands moved, holding the diamond out in front of them.

So when the bolt fired, that was what it hit.

It looked just like a destabilizer strike, yellow light spiderwebbing over the surface, before White Diamond exploded into a thousand shards of light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yellow Diamond's confession was inspired by a somewhat similar scene from the _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ episode "Storyteller".
> 
> In case of any confusion, yes, I downgraded White's power from puppetmaster to compelling voice. Since she is no longer an abuse metaphor, her canon powers no longer work thematically, so I wanted to change it. Compelling voice works better with what she now represents, and the power downgrade was necessary to give Steven a fighting chance.


	13. Together Alone

Snow was falling. 

Stevonnie stared up into the brilliantly white sky, lying on their back as snowflakes floated down around them. They turned their head, and watched as a snowflake, perfectly white, settled just in front of their eyes. 

But it wasn’t a snowflake. It was diamond dust. 

The world rushed back in at once. People were shouting. Someone was wailing like a banshee. Everything was too bright. Stevonnie registered the sharp pain of cuts from where the shrapnel had sliced them open, but the red lines crisscrossing their hand faded even as they watched, leaving only a sparkle of pink light against their skin. That only made sense, a distant part of them thought – blood was a bodily fluid, too. 

They raised their head and immediately found themself face-to-face with Yellow Diamond. They felt a surge of panic, but even that was distant, like someone else was feeling it. They scrabbled backward and summoned their shield, but it felt like it was someone else’s body doing it, just going through the motions. 

Then Yellow Diamond dropped to her knees, and Stevonnie realized she wasn’t looking at them at all. With a hollow expression, she reached past them, pinched a white shard between her fingers, and mechanically moved it to the pile of dust in front of her. 

“Stevonnie, MOVE!” 

A violent quake shook the hall, but Yellow Diamond didn’t even seem to register it. Stevonnie heard the sound of something giving way, and then Garnet’s arms were around them, jerking them sideways. A chunk of ceiling landed where they had just been sitting, cracking the floor where it impacted. 

Garnet yanked them forward again, and their legs finally jerked into motion. They followed the tide of running gems, fighting to keep their balance as the building shook, until finally they were outside, and then their steps shuddered to a stop. 

It wasn’t just White Diamond’s palace that was collapsing. 

The bridge had already fallen out. The other diamonds’ palaces looked mostly intact, but they tilted ominously, the support pillars cracking and swaying. Stevonnie looked lower, and saw the damage continued as far as they could see. The surface of the planet itself was gaping open, nauseatingly wide chasms splitting the rock. 

“Oh, _stars_ …” Pearl breathed, in horror. “White Diamond wasn’t just stopping a few quakes. She was holding the whole planet together!” 

“We have to get out of here!” Garnet yelled. “Peridot, call a ship!” 

“Already done!” Peridot barked back, tapping frantically at a viewscreen. Ships of all kinds were already flying across the skies, and several gems were rushing past them to jump into their own. 

The ground shook again, and Garnet steadied them. “Is everyone here?” Stevonnie said, looking around frantically. Amethyst jumped up from the crowd to wave a hand at them. Bismuth was hunkered down in the center of the platform, eyes watchful. There was a roar next to them, and suddenly Lion was there too, gems scattering before him. 

Stevonnie looked back. The gate was still holding, though cracks were spreading over the edges. The inside was empty – everyone must have already made it out. 

Except… 

The diamonds weren’t here. 

The diamonds were still in there. 

Stevonnie stepped forward, and suddenly the whole world lurched. It wasn’t the quakes – it was like they were seeing double – 

“They’re still in there! They’ll be crushed!” they yelled. 

“So will you! It’s too dangerous!” they yelled back. 

They clutched at their pounding head. Everything was too loud. “ _I have to –_ ” 

– their world _split_ – 

“– _SAVE THEM!_ ” Steven finished. 

The split threw him violently, but he landed on his feet and kept running, into the gate – 

He jerked to a stop as something wrapped around his midsection, lifting him off his feet. He looked down. Garnet’s hands. “Let me go!” he yelled, hammering at her fingers. 

Garnet grunted and her grip loosened just enough for Steven to wriggle out of it, but Amethyst clutched his arm as soon as he hit the ground. “Are you crazy?!” she yelled. “This place could collapse any minute! We gotta go!” 

“I have my shield and my bubble! I’ll be okay!” He jerked his arm, forcing her to let go, but Pearl grabbed him before he could move. “ _Let me go!_ ” 

“No.” 

He looked at her, crying now. “I’m just supposed to let them die?!” 

“I’m not letting you throw your life away,” she said tightly. Then, after a quiet pause, “…There’s no shame in needing to bail.” 

“Yes there is!” He looked back at the palace, even though he could barely see it now through his tears, reaching out futilely. “I already lost White Diamond –” He choked. “I can’t –” 

“ _I won’t lose you too!_ ” 

Steven’s breath hitched, and the fight went out of him. Pearl pulled him close, with so much force they almost fell over. 

Another quake made them all stumble, and Steven heard an ominous groan far too close. There was a long, strained cracking noise, growing in intensity until it sounded like the stone itself was crying out in pain. 

He looked up. 

The head of White Diamond’s statue was riddled with cracks. It slowly began to shift, and then the entire figure violently caved in on itself, the stone and crystal compacting into a tight mass, collapsing in freefall. Then a crack formed at his feet, and the whole structure fell away from them, down into the void below. 

Steven just stared into the abyss. His mind felt completely blank. 

“Ship’s here!” Peridot chimed behind them. 

Steven went limp, and let Garnet carry him onto the ship – a green hand, like the one they had come here with. 

He heard the door close behind them. Garnet set him down next to a wall. He curled up, and hugged his knees. The gems chattered among themselves for a moment, but he didn’t pay attention. 

“Steven.” Pearl suddenly laid a hand on his knee. He tensed, but didn’t look up at her. “They might be fine. It takes a lot of force to actually shatter a gem.” 

“Alright!” Bismuth shouted suddenly. “Even the diamonds’ shards could be dangerous. We need to find them before their soldiers do. Peridot, turn this ship around!” 

Steven flinched, and curled himself tighter. “You’re lying,” he said bitterly. “They’re dead. They’re dead and… and it’s your fault. You can’t say you didn’t shatter someone just because you didn’t do it yourself.” 

Pearl’s hand retracted. “You’d have died if you had gone in,” she said after a while. “If I had let you… that’d have been my fault, too.” 

Steven didn’t say anything. After a minute, he heard Connie and Pearl murmuring some conversation, but he didn’t bother to make out the words. 

He hadn’t even felt the ship move, but suddenly Peridot was saying, “Alright, I think this is it.” Her voice was slightly distorted. Over the intercom? “It’s kinda hard to tell, the whole planet’s broken into chunks. I don’t think there’s even any gravity anymore.” 

“We’ll go out in bubble pods to search the rubble ourselves,” Garnet said. “Activate the ship’s drones as well.” 

“Aye aye, captain!” 

“I should stay here to look after Steven and Connie,” Pearl said. 

“Yes,” Garnet agreed. 

There was the strange noise of bubbles forming, and then the room was filled with silence. 

Steven stared at his arms, still covered in the surreal, unnatural pink of the gloves. He rose to his feet slowly, holding the wall for support. “Pearl,” he said, not looking at her, “I think I want to change into my old clothes now.” 

“Sure, go ahead.” A flash of light, and then his travel bag was in front of him. She had stored it before they had left – as if she had known something like this would happen. He shouldered it, and moved into one of the side rooms. 

The door closed automatically behind him. He set the bag down. 

He stared at his hands, then pulled the purple-pink gloves off so hard they tore. He yanked at the ripped dress, pink shards clattering to the ground as he tore more holes in the fabric, and threw it away as hard as he could. Breathing heavily, he rifled through his bag, spilling clothes and supplies in a mess around him until he finally found his jeans and T-shirt. He pulled them on, leaned against a wall, and slowly slipped to the ground. He hung his head in his hands and shuddered, just on the edge of sobbing. 

He didn’t know how long he sat there, half-crying. After a while, things started to feel more solid. He breathed, in and out. He stared at his ungloved hands, pudgy and human, and ran them over his shirt, normal and comforting. 

He stood up. He looked at the mess around him, his eyes sliding away from the corner with the dress like oil from water. He had made such a mess, he thought as he started placing everything back. Pearl would be so mad with him. He placed everything back in the bag with care, trying to remember the perfect neatness Pearl had packed it with. It wasn’t right, so he took them out and rearranged them again. He ignored the strips of pink fabric around him, and the shards that rang like bells every time he swept out his arm too far. 

Eventually, he zippered the bag shut, shouldered it, and stepped out, away from the bones. 

Connie was standing across from him when he stepped out, giving him a look that said _I’m sorry_ with everything but words. He jerked his head away. 

Bubbles rose from the floor, and Amethyst, Garnet, and Bismuth reappeared. Bismuth waved a familiar gem in her hand, and Steven’s breath hitched. “Hey, look at this, Pearl!” she shouted. “I found another bismuth in there! She’s a little chipped, but mostly okay! Should we send her to Earth, or what?” 

“Necky,” Steven whimpered. The spiral gem had chipped, horrible gaps staring out from the uppermost layer of the spiral. “I – I wasn’t even thinking of her. I left her in the forge – of course she wouldn’t even try to get out, and I just left her there, I’m so _stupid_ –” 

Pearl grasped his shoulder. “She’s okay, Steven. Nothing a dip in the fountain can’t fix.” She turned to Bismuth. “Bubble her and send her to the temple. It’s best if we explain things to her in a controlled setting.” 

“Yeah, and the diamonds turned out okay, too! See?” Amethyst held Yellow Diamond over her head for everyone to see, grinning proudly. A few points of the rhombus had broken off, but she was otherwise intact. Steven breathed a sigh of relief. 

He looked over to Garnet, who hadn’t spoken. Blue Diamond hadn’t fared quite as well – a large crack ran down her length, almost all the way through. Garnet gripped her with both hands, running a finger along the fissure. Then she looked up at Steven, and after an uncomfortably long pause, bubbled her without a word. 

“These are all I could find.” Steven’s attention snapped back to Bismuth, who was showing Pearl a small handful of white fragments. “I think she’s mostly just dust, now. Do you think we should…” She stopped suddenly, glanced at Steven, and leaned forward to whisper something in Pearl’s ear. Pearl dipped her head, and murmured something back. Bismuth nodded, bubbled the shards, and vanished them. 

Then Bismuth leaned back, stretched her arms over her head, and let out a long, heavy sigh. “All _right!_ ” she bellowed. “ _Now_ you can set a course for Earth, Peridot!” 

“W-w-wait, what about, what about everyone else?” Steven stammered. “What if there are other gems who didn’t make it out? We need to find them too!” 

“They’ll be fine,” Garnet said. 

Pearl smiled and said, “Gems don’t need air, Steven. A few might have poofed, but they can wait until a rescue party comes. We _could_ be that rescue party, but –” She held up a finger as soon as he took in a breath. “– right now, we need to focus on getting you home. Okay?” 

He stepped over to the window, and looked out. 

The ship was moving away from Homeworld – or rather, what used to be Homeworld. Steven remembered that the first time he saw Homeworld, he had thought it looked half-dead already, split in half and barely held together, a hollowed-out husk of a world. Now, it had finally given up the ghost. The dark rock of the core, already fragmented, had completely separated, now looking like nothing more than a loose collection of asteroids. Chunks of machinery and even entire buildings floated past, glittering like stars as they drifted aimlessly against the black of space, devoid now of purpose. The seat of the gem empire was gone, shattered as completely as White Diamond. 

“Hold onto your seats, everyone!” Peridot buzzed. “We’re going into hyperspace!” 

There was a subtle jolt, like the whole universe shifted around him very slightly, and then the stars outside were zipping past too fast to see. 

He wandered over to a seat, laid back, and let out a long, long sigh. 

“…So guys, was that awesome or WHAT?” Amethyst wooped suddenly. She jumped up, punching her fists at the air. “White Diamond was all like _youuu must obeeeey meeee_ and Stevonnie was all like ‘Haha nope, SHANK!’” 

Everyone except Steven laughed. They laughed for a long time, leaning on each other and crying as the stress of the last week finally, blessedly, released. 

“I can hardly believe it,” Bismuth said, eyes shimmering with joyful tears. “We did it. We really did it. We fought the diamonds and we _won!_ ” She shook her fists at the heavens, grinning. “No more Diamond Authority! No more Homeworld! No more empire! We’re free! We’re really, finally _free!_ ” She pulled Garnet and Pearl into a wide hug, and they accepted, grinning. “And you’re all still here! My friends are all still here!” She closed her eyes, and let the tears flow freely. “This is better than I could have ever hoped for!” 

“A gem was shattered.” 

The joy went out of the room in an instant. The gems pulled away, looking everywhere except each other. 

Bismuth looked into his eyes, opened her mouth to say something, and stopped. Then she sighed, bowing her head and raising a hand in resignation. “…You know what? I’m not gonna give you a hard time, Steven. I said you couldn’t judge me because you’ve never lost a friend, but…” She rubbed her neck, and looked away. “…I’ve never, you know, _actually_ shattered someone. So that means I can’t tell you how to feel, either. Just…” She looked at him again, and gave him a faint, gentle smile. “You saved us, you know. There was no guarantee any of us were gonna walk out of that room when we walked in. It’s a miracle that we’re all here. And you’re… allowed to be grateful for that, okay?” 

“It was an accident, anyway!” Pearl added, smiling at him sweetly. He winced. “You couldn’t possibly have known… that… would happen.” She laid a hand on his shoulder, so trusting. “It wasn’t your fault.” 

Steven glanced at Connie, leaning against the wall opposite him. She looked back, and said nothing. 

Amethyst pounced on him from behind and gave him a noogie. He grunted. “Heeeey c’mon stop being so mopey! When we get back we’re gonna have a huge party, okay? A _real_ one this time. Let’s invite all your friends – heck, the whole town! We can have pizza and ice cream and and and –” 

He let her happy chatter wash over him, smiling and nodding. Eventually she broke off to join the other gems as they laughed and danced together, talking about Earth, about the rebellion, about what they were going to do next. Steven only half-listened. 

His eyes found Connie. She hadn’t moved from her spot opposite him the whole time. She glanced at the other gems, then slowly walked forward until she was in front of him. 

“Do you want to talk?” she said quietly. 

Steven nodded. 

They walked down the hall until they found another room, and entered. It appeared to be some kind of office, ringed with compartments with a small table in the middle. Steven sat down, and Connie took a seat across from him. 

Steven looked down at his hands, and laced his fingers together. He saw Connie lay her hands on the table, but she didn’t say anything. 

Eventually, he broke the silence. 

“Pearl’s wrong,” he said. “It wasn’t an accident.” He swallowed, and forced himself to continue. “When Stevonnie was bubbling White Diamond… she wasn’t in the path of the beam. I felt… I felt them do it. It was just a few inches, but they moved her. On purpose.” 

Connie laced her fingers together. 

“…So you felt it, too,” she said. 

He nodded. 

After a long silence, Connie took in a deep breath. “It was me,” she said. “It must have been me. I told you, before, that we had to be prepared for anything. I went in there knowing it might be us or them, and I… I was ready to do it, if it came to that.” She clenched her hands together until the knuckles went white. “You can hate me for that, if you want.” 

Steven slowly shook his head. 

“I think it was me,” he whispered. 

He heard Connie start. “What? No, no, you don’t have to do this, Steven. It was me, it was my fault, you don’t have to –” 

“It was so much _easier_.” His hands started to shake. “Wasn’t it? She… she was just so _awful_ , when she did that to Nephrite and then she just tried to kill _everyone_ I just… I just…” He clawed at his face, and his voice cracked into a horrible whine. “I didn’t see her as a _person_. I saw her as a _problem_. I tried to save her but it was so _hard_ and I thought… I thought it would be so much easier if she was just _gone_.” 

He sobbed, and felt tears spill through his fingers. He felt Connie touch his arm, gently, and he lowered his hands to look at her. 

“Steven…” She glanced away. “Maybe we’re looking at this wrong. Garnet says fusions are more than the sum of their parts. Maybe… Stevonnie made a decision that neither of us would have made on our own. I remember that moment was… messy, and confusing, and…” She shook her head, and looked at him again. “Please don’t do this. You don’t have to look for blame. It just… happened.” 

Steven slowly let his arms fall, and looked down at his hands. “You know what this means, right?” He paused to take a shuddering breath. “We can’t ever form Stevonnie again.” 

Connie drew her hand back. There was an awful silence. 

“…Are you _serious?_ ” 

The hardness in her voice made Steven look up. She stared back at him with a look of utter disbelief. “You’re going to throw it all away, just like that, just because one thing went wrong? Is that all Stevonnie means to you? Is that all…” Her face twisted into a look of pain, and tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. “… _we_ mean to you?” 

Steven cried, “We _killed someone_ , Connie!” 

“And how many people did _she_ kill?” Connie shouted back. “How many people was she _going_ to kill, right then and there, if we hadn’t stopped her?” 

“She still deserved a chance! We could have saved her!” He screwed his eyes shut, and banged his fists against the table. “ _Rose_ could have saved her,” he whispered. 

“I don’t care.” 

Steven’s eyes flew open, and now it was his turn to look shocked. “I don’t care!” Connie repeated, throwing her hands out. “I don’t care what Rose wanted or who she was. You’re the one who saved me, you’re the one who became my friend. We’re the ones who had to deal with this, and we did the best we could!” 

“I should have done better.” 

Connie gritted her teeth, letting out a hiss that rose to a furious wail. “ _God!_ ” she snapped. “I came here to apologize but you’re just blaming yourself, _again!_ ” She lowered her head, pulling at her hair and huffing heavy, heated breaths. “Why?” she said after a while. Her voice was a hoarse whisper. “Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep acting like your life doesn’t matter?” She looked up, and wailed, “I thought you were over this! This – this stupid _martyr complex!_ ” 

“That’s not what this is!” Steven insisted. “What, you think I _want_ to die?” 

“Yes,” Connie said immediately. “You tried to run into a collapsing building, just to save a bunch of nearly indestructible genocidal dictators!” 

“I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing!” Steven shouted back. “You said it yourself, some things are worth risking your life for!” 

Connie’s jaw clenched. “How many gems have they shattered, Steven?” 

Steven stopped cold. “A lot,” was all he could say. 

“A lot,” Connie repeated dryly. She closed her eyes tight, took a deep breath, and seemed to compose herself slightly. “They shattered _a lot_ of gems, and you’re willing to risk your life for them. But…” Her voice started to crack. “…You think _you_ deserve to die for shattering _one person?_ ” 

Steven hesitated. 

“Steven…” Connie untensed, and she brought her hands back together. “…The day we met, on the beach, you didn’t just save my life. If you had just walked out of my life after that, nothing would have changed for me. I’d still be a sad, lonely nerd with no friends and no idea of what to do with myself. You helped me because you _stayed_ with me. You were there for me when I needed someone to talk to, and when I needed to know there were people who cared about me. You showed me things I could have never imagined, and gave me something to believe in. You made me a part of your family. That’s more important than any one act of bravery or sacrifice. And… that’s why you still matter to me, even if you’re not perfect.” 

Connie paused for a long time, staring at him with too many emotions to name. “You keep telling other people that they don’t need to be perfect, but do you even believe that about yourself? Just because you can’t live up to some perfect, impossible ideal, that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.” 

Steven protested weakly, “I don’t… I don’t think I’m a bad…” 

“Why can’t you heal yourself?” 

Steven’s voice caught in his throat. 

They sat like that for a long time, the only sound the distant hum of the engines. 

Connie slowly stood up, and walked to the door. She laid a hand on it, then stopped. 

“I’m glad you’re here, Steven,” she said. “I just wish you could be, too.” 

The door closed behind her, and Steven was alone. 

He wasn’t sure how long he waited there, staring at nothing at all. Eventually, there was a now-familiar jolt followed by Peridot’s voice over the intercom: “We’re here, everybody! Get ready for the best landing ever!” 

Steven turned, and the planet in the viewport was the most beautiful thing he could have seen. 

Home. 


	14. Epilogue: A Bridge Across Stars

Someone was waiting for them when they landed.

“ _Steven!_ ” Lapis cried as soon as he stepped out. She ran towards him, clutching him like she was afraid he’d disappear. “You’re okay! You’re okay! I was so worried…!”

After a moment’s surprise, Steven hugged her back and smiled. “I was worried about you, too. I’m glad you’re back.”

She pulled away from him suddenly, shaking her head and crying. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I-I wanted to come back, I wanted to help you, but by the time I finally did everyone said you were on Homeworld and I couldn’t…” She buried her face in her hands and choked out a sob.

“Lapis, it’s okay,” Steven said gently, patting her shoulder. “You had to work through it on your own time. It’s not your fault the diamonds came so suddenly. We were all surprised, too.” Lapis lowered her hands to look at him, and he smiled. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

Steven heard sniffling beside him, and turned to see Peridot was tearing up.

“LAPIS!” she cried, charging forward to bury her face in Lapis’ shoulder. “You’re back, you’re back, you’re really back…!” She sobbed.

Lapis looked briefly surprised at Peridot’s new – or rather, old – height, but relaxed. “Peridot…” Lapis hugged her gently, and her face contorted with guilt. “I’m sorry. I should have stayed with you. I was so selfish –”

“No!” Peridot pulled back and shook her head fiercely. “I’m glad you weren’t there! It was _awful!_ Yellow Diamond poofed me and it _hurt_ , and White Diamond – she nearly shattered Steven and I couldn’t do anything…”

Lapis immediately snapped her head to Steven with a look of complete terror. “I’m okay now!” he said quickly, lifting his shirt to show his intact gem. “I got healed, it’s fine.”

Peridot flushed, and glanced away from Lapis. “What I mean is…” Lapis turned back to her. “I get it now. I didn’t understand before, but I get it now. If I had known then… maybe I’d have gone with you.” She hung her head. “I’m sorry.”

Lapis patted her shoulder, and let out an easy laugh. “Hey, how about we watch Camp Pining Hearts again? It’s not the same without you.”

Peridot brightened up immediately, her head shooting up like a brilliant sunflower. “Yeah!” she exclaimed, stars in her eyes. “And… I had a great idea for another meep-morp…!”

“Who was that?” Bismuth asked after they had walked away. There was something wrong with the way she said it, weak and hollow.

“Oh… sorry. I should have told you about her,” Steven apologized. “That’s Lapis Lazuli. She…” He paused to consider. “It’s a really long story, actually,” he concluded with an awkward laugh.

“A lapis lazuli,” Bismuth said in the same quiet voice, staring at Lapis’ retreating figure. “Right.”

“Okay, so, it started when I found this mirror in Pearl’s stuff…”

 

🌟

Steven settled into his folding chair, smiling contentedly. It was a lovely day on the beach, the breeze wafting in from the sea to keep everything pleasantly cool. Amethyst and Peridot rolled around in the sand, laughing, while Lapis twisted the seawater around them. Garnet stood next to Bismuth, watching inscrutably from behind her shades.

Bismuth, leaning on the great green hand that had nestled under the cliff for the past week, rapped her knuckles on the metal to call for attention. Lapis floated over to Peridot, and Amethyst pushed herself out of the sand pit she had dug for herself, crossing her legs and sitting with exaggerated poise.

“Thanks for coming, everyone,” Bismuth said. She pushed herself off the ship, standing up straight to look over each of them in turn. She took a breath, and spoke. “So. I know you’ve all been through a lot, but now that we’ve had a little time, I think we should talk about what to do next.” She swept her arms out. “The diamonds are gone. Homeworld’s gone. But there are still gems on planets all throughout the galaxy. They’re gonna be confused, and scared. We only have so much time before something gives, and someone tries to fill the vacuum the diamonds have left. We’ve got no guarantee that’s gonna be peaceful, or that it’ll be anything but the Diamond Authority all over again.”

Steven shifted. His chair no longer felt so comfortable. He didn’t say anything, but Pearl voiced his fear for him: “You think we should take control instead.”

Bismuth nodded. “We’re the best gems for the job.” Then she smiled. “I’ve been reading the books you gave me, Pearl. Humans have come up with so many ideas we’d never think of. I want to try their ‘democracy’ – give an equal voice to all gems! It’d be the total opposite of the Diamond Authority!” Her enthusiasm dimmed just a fraction. “But… I can’t do it on my own. I don’t _want_ to do it on my own. The choices we make now will affect gems for eons to come. I need people who can see the things I don’t. I need people”–she looked Steven straight in the eye–“who can tell me when I’m wrong.”

Peridot snorted loudly, and Steven gratefully snapped his gaze over to her. “So what, you want us to do, like… zircon work?” She waved her hand dismissively. “That’s boring! Pass!”

From beside her, Lapis laughed humorlessly. “I’d shatter myself before I went back there.” Steven really hoped she was joking.

Bismuth looked nonplussed for an instant, but nodded. “Of course. I understand if you want to stay on Earth.” Then after that brief reprieve, her eyes locked on Steven again. He felt his heart beat faster. “Steven,” she intoned. He squirmed slightly. “I…”

Suddenly, she deflated. Her shoulders sagged, and her gaze fell to the ground. “I’ve been awful to you, haven’t I? I was so mad at Rose for keeping secrets, for trying to do things her own way, but… I did the same thing. I’m sorry.”

Steven blinked, speechless.

Bismuth looked up again with a fragile smile. “The war’s over, now. Really over. Now is the time for peace, and rebuilding. I’ve been fighting so long I’m… not sure if I remember how to do that anymore.” She took a few steps forward. Her arm stuttered, and after a moment’s hesitation, slowly extended towards him, palm up. “But you do. You know how to heal, and how to forgive. You… did that for me. You showed me where I was wrong, and you taught me how to be someone better. I want you…” Her face tightened with sadness. “No, I _need_ you there. I need to hear you. More than anyone else, you deserve that.”

Steven stared up at her, aware his eyes must be as wide as dinner plates. She looked back at him, pleadingly.

The silence became uncomfortable, then unbearable, until finally he managed to say, “No.”

She leaned back like he had struck her. “Wh… wh…”

“It’s not you!” he said quickly. “I know you mean it, a-and I’m grateful, really, but Bismuth…” He shook his head sadly. “My whole life, people have been expecting me to do stuff like that. To know what to do, and where to go. To fill the space Mom left. To be something… I’m not.” He felt everyone’s gaze on him now. He focused on Bismuth with all his might, too scared to look at the other gems. “If you had asked me even a month ago, I’d probably already be on that ship. I really wanted to be a Crystal Gem. I wanted so badly to live up to what everyone wanted from me, to be the kind of person everyone said Mom was. But that was never the kind of person _I_ was.” He looked down, into his clenched hands, and swallowed. “I don’t want to be in a situation like the diamonds ever again. _I_ was wrong about things, too. I thought if I just kept trying harder I could solve everything, but I never admitted the risk I was taking, that… people could die if I messed up. And you were right, that would have been my fault. Things worked out in the end, but, when I think about it… it was really just luck that we survived.” He closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath. “I’ve made enough hard choices for a lifetime,” he said softly. “I think all I really want is… a normal life. For things to be simple again.”

Bismuth looked completely unmoored, staring back at him with gaping eyes and arm still outstretched. He smiled apologetically. “Maybe I’ll feel different when I’m older,” he offered. “But I… I mean, I _did_ just emerge yesterday. I’m still a kid. I don’t think I’d be ready for this even if I wanted to be.”

Bismuth finally let her arm fall. She took a breath and looked like she wanted to say something, but instead nodded silently. She took a step back and looked between the others, a hint of desperation in the jerkiness of her movements. “Then… anyone else? Pearl? Amethyst?”

“You want _me?_ ” Amethyst pointed at herself with clear disbelief. Bismuth nodded. “What for? I don’t know anything about Homeworld.”

“That’s exactly why,” Bismuth said. “You’re the only gem who’s lived a life outside of the empire.”

“Nah.” Amethyst said it casually, but her face turned uncharacteristically serious. “Earth is the only home I’ve ever known. There’s no place I’d rather be.” Then she leaned back, looking playful again. “Steven’s ‘kick back and let other people deal with it’ plan sounds good to me.”

Bismuth’s eyes flicked to Pearl.

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t mind visiting, but I couldn’t stay there. I loved Homeworld, but I love Earth too.” She rested a hand on Steven’s shoulder, and smiled at him.

Bismuth sighed, and Steven looked back at her. She stared down, running a hand through her rainbow locks. “I understand.” She turned her head to Garnet, and said, “I guess it’s just you and me, then.”

Steven leapt out of his chair. “What?!” he squeaked. “G-Garnet, you’re leaving?”

“Woah woah woah what?” Amethyst rose to her feet. “I didn’t hear anything about this!”

Garnet smiled apologetically. “I made my decision before we came back to Earth. Bismuth is right: she can’t do this on her own. The new authority will need someone to guide it, and to protect it from those who would claim power for themselves. That’s something I can do.”

Bismuth punched her playfully in the arm, grinning. “And you’ll be there to fight for the rights of all fusions! We have to show the whole galaxy where we stand, make sure no one ever tries to force a fusion apart again.”

Garnet smirked. “That too.”

Steven ran up and clutched her hand desperately. “But-but-but –” he warbled, tears pooling in his eyes. “How long will you be away? When will I get to see you again?”

Garnet laughed gently and patted his head. “This isn’t goodbye, Steven. A long time ago, the Galaxy Warp connected the whole gem empire across the stars. Once everything’s settled, it’ll be safe to use again. I’ll be only a few jumps away.”

Steven flushed. Now he just felt silly. “Oh.”

“Hmm…” Bismuth rubbed her chin. “I wonder how we’ll handle that, actually. What if the colony worlds want to stay independent? We’d have to add, like… security on all the warps, in case they don’t want people crossing over. We’d probably have to do that for Earth anyway, since gems could harm the native life here…” She looked distant for a second, then waved her hand with a sharp laugh. “Well, we can cross that bridge when we come to it – we gotta get there, first!”

Garnet’s hand dropped to Steven’s shoulder. “Goodbye for now.”

Steven swallowed the lump in his throat. “Goodbye.”

She turned, and walked to the ship. Bismuth half-turned to her, but hesitated, still looking at Steven.

She shoved her hand out, stiffly. “Goodbye, Steven. I’ll… be seeing you.”

Steven looked at the offered hand, smiled, and charged forward to wrap her in a hug instead. “I love you, Bismuth.”

Bismuth gasped. Then she slowly wrapped her arms around him, as warm and solid as the earth. “You really mean that,” she breathed. “Even after everything I said… everything I did…”

“Of course I do.” He looked up, and saw that she was starting to cry. “I know you’re a good person, Bismuth. And I know you’ll do great. You say the gems need someone who knows how to love and heal, but they already do.” He smiled, and tapped his finger against her gem, over her heart. “You.”

Bismuth sobbed, and let the tears spill free from her eyes. But she was smiling, truly smiling, as radiant as the sun. She hugged him again and closed her eyes. “Thank you,” she said. “For everything.”

She stood up, sniffed, wiped her eyes. Then with a final wave, she climbed into the ship. The door closed behind her and the ship hummed into life, rising slowly from the sand. It angled itself away, and gained speed until it was only a twinkle in the sky.

Steven wiped his eyes. He heard sniffling, and turned to see Amethyst gushing tears, visibly holding back sobs.

“Wh-wh-what’re you lookin’ at?” she warbled, lip trembling. “Ah’m fine! Everythin’s guh-guh-GREAT!” She rubbed her face furiously and looked away from them.

Pearl stared up into the sky, and wiped the tears from her eyes. “It will be fine,” she said. “We’ll see them again soon, I’m sure of it.”

There was a moment of quiet sniffling. Then Peridot jumped to her feet and planted her hands on her hips. “Okay! So what else are we doing today?”

 

🌟

Movement. Light.

Others hung back, let her go first. As it should be. Outside, the strange gem, the one who had hurt her and helped her and changed her but then she was thinking about the white hall and the diamond and she didn’t want to think about that so she didn’t. She saw a pearl and an amethyst too. Ones who attacked her before. She reared up. Ready to fight.

“Hey,” the ‘Steven’ said. The face shifted, the lines of the mouth curving down. “I… understand if you’re mad. I messed up really bad. I’m sorry.” Soft voice. Calming voice. She flattened herself against the ground, nonthreatening.

Mouth lines curved up again. “Here, I brought your favorite.” ‘Steven’ pulled something out and – RUSTLE NOISE GOOD WANT. She lunged for the flakes, trilling delight.

Touch on her hair, light. “Yeah. You still like Chaaps, huh?” Stroking paused. “That’s… good.” She looked up. Its mouth lines curved down again, and it took a breath. “If it’s okay with you, I want to try again. It’s just going to be me this time. No diamonds.”

She tensed. Diamonds. Diamonds were danger. Diamonds were here before. She twitched and hissed. Looked around. Diamonds where?

No. No diamonds. Just pearl, amethyst, and ‘Steven’. She let herself relax, but still watched the trees. ‘Steven’ had pulled away. Made her feel sad. “O-okay,” ‘Steven’ warbled. “It doesn’t have to be right now.”

She flattened herself again, and crooned. ‘Steven’ stroked her hair, and sang songs, and gave her more of the crunchy flakes. She saw the others watching from the shadow of the opening, and told them it was safe. They came, slowly at first, then more quickly when ‘Steven’ gave them the crunchy flakes too.

It was a good day.

‘Steven’ wrapped its arms around her before it left. Should have made her feel tense, restricted, but just made her happy. “I promise I won’t give up.”

 

🌟

“Okay, so.”

Connie took a sip of water, and looked back through the hole in space that was, according to Peridot, somehow communicating with a planet lightyears away without even a microsecond of delay. She’d have to learn more about that someday, but for now…

Connie looked out at her assembled audience. Bismuth was standing across from her, prominently displaying a sash with colorful, handwritten letters spelling out the words PRIME MINISTER. The diamonds’ former pearls sat on either side of her, Yellow inspecting her microphone and Blue as inscrutable as always. (No White Pearl, though; she had failed to reform after White Diamond’s shattering. Pearl said Steven was looking into it.) In the days since Bismuth had called for the convention, more gems had appeared to fill out the rest of the round table and the seats across the rest of the hall. Garnet leaned against a wall apart from them with forced casualness, watching the room carefully.

“There’s not just one way to do democracy!” Connie explained. “There are actually a ton of ways you can count votes and they all have their plusses and minuses. It’s really important to pick the right one, because these things are really hard to change once they’re established!”

“Mmhm,” Bismuth said, jotting notes on a datapad.

Connie began writing on the screen, watching as the image projected itself into the room for everyone to see. “So the simplest one is ‘first past the post’, where everyone votes for one candidate and whoever gets a majority wins. It’s easy to do, but it tends to collapse into a two-party system and has this thing called the ‘spoiler effect’ where if there are multiple candidates on only one side of the political spectrum, they’ll divide the votes and make their opponent win even if they don’t actually represent the majority opinion. Now, the most common alternative is ‘instant runoff’, which is kinda complicated so I’ll break it down…”

Several minutes later, she took a much-needed gulp from her water and said, “So what do you think?”

Bismuth scrolled through her notes. “Uh, hmm…” She leaned back. “Garnet, any insights? You know if any of these are gonna be a disaster?”

“I can’t see that far ahead,” Garnet said flatly. She looked at Connie, her shades betraying nothing. “I would like to know how the votes of fusions will be counted.”

“Oh.” Connie scratched her head. “Uh, I hadn’t thought of that. But that’s a really good question! Do you count as one person, or two? If you only get one vote you’d just unfuse so both your selves could vote and yeah that’s not really fair is it, but then if fusions get multiple votes would they be too powerful of a voting bloc?” She chewed at her stylus. “This is more complicated than I thought.”

“Um.” A distant morganite tapped a button, and her face appeared at the center of the assembly. “Your primeness, about fusions –”

Yellow Pearl lunged forward to tap her microphone, her own hologram manifesting to overshadow the morganite’s. “You are not to address her or anyone as ‘your primeness’! ‘Prime minister’ is not a caste!”

The morganite blanched and mumbled an apology. A zircon tapped in to ask, “So wait, are we voting on how to vote now?”

“Something like that.”

“Hmm.” Blue Pearl paused for a second, then tapped in to say, “I like approval voting.”

Bismuth drummed her fingers on the table, and scrolled through her notes. “I think I need more time to decide.” She pulled up another datascreen. “Maybe we should go back to the constitution for now. Connie said that’s going to set the foundations for everything else.” Bismuth grinned at her. “I like this ‘vote of no confidence’ thing. It lets people remove bad rulers just by voting! Even if we end up with someone like the diamonds again, we won’t need to start another war to get rid of them. How do we put that in, Connie? Tell me all about it.”

Connie took a deep breath. “Okay, from the top…”

🌟

Pearl looked up at the clear night sky, and smiled.

She could finally look at the stars without any guilt, or loss. The colony worlds had been liberated, the existing expansions halted. And she could visit them any time she wanted. It would be a while longer before things truly settled, but… the universe was safe.

She wished Rose was here to see it.

Pearl heard the temple door slide open, and whirled around. "Oh, Steven, you're still awake…"

She saw the bubble in his hands, and stopped.

It was nothing but a few flakes of crystal, as faint as distant stars. But she'd recognize White Diamond's shards from a mile away.

Steven looked down, swallowed, and looked up at her again, tears swelling in his eyes.

"Pearl, there's… something I need to tell you."

🌟

Connie ran her fingers over the corn stalks, picking at the seeds in an anxious, repetitive motion. She half-listened as, beside her, Peridot spoke into a viewscreen at a bismuth. Not the one she knew; this one had her gem at her throat.

“Yeah, the wiring in that place is still a mess,” Peridot was saying. “Probably for the best it got wrecked – you should just tear it all up and replace the whole thing!”

“Probably,” the bismuth replied with a laugh. “I’ve – oh, hi, Steven! You got bigger!”

Connie looked over.

Steven had, indeed, gotten bigger over the years, to Greg’s surprise (and, she suspected, relief). He was still shorter than her, even now, but he made up for it everywhere else. He looked big enough to hug the whole world, with arms like tree trunks and shoulders easily broad enough for two people. He had grown his hair out into what Connie could only describe as a mane, a cloud of black spiral curls that never seemed to get frizzy.

She wanted to say he looked like his father, but she couldn’t let go of the thought that he looked a lot more like the pictures she had seen of Rose Quartz.

Steven waved to the bismuth as Lapis landed next to Peridot. “Hi, Necky! What are you working on?”

“Pink Diamond’s old palace!” she chirped back. “I’ve built all the new rooms, but I still gotta connect up all the wiring, so I called Peridot for directions!”

Steven floundered for a second. “Wha… Pink Diamond’s palace? But I thought everything on Homeworld was destroyed!”

Necky shook her head. “Nah, a lot of the main structures are still pretty intact. We’re renovating them for new offices and stuff!”

Connie blinked. He didn’t know about that?

“Right, so what do you have so far?” Peridot asked. The bismuth turned back to her, and they resumed chatting about technical specs, quickly getting too fast for Connie to follow.

Steven stepped away, and locked eyes with her. She hesitated, and kicked herself for it, but fortunately Steven didn’t seem to notice. He walked closer, but stopped just a bit too early, leaving a distance between them just on the border of awkward. They both stared out to the horizon, not quite looking at each other.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey,” he said back.

After an awkward second, they both said, “Sorry I haven’t –” at the same time, and laughed.

“…Sorry I haven’t seen you in a while,” Connie finished with an apologetic smile.

Steven smiled back, though it was tight. “It’s okay. I know you’re busy with, like, the government and college and stuff…”

She laughed at that. “Actually, the Federation is practically running itself at this point. The first election went off without a hitch, and – hah, do you know what they’re voting on now?”

“No, what?”

“National anthems.” After a second, Steven laughed. “No, really – they only _just_ decided on the anthem for the whole Federation, and now all the colonies are holding referendums for their own. Most of them are still in the submission stage, so that’ll probably be resolved in a few decades.” She laughed, then settled back into a relaxed smile. “I was a little nervous at first, but they’re taking to it really well. I don’t think they need me anymore.”

She paused, and gave Steven a careful look before offering, “And… college is actually way easier than high school. I was so stressed about getting in, but now I hardly know what to do with all my free time.”

“That’s good,” Steven said.

He looked down, and scuffed his feet in the dirt.

“So, uh, what about you?” Connie asked after it became clear he wasn’t going to volunteer. “I know you’ve been busy too, with the corrupted gems and everything.”

Steven looked up, and his smile seemed lighter this time. “Oh, yeah! I just healed Snowflake a little while ago. Pearl and Garnet were really happy to see her. And Nephrite’s been stable for over a year now. There’s still a lot more, but… one gem at a time, right?”

Connie smiled, but his eyes flicked away from her face. “You know, uh… It’s made me think a lot about what you said to me, um… back then.” Connie’s mouth quirked. He visibly swallowed. “Before, I’m not sure if I was really trying to heal the corrupted gems for _them_ , or if… I was just trying to prove that I could. To make everything have a happy ending just because _I_ wanted that. Like…” He went quiet. “…Like with the diamonds.”

For a moment, the only sound was the wind and Peridot’s distant chatter. Then Steven took a breath. “I think… that’s why I couldn’t heal them all the way before. Because you can’t see them like they’re problems, like things to be fixed to make _you_ feel better. You have to listen to them, and let them go at their own pace. You have to do it for them.”

He finally looked back at her, expectantly. She stared back.

So they were playing more-sorry-than-thou, _again_. What was she supposed to say to that? _You’re welcome?_

What she managed was a tortured, “That’s… good.” She immediately groaned and slapped her face. “No, I mean… ugh.” She sighed. “Why are we even talking about this stuff? What are we, business partners? I’m just happy to see you again. I’ve missed… this. Just hanging out like this.”

“Me, too.”

His smile became distant, for a second, and then he extended his arm out to her. He ducked his head slightly – she wasn’t sure he was even aware he was doing it – and said, “Do you want to dance?”

She looked down, into his eyes. She took his hand, and said, “Yes.”

After, Stevonnie sat at the edge of the cornfields, staring into the beautiful sunset. They breathed in, their hands over their heart, and whispered, “I forgive you.”

 

🌟

Bismuth scrolled through the reports. Belenos III was holding another referendum for their anthem…

A chime sounded, and she opened the commlink to see a familiar face.

“Hello, Bismuth!” Steven grinned and waved enthusiastically, a gold band gleaming on one of his fingers. “I finally did it! I healed Jasper! She doesn’t want to stay here, unsurprisingly, but when I told her what happened to Homeworld, she, uh… didn’t take it well. Could you send an orientation group for her?”

Her gaze flicked up, to the gems bubbled behind him. Some she recognized, and some she didn’t, but the cloud was certainly smaller than the last time she saw it. A lot smaller. Her gaze lingered on the two gems farthest above, still cracked from the crumbling weight of their own tyranny. She had had her doubts, at first, that Steven would hold to his promise: that the diamonds wouldn’t be released until all their victims had been helped. But the bubbles still held, far away from the rest.

Bismuth smiled at him. “Yeah, alright! I’ll call some of the gems she knew before. I’m sure they’ll be glad to see her again.”

Even after she closed the call, it nagged at her. There weren’t many corrupted gems left now. She wondered what he would do when the diamonds were the only ones left. Did he still believe he could save them? That there was any way for them to atone for what they had done?

Who was she kidding, of course he did.

Well, when that day came… there was always the Breaking Point.

 

🌟

“…And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that's me, loving you and loving _being_ you. Because you're going to be something extraordinary. You're going to be a human being…”

“Uh, Steven? Is everything okay?”

Steven immediately flushed and whirled around to see Connie on the stairs. Pausing the video, he stammered, “C-Connie! S-sorry, I, uh, didn’t see you there –”

Connie smirked. “Chill, Steven. It’s just your mom’s video. You don’t have to act so embarrassed.”

He scratched at his neck, awkwardly. “…Yeah,” he agreed. “I just wanted to… hear her voice. I guess I was feeling nostalgic.”

“Hmm,” Connie said with a wry smile. “Well, things were certainly more complicated back then.”

Steven laughed heartily at that. “Yeah. Not gonna lie, I’m happy I don’t have to deal with stuff like that anymore.” He stretched, joints popping. “Man. How long has it been, now? Since the diamonds and all that.”

“Thirty years,” Connie answered.

Steven flopped back onto the couch with a heavy sigh. “Oh geez, really? Time flies.”

Connie settled in next to him, and laid her hand over his. “That’s a sign it was time well spent.”

Steven smiled at her, then looked forward again, into the glowing image of Rose on the screen. His eyes grew distant.

“Thirty years,” he murmured. “Took me that long, huh? I guess for someone with empathy powers, I’m pretty crap at listening.”

Connie’s mouth quirked. She politely chose not to comment.

Steven finally shut the screen off, and stared into the black.

“…I spent so long wondering what Mom wanted,” he said. “Even when I found out who she really was and what she really wanted, I still couldn’t… let go of her. She had to have some secret message, some secret plan, some secret purpose. Even when I gave up on _that_ , it just meant I had to be _better_ than her, more perfect, more selfless, more… impossible.” He grinned hollowly at Connie. “I still can’t believe you put up with that. I must have been insufferable.”

Connie laughed weakly. “Not exactly.” She frowned, and said more seriously, “It just… hurt. To see you hurting yourself like that.”

Steven nodded sadly. “I know. I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. “I just can’t believe that I couldn’t see what was in front of me the whole time. If I really wanted to do what Mom wanted… she told me from the very beginning.” He opened his eyes again, staring at some distant point past everything. “All she ever wanted was for me to be happy.”

Connie looked at him, and squeezed his hand. “And are you?”

He looked back at her, and his face slowly relaxed.

“Yeah,” he said. “I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> You know, it’s funny. For most of the show, I was fully willing to accept a redemption arc for the diamonds, but after how everything turned out… NOOOPE.
> 
> Though I’m proud of how this story turned out, I still find it lacking; I criticized Diamond Days for only caring about Steven and the diamonds, but this take really isn’t much different, even if it’s in the opposite direction. Pearl’s issues remain as unaddressed as in canon, I could only shove Lapis in as a last-minute cameo, Jasper I couldn’t fit in at all, and Connie wasn’t as active a presence as I wanted her to be. (She was supposed to form a second axis of Pragmatism vs. Idealism in Steven’s philosophical conflict, but I don’t know how well that got across.) The problems of Diamond Days ultimately come down to the sudden introduction of way too many characters into a slow-paced slice-of-life show. Even with more space and even with trying to get into more of the characters, it’s just too busy. Looking at the early days of Steven Universe, this show just never should have had an epic plot and such powerful and overshadowing antagonists.
> 
> So, I’m sorry if you felt I didn’t do certain characters justice. I also feel that. I tried, but it was just too cramped.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this alternate take on canon. Even if you didn’t, please please comment and tell me all your thoughts, I love everything you have to say no matter how minor or critical you think it is. Even if it's to disagree with me, I'm happy to continue the conversation.
> 
> Several of my inspirations for this story include the animes _Mob Psycho_ and _Trigun_ , and the video game _Last Scenario_. They cover several similar themes of nonviolence, self-sacrifice, and compassion in the face of conflict. I recommend them highly.


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